Will I Watch The Oscars Tonight?

In years past I used to be a faithful viewer of the Oscar telecasts. Lately though, I can barely get through that orgasmic self congratulatory of self important actors and others in the movie industry. Maybe because I don't know who these people are.

This year I know of Timothee (accent over the first "E") Chalamet, that little self important twerp who seems to think his performance in "Marty Supreme" surpasses and opera or ballet production in history. 

I have to admit I never got the whole Timothee thing. What is that all about anyway? What am I missing? I've only seen him in one movie. That one with Armand Hammer which was an older man falling for a younger man (Timothee). That movie? Meh. It got a lot of build up but as a gay man, I didn't find this movie particularly interesting. Maybe I'm just a crusty old man. Probably.

Anyway, I'm taping the Oscars. I'll fast forward through the boring parts, where they give out all the non acting awards where whole groups get up on the stage with their affected scarves and hairdos and thank everyone from their first grade elementary school teacher to their new born children for their "great success." Hey folks, you didn't discover the polio vaccine. Dr. Jonas Salk discovered that vaccine and he didn't have to attend a self congratulatory orgy party to accept his award. 

That's it. Onward and upwards. 

The Oscars 2023

 

Yep! I'm watching Oscars tonight.

I said years ago I would never watch again because I was so bored with the acceptance speeches in which the winners thank everybody from their third grade school teacher and even their newly born babies. This after reciting a whole litany of names of those behind their film whose we don't know. Why not just say "Thank you"? 

But this year I want to see if Brendan Fraser wins for "The Whale". This would be such a wonderful comeback story for Brendan, who at one time was a young hottie in "George of the Jungle" and the pool boy in "Gods and Monsters" with that self absorbed over the top ham actor Ian McKellen.

Brendan put on some weight, actually too much to be a hottie, after outing Philip Berk, the then-president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for sexual assault ("allegedly") against him. Brendan got very few film roles after that incident but gradually came back in Steven Soderbergh's "No Sudden Move and Darren Aronofsky's "The Whale". I saw him play a prison guard in the TV Showtime Series "The Affair." What an actor! He scared me. I like seeing someone like Brendan overcome the Hollywood blacklist by his sheer talent and I hope he wins the Oscar tonight. But of course I put nothing past those in the Academy who often vote for some actor to win who we never heard of before nor will since. 

Another reason I will watch the Oscar telecast tonight is that I won't have to hear any references to what a "God" Harvey Weinstein is (Meryl Streep called Weinstein a "God" in a Golden Globe acceptance speech). I love Meryl Streep and was so disappointed to hear that kind of crap coming our of her mouth. Even before the real Harvey Weinstein was outed as a sexual predator I knew he was a monster. He's in prison now and that is exactly where he belongs.

I also won't have to see the smug faces of James Franco, Russell Crowe and Kevin Spacey. All good actors, I'll give them that but awful human beings.  Sometimes I think it better not to know too much about actors' private lives but how can that happen when they are so arrogant thinking they can get away with anything including sexual assault?

There was a time in the distant past when I would never miss an Oscar telecast. Remember Elizabeth Taylor receiving a pity Oscar for "Butterfield Eight". She was gorgeous in a yellow diaphanous gown. But she really received the Oscar not smooch for her acting in "Butterfield Eight" but serving a near death from Pneumonia; she only survived due to an emergency tracheotomy performed in London. Everyone looked for the tracheotomy scar on her throat, the only imperfection on her perfect beauty at that time.

If you're watching the Oscars tonight, enjoy! 

My Oscar Rant

Sly and wife Jennifer Flavin displaying the current fashion statement in Hollywood - skinny legged pants for the guys and the grown slip up to the hip - ah Hollywood!

Two years ago I stopped watching the Oscars.  I stopped watching because I couldn't stand listening to the acceptances speeches.  You all know what I'm talking about, acceptance speeches by most Oscar winners that are a long and boring recitation of "Thank you's" to just about everyone they ever encountered in their lives.  Sometimes it seems the only persons they left out was you and me, which isn't right because you know that WE are the ones who make their life of make believe possible.

