April 2025 Update

March has come and gone and here we are, almost at the end of April.

I must say we're having a wonderful spring here at Casa Tipton-Kelly in southern coastal Delaware. 

Too often in years past the transition from the winter cold to the heat and humidity of summers on the Delmarva peninsula is only interrupted by two or three days of spring like weather. This year is different. Many nice spring weather days. Today was one of them.

I usually go out early in the morning and attend to my backyard maintenance. I know now that I'll never be completely caught up but I do what I can. I'm limited by my arthritic eighty-three year old body. I work, often in pain from my joints and middle back, until I feel myself winding down. I've learned over the past few years to ration out my physical exertion. Seems to work well for me. 

Some years ago I gave up on the project of keeping Casa Tipton-Kelly perfectly manicured. Now I just do the basics like mowing the grass every other week, Jose my local landscaper mows my grass on the weeks when I don't. Jose or his helper weed whacks, something I absolutely cannot do with my back. 

Life is settling into a comfortable routine here. Of course I still miss Bill, especially on days like this because he would sit in his favorite chair on our deck and nap while I toiled in our backyard. These days he's often with me but in spirit only.

I'm managing to control my expenses. I have to learn to live on my retirement and Social Security alone. Of course I'm worried about what Trump and his billionaire friends are going to do to Social Security. They're eying all that money and they want it. Don't kid yourself. At least that immigrant from South Africa is stepping back now from his chainsaw disruption now that his Tesla stock is crashing. Fuck him. 

As you probably noticed I haven't been updating my blog on a regular basis. I also haven't been updating my journal. I still make an effort, both in the blog and journal. I don't want to stop completely. It's just that my attention is elsewhere and I'm tired. I am so tired.

This week I'm watching my neighbor's cat. They took a spring break to Jamaica, where my ancestor Jonathan Tipton came from in 1692 after the Great Earthquake of 1692 destroyed his rum barrel stave making business in Port Royale, Jamaica. These days I'm a little worried that if Trump and his thugs (Stephen Miller) check my social postings they may deny me entry back into the United States. They'll figure out a way to ship my ass back to Jamaica. 

Still waiting for Pat to get approval from the American Consulate in Montreal for us to get married. I hope all this vitriol between us and our former best friend Canada doesn't ruin me and Pat getting married and spending our twilight years together. 

I hope all who read this are doing well. 

Dover Mall April 16, 2012

On this date thirteen years ago I took Bill to the Dover Mall. He wanted to check some things at the Radio Shack store, one of his favorite places to visit. We arrived early and had to wait until the stores opened. Bill was eighty-three years old when I took these photos. I am eighty-three years old now. He's moving around in this photos much better than I am now. Time goes by so fast. Thirteen years from now all we will be is a vague memory to most. However, this video will live on forever. That's why I post them.

Going Home

 

The path unwinds, a ribbon gray,

Where weary feet have lost their way.

But in the heart, a gentle gleam,

A whispered hope a waking dream.

The air grows soft, the shadows long.

A distant bird's familiar song.

And through the dusk, a golden hue,

A window's light, a welcome true.

The door swings wide, a gentle hand,

A hearth's warm glow, a promised land.

The journey's end, the spirit's ease,

A quiet sigh, a whispered peace.

"Going home," the soul's soft call,

Where love resides, embracing all.

Going Home

 

These days I am thinking a lot about "going home."

After the death of Bill, I am more convinced than ever that our stay on this earth is just a temporary way station to our ultimate journey of being with One, the Creator or whatever one chooses to call why we are here.

Why are we here? To learn and learn I have.

So much has come into focus since Bill has died and I am alone again in this world. 

Oh sure, I have Pat and other friends who I stay in touch with on FaceTime and Zoom. 

I am friends with my neighbors, some of them anyway who know me. 

But I don't have that live in friendship and love that I had with Bill for almost sixty years. And I'm here to tell you that I still miss him terribly. 

I'm not like I was the months immediately after he died, I was more in shock then even though I expected his death. 

Now I have come to the realization that my life will never be the same that is was for most of my adult life where I had Bill that I could lean on and then take care of. 

I don't have a job to give me purpose and distract me.

I do have a lovely home (so fortunate) and great neighbors but I'm like my beard when I don't color it with Just Men, I'm literally fading physically and mentally. 

I'm at the point now where I just don't care. A large part of my attitude now is the realization that our country (America) isn't what I thought it was, a country to be proud of and that we were "exceptional." We aren't. 

A majority of the voters in the last election were either to ignorant, lazy, racist and misogynistic enough to elect Trump as president. We're not "exceptional" fellow Americans, we're stupid.

I would love to get a pet to keep my company. I can't because the pet would outlive me and besides I don't have the energy to take care of the pet. I care too much for an animal to put them in that situation. 

These days I have my routine, which is comforting. I also have the warm weather and summer coming up. My backyard keeps me busy and gives me comfort. 

When I get lonely I go shopping but I spend a lot less if anything now. Just to "get out of the house."

