Friday, July 01, 2011

Just Shoot Me

I have been accused by some friends of writing what I think.  Guilty as charged.  Here I go again,   I'm going to write exactly what I think after my experience dining out with some of my older gay friends tonight at the weekly Friday Night Dine Out Group. If this is too much reality for some of my blog readers, then I suggest you stop reading right here and go on to the next blog which I assume will be more vanilla.  But if you stay with me, you have to know I'm going to write exactly what I think.  Well, to an extent.  I've found out lately that I do have to temper what I write because just about EVERYONE reads my blog, including some of my neighbors and friends of whom I do not want to offend or disrespect. So I walk the narrow line with writing exactly what I feel without stepping on too many toes.  Unfortunately I've already stepped on a few toes that will no longer be back to my blog, but be that as it may.  Can't do anything about that now.

So here is the point I want to make in this blog.  As you all know I'm 69 years old.  I don't think 69 years old.  In my mind I'm still a young 37 years old.  Thirty-seven years of age was when I was at my peak in looks, mental agility and earning power. Ever since then it's been a downhill slide.  I know folks like Dr. Spo advise me not to speak of my age but it is what it is.  This is the perspective I'm writing from, the prospective of an older gay man who is reaching the end of his life.  My mental processes are slowing down as is my looks and earning power.  As I said earlier, I'm on a downward slide.

I'm not complaining, just stating a fact.  In fact, I think I'm doing pretty well for an Old Guy.  I still turn an head occasionally, especially someone who finds an old skinny guy attractive.  My mind is still capable of running a household and holding down a part-time job at a busy hotel.  I still interact well with people both on a personal level and professional level.  Granted, my physical stamina isn't what it used to be.  I do need a nap (at least an hour or more) every afternoon or else I really wind down.  When I'm tired I really show it.  My eyes are half closed (I can't open them) and my brain just doesn't function the way it should.  But if I get plenty of rest and try to keep the stress levels in my life low, I still manage quite well...for an Old Guy.

Now, having said this I want to relate the experience I had at the Friday Night Dine Out Group tonight.  Sitting across the table from me were two older gentlemen who I hadn't met before.  I don't know how old they were but I suppose in their late 70's or early 80's.  Since we were sitting across from each other it was natural for us to have a conversation.  That is one of the points of the Friday Night Dine Out Group, older gay men getting together once a week to meet and form new friendships.  Friendships, not hookups.  At our age hookups are a thing of the past.  Friendships only, which can be just as rewarding if not more so.

So here I am tonight trying to have a conversation with these two older guys (who I assume are partners), and I'm having a difficult time.  The one guy talks so hesitatingly and slow that I almost drifted off during our "conversation".  In fact, he was so slow I forgot what we were talking about.  Plus he was hard of hearing.  I was worn out after our conversation.  The other guy talked so low that I could hardly understand him.  I had to keep asking him to repeat himself.  All I could think of with these two guys was ....Dinosaurs.

I mean no disrespect to either of these two gentlemen and I am sure they're both fine fellows but please, PLEASE....if I ever get this way will someone PLEASE SHOOT ME!


  1. Anonymous9:45 PM

    :-) you will never get that way !

  2. 3rdnlong,

    I hope not! :_(

  3. ron, it is your blog, you get to say whatever you want to say. but like i said once before, don't be surprised if it gets a reaction. that should not censor what you write, but it should "color" what you write. i've realized that some statements are not worth making, since they will only hurt people i care about. beyond that, i realize that i will be your age in about 20 years, and i imagine that i will be very happy to be over the "hookup" stage. even now it gets tiresome. and guess what? i think that EVERYONE would love to take a nap during the day, not just "old" folks! but you actually can! enjoy it!

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  5. anne marie in philly2:10 AM

    at 57, you and I are both not old. "old is 85 and up" my grandmom used to say, and I tend to agree.

    and I am also with you on the "dinos". retirement turned my MIL into a lump - no thinking, no range of motion, isolation from all. seeing her now makes me more determined to keep the mind sharp, the body working, the spirit always willing to see what's around the next bend.

    if I get to be a lump, a "dino", just shoot me!

    have a good holiday weekend, ron; lerve the new banner photo, BTW.

  6. Sorry buddy, you won't get any sympathy from me. These guys are the fortunate ones. They lived to see this age and they are still trying to be up and about and engaged with life at some level. If they suffer from hearing loss, some commercial restaurant environments can be difficult (they are made to be acoustically 'bright' for excitement).

    Also, 69 is not old. It is the early part of retirement (which, by the way, I think you are doing in an exemplary fashion) in which one has health and some discretionary income to enjoy the fruits of your labors. A friend told me that only when she turned 80 did she finally admit that she was old. However she decided not to use age as an excuse -- except if it was something that she really didn't want to do (e.g. Too old to dig in the garden -- but zip lines in the rain forest in Costa Rica - OK, where do we sign up).

    It sounds as though you were frustrated and you have many valid reasons to be frustrated. You worked hard to make it a sociable and enjoyable evening. It was more work, and possibly not reciprocated, so it was not a relaxing evening for you. But, I'm sure you also had experiences like that 40 years ago.

    PS Please come sit at my table. You are engaged and have good stories.

    PPS How do you know that they weren't exhausted from just finishing a three way with the busboy out behind the kitchen? Puts a different spin on it doesn't it?

  7. I can't imagine you getting that way either, Ron! :)

  8. Anonymous4:19 PM

    You know, for a guy claiming to ride a downward slide you doesn't seem to have travelled that far on that path.

    Thanks for this honest post, I really enjoyed reading it.


  9. Anne Marie,

    We have a lot in common, you and I. :)

  10. Will,
    No sympathy expected. The two men I was referring to are very. I know of them but I never met them before. Unfortunately, it was not an enjoyable evening for me having to repeat myself 2, 3 and even 4 times to be heard only to be met with a confused look. I have no patience, I am the first to admit. I would be terrible working in an assisted living facility. One of my great fears is that I will end up like these two men. If I see myself going down that path, I will not let it continue. That to me is not life but just existence. I've had a good life and I expect to have a good many more years but if that is not to be, then I am thankful for what I have. I do commend these men for at least going out to meet others of their peer group, even if they can't engage in conversation. It is sad.

  11. It will never happen to me tiger. I've already seen it happen to some of my friends who have let themselves slip into this state. This is one reason I stay active. At least I slow down the process if it is to happen. But when it comes to the point where I'm just a robot going through the motions, that's when I pull the plug.

  12. Tony,

    Thank you for your excellent advice about "coloring" my blog instead of censoring it. I do want to express myself honestly and openly but I don't want to hurt or offend my friends or relatives.
    In reference to getting over the "hookup stage." Believe me if the right guy and the opportunity came along I would probably take advantage of it but I do not have that almost overpowering drive to "hookup" like I did when I was younger. It just isn't there and I'm telling you it is a relief. I have a few favorite porn videos that do the trick quite nicely. Just another advantage of old age.

  13. Daniel,
    Thank you for your comment. My goal is always to keep my blog postings honest. At times that will offend some people. I've already received one very negative comment (which I deleted) but I won't let those types of comments deter me from posting what I think.

  14. those types START that way and go into old versions of such. You didn't start that way so there.

  15. You know Dr. Spo, you are EXACTLY right! I am so glad I have you as a friend (and a default therapist).


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