So what did I do yesterday?  I got myself comfortable in the Tipton Cinema, in front of my 60-inch Samsung high definition TV with surround sound and . . . . watched. 

Oh my God folks, it was painful.  This was supposed to be the year that the winners were going to give acceptance speeches while a scroll rolled on the bottom of the screen with all those folks who "helped" them win their Oscars.  

Pharrell Williams - ready for a flood

Even so, the first person who won an Oscar, she couldn't help herself and, even as the scroll rolled at the bottom of the screen she started to thank all those folks who "were responsible" for her Oscar win.  She even mentioned that she expected the scroll to appear on the big screen behind her while she was bathing in her ego on the Oscar stage and worldwide TV coverage of TWO BILLION people LOOKING AT HER. 



What is it with these people? I love Hollywood and all the magic it represents. But this is what puzzles me. Why is all this talent so incapable of giving a proper acceptance speech instead of just reciting a litany of everyone they worked with on the film and their family, including children down to one week old? Even those who received Oscars for screen play are INCAPABLE of originality.

Kerry Washington in leather and silk - sorry Kerry, doesn't work

Check out this woman who won for costumes on "Mad Max - Fury Road" (which won a LOT of Oscars, I'm going to have to check out this movie).  
Remember my posting of yesterday with Jackie Gleason calling Donald Trump "BLABBERMOUTH!"?  God, the band had to play this woman off the stage.  

Eddie Redmayne with the current men's fashion - skinny legged pants - lovely, just lovely

What is it with these Hollywood types, especially the ones behind the scenes who once they get on that stage in front of two billion people, think that they're receiving an award for curing cancer?  Hey folks, you're working in an "industry" (and don't you love it when they call movie making "industry" like they're making cars?) that is make believe.  It's entertainment guys, make believe.  A "business" that the rest of us schlubs can only dream of have THAT easy life.  Oh sure, I hear the complaints from the actors that they "work hard" because they have to get up early for a shoot.  Poor babies.  Seems to me I remember getting up at 4:30 AM for YEARS to commute to my banking job in Philly. Nobody gave me an award for "working hard in the industry."  



  Go home lady. You've had your moment.

What really grates me in these Oscar acceptance speeches are those self involved egotists who JUST CAN'T WAIT to thank their children.  But I have to admit this guy takes the cake last night.  Look at the video below and see how he JUST CAN'T WAIT to thank his ONE WEEK OLD BABY.




 

 Hey Behind the Scenes Oscar Winner, NO ONE CARES.  Look at how he can hardly contain himself.  Probably worried that the band would drown him out before he had a chance to indulge in this ultimate his It's All About Me Moment.  Do you think these people realize what fools they make out of themselves?

And here is my last rant.  Every Oscar telecast, there is the Ponytail.  What?  You didn't have time to get a haircut?  This is your Statement?


 Folks, I could only take about an hour and a half into the Oscar show last night.  I just could NOT TAKE yet another Oscar winner thanking EVERYONE they ever ran across in their ENTIRE life, plus their family even down to one week old babies.  I've said it before and I'll say it again:

WHAT IS IT WITH THESE PEOPLE?  

So much talent (which I admit, being a longtime Hollywood fan) but when they engage in one of these orgies of self congratulations they become so stupid and incapable of an original and respectful (to the views) acceptance speech?  

Kate Winslet dressed in a black garbage bag at the Oscars last night

Learning a New Humility

Today I learned a new level of humility.  Ever go shopping and have to dodge those handicap vehicles?  I have and to be honest with you, I'm usually annoyed.  No more. This morning I learned a new level of humility when I conceded the only way I was going to shop at B.J. Wholesale Club (me and Bill's main source of vitals) was to ride one of those dang things.

I was going to give Bill a shopping list but I knew that wasn't going to work.  Every time in the past I've asked him to get even one item in the store, he ALWAYS gets the wrong thing.  I just had too many things to get today plus I wanted to stock up so I wouldn't have to go as often since I'm wearing this leg brace.

