Sunday, July 17, 2011

Speed Bump

Me at Lenscrafters in Dover Saturday- brain scan next!

The last couple of days I've been feeling sort of out of it.  Off the rails one might say.  There was no one specific reason.  I thought maybe the reason was lately there has been more focus on my blog and what to write and not to write.  I've always written my blog the way I think.  Ironically, a few weeks ago I was criticized by a friend (who no longer reads my blog but who was the one who orientally urged me to keep a blog back in 2006 when I started on and then stopped for about a year), who answered when I asked him why "You write what you think."  Duh, well...I didn't have an answer for that statement because actually, that is what I write on my blog.  I think he was concerned that perhaps I would write about a confidence he  told me.  A justifiable concern for sure.  But I wouldn't do that.  And I was a bit surprised that he would think that I would.

Another concern is my partner.  He's concerned with my language and some of my subject matter.  His concern is always "What will the neighbors think?"  Certainly a justifiable concern if I was go to into the blow by blow action (no pun intended) of my first (and second, and third and best and worst ad infinitum) sexual activities.  But I wouldn't do that either and I was a bit taken aback that he would think so.  Besides, my sexual acrobatics are nonexistent.  Believe me, I'm one of the most boring guys around as far as that arena is concerned.  You're not going to see a Circus Soleil of sexual prowess with this guy (that would be me).  I'm more of the "relationship" type of guy than I am of the raw physicality of sex.  To me, the physical act of sex has always been a "Is That All There Is" moment.  Sorry folks, that's the way it's always been with me.  Frigid Ron.  Maybe that's why I'm still alive today when so many of my compatriots and acquaintances are long gone due to the Gay Plague.  To me a dinner out with a handsome and friendly man was always so much more sensual than hopping in the sack for a quickie.

So anyway, I don't want to go too far down THAT road today.  I'm proving the point again that some of my blogger friends have gently pointed out to me, "Sometimes I don't know where you're going with your blog but I read it anyway."  Hey, that's me...unpredictable.  Sometimes people think they can predict me but they are sadly mistaken.  Many things I am not but one think I am and that is unpredictable.

Back to the subject at hand.  I've been feeling a little out of it lately and I think that was because I felt I was being constricted on my blog.  In my previous blog posting "Still Here" I expressed this concern.  Almost immediately two of my most respected blogger friends sent me a comment reassuring me to write as I think and do not censor my postings for fear of offending a reader or two.  Both of the were right in saying that those interested in my blog postings will continue to read them and those who are not,  well who cares?  I thought I did but I realize now that I don't.  I can't live my life according to the way they want me to live my life.  I can't be someone who I am not.  I have to be me.  Hey, isn't that the lyrics to a song?


Anonymous said...

If you're taking your blog in a new direction because you want to, great. but if you're doing it to please others, then after a few weeks you'll probably stop blogging.

Ron said...


You're absolutely right. If I wrote my blog only to please others I would probably stop writing. In fact, I think that was what was getting me down, the thought that my blogging days were coming to an end. I love to blog but, like just about everyone else, I want people to like me. I guess those facts are not compatible. I'll take my chances and continue to blog and write "just as I think." That's the only way I can write, otherwise I'm doing a term paper.

Kim Ayres said...

It's actually a very common phenomena among bloggers, that once they know they are being read, or being read by certain people, they become uncertain about their writing. Nearly every blogger I know has this kind of existential crisis at some point. Many end up giving up blogging, but nearly all those who continue reach a point where they realise it's not about pleasing others, it's about writing for ourselves. And if others enjoy it, they will read it, and if they don't they won't.

But I almost guarantee that within a few months you'll be reading another blog where they are going through a similar set of doubts about their writing :)

Liberty and In Dependence said...

Stay the course. Your blog gives people like me the ability to view life from a different and fresh perspective. "Walk a mile in my shoes" is what the mighty Elvis used to espouse and your writings make it happen. TCB - in a flash.

Anonymous said...

With no intention of offending.... after living a full life "who cares what the neighbors think?" I might be missing something but last month while in for my all day at cardiology I was back reading and find nothing offensive to anyone young and old! If someone takes offense to it then your right they don't have to click on it and read.

slugmama said...

I find myself re-evaluating what and why I blog every couple of months. It's constantly evolving for me and that's good because we are each of us always changing and evolving as we go through life, right?

Sometimes it gets to be a grind, this blogging stuff even if you love to do it. I find myself comparing my blog to others blogs sometimes. I start to worry how I don't measure up to theirs in some way or that I don't have as many followers so people don't 'love' me as much as others. When I get like this I have to stop and correct my thinking and let all that competitiveness & negativity go.

Do what brings YOU joy Ron! Don't worry what anyone else thinks.
Write about what makes you happy to write. ;-)

Mark said...

You know that I'm having a sort of "speed bump" myself and I do appreciate you weighing in on my site the other day. I was very grateful for yours and everyone's input.
I've been writing for just a little over two years now and am happy to say that I haven't changed direction or style. During my first year when my blog was private and only my Mom read it, I still wrote as if 10,000 people were reading it. I guess I always feel like I'm on a stage and there is an audience. Maybe it's a "gay thing", I don't know. And as I mentioned to you before, without my blog, I never would have met you and several others. That's very important. And I know it is for you too seeing as how you had pen pals growing up.
I will get back to writing in a couple of weeks and pick up where I left off.
I wonder if those around you who are concerned are afraid that you will criticize individuals and drop names? I think that Bill is more concerned for you than he is upset with you. He loves you.
Your Friend, m.

