Eric Fanning, First Gay Secretary of the Army

Eric Fanning, Secretary of the Army

Folks, now this is a day I never thought I would witness.  Eric Fanning was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to be the first openly gay Secretary of the Army.  Did I hear this right? An openly gay man as Secretary of the Army?

Wow.  Have we ever come a long way from the first "openly gay" situation comedy, "Will and Grace."  And even that was a very tentative move, casting a straight actor, Erica McCormack as Will.  Like there aren't enough gay actors around that could have easily filled that role.  Will's friend "Jack" role was filled by the really gay actor Sean Hayes, who had to be dragged kicking and screaming even to finally admitting he was gay in real life. God forbid that Sean should lose an acting job if he came out.  Courage is all too often in short quantity with too many gay actors, and that includes you Sean.

The "Will and Grace" cast, all straight except for "Jack" on the left and even he stayed in the closet all too long

I have all the respect in the world for a man like Eric Fanning who has lived his life as an openly gay man.  I respect people who live truthful lives and demand to be accepted for the person who they are.

I have to admit I am enjoying a bit (a lot actually) of schadenfreude at the thought of all those homophobes in the Army now who are just beside themselves now.  Who are they going to call "FAG!" as the ultimate derogatory putdown.

As regular readers of this blog know I joined the army fresh out of high school (with a six month detour due to me failing my first physical). I was 18 years old and scared to death but I felt I owed this obligation to my country.  And besides, I couldn't get a job.  And I didn't want to get drafted.

18 year old Army Recruit - Ron

So where should I end up?  Working for the National Security Agency (NSA) outside Washington D.C.  The problem?  I was assigned a Top Secret clearance.  I didn't ask for this job nor the top secret clearance.  My problem was that I knew I was gay but that I could lose my clearance at any time and be thrown out of the Army, thus ruining my life forever.  And one didn't have to be caught in doing any gay acts (no problem there with me, I was a complete neophyte at that time of my life).  One only had to be accused and one lost one's clearance and was less than honorably discharged.  Folks, for the two and a half years I lived and worked at the NSA headquarters at Fr. Meade Maryland, I had that threat hanging over my head. 

National Security Agency, Ft. George G. Meade, MD - where I worked for 2 1/2 years 1960-1962
Second largest government building after the Pentagon

While I was stationed at Ft. Meade I saw too many of my fellow soldiers losing their clearance and go through the ignominy of being discharged.  

I loved my job at NSA and could have easily converted my Army job to a civilian status when my three year term of enlistment was up.  Couldn't do it though because the U.S. government also had a ban against gays. Why? They say gays could be blackmailed and thus divulge U.S. secrets.  This is a classic Catch-22 because why could gays be blackmailed?  Because they were not allowed to serve in the U.S. Army nor work for the government in a classified capacity.  Stupid right? Absolutely.  

I had even considered making a career out of the Army.  I actually liked being in the Army.  But I figured out that eventually I explore the ways of the flesh and become involved with another man and thus be caught.  I did the calculation and figured the odds were not in my favor.  Thus, I reluctantly left the Army and my good job in January of 1963.  But one of the first things I did when I got out of the Army was come out to everybody.  And I mean everybody. 

I lost about half of my friends.  I was disowned as unclean and not worthy of being a friend, relative or whatever because I was "one of them."  You know, "them."  

To this day I am estranged from my family because I choose to live my life openly as a gay man thus causing them discomfort in their own lives.  "Gay Uncle Ronnie" doesn't play well in their conservative, insular lives.  I wonder what they think of Eric Fanning being named the first openly gay Secretary of Army. 

Me today, honorably discharged from the Army, retired and working part-time as a hotel front desk clerk. No big-time government pension for me like so many of my fellow gay retirees here (all former government employees who playinged for the U.S. government. 

The Day After (Thanksgiving) Thoughts

Brother's Thanksgiving Photo 2014

Well, you all know the old adage that "the holidays are the saddest time of the year" for many.  That is the time of the year suicides spike up.  This condition is called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  

Certain people may feel anxious of depressed around the winter holidays due to seasonal affective disorder.  

The winter holiday season, including Christmas, Hanukkah, and Thanksgiving, for most people is a fun time of the year filled with parties, celebrations, and social gatherings with family and friends.  But for many people, it is a time filled with sadness, loneliness, and anxiety.