So check out the video folks.  I have been humbled. By the way, shopping from one of those vehicles isn't all that easy either.  Reaching and looking at items, difficult when you're sitting that low.  And halfway through the shopping I thought I would have to abandon my vehicle because it wasn't running.  Thank goodness the green light came on again and I was able to traverse the five football field lengths of B.J.'s (which never seemed that long before my leg injury).



 This morning started out with a jolt. I awoke at 7:30 and realized my appointment at the healthcare campus was at 8:30 for my MRI.  No breakfast for The Injured this morning. 

Again, thank goodness for Bill.  I dressed quickly and Bill helped to get me in the back seat of my car.  Bill's driving now.  Usually I drive but who knows when I'll be driving again.  What do people who live by themselves do when they're in the condition I'm in?  I am so lucky in so many ways. 

Bill drives me down to the healthcare campus.  Of course I hobbled into the wrong building.  I always do.  I've been to this campus many times over the past few years. It's where I had my seed implants.  Also various tests and it is also were my dermatologist is located.  Oh yes, I've been cut, inserted, tested at this location plenty of times and yet, I always seem to get the wrong building.  

As I said, I hobbled over to the correct building rather than get in the car and get out, which would actually take longer.

They took me right away at the testing area.  Ever have an MRI?  It is LOUD.  Thirty plus minutes in a tube and LOUD.  What's with the LOUD?  The technician asked me what kind of music I liked so I could wear earphones to drown out some of the LOUD.
I said "anything but rap and folk music."  She choose "Fifties".  Gee, I wonder why.  So while listening to Bobby Darin singing "splash splash I was taking a bath . . . . " I was further radiated.  Heck, I gave up years ago having babies.  After my seed implants for prostate cancer, on of the lovely side effects is that I shoot blanks.  Yep, that's right folks . . . . nothing come out.  TMI?  Just telling you like it is folks.

After this procedure, which wasn't as horrible as I feared, Bill took me down to the hotel where I work.  My co-worker Monica was going to loan me her crutches.  That's right folks, Ron is on crutches now.  

Me in the backseat of my car (the only way I can ride with this stiff leg - I did this once before in 1962 when I dislocated my right knee - I have experience)

I've never used crutches before and I wasn't sure I could but you know what?  I took right too it like a baby swimming. I only use the right crutch though.  That seems to work best for my bum left leg.

So this morning, the day after the Oscars, I would have normally written about my criticisms and hosannahs about the Oscars.  Hey, doesn't Lady Gaga have a wonderful singing voice?  And what was that "making it all about me" moment when Sean Penn

Sean "It's All About Me" Penn

announced the winner for best Oscar.  See HERE. I know many of the Hollywood celebrities have outsized egos but man oh man, Sean . . . . get over yourself.  It's not about you man. Go back to Haiti and get some more good-two shoe points.  And how about poor Reese? She didn't get her Oscar so maybe her "You'll soon know my name" (when her and her hubby were stopped for suspicion of DUI and she took great umbrage that a police officer would actually QUESTION HOLLYWOOD royalty - she of "do not make direct eye contact with me to the servants") attitude will diminish, ever so slightly one would hope.  Did you see that forced smile her hubby Jim Toth had after Julianne Moore won for Best Actress?   

Actually. . . . embarrassing. Can you say "Jumped the Shark?"

I didn't seen the beginning of the Oscars because I was busy feeling sorry for myself while watching to God awful Netflix rentals. My pal Pat reminded me.  I tuned in just in time to see Oscar Host Doogie Howser Neil Patrick Harris  in one of his oh so fashionable skinny suits (this one was a shiny maroon)

The ubiquitous SCARF that some male celebrities wear to the special events.  What's with THAT? What are they going to an art show afterwards?  I thought that's the only place where one was ALLOWED to wear The Scarf.

looking like a deer in the headlights doing his  Oscar hosting chores.  See HERE: By the way, what was that THING with former Oscar winner Olivia Spencer that Neil kept trying to make funny?  I felt sorry for Olivia, one classy lady.  Neil, I like you but you sure ain't Ellen.  What happen to Neil anyway?  He actually made James Flacko Franco look good as an Oscar host. Of course James won't be around as Oscar host anymore because he and Best Buddy Bromance Boyfriend Seth Rogan are too busy with their next ridiculous script for a totally stupid, asinine movie for which they will be paid millions.  Who sees their movies anyway?  Are we really that stupid in this country that ANYONE would pay to see those two clowns again?  But I digress.  See what you missed by me not writing about the Oscars last night.  I should have been Tweeting all along but I forgot that too.