Ron said...


Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Like you, if didn't have blog I would not have made new friends like you and others. I appreciate that.

You are a very astute observer of people Mark. You saw in Bill that he is more concerned with me that upset with me. Bill has always cared for me. Sometimes he smothers and I feel like I can't breath. But if I didn't have him I would be very lonely. I believe Bill is the only person in the world who really cares for me and would do anything for me. He is the only one. I feel the same way about him. You saw that.

Ron said...


You make a very good point. I have decided to keep my blog pretty much as I have in the past. However, I will be cognizant that my neighbors will probably read my blog so I won't divulge any confidential information. I was taken aback while visiting my neighbor Alan and his wife (who are originally from Liverpool by the way) and he told his wife he often reads my blog. Prior to this knowledge, the only information I gave Alan was about the our homeowner's development. Alan is the president of our homeowner's association. After he dropped this bomb on me I was wondering if he read my blog posting titled "My First Time" and my face got red! Oh well.

Ron said...


Thank you for your advice which I am taking to heart. By the way, one of the reasons I enjoy your blog is that it also gives me the opportunity to life from a fresh perspective. I especially like your Sunday posting. I always feel good after seeing photos which represent the best of our American way of life. I always smile when seeing them.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ron,

I love your off the cuff style of writing & I wouldn't change a thing if I was you. You are a real person & that's refreshing. I get a a lot of chuckles from most of your blogs. Some might be offended of the picture today of your "man boobs." I think it's hilarious. When people get our age why do we want to hide anything? Thoughts come up & come out & it's a free feeling! Now I don't mean I'm in love with the vulgar language some people use as I do think some things should be censored but your blog is a delight! Keep up the good work of entertaining us all.

Have a nice day,

Ron said...


Your comment "I love your off the cuff style of writing" is so appreciated! That is the way I write. I write as the thoughts come into my mind. I don't need any formal training in my writing skills. Then it wouldn't be me! I'm glad you weren't offended by my "naked" picture today. You took it in the vein I meant...funny. After getting a kick out of others developing man boobs here I come along and have a pair myself! Talk about karma.
I love it! Thanks again for your comments, they are always appreciated.

Anonymous said...

Ron, I absolutely read your blog, but I've tapered off commenting everywhere in the blogoshere. Fact is, I found I'd become rather addicted to the interaction. Problem is, when I think I've added something to the conversation, but end up feeling like a party crasher, it's dispiriting. And that's just creepy, let's face it. You always reply, which makes you the 'champeen' blogger. Seems to me that you blog with care. I think the neighbors are unlikely to get their knickers in a bunch.

anne marie in philly said...

write whatcha feel and feel whatcha write. and to hell with everyone else!

Ur-spo said...

"Another concern is my partner. He's concerned with my language and some of my subject matter. His concern is always "What will the neighbors think?"

oh ! How familiar this sounds!

Pumpkin Delight (Kimberly) said...

I agree with everyone's comments above. It's YOUR blog. If you write for someone else then it's no longer yours and then what's the point really. I like reading about what you think.

Ron said...

First, thank you so much for your generous compliment about my blog. Positive comments like you're are what keeps me blogging.
Second, please don't feel like you're a party crasher by entering into the conversation. I don't know why you would feel like that but I don't view you that way.
Sometimes I receive comments from people (always "Anonymous") who obviously aren't happy with themselves and feel a need to strike out at me. Those comments are discouraging but I try to get by them and not let them bother me too much.
I have reevaluated my blogging and I will continue to blog whatever subject pops into my mind without being too gross of indiscreet.
Thanks again for your comments. Always appreciated!

Ron said...

Right on Anne Marie! I'm writing whatever the hell I think. Of course I will be mindful of confidences placed in me and will be discreet. But other than those qualifications, all subjects are open!

Ron said...

Dr. Spo,
That is my partner's main concern "What will the neighbors think?" Lately I've been a little concerned too because I have really great neighbors and I don't know if they want to be reading about my "first time." But then I think "It's my life, if they're uncomfortable then don't read it." My test is to reverse the situation and if one of my straight neighbors was writing about their first time, would I be offended? Actually I wouldn't. In fact I would be interesting in knowing ALL the details.

Ron said...

Thank you Pumpkin Delight for your support and encouragement. You're right, it is my blog. If someone doesn't like it then they can go elsewhere. If I write my blog the way others expect me to write it, then it is no longer MY blog, it is their blog. And that just doesn't make sense. So I shall continue my stream of thought blog.

Ron said...

Thanks for your comment. I think it is a good thing that we occasionally reevaluate our blog and what the purpose of it is. I think I'm back on the right track again. I get thrown off every now and then by negative comments. I know they shouldn't both me but they do.

Ron said...


I don't think I'm writing anything offensive or disturbing in my blogs either but occasionally my partner will correct me and for awhile there I had someone leaving really nasty comments (which I didn't publish). I think he (she) was one of those Internet trolls who, by leaving nasty comments on blogs, try to get a rise out of the bloggers. He (she) was successful with me. I know I shouldn't of been bothered but I was. I'm over it now (I think).