I have to say that for most of my life I have been rather immune to SAD.  However, yesterday, perhaps for the first time I did feel a wave of sadness and loneliness wash over me.  

As is usual for me, I worked at my front desk job at the hotel.  I've been doing this for about thirteen years now.  In the past I've been so busy with my job that I didn't have time to sit and reflect on the "family" part of the holiday.  I was content to enjoy the "family" part of the holiday (Thanksgiving this time) by watching other families interact.  

So yesterday I was doing fine until I came across the photo at the top of this post.  It was posted by my niece to her Facebook page.  It is of her father (my brother) and her brother (my nephew) and her two children.  When I saw this photo for probably the first time in my life (that I can remember) I felt that Wave of sadness and loneliness.  Perhaps I shouldn't be writing about something as personal as this (no names lest I further embarrass members of my family) but this is how I felt then and how I feel now.  So I'm not exempt.

Why do I feel this way?  I'm estranged from both of my brothers and their families.  This event happened last year when Bill and I got married.  I sent out Christmas cards with our marriage photo on it.

Our wedding day July 2013 (on our 49th anniversary)

 
I did it on purpose, not only to announce our wedding to my family and friends but also to see who my friends were and who were not. 

This action on my part was very similar to what I did in the spring of 1963 when I came out as a gay man to everyone I knew.  I didn't want to live a lie and I wanted to sort out my true friends.  At that time I lost well over half of my "friends" and became temporarily estranged from my family.

Ironically it was a Thanksgiving dinner that brought back some kind of rapprochement with my family.  After my coming out (party), I lost contact with my family for about two years.  Then on Thanksgiving 1967 my Mother contacted me when I was living with Bill in Pennsauken, New Jersey.  She asked me to come to Thanksgiving dinner.  I thought about her invite and told her I would only come if Bill (who she had not met at that time) could come with me.  She relented and Bill and I had our first of many Thanksgiving dinners with my family.  

Bill and my parents - 1975

Ironically Bill and my Mother became very good friends as he did with my father.  But what I didn't realize at that time, I was living a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" existence.  They knew we were gay, just don't advertise it.  We were . . . . tolerated. 

Then came last year when I sent out the infamous Christmas card with our wedding photo plastered all over the front.  Apparently that did it.  Even with my other brother.  

So how do I feel about this folks?  Sad for sure but you know what?  I either have to be accepted for who I am, legally wedded and out Big Time, or not.  

I don't think I'll ever see my brothers again or their families.  Not that I don't love my brothers, I do.  But they and their families have a different view on marriage than I do and I will no longer be discounted as a human being because I am gay and had the audacity to get married . . . .and publicly and proclaim it.  How dare I? 

My brother, me and Bill 2012

Of course I realize that my brothers and their families are very conservative.  The "conservative" that hates Obama and everything about Democrats.  THAT conservative.  The conservative that says "You're okay to be gay just don't SHOVE it in our faces" (like getting married publicly, i.e., embarrass us)." 

Hey, I don't mind that they are conservative, we're all entitled to our own deeply held views and I respect that.  What I don't respect is anyone, especially family trying to put me into a box of their convenience. It isn't going to happen folks.  Not with me, not at this time or ever. 

So of course it was with an unexpected sadness that I saw those happy faces of some of my family yesterday.  I have to admit I was even surprised by my reaction.  Oh I'm sure some of my blog readers will urge me to "reconcile" but you know what folks?  On this I'm not compromising.  I've compromised for most of my life on who I am just to make others feel comfortable, especially family.  I'm at the age now where, on some things, especially on who I am, I don't compromise any more.  

So until I receive a "Congratulations Uncle Ronnie on your marriage to Bill", I will remain the gay uncle who used to take the family pictures at the holidays. Sad, isn't it?

My family and our first holiday (Christmas) picture when Bill met them - 1969 (Bill took the picture, Bill was never in the holiday pictures because he was "just my friend" and didn't qualify as a spouse)

Michael Sams Drafted!

It happened!  It actually happened!  An openly gay football player was drafted into the National Football League.  His name is Michael Sams. 

Michael Sams is a University of Missouri college football player who decided not to let others determine how he would live his life.  Michael Sams is gay and he came out. I have to admit I am in awe of the courage this man has demonstrated.  


