This is me, a 76 year old gay man retired to Delaware from our home in Pennsylvania with my longtime partner now husband of 54 years. I write about anything and everything that enters my mind on any given day. I am having the best time of my life now which I share in this blog.
Monday, January 23, 2012
My Character Flaw
Actually I have many character flaws but here is one that has dogged me my whole life. It is very simple:
I CARE TOO MUCH FOR MY FRIENDS
Last night I woke up at about 2 a.m. I couldn't get back to sleep. I was upset. What was I upset about? I know I'll be mocked about this by some of my "friends" but here it is:
I was upset about the blog that I wrote about just before I went to bed. The blog was about my vow not to offer advice to friends anymore because they rarely if ever take it. I vented in my blog posting which I probably shouldn't of done because I probably hurt the feelings of some of my friends (one in particular, and he knows who he is) and gave ammunition to other "friends" to further mock me for my naiveté.
Many years ago a good friend told me "Ron, you're a nice guy. You're intelligent, good-looking and have a good heart but you're terminally naive." At first I didn't understand what he was saying. I told Bill (my spouse) what my friend said. Bill agreed with him. I told other friends including my Mother. They all agreed with him.
Since that revelation about this facet of my personality I've tried to look at my life through that prism. Sometimes I've been successful, most times not. I keep falling into the trap of trying to help friends and people. Usually the result is that I'm either taken for granted or not respected because I'm considered a fool. There are some who are reading this blog right now (who I know personally) who are all too eager to point out again how naive I am even to be writing about this subject. They take delight in telling me again how foolish and immature I am. Those "friends" I have tried to distance myself from. Sometimes I've been successful, sometimes not. Usually when someone asks for help, I help. I've been advised to say "No" sometimes. I did that recently to a friend (former now) and I've never heard from them again, so much for that "friend." Again, proof of my naiveté.
I eventually did get back to sleep last night. It wasn't a good sleep. I wish I could be hard and callous but it is not in my character. In the past I've been taken advantage of because of my naiveté. Bill likes to call me "gullible." He thinks it is an attractive trait that I have. Maybe something good did come of my naiveté. If I was your typical, opportunistic, selfish, grasping person I would probably be alone now in my life. Instead I live with a person who loves me and I love him.
So let me get through this hurdle and I'll probably return to my old gullible ways. I'll just have to learn not to take things so personally. I want to go back to my good night's of sleep.