Love Is All There Is

She said, “Don't call the doctor, I want to fall asleep peacefully, with your hand in mine.” He told her about the past, how they met, their first kiss. they didn't cry, they smiled. They didn't regret anything, they were grateful. Then she repeated softly, 'I love you forever!' He returned her words, gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. She closed her eyes and fell asleep peacefully with her hand in his. Love is really all that matters because everyone comes into this world with nothing other than love and leaves with nothing other than love. Think about it. Profession, career, bank account, our goods are just tools, nothing more. Everything stays here. So just love….Love those that really love you. Love, as if there was nothing more important in your life.

This is my one wish. My only wish. I've had a good life and this is the way I want to go out.

When I met Pat lo these almost ten years ago (August 2013) I told him "You're the one I want to hold my hand when I die."

I don't want to die alone. I hope I can be with Bill when he passes but the odds are against me. But if I can I will be.

I do not want to die alone.

Car Registration Woes

 

For the first time in my life I failed an auto inspection. LOSER!

Here in Delaware car inspection is an easy peasy procedure. At least it was until this year. 

Usually I arrive at the DMV and get in one of the three or four lines that are open for FREE inspection. Unlike my former home state of Pennsylvania, where one HAD to go to an authorized dealer or garage to get one's car inspected (and never got away without SOMETHING that cost at least a couple hundred dollars), Delaware was always easy.

Not last week when I arrived at the DMV inspection station in nearby Georgetown. There had to be at least two hundred cars in line. Yes, TWO HUNDRED, WTF? 

What choice did I have? I got in line and waited........and waited........and waited.

Finally, after an interminable time (probably an hour or a bit more) I was waved forward into the inner labyrinth of the inspection garage.

Yep, check my brakes, headlights and horn. Then I was given a common to back up. That was the problem. One of my back up lights was out. 

I FAILED THE TEST.

I was given a sheet of paper with "FAILED" prominently displayed and told to GET IT FIXED and then come back within two weeks just to get the back up brake light checked. I wouldn't have to honk my horn again. But I would have to get in line again.

Oh the pain.

The earliest I could get an appointment with my local favorite garage was this past Tuesday.

Bill and I arrived there yesterday and got 'er fixed and back down to the DMV inspection station in Georgetown.

Waiting in line to get my car inspected yesterday at the Delaware DMV in Georgetown

Yep, I had to get in line again. Only this time there were only about forty cars for three lines. Another half an hour in the steaming heat and finally I slowly coasted into the inner environs of the inspection garage. I handed the inspector my FAILED sheet from last week. He took a look at the paper then instructed me to "back up and hit the brakes." That I did. 

I PASSED!

He then handed me my PASSED inspection sheet then I headed to the line to get my new registration. This one for two years of course.

Another half hour wait but I finally got my inspection sticker good until 2025. I kidded Bill "Wonder whose going to be her for than inspection?"

God, then I thought, TRUMP COULD BE OUR PRESIDENT AND THE POORLY INFORMED WHO CONTINUE TO BELIEVE HIS CON AND LIES WILL BE IN CONTROL.

Take me away by then.......please.

Just Chilling Out Here At Casa Tipton-Kelly

Me and my younger "James Dean look-alike Isaac back in the day when we were young and pretty. Photos taken from an old 8mm film. We're both squinting from that bright light that the old 8mm cameras had to use. Film taken in 1958. 

 Oh my goodness, it's been about ten days since I've updated my blog. 

All is well here at Casa Tipton-Kelly. Bill has made the transition off of home hospice care, which means no more bi-weekly visits from Corrine, our wonderful hospice nurse.

Bill's health has stabilized albeit he is weaker. Very gradual though, nothing dramatic. What is noticeable though his deterioration of cognitive functions. He knows it too. But we're managing. We finally got over the stuffing wash cloths in his Depends to catch any "drippings." But Bill is still mobile, not in pain and knows who I am. That's my benchmarks for continuing to take care of Bill.

My big problem now is keeping ticks off of me. I've had a couple more ticks bits which resulted in infections. As much as I try to avoid the ticks I'm still discovering them on my legs and inner thighs but thank goodness none in the nether regions (remember that one last year)? I have a routine now when I go outside, I always wear my combat boots with my pant legs tucked in. Sure, it's a pain to put on and zip up those combat boots but well worth it not to go to bed at night and feel a sore spot on one of my legs and discover yet another tick imbedded!