Now I have something else to admit, I am experiencing schadenfreude again. I am throughly enjoying the discomfort of all those homophobes who are beside themselves now knowing that not only did an openly gay college football player get drafted but he kissed his boyfriend right in front of everybody!  Oh my, the sky is surely falling for those folks.  

First it was the repeal of the odious "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law that ignoramuses like John McCain said would destroy the military.  It didn't.  Then there was the same sex marriages that those who were opposed said would destroy "traditional" marriage (whatever that is).  It didn't.  Now an openly gay football player who isn't ashamed to show his emotion and KISS his boyfriend.  I bet my homophobe cousin in North Carolina (who told me never to "step foot on his land again" when he found out that I "practiced the gay lifestyle" won't be watching Monday Night football anymore. 

Surely the End of Times, a man kissing a man!

Don't  you feel just a little bit sorry for those folks?  After all, that was their last acceptable prejudice, "the gays."  Now that's gone.  What's next?  A woman president?

Is It Wednesday Already?

Chickens on their way to their doom - a common everyday sight here in southern Delaware

Time flies when you're having fun.  

Back to work again folks.  I'm beginning to feel like a full-time employee with all the extra hours I'm working at the hotel this month.  Hopefully I can get back on my regular schedule of two nights a week.  And that folks begins tonight, Wednesday night.  Then tomorrow night then I'm off to do my "other" work which at this time of year is my backyard work.  And of course I have new duties this year since I've been volunteered for local Democratic volunteer.  

Ron - neighborhood Democratic volunteer

This morning I will enter all the information of the 76 registered Democrats and 46 houses in my Address book.  I was given sheaves of paper with all this information but I find that unwieldy to handle whilst I'm looking for the domiciles of said registered Democrats who are my neighbors.  My goal is to make my in person visits this Saturday.  Hopefully to catch the unsuspecting unawares when I pounce on them and say "Hi! My name is Ron Tipton and I'm one of your nearby neighbors and a volunteer for the local Democratic party………and so on."  Yet another avenue of experience for your intrepid 72 year old formerly life long registered Republican who was radicalized by the extreme right wing fanatic crazy assed turn of what used to be the Republican Party (yes, I voted for Goldwater - my first ever vote in 1964 and Nixon - yes I did).  Well, enough about my newest non-paid venture.  I can hear the snores of some of you already.

First time out - I voted for one of the biggest losers ever

The past two days have been very uncomfortable for me.  The pain of the broken skin on my back at times is excruciating.  I find it very interesting at this time of my life I am experiencing all these new levels of pain.  Avenues of pain I've never trod down before. Not fun folks.  Yesterday I got some relief when I asked Bill to rub some of his hydro cortisone on the damaged areas on my back. 

Is this what my life's going to be like as I enter into Old Age?  Over the weekend I woke up in the middle of the night with severe leg cramps in my calves.  You know what they're like?  Charley Horses that you can't straighten out.  I had to get up and tromp around my bedroom before they finally went away. 

Just this morning I my right hand froze up with a minor attack of arthritis.  Those arthritic freeze ups have been going on for several years now.  I can handle them, probably because I'm used to them. However, they are becoming more frequent, not less.

So far all negative info this morning folks.  Sorry about that.  I do have some good information. Even though I'm on the outs with my brothers (because of my temerity) and former good friend Bill B., it is a relief not to hear the one brothers' paranoid crazy assed right wing accusatory rants against me.  Oh sure, I do have to occasionally hear my neighbors "I hate Obama!" rants but like my arthritic hand attacks, I'm sort of used to that.  I like her and if it makes her feel good to vent her anger, I'm okay with that…..I guess.  Would be nice to have a conversation for once though without the rant though.

The "Peace and Love" guys from Duck Dynasty - here's my question - if these "good Christian men" are the only ones going to Heaven, is this where I want to go?  Hey, maybe I really am going to Hell or…..maybe they're Hell. Just saying.

This is the first year in four years that Bill and I haven't take a trip South.  Seeing the buds out on the trees reminds me of our trips south and does give me a feeling of melancholy.  But those trips are not to be.  For one thing they're very stressful, traveling over 600 miles and 12 hours one way. 

