Wednesday, December 11, 2013

"Ain't You Tired Miss Hilly?"

My friend Bill B. when it comes to marriage equality - "What's to prevent you from marrying your pet?"


Yesterday, while having a casual conversation on the phone with my longtime (since grade school) conservative (almost all of my good friends are of the conservative ilk) friend I was again reminded of the Brick Wall of Ignorance that will always be there between us.

Generally we stay away from politics (as I mentioned before, he is of the ditto-head, brainwashed Faux News ilk) and religion (yes, he is of the "I'll pray for you" ilk - "unless you accept Jesus Christ as your savior you're GOING TO HELL" ilk) and just discuss our every growing medical maladies (he also had a stent inserted into his penis a few months ago).  However, yesterday the conservation veered towards marriage equality or as he prefers to call it SAME SEX MARRIAGE.  While he has known Bill and I for years and likes us as we like him, he doesn't APPROVE (like who asked him?) of that word MARRIAGE applied to our union.  Here is his argument (are you sitting down?  This is hard to believe from an otherwise reasonably intelligent and rational person)  He says:  "Well Ron, once you have people of the same sex marrying what's to prevent them from marrying their pet?" 




Oh here we go folks, the old Slippery Slope Argument.  My first reaction was "Bill (that's his name) do you realize you just insulted me?  Do you realize just how ridiculous your argument is?  Do you realize that you're trivializing my union with (my) Bill?"  

He doesn't answer my questions directly but responds with "Ron, there are people who believe this!"  WHAT?  Of course there are people who believe that once people of the same sex marry then they will want to marry their pets, cars, and bookends.  I asked him "Don't you remember what happened to your former Senator Rick "Man on beast" Santorum when he made the same slippery slope argument?  Again, he ignored my direct question and continued to make the lame assed argument "Ron, there ARE people who believe this!" 

Honest to God folks, I felt like throwing up.  I wanted to hang up the phone.  My friend, my longtime friend who I've shared many a good time with was espousing this Faux News/Right Wing NutRepublican/Fundamentalist religion……crap.

Here I'm having this ridiculous and insulting "conversation" with my longtime friend, on the same day that my beloved sister-in-law got in a snit because I posted a picture on my Facebook account (that was taken in 1979) of my Mother getting her hair combed by my niece (er daughter) that showed her daughter in a long, frilly conservative (yes, my sister-in-law is also of the same conservative, religious ilk) dress.  I gently poked fun at my niece and said "What is that you're wearing?"  Well folks, that set off a firestorm that resulted in me receiving a letter from my sister-in-law informing me that I had "hurt" her (geez, RELAX- by the way I did send her an e-mail apologizing for the unintended hurt and I removed the offending Facebook posting) and then she gave me a dig about my "lifestyle."  Well, well. Here we go again.  Two people I love and respect coming out in the same day showing their true colors, that they view me as "less than."  

I'll be honest with you folks, I was actually sick to my stomach yesterday.  I didn't get to sleep until 3 am this morning.  I know I shouldn't let things like this bother me but they do.  Another thing that bothers me is the knowledge that all my Facebook postings and this blog is being monitored by those who are looking for the least little thing for which to beat me over the head with their sanctimonious  cudgel.  RELAX FOLKS!  If you don't like what I'm saying, DON'T READ MY BLOG.  DON'T READ MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.

As regular readers of this blog know, there are couple FORMER friends (they discontinued the friendship, if there ever was one) when they read something in my blog (I'm such a terrible person don't you know?) they THEY didn't approve of.  One of my blogger friends left a comment on my blog yesterday to the effect that these people who are so quick to criticize and complain never write anything on their Facebook account or blog but they're out there trolling the blogs and Facebook accounts just looking for something to be offended about. Get a life.

I don't know what upset me the most yesterday.  Inadvertently upsetting my beloved sister-in-law (who has done a lot for our family and who I much respect) or my horse blinders, head-in-the-sand friend.  I think perhaps it is my friend with the horse blinders.  I think my sister-in-law knows that I wouldn't intentionally hurt her but she knows me well enough to know that I sometimes go overboard with the kidding without fully considering the repercussions. Even though I thought her complaint was petty and her cheap shot at my "lifestyle" was beneath her, I can understand her situation.  She prefers to remain private and here I just shoved her privacy out in the open with my Facebook account posting (which was really about my Mother, not her but I guess in future postings I'll have to blot out her face as I do my two former friends who big girl panties get in a twist whenever they see their mugs posted on my blog - group shots fellas, group shots)!  


Me with former friends (I'm a terrible person) who wish to remain anonymous - old gay guys still in the closet except for the only one with balls (me) who isn't afraid of being publicly identified as a gay man - I'm not ashamed of being gay and don't feel the need to hide my sexual identity lest I offend someone


Perhaps what dismays and saddens me the most and saddens me is my longtime friend.  The knowledge that he truly believes that because Bill and I got married and now have the respect and legal protections that he and his straight ilk take for granted, that he considers in his heart considers me and Bill "less than."  That once the flood gates are open then "what's to prevent people from marrying their pets?"  It truly saddens me that otherwise reasonable, intelligent adults, and especially friends of mine who have known me most of my life, still consider me "less than."  They still consider me as damaged goods, some THING to be tolerated.  