Now when I come in from outside I completely change my pants and take a shower. Yes, every time. 

Last week I awoke to the swooping roaring sound of one of our local crop duster bi-planes. Thank goodness, finally spray for the mosquitos. Now we have nary any mosquitoes outside. At least I don't have to fight them now. The mosquito spray is supposed to take care of the ticks too but I'm not taking any chances. I still found some ticks on my legs after the mosquito spray.

Bill and I are settled into a comfortable routine now. I continue to miss my quarterly trips with Pat but those trips are out of the questions now. Pat can't afford to take the trips anyway because he took quite a loss on the sale of his condo in Hamilton, Ontario. He had to get out of that situation, the costs were just too horrendous. His monthly "maintenance" charge was $890 a month! And he wasn't getting anything for it! I don't want to embarrass him with divulging all the details but suffice it to say he's in a new dwelling in Hamilton. It's a very small house, which is what he wanted, and not far from the center of Hamilton where all the activity is, which is what he likes. Pat could never live here in quiet Delaware where I live. He would be bored to death. He needs a lot of stimulation. I like to visit places like Philadelphia, Palm Springs, Los Angeles and Canada but I prefer to come back to my home base here in southern coastal Delaware in my very quiet neighborhood. 

This morning I was talking to my one remaining surviving brother he lives in the old family home in southeastern Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. He's having a lot of pain in his right leg. He misses our younger brother terribly. They were always very close and talked almost daily. Isaac (my brother) lives along with his ten year old cat "Ditto". She's good company for him.

Me and my brother Isaac (Ii'm in chair and Isaac is slumped over a hassock) watching TV in the Fifties. I was about twelve years old and Isaac eleven. Check out those curtains, they were plastic!

He has a son who lives nearby who visits him often. He also has two daughters but we won't go into those stories. You know, "families." Isaac is convinced that I'm going to be the last surviving member of our family. I don't know about that. I did tell him that I he can have one of my grave plots at Northwood Cemetery. I bought two plots after our father died in 2000. I was planning for one plot for Bill and one for me but I've decided that Bill and I only need one plot. If Bill dies before me I'll have him cremated and keep him with me in a jar until I die. His ashes can be buried with me thus I have that extra plot. This is ironic that I probably will be buried next to my MAGA brother. Yes, he's one of "those" but we both know not to "go there" when we talk. As he told me when he reached out to me last year after a year or so of estrangement over out latest blowup (political), "Ronnie, you're still my  brother and now your'e my ONLY brother." 

Me and Isaac at one of our family reunions 2011 - photo was a candid shot (the best kind, not posed) taken by my friend Mark Himes. Where are you these days Mark?

And he's right, set aside political differences but for the life of me I still don't see how he can support The Criminal Trump and the Traitor Coward Republicans. I'm no fan of Joe Biden either (terrible communicator and probably too old to be president) but I would vote for Joe Biden in a casket before I would vote for any of these Republicans now. 

This is Friday night here in southern Delaware. I just finished rewatching the "Breaking Bad" series. Even though I saw this whole series several years ago, I thoroughly enjoyed watching it again. There was so much I had forgotten. And rewatching it I found I felt differently about the characters. For one I don't like Walter White now. I actually liked Gus Fring. I understand him. I found him sympathetic. Does that make me a bad person? And Jesse, he brought everything on himself. I had zero sympathy for him. What a douche! I hated Hank during my first watching of "Breaking Bad" but now I liked him. He was just doing his job and he was good at it. I followed up watching "Breaking Bad" but watching the whole series of "Better Call Saul" which was equally good. But I did end up hating Saul, or "Jimmy" which was his real name. Now I'm looking for another good series to bury myself into. This is how I spend my time now, taking care of Bill, taking care of myself, avoiding ticks while working in our backyard and watching a good movie or series in the Tipton Cinema. It's a good life folks!

Dinner time now. Corn on the cob tonight, Royal Farms biscuit and Good and Easy Beef Stew. 