Pigeon Roost North Carolina, probably my last visit to where my father was born and lived until he was ten years old at which time his family moved to southern Pennsylvania where he met my Mother and I happened

 Then all the unloading and loading at all those scruffy hotels, sleeping on hotel beds God knows who was sleeping there before, and then the expense.  I stopped counting when the bucks passed $2,000.  Bill always liked to visit his hometown in Georgia but we'll probably never do it again.  I think the "event" that sealed our decision never to travel again was when a homophobic cousin of mine threatened us last year when I attempted to visit his parents.

Glenn Renfro and his wife Wanda (my cousin) standing on the porch of his house which was built by my great grandfather Isaac Lewis (my father's mother's father and for whom my father was named). I am no longer welcomed because I "practice the gay lifestyle." So much for southern hospitality.  

 
The South is pretty and most of the people are friendly on the surface but God help you if you have come out of the closet, your life is literally in danger traveling in those isolated mountains.  Too many guns up there and low information voters willing to use them on anyone who is different from them.  No thank you, we'll stay here in Delaware where the state recognizes equality for ALL of it's citizens, gay and straight.

Okay folks, time to get started on my list.  Have a great day!

Where we live in Delaware - safe (relatively so) and sound - don't have to worry about some paranoid hillbilly shooting us just because we got married

Duck Dynasty Flap

Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson - Before and after - this is what hate does to your looks - 

Ah folks, where do I start on this one?  Tis the Christmas season and I really didn't want to "go ugly" during the "and a partridge in a pear tree time" but it seems I don't have a choice. 

After the Ayatollah Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson made his ignorant and Christian hate-filled remarks about gays and blacks, my rage is building inside of me and I cannot quell it until after the holidays.  I.HAVE.TO.RESPOND.

Now the question is, how do I respond without sinking to the level of this Christian hater who likes to kill animals for sport?  

And he gets uglier - this is why I tend not to believe in "man-made" Christian religion - this hate-filled man is what is waiting in Heaven for me?  I don't think so…….

Perhaps Josh Barro of the Business Insider said it best:

"Specifically, there's one America where comparing homosexuality to bestiality is considered acceptable, and another where it is rude and offensive."

I personally can attest this THIS America exists.  Just this past week I was talking to a longtime friend (since first grade 1948) who responded to my Christmas card that had a picture of me and Bill's wedding photo. 

Married (finally) on our 49th anniversary 

He casually said "What's next? Marrying your pet?" I couldn't believe what he so said casually said to me. I said to him "Bill?  (yes, he has the same name as my husband), do you realize that you just insulted me?"  He didn't.  He continued on with his conversation just as if he didn't just say he compared my love and my sexual orientation with bestiality.  I pressed him on this point and he responded by saying "Well Ron, you know a LOT of people believe this."  I told him, "Bill, that's not an argument, that doesn't make sense. Just because a LOT of people believe that doesn't make it right." Well folks, I realized it was pointless to argue with him because my friend Bill is like so many on the Right, they will never, ever change their minds or admit they are wrong, no matter what the facts or logic.  They can't, they are unable to do so.  That kind of thinking will only go away when those who think like that die off.

And that brings me back to the Ayatollah Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty.  "Duck Dynasty" is a very popular, so-called reality show about a group of good ole boys who live in rural Louisiana who live to kill animals and denigrate gays and blacks.  

I won't repeat Mr. Robertson's rude and hateful remarks (such a good Christian he is) about gays, you all can look them up on the Internet.  But what gets me some of those on the Far Right are all up in arms that Mr. Robertson's "rights" are infringed upon because of his hateful spew.  Not so.  I agree that Mr. Robertson has the right to say whatever he wants to say, no matter how ignorant or hateful and unChristian.  But I and others also have the right to speak out mind and disagree with Robertson. Also, his employer has the right to suspend or even fire him for his hateful bile.  Of all people one would think that Conservatives should realize that business people have a right to protect their business practice against an employer who could potentially hurt their business.  

So you know what the best remedy to all this ugliness is?  I just heard it tonight on the news:  

NEWS BULLETIN!!!!!!!

Federal judge strikes down Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage

 As Joe Biden so famously said "This is a big f*&cking deal". 


Folks!  This is Utah!  UTAH!  


So you know folks, my (former?) friend can compare my marriage to bestiality.  The Ayatollah of Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson can proclaim I'm going straight to Hell because I chose to love a man but these so called Christian folks are SOOO wrong.  History is not on their side.  Right is not on their side.  