Just one more thing about the Oscars:  don't you love it when some of these guys (and almost always, it's the guy who are so pretentious with their messy hairdos and scarves) get up there and ALWAYS thank their WIVES, KIDS and last night one self-important discoverer of polio vaccine even thank (are you sitting down?) HIS DOG!  I hope he was joke (probably wasn't).  

"The Green Card Son of a Bitch Guy" (according to Mr. Self Important Sean Penn) director accepting the award for Best Picture - "Birdman"

Oh I can't help myself, more Oscar comments.  Didn't Jennifer Anniston look great?  Hey, gay man here but Jen looked HOT!

Perfect Jen!

And the gay in my of course LOVED Lady Gaga's outfit.  

Okay folks, I had fun here.  I feel like my leg is getting better (yes, I switched lanes).  My orthopedic doctor will analyze the results of the MRI I had taken today and tell me of the damage and what I have to do.  

I do so hope I can get back to my regular routine soon.  My appointment with him is March 9th. I'm ready for some GOOD NEWS.

Oscar Hangover and Other Random Musings

Meryl Streep gets the Pharrell treatment - was this really necessary?

Here we go again!  More snow.  Holy smokes, what is going on here?  Thank bejesus we here in Lower Slower haven't been hit with the really big snowstorms up the rest of the East coast.  Haven't had the power go out once folks!  I couldn't say that if we still lived in Pennsylvania.  My poor brother Isaac, throw out all that frozen food in the freezer.

As Ellen DeGeneres said "The best Liza Minelli impersonator I've in years. Thank you sir!"

Well folks, I don't have to go into work today.  I'm not scheduled to go into work until Wednesday.  The new guy goes in today.  This is his first night solo.  I hope he lasts.  He's the fifth person I've trained for this part-time front desk job.  It's getting old folks.  When I worked at the Hampton Inn in Lionville, PA I was also the default trainer of front desk clerks.  I had to have trained at least two dozen front desk clerks there.  In fact, the day I quit I was supposed to train yet another young man on the front desk.  A regular revolving door, working front desk at a hotel except for the Old Guy here.

The beautiful Kerry Washington slips on her wrinkled hotel bed sheets and attends the Oscars 

I did watch a bit of the Oscars last night.  I usually have the TV in the kitchen on as wallpaper when I'm cooking.  Last night I made another one of my delightful refreshing lemon pound cakes.  I saw some of the red carpet extravaganza and Ellen's opening monologue.  Ellen was good.  Later on Jim Carrey, who just can't help himself overreacting, embarrassed himself with his lame riff. Jim, you just not funny.  Go away.  

Sandra - FABULOUS!

After I made my cake I talked on FaceTime for a couple hours with a friend.  We finished in time to catch the end of the Oscars so I saw who won. I was happy with the winners and plan to see the movies except "Twelve Years a Slave."  I'm sure it's a very good movie but I don't care to see all that negativity, cruelty and violence.  I did like "The Help" though so I'm not immune to social conscious movies.  It's just that I don't care to see relentless cruelty, that's not entertainment to me.

Jared Leto - uh……..I'm speechless. I know the tight leg thing is in now but …I have to think about this

Only two weeks to go to Bloggerpalooza!  I have to review the "prizes" and make up the name tags. I am so sad that Sassy Bear and his hubby Jeffrey are unable to come but we still have about 22 folks attending.  My Canadian friend (and you know who that is.