I talk to myself now and I continue to talk to Bill when I feel his spirit in the house. However, he hasn't been here for the last week. He was here everyday since I came back from California but last week he left. 

Each night when I go to sleep I wonder if it will be my last night. Years ago I was warned by my cardiologist that I had sleep apnea and I better get one of those head gears or "you could die from asphyxiation in your sleep." Of course I declined his suggestion telling him "that's the way I preferred to go." 

Within the last ten years I've had two first cousins on both sides of my family die in their sleep unexpectedly. Both younger than me. One man and one woman. While that is my preferred method of dying I didn't want to die before Bill. I greatly feared that I would die before Bill and I just couldn't put him through that grief. I don't have that same kind of worry with Pat. Oh sure, he will miss me but he's quite happy living by himself. He has lots of friends. He's off today with his band friends rehearsing. Bill centered his life on me. Most people who met Bill liked him but he had no close friends. For over forty years, since he retired early he never left home. He preferred life at home with me. 

So where am I going with this post? Just musing folks, just musing. I miss Bill and I am looking forward to the day when I can rejoin his spirit and take some time (perhaps a few hundred years) off from this life. Yesterday I figured how much time I probably have left. I'm going with six years (which takes me to 89). That's a good run in anybody's book.

Bill and Pat May 24, 2018

These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the two great loves of my life. With all the chaos going in in our country now, I often retreat into these fond memories.

Few people are a fortunate as I am. 

I still miss Bill a lot. Rarely a week goes by that I don't tear up when I see something around Casa Tipton-Kelly that brings back a fond memory of Bill. That's one reason I will never leave here alive, I love living here with my loving memories of Bill. When I leave here it will be like when Bill left here, on stretcher. Bill left unconscious on that stretcher pulled by two paramedics and put into an ambulance on a cold Wednesday night in February for the Delaware Hospice Center in Milford, Delaware. As I followed him in my car I knew he would never be returning to his home here alive. That night will always be one of the saddest of my life, only surprised by the telephone call I received at 1:20 AM three days later (Saturday) from a nurse at Delaware Hospice telling me "I'm sorry to inform you that Mr. Kelly has passed away." I will never forget that phone call for the rest of my life. Even though I was expecting this call, I was still stunned and in shock. After hearing those words my life changed forever. But life goes on. 

Bill and Pat May 27, 2018

Pat is in the last step of us getting permission to get married. He has to submit his paperwork to the American Consulate in Montreal, Canada. Once the consulate reviews that paperwork they will interview him and hopefully give the go ahead for him for us to get married. Then this whole new chapter starts in my life. The last chapter.

Pat and Bill May 22, 2017

Donald Trump blows off dignified transfer of fallen U.S. soldiers for go...

The "stable genius" in the White House Donald Trump has his priorities: golfing at all costs.

Shameful.

Update April 2025

My two hearts pin which I plan to wear on my lapel when I get married to Pat

 Time for an update.

I'm tempted to write about the latest stupidity from the Convicted Felon who occupies the White House but I'll give everyone a break from his never ending quest to destroy our country with his tariffs. 

My question is, will I live long enough to see the Congressional Republicans grow a spine and finally do their job and impeach this Russian asset? I doubt it so instead I'll write about .......ME. Always an interesting subject, at least to me. (smile)

Ah yes, my hearing is back. I'm listening to a DColor mix right now as I type this blog entry.

I have my hearing back and it is wonderful! Oh how I missed those upper registers. I'm hearing them now though.

Pat is busy filling our his paperwork prior to his visit with the American State Department Consulate in Montreal. It's Pat's turn to jump through all those hoops like I had to do last September. Getting his K-1 VISA is a complicated process folks. Hopefully this last step will go smoothly and we will be able to get married by June. That would be good timing. I would like to get matching outfits for our wedding but Pat isn't having it. He HATES seeing two gay guys dressed like twins. I have to admit I'm not too thrilled about those displays of "We're together, look at our matching outfits!" Pat and I look enough alike already so that will have to do. I will be wearing my Two Hearts pin (pictured at the beginning of this blog entry). I wanted to get one for him but again, Pat isn't having it. 

In other news here at Casa Tipton-Kelly: I got my John Deere riding tractor serviced on Tuesday. It was a mobile service and the service guy did a great job. Expensive but worth it. He was friendly, knowledgeable and will to share his knowledge. He showed me how to properly start my John Deere. Later on this morning I'll do some grass mowing with my new sharpened blades. I'll be mowing my grass every other week. I'll have Jose (my local all-purpose landscaper) mow every other week. He does the weed whacking which I don't do.

Later this morning to motor on down to the VA Clinic (which is still open, Trump and Musk didn't close this one .......yet) to give blood for my labs. I have an appointment next week with my doctor for a six month checkup. 

I haven't heard from my ENT nurse practitioner but my hearing is back as I said earlier. I don't know if I need another appointment but I guess I do to go over my recent CAT-SCAN.

Time to leave for my labs. 

Have a great day!