So they can all stew in their hate for everything that is different from them but in my life I would rather see the smiling faces of those who have found true love than the hateful faces of those like Phil Robertson and his ilk.  

Now think about it folks, if there is a Heaven, who do you think you're going to meet up there?  The Sarah Palins of the world or all those happy same sex couples who are getting married right now in Utah as I type this?  I think you know the answer.

Why I am a F.A.G. Volunteer

Some people run a 5k races for self satisfaction while others twist their bodies pretzel like in yoga poses for body flexibility and spiritual enlightenment.  

Me, I've always marched to a different drummer.  I'm a F.A.G. volunteer. 

Me at a family cemetery in the North Carolina mountains 2013

Granted, you're unlikely to see a photo of me in too short shorts in the Cape Gazette running one of the many charity 5k runs. Nor will you see me in some 105 degree yoga studio, sweating my balls off with a bunch of fellow, sweaty women yoga practitioners, seeing if I can hold my pose without peeing myself or passing out.  Nope, yours truly, when I am in the self enlightenment mood will be at either your local cemetery or in some old, forgotten family cemetery in the mountains of western North Carolina.  For you see Virginia I am a Find a Grave volunteer.

What is a Find a Grave volunteer you ask?  We F.A.G. volunteers take photos of headstones in cemeteries and post it to the website called Findagrave.com.  Find a Grave.com was founded coincidently by a distant cousin of mine, Jim Tipton, to record the final resting places of celebrities.  However, in a very short time it became a very popular website for recording graves of everyone, whether they were celebrities or not.  I've been a member for over five years.  I've recorded over 4,500 memorials (graves) and over 9,600 photos.  

For years I've always liked to roam graveyards.  Perhaps that's sounds weird to some but hey, I think running your ass off in a 5k race or nearly passing out and peeing yourself doing "hot" yoga is weird too.  I guess one's weirdness all depends on one's perspective.  But I gain the same satisfaction out of my volunteer work for Find a Grave as do the participants in the previously mentioned activities.  One thing is for sure, you'll never hear an S.O.S. going out for me because I got lost climbing a mountain or collapsed running a 5k race.  Oh sure, maybe I'll faint in a graveyard…..not likely. What's more likely I would fall into one of those collapsed graves (had some near misses on that).

One of my very favorite activities is fulfilling photo request for Find a Grave.  The way this works is someone, whether it be a relative of non-relative, requests a photo of a grave or memorial as we call it; that request is posted to the Find a Grave.com website and those F.A.G. volunteers in the area can claim those requests.  That's what I did this morning when I claimed seven photo requests for the Union Cemetery in Georgetown, Delaware this morning.  

Yep, that was me on this cold and overcast morning, down at the Union Cemetery in Georgetown, Delaware. Nope, I wasn't greeted by hearing crowds nor were there any photographers from the local newspaper to record this event for posterity, fame and glory.  Nope, just me and Bill roaming the cemetery looking for "Ira Short Jan 24, 1894 - Apr 24, 1956".  

Ira Short headstone, Union Cemetery, Georgetown, DE

We found him and the other six requested photos of gravestones of those dear, long ago departed citizens of this southern most Delaware County of Sussex who are buried at the Union Cemetery in Georgetown, Delaware, the county seat of Sussex County. Yes folks, we did our volunteerism without the Roar of the Crowd.

As I mentioned earlier in this posting, I'm not totally selfless in my volunteerism for F.A.G.  I do get a sense of self-satisfaction and that I am helping people by recording the final resting place of relatives and loved ones who are not in the geographical area.  To me all Find a Grave.com is the Digital Age extension of the old fashion cemetery.  With the Internet and computers and the thousands of F.A.G. volunteers taking photos and recording the final resting places or the previous inhabitants of this planet, we are literally making a virtual cemetery.  

Of course with an endeavor that I am in I endure some negative feedback.  There are trolls and negative nabobs wherever one goes these days who will be quick to criticize and says things like "Why would you want to do something like that?" Not so coincidentally those negative comments almost always come from the same folks who criticize everything else I do or others do and yet they DON'T do.  Go figure.  In the Find a Grave.com community we call those people "Find a Grave Drama".  I've had them attack me as have had other Find a Grave volunteers.  But you know what folks?  People like that are everywhere, I ignore them.  