Recipe for "Good And Easy Beef Stew"

2 lbs lean round steak cut into cubes

1 can Campbell's Chicken and Mushroom soup

1 packet of Lipton Onion Soup Mix

1 cup of white wine

Mix all together and put in Crock Pot on low for eight hours. 

Serve over mashed potatoes.

DELICIOUS!!!

June Update at Casa Tipton-Kelly

 

"Mountain" Clematis at entrance to Casa Tipton-Kelly

The clematis is in full bloom here at Casa Tipton-Kelly on this beautiful June day.

This is the first year I can remember since we moved to our retirement home here in southern coastal Delaware that we have had an extra long spring.

Usually we have four or five spring days then the excessive heat and humidity lays on the land, keeping us inside for the duration of summer. Not this year, we've had many spring like days. Weather is just about perfect. Plenty of rain, sun and low humidity days. I love it!

Today the Delaware Hospice social worker arrives to discharge Bill for the second time from home hospice care. I'm telling you, Bill is going to outlive us all. His health has stabilized (again) but he is still weak. His dementia is increasing also. He still knows who I am and is not in pain. Those two factors are the criteria for keeping him here at home. 

There are more days of confusion for him and frustration for me trying to make him understand he doesn't need to put two wash clothes and a kitchen town in his Depends to catch any "leaking". I tried to explain to him that's why he wears Depends and why I help him change them every day. I still don't think I got him to understand the logic but did get him to understand "do as I say." Bill tries so hard to please me. I have to go with that.

How am I doing? I'm exhausted at the end of almost every day. I do manage to make time for my self though which is very important. I was given that advice from many friends when I began this new phase of my life as a caregiver two and a half years ago. I didn't give too much thought to that advice when I first received it but now I know how important it is. 

When I get up in the morning I not only have to take care of myself, which is also getting to be more laborious, but then to go downstairs to Bill's bedroom and get him up. Today was Shower Day which is always a workout for both of us.

In the evening, Bill usually goes to bed about seven or eight o'clock then it's My Time. That's when I make myself a leisurely dinner then retire to the Tipton Cinema. The past month I've been rewatching "Breaking Bad." Such a good show! Interesting, many of the scenes seems like the first time I'm seeing them. Of course I know the general story line ark and certain scenes but maybe sixty to seventy percent of the scenes I don't remember. Oh I do enjoy binging on this series again. Such good acting, story-line and direction. Why can't all shows be like "Breaking Bad?"

I'm also following the political drama. The Criminal Trump is finally being held accountable for his lifetime of crime. Today he is being indicted in a Florida Federal court for espionage and obstruction of justice. The coward Republicans are still defending the indefensible but doing a "What aboutism". You know "Hillary's e-mails, Hunter's laptop, and Biden's and old man." So what? That doesn't absolve Trump of his stealing top secret government documents and lying about it and hiding those records. Today's Republican politicians, with few exception a bunch of self serving cowards who put their personal desire to stay in power than over the rule of law and their oath to the Constitution. Trump is going to finally be held accountable and I do believe he will eventually end up in jail. Think of it, his whole miserable life he's been conning and cheating and bullying and gotten away with it but not now. He deserves everything that is coming his way.

And on that cherry note folks, you all have a great day!

Fun Facts List

Me with my grand niece Kandace Bradford - 1987
Kandace is now the mother of three, two girls and a boy

Today I take a departure from my usual updating of my living situation here in the now smoke covered southern coastal Delaware paradise. Instead I am posting a "Fun Facts List" which was inspired by my favorite blogger Ur-Spo of Spo-Relections.

The best advice I was ever given:

 From my Mother when I was ten years old. She told me "You're getting a job!" when I asked for a weekly allowance. She was referring to the paperboy job she got me. I had that job from third grade to ninth grade, five years. While at that time she told me, I didn't want a job I wanted an allowance, 25 cents a week like many of my classmates received. At this time of my life I know now that was the best advice I could have ever received. Because I had the responsibility of a paper route and earning my own money, I was taught responsibility at the beginning of my life which I have used ever since. In the ensuing seventy-one years of my life I have received plenty of advice, some bad some good but none as life affirmative as that paper boy job at ten years old.