Mr. Toronto (Pat)

will be coming down early next Monday.  I hope my then we're done with this snow.  It's getting old folks, real old.  Bright sunny days guaranteed for the Bloggerpalooza.

Pharrell Williams and spouse - what am I missing here?

"And the Winner is………"

Another year and I won't be watching the Oscar telecast.  

There used to be a time when I couldn't wait for the annual glamorous tele extravaganza that was the Oscars.  That was back in the day when Hollywood had true glamor and class.  Back in the day when I recognized the names of the nominees.  Back in the day when the winners gave heartfelt (and short) thank you speech.

Liz Taylor accepts her first Oscar for "Butterfiled 8"

I started to lose my mojo with the Oscars when almost every winner began his or her thank you speech with "And I would like to thank Harvey Weinstein……."  After about the first dozen "Harvey Weinsteins" I began to wonder "Who the f--k is Harvey Weinstein and why should I care?"

"Harvey Weinstein" - I don't care - crawl back into  your hole (or under the rock you came from)

Remember when the winners DIDN'T thank their wives and kids?  You know these actors and their perfect children who were so helpful in their win.  WHO CARES?




Don't you just cringe when one of these phony baloneys creeps up to stage with their phony scarves swinging around their neck (what's THAT all about?  They're in California for christ sakes.) Then they take out that crumpled piece of paper from their suite lapel pocket and start to read those names that mean NOTHING to we the audience?  I sat around through hours of Oscar commercials to hear another commercial by an actor attempting to thank everyone he or she ever came into contact with during their lifetime.  Get over it actor, you didn't discover the cure for cancer.  YOU'RE AN ACTOR AND YOUR CAMPAIGN TO WIN THE OSCAR PAID OFF. See here how NOT to give an acceptance speech. 

I hate to be a Debbie Downer

folks (not really, I'm enjoying this) but tonight's Oscar cast is another one that I'll take a pass on.  Besides, I can tell you whose going to win anyway.  An actor/actress who name you never heard before and will never hear again unless it's someone like Jennifer Hudson who went on to great fame screeching through Nutri-System weight loss commercials.



 Yes folks,I will definitely take a pass on seeing the umpteenth self-important actor raising his (or her) Oscar above their heard to show us all what is on the bottom (Made in China) of the Oscar statue.

No thanks folks, I'll skip the Oscars again tonight and instead remember what Hollywood was really like back in the day when Hollywood was a young boy's world of fantasy.  

Avid 10 year old movie goer - 1951

Man Period?

Major Asshat - Willard "Mitt" Romney

Anne Marie (the dear) hit the nail right on the head this morning when she said (in response to my bitchy blog reviewing the Oscar cast last night on TV):

"uh oh, is someone having his man period this AM? :)"

Actually she was right. You see I had just completed and filed my federal and state taxes prior to composing and posting my Oscar blog.  I am always angry after doing my taxes.  This year was no exception.  

Even with taking all my deduction and having extra money taken out of my pay for my part-time job, I still owed almost $400!  Yes folks, I still owe.  My effective percentage rate was only two points below Willard "Mitt" Romney's tax rate that he paid last year.  You all know our Erstwhile Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney don't you?  He reported income of over 22 million dollars last year and didn't work a day.  He of the wife who has a "couple of Cadillacs."  Yes, THAT Mitt Romney.  The one who will say anything and flip positions just to win.  The one who thinks $374,000 for speaking fees isn't "that much."  Yep folks, that jerk-off.  

So here I am, collecting Social Security, collecting three small pensions and working part-time at a hotel, and I had extra money taken out of my modest hotel front desk job which I haven't gotten a raise in FIVE YEARS, paying over a 12% rate and Mittsy is paying a 14% rate.  I seem to remember President Obama making a campaign promise that Old Retired Guys like me who work part-time should have to pay ANY taxes.  I'm not even counting the full rate of FICA taxes I pay.  