But last week I received an e-mail that made all the hard work of looking for the cemetery (some of these small family cemeteries aren't easy to find), in all kinds of weather (it was COLD this morning) worth it.  This lady posted this comment on my Find a Grave.com account:

Now this made me feel good.  Here I found the grave of the sister of this woman's grandmother's sister who died as an infant (got that)?  She never thought she would find the grave let alone a copy of her great aunt's death certificate.  I also posted the copy of the death certificate because I am also a member of Ancestry.com and have access to death certificate of some of the decedents.  Where I find them, I post them.

Now here is a lady who took the time to thank me for the photo I took of her great aunt's grave in the remote mountains of North Carolina at a small family cemetery that I did have some trouble locating. I remember well this expedition last year, it was raining the whole day I was traipsing around those mountains and I ruined my sneakers. I was soaked by the time the day drew to a close.

I was in this area because it was where my father was born and grew up until he was ten years old at which time the family (he and his eight brothers) were moved to southeastern Pennsylvania in the late 20's.  Each year I've been visiting this area to take photos of the local family cemeteries, looking for Tiptons but also recording the graves of other folks in that area, many of them related to my family (not a small amount of inbreeding in those mountains folks but I won't go into that at this time).  

This is also the same area where I was going to introduce my cousin Bob Tipton and his wife to our cousin, our grandfather was her grandmother's brother (got that)?  As I said I WAS going to introduce the cousins until the son of the cousin asked me the night before, when I had called on the phone to confirm the meeting, "There is a rumor going about you Ron.  I have a question to ask you Ron.  Do you practice the gay lifestyle?"  After closing my mouth, which was agape, I said "If you're asking me if I'm gay…yes I am." There was a pause then he said "Now listen to me and listen good, if you ever step foot on my parent's property (his mother is my cousin - our grandparents were brother and sister), you'll have ME to deal with.  You got THAT bud?"  Well folks, this is North Carolina after all, land of the most voter repression law in the United States and non-marriage equality.  Hillbilly country where you won't see ONE minority in those hills be they black, Italian or Romanian. One of the last outposts of homophobia.  Where gays like me area called "QUARRS" (as the husband of my cousin called our President during our last visit). Oh yes folks, this is the U.S.A.  So I probably won't be going back anytime soon to Deliverance Country.  

Me in the North Carolina mountains - 2013

I probably will never go back again after last springs Welcome Wagon reception from the son of my cousin (he's my cousin too whether he realizes it or not.  Just imagine, he has a "quarr" for a cousin.)  But I am glad that I received this thanks from this lady last week for my small act of volunteerism.  Sort of gives me hope that not all people are hateful and perhaps some are even appreciative of what this one, insignificant, non-celebrity volunteer does, expending time and money and sometimes, at personal physical risk, to do something good.  

My cousin's husband during a visit in 2012 before he knew I was "quarr" - I was allowed in his house then.  Now that my "lifestyle" has been identified I am no longer welcome

This past week hasn't been good one for me folks. First one of my sister-in-laws gets offended (too easily in my opinion) because of a photo I posted on Facebook of my Mother getting her hair combed by my niece (said sister-in-law's daughter).  Some folks noted the dress my niece was wearing (floor length with a ruffled apron) and teased my niece about her choice of clothing.  My sister-in-law promptly sends me an e-mail saying that I attacked her and then mentions something about my "lifestyle."  A remark that was frankly beneath her and hurtful.  I didn't know know THAT was simmering beneath the surface of our relationship.  

The offending photograph - my niece combing my Mother's hair Christmas 1979

Then on the same day I was having a casual conversation with my longtime friend Bill B. on the phone and same sex marriage came up.  I forget what brought it up, maybe the fact that I sent him a Christmas card that shows me and my husband on the front of the card during our marriage ceremony.  My "friend" said "What's next?  Marrying your pet?"  There you go folks.  You never know what just beneath the surface of people you know.  People who are self-proclaimed "Good Christians".  You know the kind, judgmental.  Well, as I wrote about it before both occurrences left me feeling sick in the stomach.  Little did I know that these two folks, who I thought liked and respected me really considered me "less than."  