At times like this I remember the line from "The Help."  Aibileen Clark (he black maid and character Viola Davis played) says to Miss Hilly (the consistently racist Southern white woman she works for).  Aibileen, exhausted and tired from living with the racism, finally confronts her racist employer, Miss Hilly and says "Ain't you tired, Miss Hilly?"

And that's my question to all my so called friends and relatives who believe in their heart that I am "less than" they are.  "Ain't you tired Miss Hilly, ain't you tired?"
I know one thing, I'm tired of it.

16 comments:

  1. They aren't tired, yet, but I think they're getting close.

    The argument is this: marriage is the union of two consenting adults.

    Children are not adults.
    Dogs are not people.
    Neither are cars, bookends, lamps or tables.

    And just because people say it doesn't make it a valid argument, unless the argument is about how stupid some people can be.

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    1. Bob,

      I literally could not believe the argument my "friend" was making. He was serious. I asked him "Why is it that you people (yes, I used the term "you people") are so concerned with two adults in a committed relationship having the same respect and legal protections that heterosexual couples have?" He had no answer for that but instead repeated his mantra "Well Ron, people BELIEVE that is what will happen, people will then marry their pets. People love their pets so what is to prevent them from marrying their pets?" Bob, I can't even begin to make a valid argument with someone who is either so stupid or brainwashed that they don't see the fallacy of their argument. It actually saddens me that some people that I have known all my life continue to view me as "less than." It actually makes me consider do I want to consider this "friendship." I am the one who is tired here. I am tired of the ignorance, and the homophobia. Perhaps what really got to me yesterday was my sister-in-law's cheap shot about my "lifestyle." That was so beneath her and surprised me that she still felt that way about me. I thought she had gotten beyond that point years ago but apparently I was mistaken. And here I thought I was so smart. I'm tired Bob, tired of it all.
      Ron

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  2. Ron, most probably your friend has no response because he has never had to THINK about the issue himself. He merely repeats the rhetoric that the church/family/conservatives say about it. He may not be tired, but I suspect that he is SCARED. The world is not what it was when he was young, or what it was when I was young, for that matter. But you and I Ron have had to adjust because we were never able to just slip in to the norm. Your friend never had to, so he never had to think about others who do not fit. My brother is the same way. I pity them. They are envious. And mostly unhappy, and scared. THAT is why you don't need to get an upset stomach about it. Just be yourself, post what you want, and let people have their reactions. If a discussion comes of it and you still don't see eye to eye about it, well guess what--friends can disagree! But I tell people that it is not my responsibility to "educate" them about what it is to be gay in this world. I am too busy living my life! Let them struggle with the difficulty for a while, the same way that we struggled for YEARS with who we were. For once, the conservatives are feeling uncomfortable, not us. It's about time.

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    1. Tony,
      You are exactly right, my friend couldn't have a response because he has never HAD TO THINK about the issue himself. His church indoctrinates him, he watches Faux News which further indoctrinates him and his circle of friends (except for me) further indoctrinates him. By the way, once our "discussion" got heated yesterday, and I was ready to hang up in anger and frustration, I decided instead to say "Bill! Let's agree to disagree" with he agreed to immediately. I sensed that he was relieved to end THAT conversation because he knew he was wrong but he's one of those people who will NEVER, and I mean NEVER admit they are wrong. Both of my brothers are the same way including the aforementioned sister-in-law, all church indoctrinated. However, my other sister-in-law is not that way (also divorced from my brother). Perhaps the fact that three of her brothers were (one died from AIDS related illness) gay has something to do with her attitude towards gays. She has never once shown me any animosity.
      You are also right about them being envious and scared. What really throws them is seeing how happy we gays are when we do get married. Notice the difference in the facial expression of straight men when they get married? So serious. Same with the brides. Then look at a gay couple. Have you ever seen such wide smiles?
      I wish I didn't get upset about knowing that some of those close to me still considered me less than a fully functional and acceptable human being. Like somehow I'm flawed when in reality it is they who are flawed, especially in their so called Christianity.
      I don't educate anymore, I just live my life. If they don't like it or are uncomfortable with it, then that is THEIR problem. They know they're on the losing side of history. I know I'm and I think deep down they know it too. But it takes a big man (or woman) to admit they were wrong. Unfortunately I don't happen to know any of those people now. And that is the shame. I feel sad for them that they continue to life in their ignorance and fear.

      Ron

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  3. Ron, Bob S. is correct. The serious answer (assuming it's a serious question re marrying animals, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt) is that even if there was someone who DID wish to marry an animal (though I'm not aware of one, neither do I know of a groundswell of demand to so marry) how would we know that the non-human half understood all the implications, not just emotional and physical, but financial, property ownership, marital duties and expectations etc. If we don't allow adults to marry children for that very reason, why on earth should we allow them to marry non-humans, whose capacity for comprehension is even more seriously limited? Perhaps next time you're asked this piece of absurdity you might enquire of the questioner how many people s/he knows who really would like to marry an animal - and how many politicians do they think would vote to legalise it, and thereby commit electoral suicide for all time. Oh, and you might add to tell them "Fuck off!"

