Monday, January 23, 2012

My Character Flaw



Actually I have many character flaws but here is one that has dogged me my whole life.  It is very simple:

I CARE TOO MUCH FOR MY FRIENDS

Last night I woke up at about 2 a.m.  I couldn't get back to sleep.  I was upset.  What was I upset about?  I know I'll be mocked about this by some of my "friends" but here it is: 

I was upset about the blog that I wrote about just before I went to bed.  The blog was about my vow not to offer advice to friends anymore because they rarely if ever take it.  I vented in my blog posting which I probably shouldn't of done because I probably hurt the feelings of some of my friends (one in particular, and he knows who he is) and gave ammunition to other "friends" to further mock me for my naiveté.  

Many years ago a good friend told me "Ron, you're a nice guy.  You're intelligent, good-looking and have a good heart but you're terminally naive."  At first I didn't understand what he was saying.  I told Bill (my spouse) what my friend said.  Bill agreed with him.  I told other friends including my Mother.  They all agreed with him.  

Since that revelation about this facet of my personality I've tried to look at my life through that prism.  Sometimes I've been successful, most times not.  I keep falling into the trap of trying to help friends and people.  Usually the result is that I'm either taken for granted or not respected because I'm considered a fool.  There are some who are reading this blog right now (who I know personally) who are all too eager to point out again how naive I am even to be writing about this subject.  They take delight in telling me again how foolish and immature I am.  Those "friends" I have tried to distance myself from.  Sometimes I've been successful, sometimes not.  Usually when someone asks for help, I help.  I've been advised to say "No" sometimes.  I did that recently to a friend (former now) and I've never heard from them again,  so much for that "friend."  Again, proof of my naiveté.



I eventually did get back to sleep last night.  It wasn't a good sleep.  I wish I could be hard and callous but it is not in my character.  In the past I've been taken advantage of because of my naiveté.  Bill likes to call me "gullible."  He thinks it is an attractive trait that I have.  Maybe something good did come of my naiveté.  If I was your typical, opportunistic, selfish, grasping person I would probably be alone now in my life.  Instead I live with a person who loves me and I love him.  

So let me get through this hurdle and I'll probably return to my old gullible ways.  I'll just have to learn not to take things so personally.  I want to go back to my good night's of sleep.

The Fool on the Hill?



11 comments:

  1. Not the fool on the hill Ron. Just a man that cares and feels deeply about all things. I personally do not see that as a bad thing. It shows that you are human like the rest of us. Some people move so far away from their emotions that they become animated shells of nothingness, similar to the computer voices that answers the phone anywhere you call nowadays. I'll take true emotion over nothingness anyday!

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  2. Ron,

    I'd rather care for people and be though gullible, then be uncaring and shrew. If you are going to hate me for caring, then it's more your loss than mine is how I see it. Of course, I tend to let things roll off my back like water off a duck and not take anything too personally, not when it was done with good intensions, and shall I say, love.

    Lar

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  3. If you are being true to yourself, then that's all you can be. It doesn't matter what others say or do - it is being happy with yourself and your actions that you can control. Give me a person who acts from his heart any day - all those people who live their life for what others think have wasted lives. Keep being yourself.

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  4. paradykes,

    I too would rather remain a person of emotion than a animated shell of nothingness. Hey, that sounds like Mitt Romney. An empty, emotionless shell who will say anything to be liked. That's not me for sure. However, I still do tend to get too emotionally involved and take things personally when I should let it roll off of my back, as a friend of mine says he does. That's not my makeup though. I'm just a big sponge.

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  5. iberostar,

    You are right, people who live their lives for what others think don't have a life. I tend to always act from my heart, sometimes to my detriment. I sometimes wish I wasn't so vulnerable at times but I am and it is something I must deal with. I thought over the years I would have developed a pretty protective armor but apparently not because this incident of the past couple of days got to me. I shouldn't have let that happen.

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  6. Lar,

    You're so right. I DIDN"T take your advice when I was shopping for a new computer a couple of years ago and I got a Dell. In less than a year that Dell crashed and then I finally wised up and got an iMac. I was only trying to help a friend who chose (actually his partner) to not take my advice and when he got a new computer. He will find out eventually my advice was correct.

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  7. Will J,

    One thing I an thankful for in this sometimes impersonal world is that I have a few blogger buddies or folks who follow my blog like you Will. When I spill my unvarnished feelings out in an occasional blog, I always receive positive comments and/or helpful suggestions which i DO take. Thank you Will for your suggestion. I will use it the next time I am asked for advice which will happen, I assure you.

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  8. What one person loves about you, another one hates. You are who you are and that is all you can be.

    If someone doesn't love who you are, then why do they continue the friendship?

    So to me it sounds that if you did piss anyone off by what you are saying, then you are pissing off all the right people.

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  9. Caring much for your friends is nothing to be ashamed or apologize.

    In the Tarot, The Fool is the best card to have and to be. So take comfort!

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  10. Hula Hank,

    I am beginning to realize that you are a wise man. I like your comment. I agree with you.

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  11. Dr. Spo,

    As always, you're right on the mark.

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