The hobby I would never give up:

Photography. This comes close to writing but I have to say I've always wanted to take photos to record memories and history. Maybe I should have taken up photography as a career but at the time I received my first camera (12 years old) I had very low self esteem and very little money. My paperboy money was the only way I could afford film and processing. That is after what I spend on comic books and candy. I earned about $5.00 a week on my paper route.

My biggest role model:

Like Spo, I don't have one particular role model but several. I've always respected people who are honest and kind and never give up. Honest and kindness are my top qualifications for a role model. I've been fortunate in my lifetime in that I've had some of those people in my life both as friends and co-workers and bosses. I've always considered myself very fortunate to have those people in my life.

What I'm watching:

This is an easy one. I'm watching the walls close in on that lifetime criminal Donald J. Trump. There are too many people in this world who get away with a lifetime of crime, and it seemed at one time that the greatest con man in the history of our country was going to get away with his crimes but I do believe accountability for this vile human being is finally coming with indictments for stealing classified documents from the U. S. government and obstructing the investigation, attempting to influence (cheat) the 2020 presidential election results in Georgia and the greatest crime of all, attempting to overthrow the legitimate presidential election of 2020 by instigating a coup attempt to over throw our government on January 6th, 2021. This criminal should be locked up for the rest of his miserable life. 

What I'm reading:

"The Star Machine" by Jeanine Basinger. This is a book by one of our most distinguished film scholars about the gold age of movies and how the studios worked to manufacture stars. This is perhaps the best book I've ever read about the Golden Age of Hollywood.  Deeply engrossing, full of energy and wisdom, entertaining and informative, this is what a good book is all about for me. 

What I'm listening to:

Deep House Music.Music For Shops.Deep House Remix by DColor Music:

This music is a series of "Music For Shops" remixes that I first heard played in a clothing store at The Grove in West Hollywood during one of my visits there with Pat. I was mesmerized and so relaxed by DColor remixes that I searched for it when I came home and found a series of the remixes on You Tube. I play different remixes when I am sitting at my computer composing this blog or doing other activity on my computer. I find this "Music For Shops" so relaxing and ultimately full filling for me as no other music can. I used to like disco music (and still do) but these remixes are far beyond disco and "trance" type club music. I am transported by this music.

What I'm Eating:

Homemade potato salad and beef burritos. I have discovered the secret to the best homemade potato salad and beef burritos (and how to even roll the burrito). I may be in a rut now because this is basically all I eat but I'm enjoying my food a lot more with a minimal of preparation and I'm losing weight as a result. What more can I ask?

What I would love to learn how to:

Play the piano. I envied my classmates who were required to take piano lessons when they were  young. Oh how I would have loved to had those piano lessons but it was not to be. Mother forced me to take two years of typing which I hated at that time but not now. She wanted me to have a skill that I could use in a job when I grew up and viola! I have used typing ever since. Even now. Thank you Mom!

If I won the lottery:

I would instantly buy a five hundred plus acres in Montana and build a large rustic wood paneled house on a mountain and move there, away from all my "new" relatives and friends who have heard about my lottery win. Then from my mountain perch I will play a real life "John Beresford Tipton" from the Fifties television show "The Millionaire", dispensing my new found riches to deserving people and institutions. My first charitable contribution will be to the Furball Farm Cat Sanctuary in Minnesota. Those people who help feral cats deserve all the help they can get and I intend to give it to them.

If I had any super power it would be:

To travel back in time to visit my father and his father and his father all the way back thousands of years. I have always been fascinated by human history and would love to see who my direct paternal ancestor was and what their personality was like and what their life was like. A hundred years, two hundred years, five hundred year and yes two thousand years. Even longer. To answer the question "where did I come from?"

I first traveled solo:

I never traveled until I was an adult. My first trip solo was to Provincetown, Massachusetts was in 1975. Thereafter, with one exception, I traveled solo until ten years ago when I met Pat. Pat was the first person who would travel with me. Hopefully we can travel again together sometime in the future when I am no long the full-time caregiver for Bill, my partner and husband of fifty-nine years.

My proudest moment as a parent:

I have nieces and a nephew, grand nieces and grand nephews and great-grand nieces and a nephew; 24 in total at last count) but alas, I was never a parent. Do I miss being  parent? I've thought about it at times but no, I don't miss it. I've never regretted being gay. I've always known I was destined for the gay life and have had and continue to have a wonderful time.