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  4. as a str8 person, I have never once considered marrying my cats. cause that would be stoopid.

    guess you had better unfriend these 2 people on FB. sorry, hon, but you don't need these individuals in your life. there are many other people who like you as you are. I second raybeard's final sentence most sincerely! smooches!

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    1. Anne Marie,

      Those people aren't my friends on FB. But they tell me they can see me on FB. I think it's like my co-worker whose husband signed into her FB account to snoop around. They're probably signing into someone else's FB account. I don't know which one. One thing I do know, I'm TIRED of it. "Don't you get tired Miss Hilly?" Indeed. One would think they would get tired.

      Ron

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  5. I think it's high time for your conservative friends and flustered relatives to get hobbies and stop focusing on you. I think they should all start blogging. That will give them a legitimate channel to release their pent up frustrations (and it seems they have a helluva lot of them).

    Perhaps they should start reading my blog. Tell them that I just divorced my husband and have decided to marry my cat. And I'm very eagerly paving my way to hell.....

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    1. Jon,
      This is a puzzlement to me to, why some of certain people are so focused on me who basically don't like me. For years I've tried to figure it out. The only conclusion I can come up with is that they're jealous that I have a good life. I remember one long time antagonist who used to regularly confront me when he saw me hanging out at the gay bars. "What are you doing out Ron? You already have a lover!" Of course he's long dead now and I'm still alive. You also made a point that none of this self-appointed critics blog. Interesting because none of them do. In fact the one who has criticized me the most (and is now a FORMER friend - he ended the friendship over some minor offense that I committed against his sensibilities) is the one who urged me to write a blog. What's with that?

      Ron

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  6. Them's are too old to change; but happily they will die off and less of that will take its place.

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    1. Dr. Spo,

      You're absolutely right, their attitude will never change because they are afraid to face the face that they are WRONG. As usual, history will prove them wrong but they will never know because they will be long in their grave. It's a shame but that's usually happens. We still have people in this country who are still fighting the Civil War

      Ron

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  7. Understanding your sister-in-law's '"situation" is very generous and considerate of you however she needs to pull that stick out of her ass.

    We all dressed funny in the seventies.

    A.

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    1. Arleen,
      My feelings exactly. I thought she overreacted. Jeez, relax.

      Ron

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  8. Sorry if I contributed to hurting your sister-in-law's feelings. I recall commenting on the photo in the same way I comment on my awful hair cuts or facial hair when I post old selfies..

    As to the "some people believe it" argument, it's true... but means nothing. Some people think the earth is flat, that interracial marriage should be banned (again); that mosques and synagogues should be outlawed or that other races or ethnicities should be exterminated. Some people believe it - yep. But these are not the people I view as role models or, God forbid, leaders.

    Your friend's preference for the term 'same-sex' marriage is a help in this argument. Anne Marie makes this point (and ahead of me which is so often the case.) So he is OK with inter-species marriage as long as the human and pet are of opposite genders? It's just same-sex interspecies marriage that offends? If not, then it is irrelevant (in addition to being stupid). Sadly none of that will make any difference. People who make the slippery slope argument can only justify it (whether they admit it or not) by believing that str8 people are, superior, better, less corrupt, etc., etc. than gay people. I fear persuasion seldom works with these people because their argument as based on their own bigotry rather than what they or anyone else "thinks".

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    1. Harpers Keeper,
      No need to apologize. Hey, if someone is THAT sensitive about CLOTHING…..well get over it. But perhaps the issue was more than clothing and mocking of same. My sister-in-law has always tried to control her environment as long as I've known her. While I like and respect her I do resent her trying to control my life as I do others who have tried to control the content of my blog postings even though those same postings didn't apply directly to them. There will always be those self-appointed censors in our life who feel that THEY and only THEY know what is best for the rest of us, the Great Unwashed. And almost always these are People of Faith. That is perhaps the main reason I am not a Person of Faith, especially what I call "Man made organized religion." I'm not Catholic but I lean more towards the current Pope's interpretation of Christianity than I do the Fire and Brimstone religion of the conservative evangelistic religion that currently has a stranglehold on much of our American politic. I refuse, absolutely REFUSE to have those people and that religion define me and my so called "lifestyle."

      My friend, who likened my marriage to my husband to "What's to prevent you from marrying your pet" is of that ilk. He truly believes that this country is going to Hell in a hand basket unless we all fall on our knees and "pray for forgiveness". He actually told me once in all seriousness that if I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my savior that I would not go to Heaven and yet in the same breath he said that Ted Bundy, the serial murderer, would go to Heaven because "he accepted Jesus Christ" (albeit as a last ditch attempt to avoid execution for murder). Case closed.

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