Yep, every year I do my taxes and see how much I still have to pay I'm mad.  Usually I take my anger out on Bill or other friends or just complain to no one in particular but this year I let loose all my vent up frustration on the Hollywood Phonies at the Oscars last night.  Man it felt good.  I hate all those phony acceptance speeches.  I usually use the Mute button on my remote control to silence out their "I want to thank my Lovely Wife and my Darling little daughter/son" , et al, ad nauseam.  For Christ's sake, you would think one of these self absorbed ego maniacs discovered the cure for cancer.  

While we're on Academy Award Acceptance Speeches, what is it with local police departments that every time they are on national TV giving a press conference the FIRST thing they do is start thanking each other like THEY won an Academy Award?  I was watching the awful news this afternoon about yet another school shooting (oh when oh when are we going to change the mindset in this country about gun control?) and the FIRST words out of the trap of the local police chief is "I want to thank the extra-ordinary effort of all the local law enforcement officers in making this school a SAFE place....""'Uh...NO!  Didn't someone just die?  IT IS NOT SAFE DUMB ASS AND DON'T SAY IT IS SAFE UNTIL YOU MAKE IT SAFE AND YOU WILL 

DO THAT WHEN THERE IS GUN CONTROL.  


Man oh man, this is one habit the local police have that really makes me mad, thank each other for the "wonderful" job they done did.  This makes me even madder than I am at asshats like Willard "Mitt" Romney.

Next up:

The other ASSHAT:  (I've been holding off on this one. I'm about to unleash.)

The Oscars!

For about two seconds I considered going straight when confronted with THIS!  Then I took a look to the left and settled back into my Gay Comfort Zone - admit it, Brad's leg is sexier.

Okay, where do I start?  What do I say that hasn't already been said?  Well, here we go with Ron's Stream of Consciousness Thought:

• What was the deal with Angelina's right leg?  Did it have a hard on? 
• Billy Crystal was great as the host.....however
• Not original Billy with the ageist jokes about Christopher Plummer's age, not funny either.
• Another "What Was The Deal With?..." Robert Downey, Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow?  I never got the charm ?) of Mr. Reform Druggie ex-convict Robert Downey, Jr.  Somebody tell me why he thinks he's funny and relevant?  I have to give Gwinnie props for trying to save that awkward Banter Moment
• And yet another "What Was the Deal With?" the Cirque du Soleil performance?  I thought this was the Oscars, not Las Vegas.  Okay, okay.  We got it.  Cirque du Soleil is SO COOL (but I did see one guy fall on his ass during one of the acrobatic tumbles so they're not PERFECT)
• I was very disappointed in Emma Stone.  She doesn't do BANTER well. Of course she had as her Banter Partner Ben Stiller, MR. LARGE EGO. Both were VERY BORING.
• And PUH-LEEZE....enough with Jenny From The Block and her boop-boop-pit-de-doo Little Girl Voice and Plunging Neckline gown.  We got it Jo-Lo, WE GOT IT.  You're hot (at least in your own mind)

Big Ass

And Woody Allen, didn't disappoint again.  He WASN'T there to accept his Oscar for best screenplay.  Where was he? Playing his clarinet at a New York jazz club?  Oh SO COOL.  Oh Woody, you're so over. BORING.

Let's see, what else can I bitch about?  Who was the dude in the audience with the maharaja head do with the bling?  Yeah, we SAW you.   Like , WHO ARE YOU?

Of course the first recipient of an award bounds up on the stage with shoulder length white hair.  WTF?  Yes, WE SEE YOU.

  I thought Halloween was over.

So have the Hollywood Trendsetters signaled that long hair is back in style again?  Even Brad Pitt had long hair, albeit it greasy..  Oh don't tell me, "It's for a role."  Brad didn't look to bad this time.  At least he trimmed that scraggly beard he had the last time he deigned to appear in public before his Adoring Fans.  Wash you hair the next time Mr. Sex Pot, it looks better when it's blonde and fluffy.

Oh let's see (I knew I should have taken notes last night while I was watching the Oscar commercials Show.  I can't think of anything else to bitch about so here are some good comments:

I was SO GLAD Octavia Spencer won Best Supporting Actress.  I LOVE THAT woman.  By the way, who the HUNK with her?  WOWSIE!

