Monday, February 28, 2011

Oscar Fashions on the Red Carpet

Okay folks, you asked for it!  Actually you didn't but I'm going to give it to you anyway.  Here is Ron's Take on the Oscar Fashions on the red carpet last night.
Cruella deVille has arrived! (aka Sharon Stone)

And the Charmin Bathroom Tissue award goes to the gorgeous as always Halle Berry!

Helena we know you're quirky but really....the Edward Scissorhands Award?

Count on Helena for the outrageous.  After all, she is married to Tim Burton. 

The best maternity dress of the night, classic understated elegance by Best Actress Oscar winner Natalie Portman:

Cool as an icicle, brrrrr!.....Michelle Williams, Best Actress nominee:

Hey, I may be gay but this outfit that Jennifer Lawrence has hugging her curves definitely does something for me!  WOW!

One of the most overrated actresses, ZZZZZZZZZ, the always boring Scarlett Johannsen:

Reese, I hardly knew ye!  Whatever happened to that adorable little girl?  Only Julia Roberts can do Julia Roberts:  

Christian Bale uglies it up with a red beard.  Christian takes over the Russell Crowe mantel of Full of Himself, Obnoxious Actor of non-American origin.  Bale will be even more odious now that he has won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  God save us from these bores. Nice understated gown on wife Sibi though. Obviously only room for one MASSIVE EGO in this family.

By contrast with the previous actor, here is a class actor.  I loved his first line when he accepted his Oscar for Actor:  "I have a feeling my career has just peaked."  Love you Colin!

I swear this is the same gown that my date Jeanette wore to my 1959 Senior Prom. Looks good on the teenage Best Supporting Actress nominee Hailee Steinfield:

The WTF Award goes to Kate Blanchette for the "what was she thinking?" gown/ Princess Leia's Mother?

Gwynnie Paltrow's "Lost in Space" gown:

Nicole and Gwynnie - two fabulous actresses!

This is what a gown looks like when you can't make up your mind....wear both!  Best Supporting Actor Mark Ruffalo's date confuses everyone in  her Victor/Victoria gown:

Winner of the Best Supporting Actress Oscar Melissa Leo: so so gown but love the personality.  Hitting on 94 year old Kirk Douglas.  It doesn't get any better than that!  I'm looking forward to seeing Melissa in more movies in the future:

No one plays a lesbian better than the straight Annette Benning.  She was robbed of the Oscar for Best Actress but she will be back.  Love you Annette!  Whose the doofus with you?

Oscar co-host  Anne Hathaway, always spectacular in red:

I like this new slim look in pants with male actors.  The black hip-hop influence is dead (Thank God!) Andrew Garfield from "The Social Network" - sexy! Love that bow-legged look. Wuff!

Sandra Bullack (minus Jesse James) with her portable seat cushion:

Best Actor Nominee Jesse Eisenberg who aced the role of billionaire A-Hole Mark Zuckerberg in "The Social Network"  What's with that hair?  Just get out of the shower?  Go home Jesse.  Buy bye.  

Jennifer Hudson, winner Best Actress in a previous year.  Love your weight loss Jennifer but when are you going to move on from wailing singing in weight loss commercials and on to that next Oscar nominated role?

Celine Dion, Old Horse Face Herself, in a gown made out of white on white patterned wallpaper.  Go have another kid with Renee. Nobody cares.

Best Supporting Actress nominee Jackie Weaver.  I love it when Mom gets to go to the Oscars!

I also love it when hot, straight young men take their Mom to the Oscars.  Bravo Justin Timerlake!
And falling in the OH MY GOD category:
co-hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco cross dress:    Anne?  YES!
James?  He looks better in tights

I'll never look at Marilyn in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" in quite the same way again.


Mortimer said...

Nice review of the fashions. No "Wow" factor this year. All my faves bombed, especially Cate.

Anonymous said...

Ron.... thanks for the LOL's !!! You are spot on with your commentary. Guess I will have to get spiffy'd up next time I see you! PS: spiffy'd is my word. Don't care if it's spelled wrong or not even a word! xoxo Marg

Ron said...

Thanks Marge, all done in good fun!

Will said...


Your are indeed a man of many hidden talents.

Liberty and In Dependence said...

Grand stuff, Ron! I have boycotted the Oscars ever since "Pulp Fiction" lost to "Forrest Gump", but I feel like I am all caught up thanks to your commentary. I hope this is tradition.

Ron said...

Thank you Will. You do know that you're encouraging me don't you?

Don Voth said...

More fun than the actual show!

Ron said...

Thanks Don! I had fun posting it.

Ron said...

Thank you Liberty! Yes, this will be a tradition.

Nathan said...

Jennifer Lawrence, Michelle Williams and Mila Kunis were my favs.

Anonymous said...

Love, Love, Love, your comentary!!
Yes, please make this a yearly tradition as you were right on, Ron.
Is it me or did the actresses, especially Sharon Stone seem awful thin this year. I need a page out of their diet book.
As always it was a pleasure reading your blog.


Ron said...

Thanks Fran! I had great fun writing it. I only meant to mention a couple of the fashion disasters but then my post took on a life of its own. I went with the flow.

D. Dave said...

Ron: Terrific post, but who knew that a nice guy like you could be so cruel to Celine? ;-) For the sake of validation, may I include here an extract from a post-Oscar email I sent yesterday?

"Worst h o s t i n g of the Oscars of all time: zombie and giddy valley girl. Had to walk out of the room (that hasn't happened in a long time) during Christian Bale's skin-crawl-inducing acceptance speech. I can barely take the shaggy, galumphy persona he's affecting these days, but on top of that, where the fuck did that accent come from? The child has been out of the UK long enough for that nonsense to have subsided. Somebody needs to slap the living Jesus out of him, but only for the fun of it, because it won't do any good. Melissa Leo's acceptance speech -- forget about the F-word business -- was the worst ever. Terrible in every possible way. Don't argue with me."

Ron said...

D. Dave,

I agree with everything you said! No argument here.

Ron said...

More response to your comments D. Dave (I couldn't before because a friend was talking to me on FaceTime while I was typing my previous response).
I like James Franco but man, what was he on that night? And his eyes. Usually they sparkle. Not that night. And the timing between him and Anne was totally off. And yes, I picked up on the over the top accent of Christian Bale. Is that guy full of himself or what? Boring, boring, boring. My friend likes him but I don't see it. I think the best acceptance speech was by Colin Firth. Class all the way.

Hula Hank said...

I know this post is old.

I really enjoy Jennifer Hudson as a singer, but when is she going to be moving on to that next Oscar winning acting role?

How about when she actually develops Oscar worthy acting talent.