Me with my friend who asked me if I'm going to marry my pet next - I never cease to be surprised by the latent homophobia of some of those I have known all my life who I considered my friends 

I tried to have a reasonable discussion with my friend, telling him that he had just insulted me and didn't understand what he was talking about but you know folks, there is just no reasoning with people like this.  They have their horse blinders on, blinded by their so called "faith".  They will never change their minds.  In their mind I am "less than" and always will be.  So I am letting them go folks.  I am tired.

This morning, in the cemetery, looking for those graves to fulfill the Find a Grave photo requests I felt a sense of peace and tranquility that I didn't feel with my relative and friend this past week.  

Me at my great-grandfather Hiram Tipton's grave in Limestone, Tennessee

When I received that thank you from that lady for taking a photo and posting her great-aunt's memorial, I felt like I was appreciated.  For all I know she may be just as homophobic and prejudicial towards gay people as my relative and friend but at least she said "thank you".  And that means a lot.  

Me with my pet Sparky, who I never intended to marry

"Ain't You Tired Miss Hilly?"

My friend Bill B. when it comes to marriage equality - "What's to prevent you from marrying your pet?"

Yesterday, while having a casual conversation on the phone with my longtime (since grade school) conservative (almost all of my good friends are of the conservative ilk) friend I was again reminded of the Brick Wall of Ignorance that will always be there between us.

Generally we stay away from politics (as I mentioned before, he is of the ditto-head, brainwashed Faux News ilk) and religion (yes, he is of the "I'll pray for you" ilk - "unless you accept Jesus Christ as your savior you're GOING TO HELL" ilk) and just discuss our every growing medical maladies (he also had a stent inserted into his penis a few months ago).  However, yesterday the conservation veered towards marriage equality or as he prefers to call it SAME SEX MARRIAGE.  While he has known Bill and I for years and likes us as we like him, he doesn't APPROVE (like who asked him?) of that word MARRIAGE applied to our union.  Here is his argument (are you sitting down?  This is hard to believe from an otherwise reasonably intelligent and rational person)  He says:  "Well Ron, once you have people of the same sex marrying what's to prevent them from marrying their pet?" 

Oh here we go folks, the old Slippery Slope Argument.  My first reaction was "Bill (that's his name) do you realize you just insulted me?  Do you realize just how ridiculous your argument is?  Do you realize that you're trivializing my union with (my) Bill?"  

He doesn't answer my questions directly but responds with "Ron, there are people who believe this!"  WHAT?  Of course there are people who believe that once people of the same sex marry then they will want to marry their pets, cars, and bookends.  I asked him "Don't you remember what happened to your former Senator Rick "Man on beast" Santorum when he made the same slippery slope argument?  Again, he ignored my direct question and continued to make the lame assed argument "Ron, there ARE people who believe this!" 

Honest to God folks, I felt like throwing up.  I wanted to hang up the phone.  My friend, my longtime friend who I've shared many a good time with was espousing this Faux News/Right Wing NutRepublican/Fundamentalist religion……crap.

Here I'm having this ridiculous and insulting "conversation" with my longtime friend, on the same day that my beloved sister-in-law got in a snit because I posted a picture on my Facebook account (that was taken in 1979) of my Mother getting her hair combed by my niece (er daughter) that showed her daughter in a long, frilly conservative (yes, my sister-in-law is also of the same conservative, religious ilk) dress.  I gently poked fun at my niece and said "What is that you're wearing?"  Well folks, that set off a firestorm that resulted in me receiving a letter from my sister-in-law informing me that I had "hurt" her (geez, RELAX- by the way I did send her an e-mail apologizing for the unintended hurt and I removed the offending Facebook posting) and then she gave me a dig about my "lifestyle."  Well, well. Here we go again.  Two people I love and respect coming out in the same day showing their true colors, that they view me as "less than."  

I'll be honest with you folks, I was actually sick to my stomach yesterday.  I didn't get to sleep until 3 am this morning.  I know I shouldn't let things like this bother me but they do.  Another thing that bothers me is the knowledge that all my Facebook postings and this blog is being monitored by those who are looking for the least little thing for which to beat me over the head with their sanctimonious  cudgel.  RELAX FOLKS!  If you don't like what I'm saying, DON'T READ MY BLOG.  DON'T READ MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.

As regular readers of this blog know, there are couple FORMER friends (they discontinued the friendship, if there ever was one) when they read something in my blog (I'm such a terrible person don't you know?) they THEY didn't approve of.  One of my blogger friends left a comment on my blog yesterday to the effect that these people who are so quick to criticize and complain never write anything on their Facebook account or blog but they're out there trolling the blogs and Facebook accounts just looking for something to be offended about. Get a life.

