Tuesday, September 22, 2020
On this beautiful first day of autumn here in southern Delaware I mowed the grass.
I love mowing our grass. This used to be Bill's job since we moved to Delaware from our home in Pennsylvania. Bill always mowed the grass in Pennsylvania and continued doing so here in our lovely Delaware home. However, this year I had to take over the grass mowing job because Bill is no longer able to do it.
Bill can't even use my iPhone to take photos or videos of me. I have to get it started and then hand him the iPhone. But I did want to get a video of me mowing the grass on our John Deere zero degree turn tractor. If for nothing else just to prove how I am able to perform such a butch chore. Yes, I'm the homemaker in our relationship. I do the landscaping and take care of the financial responsibilities of maintaining our fantastic home here in southern Delaware. But now I really have to butch things up by taking over many of Bill's responsibilities here around our home. He was surprised when I installed a hand grip on the wall leading to our garage from our kitchen door. Yes, I did that much to Bill's amazement. Granted I still have a mirror to hang on the wall in our bonus room upstairs. I just bought a stud finder to help me with that job. I can't do Bill's electrical jobs though. Bill really can't either now that his eyesight is failing and he gets easily confused.
I'm sure some of you have noticed that I seem hunched over. That's my arthritis that is getting progressively worse. About twenty years ago I noticed that I couldn't stand up straight. Over the years I've become more and more hunched and stiff. A few years ago when I was shown X-rays my orthopedic doctor had taken of me during my torn quadricep ordeal, he showed me the arthritic buildup at the base of my neck, spine and hands. Yes folks, I'm OLD. It isn't going to get any better. But I'm going to keep moving on, hunched over or not. I still have a few days left. And if they're like today, just a perfect fall day, I will consider myself very lucky indeed.
Wednesday, September 16, 2020
Today is the tenth anniversary of my Mother's death. I didn't realize this until I hung up the phone on my younger brother who was screaming at me "You're a fucking Democrat!"
How did this happen? I called my brother to inquire about our other brother who is gravely ill. While I was on the phone with him I asked if his granddaughter had another child. I am updating my will and I wanted to included all my nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews. He told me that she got divorced from her husband and is now sporting a nose ring and dating a black guy. However he didn't call her new date "a black guy." Yes, my brother is a racist and a Trumper. And he has a temper. A scary temper. He said she was just like her mother who had an affair with a black guy which resulted in the divorce. I saw where this conversation was going so I said "I don't want to talk about this." We've had some awful rows in the past because of our differing political views and I just didn't want to talk about it.
Next thing I know he's saying "You know George Floyd killed himself." I told him "No, I saw the video and a cop killed George Floyd by kneeling on his neck for eight minutes and forty-two seconds." Then he said "You didn't see the video of what happened before." Oh, here we go, the old cop excuse "You didn't see what happened before." Yes, my brother is totally in the Fox News Bubble.
I told him "I saw a cop kill George Floyd by kneeling on his neck until he died" and I don't want to talk about this anymore. That's when he screamed at me 'YOU'RE A FUCKING DEMOCRAT!" Yes folks, that is my brother. For years I had to put up with his usual greeting to me when Clinton president "Clinton the Rapist." I usually ignored him but sometimes I just had enough and came back at him. We have had some scary rows. One of the reasons I was glad I moved from our home in Pennsylvania was because of his hateful attitude. He's actually scary as are most Trump supporters.
This incident comes on the heels of me just recovering from my first ever case of hives. Yes, I had painful and ugly hives on the back of my hands and lower arms and upper chest. I thought I had an attack of psoriasis. Last week I saw my dermatologist. She gave me a steroid prescription to alleviate the itchiness.
What brought my hives on? Bill has been slipping more lately. My goal now is to make Bill's life as comfortable as possible even as he becomes more confused. More than once he's trying to put on his outside shoes on while he still has on his inside moccasins on. A couple of weeks ago he came into my bedroom because he couldn't figure out how to turn off the microwave. Why is he coming into my bedroom at 12:30 AM? Yes, I go to bed late. Bill gets up then to have his breakfast. Yes, he gets up in the middle of the night to microwave a bowl of oatmeal. This night he couldn't figure out how to turn off the microwave. I came out and turned off the VENT fan, which is what he was hitting and hit the OFF button. Then he said "You can go home Bob." I said "I'm not Bob." He said it again. I went back to bed. The next morning he asked "Why was Bob (our neighbor) in your bedroom last night?" I said "What?You thought I was Bob?" I told him Bob wasn't in my bedroom, that was me. He couldn't believe me. He said "I was wondering why Bob was in your bed reading a book." This is my life now folks.
I'm not complaining, just stating the challenges facing me now. I'm very concerned about the Criminal in the White House and his Congressional Republican enablers (remember their names). I'm not so concerned about the Trump Cult, they're lost. They will never change no matter how many times Trump brags about grabbing a woman's pussy, calling our fallen soldiers "losers and suckers", and the greatest monumental catastrophic failure of leadership in our country ever, the almost two hundred thousands deaths of the COVID virus. Now the Trump Team and his Roy Cohn Attorney General William Barr and his criminal Post Master General Louis DeJoy are trying to cheat to win the election.
The video above of Bill walking through our backyard a few days ago is what I try to take in these days to balance all this anxiety that is in the world. I often tell myself things could be a lot worse, I could have a beautiful home that is burned to the ground in the California wildfires. I could have COVID and be on a ventilator, fighting for my life. I could have a fatal illness like my other brother and only months to live. Putting things in perspective, I actually have it pretty good.
A ray of sunshine came into my life last week. One of Bill's nieces found me (called my work number) and was inquiring about Bill. Bill hasn't had contact with his family for fifty-six years ever since his sister said "We know all about you" at their mother's funeral in 1963. What she was referring to was that Bill's mother discovered Bill was gay shortly before her death from a brain aneurism. That was when Bill cut ties with his family, which is what I am doing now. I am cutting ties with my Trump cult brother. This is an action long overdue. I'm tired of tiptoeing around him fearing of setting him off like I did today just because I'm not a Trump cultist like he is. Sad but a necessary step to take if I am to keep myself calm at this time of my life.
My hives has mostly gone. I don't want them back nor anything worse. This country has to get through the election and we all know this is going to get worse before our lives get better.
Some people go to therapy, others do what I do. Try to find a path which helps me maintain my calm while dealing with every day challenges. My backyard (which I love) and caring for Bill does that. Also blogging, which is the best therapy for me.
Peace and calm folks.
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