Gorgeous Octavia!

I was very disappointed that Viola Davis didn't win Best Actress but I am glad that Meryl Streep won.  She is a fantastic actress and thirty years is TOO LONG to go between receiving an Academy Award for her consistently outstanding performances.

I didn't see that silent movie and I don't think I will.  I don't go for the Cute Factor.  If you all think silent movies are the new Trend, let's see how many they make this year.  I'll go out on a limb and make a prediction:   NONE.

I didn't see "Hugo" either and probably won't.  I'm not into cutsie poo kiddie pictures.  Don't get me wrong, I like kids (as long as they're well behaved) but I don't go for the Hollywood Kiddies.  They don't seem genuine to me.  Way TOO CUTE (hear that Dakota Fanning?)

"Shorty"

That said what was the deal with all the awards going to "Hugo"?  A Lovefest for Martin Scorese?  Which remind me...did anyone notice how many SHORT actors were there last night?  No room for tall guys like me (I'm 6'3" - used to be 6'4" before old age shrunk me).  Either the actresses were all wearing 10 inch spiked heels or Tommy Boy wasn't wearing his lifts.  Oh, that's right.  Tommy Boy appeared ALONE.  Not taking any chances he of being dwarfed on the Big Night.

Another dwarf accepting an Oscar - big heads little bodies  

Check the Dwarf on the right with the Angelina Stance - love it!

What was this?  Partners? Lovers? Jerkoffs?  I heard some mention of "wife" and "my children" so I assume they're straight but you could've fooled me!

Another "couple"? The Buzz-Cut on the left is sort of cute if dorky.  Hey, I have strange tastes.  I'd take him over Brad Pitt  

And yet more Dwarfs!

Hey gang, did you see the Horse Face on this babe?  God, I almost fell out of my chair when she turned around and displayed the best Horse Face since Celine Dione.  Move over Celine, you have a replacement!

Ah "SHUT UP!"  This is when I'm glad I have a MUTE button on my remote control.  

Christopher Plummer, Best Supporting Actor
Class Act - Well Deserved

Meryl Street, Best Actress
Class Act - Well Deserved

Oh, I almost forgot.  What was that with the Focus Group skit?  That was downright embarrassing.  I thought it was a spoof on comedy skits, just to see how GAWD AWFUL a bunch of old Hollywood writers could write a bad skit.  NOT FUNNY.

So let's see, what else?  One good thing, the Oscar cast wasn't three hours long this time.  I thought the Ellen DeGeneres J. C. Penney commercials were funny.  Hey, that's me.  She's funny in just about anything she appears in or does.  Unlike that lame Focus Group skit.

Oh, and another "I almost forgot"....what was the deal with the Popcorn Ladies strolling down the aisles handing out boxes of popcorn?  Were WE trying to replicate an old movie theater experience? Me thinks so.  Only problem, I didn't see them charging anything for the popcorn.  Hey Producers of the Oscars, if you're going to mimic the Old Time Movie Experience, charge $10.00 for the popcorn.  And also have a sullen, teenage pimply kid hand out the popcorn, not some beautiful Babes.  Talk about Fantasy Land.  And thinking about it, if you really wanted to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT...have some hunky guys handing out the popcorn.  Now that would get me attention plus recognize that there are a LOT of gay guys and women in the audience.  In fact, a LOT MORE than the Old White Men who control Hollywood.

I can't get that image of Angelina's Hard On Leg out of my mind.  Help me somebody!

It was close but the director of "The Artist" was the Most Boring Idiot on the stage last night -BORING!

Two Oscar Worthy Scenes

The Oscars are tonight.  We'll all have to endure the seemingly endless self congratulatory proclamations of the Hollywood phonies raising their Oscar statuettes above their heads showing us the Oscar base (I hope it doesn't say "Made in China").

I will endure all the thanking of "My wife, my Mother and my children without whom this wouldn't be possible" (give us a break) just to see Viola Davis receive the award for Best Actress and Octavia Davis receive the award for Best Supporting Actress.