I don't know what upset me the most yesterday.  Inadvertently upsetting my beloved sister-in-law (who has done a lot for our family and who I much respect) or my horse blinders, head-in-the-sand friend.  I think perhaps it is my friend with the horse blinders.  I think my sister-in-law knows that I wouldn't intentionally hurt her but she knows me well enough to know that I sometimes go overboard with the kidding without fully considering the repercussions. Even though I thought her complaint was petty and her cheap shot at my "lifestyle" was beneath her, I can understand her situation.  She prefers to remain private and here I just shoved her privacy out in the open with my Facebook account posting (which was really about my Mother, not her but I guess in future postings I'll have to blot out her face as I do my two former friends who big girl panties get in a twist whenever they see their mugs posted on my blog - group shots fellas, group shots)!  

Me with former friends (I'm a terrible person) who wish to remain anonymous - old gay guys still in the closet except for the only one with balls (me) who isn't afraid of being publicly identified as a gay man - I'm not ashamed of being gay and don't feel the need to hide my sexual identity lest I offend someone

Perhaps what dismays and saddens me the most and saddens me is my longtime friend.  The knowledge that he truly believes that because Bill and I got married and now have the respect and legal protections that he and his straight ilk take for granted, that he considers in his heart considers me and Bill "less than."  That once the flood gates are open then "what's to prevent people from marrying their pets?"  It truly saddens me that otherwise reasonable, intelligent adults, and especially friends of mine who have known me most of my life, still consider me "less than."  They still consider me as damaged goods, some THING to be tolerated.  

At times like this I remember the line from "The Help."  Aibileen Clark (he black maid and character Viola Davis played) says to Miss Hilly (the consistently racist Southern white woman she works for).  Aibileen, exhausted and tired from living with the racism, finally confronts her racist employer, Miss Hilly and says "Ain't you tired, Miss Hilly?"

And that's my question to all my so called friends and relatives who believe in their heart that I am "less than" they are.  "Ain't you tired Miss Hilly, ain't you tired?"

I know one thing, I'm tired of it.

Why I Came Out

 Bill (my spouse) sent me this video, "It Could Happen To You".  This video is a perfect example of why I came out in 1963 and continue to live openly as a gay man.  The story on this video is why I fight and challenge and refused to be bullied, cowed and apologize for who I am, who I love and my existence on this earth.  

Me and Bill - Philadelphia - 1970

Some may think it is "safe" to stay in the closet and I realize I have no right to tell someone how to live their lives.  We all have to decide our own journey through life.  But I knew this would probably happen in my life should a tragedy occur and that is why I took steps to assure I didn't leave my loved on in this situation.  

Me and Bill at my parents' house Downingtown, PA - 1978

Most parents are well meaning but some parents, when it comes to discovering that their child is gay are more concerned with "what will the neighbors think?" than they are with the welfare and happiness of their own child.  I had such parents.  Fortunately for me I have had a long and happy life, with only a few minor speed bumps in my life's journey.  Oh sure, occasionally I encounter a member of the family who is so threatened by my existence that they threaten me with physical harm should I "show up on their doorstep" (which happened this last summer during a visit to relatives in the mountains of western North Carolina).  

Me and Bill in the North Carolina mountains this past spring where my father was born.  This day I was to introduce my cousin and his wife to our second cousin.  However, the day before I was warned by the son of the cousin that because of my "gay lifestyle" I would have to "deal with him" if I stepped foot on his parents' property.  Instead we visited a local graveyard and I took photos for my Find a Grave volunteer account.

But remember my gay brothers and sisters, when you choose to live in the closet because you think that is the "safest" way to live and to spare your family and friends the "embarrassment" of having a homosexual in the family, look at this film and think "This could happen to me."  Never forget,  the Declaration of Independence says "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed y their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  

Me and Bill in Milton, DE - 2009 - why is the fact that we're so happy causes so much unhappiness with homphobes?

The choice is yours my gay brothers and sisters but remember, should an unforeseen tragedy enter into you life as happened with this wonderful couple, who were so happy, this to could happen to you.  

July 1st, 2013 - Georgetown, DE - the day we got our marriage license