I don't care for that cutsie poo silent film nor another George Clooney Suave-Vo Moment.  And please God, no Oscar for Brad Pitt.  His time is SO OVER.

I'll try and take notes tonight while the Oscars are on and give a scathing review tomorrow.  That is if I can stay awake.

Oscar Fashions on the Red Carpet

Okay folks, you asked for it!  Actually you didn't but I'm going to give it to you anyway.  Here is Ron's Take on the Oscar Fashions on the red carpet last night.
 
Cruella deVille has arrived! (aka Sharon Stone)

And the Charmin Bathroom Tissue award goes to the gorgeous as always Halle Berry!

Helena we know you're quirky but really....the Edward Scissorhands Award?

Count on Helena for the outrageous.  After all, she is married to Tim Burton. 

The best maternity dress of the night, classic understated elegance by Best Actress Oscar winner Natalie Portman:

Cool as an icicle, brrrrr!.....Michelle Williams, Best Actress nominee:

Hey, I may be gay but this outfit that Jennifer Lawrence has hugging her curves definitely does something for me!  WOW!

One of the most overrated actresses, ZZZZZZZZZ, the always boring Scarlett Johannsen:

Reese, I hardly knew ye!  Whatever happened to that adorable little girl?  Only Julia Roberts can do Julia Roberts:  

Christian Bale uglies it up with a red beard.  Christian takes over the Russell Crowe mantel of Full of Himself, Obnoxious Actor of non-American origin.  Bale will be even more odious now that he has won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  God save us from these bores. Nice understated gown on wife Sibi though. Obviously only room for one MASSIVE EGO in this family.

By contrast with the previous actor, here is a class actor.  I loved his first line when he accepted his Oscar for Actor:  "I have a feeling my career has just peaked."  Love you Colin!

I swear this is the same gown that my date Jeanette wore to my 1959 Senior Prom. Looks good on the teenage Best Supporting Actress nominee Hailee Steinfield:

The WTF Award goes to Kate Blanchette for the "what was she thinking?" gown/ Princess Leia's Mother?

Gwynnie Paltrow's "Lost in Space" gown:

Nicole and Gwynnie - two fabulous actresses!

This is what a gown looks like when you can't make up your mind....wear both!  Best Supporting Actor Mark Ruffalo's date confuses everyone in  her Victor/Victoria gown:

Winner of the Best Supporting Actress Oscar Melissa Leo: so so gown but love the personality.  Hitting on 94 year old Kirk Douglas.  It doesn't get any better than that!  I'm looking forward to seeing Melissa in more movies in the future:

No one plays a lesbian better than the straight Annette Benning.  She was robbed of the Oscar for Best Actress but she will be back.  Love you Annette!  Whose the doofus with you?

Oscar co-host  Anne Hathaway, always spectacular in red:

I like this new slim look in pants with male actors.  The black hip-hop influence is dead (Thank God!) Andrew Garfield from "The Social Network" - sexy! Love that bow-legged look. Wuff!

Sandra Bullack (minus Jesse James) with her portable seat cushion:

Best Actor Nominee Jesse Eisenberg who aced the role of billionaire A-Hole Mark Zuckerberg in "The Social Network"  What's with that hair?  Just get out of the shower?  Go home Jesse.  Buy bye.  

Jennifer Hudson, winner Best Actress in a previous year.  Love your weight loss Jennifer but when are you going to move on from wailing singing in weight loss commercials and on to that next Oscar nominated role?

Celine Dion, Old Horse Face Herself, in a gown made out of white on white patterned wallpaper.  Go have another kid with Renee. Nobody cares.

Best Supporting Actress nominee Jackie Weaver.  I love it when Mom gets to go to the Oscars!

I also love it when hot, straight young men take their Mom to the Oscars.  Bravo Justin Timerlake!

And falling in the OH MY GOD category:

co-hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco cross dress:    Anne?  YES!

James?  He looks better in tights

I'll never look at Marilyn in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" in quite the same way again.