|My friends (left to right) Tommy, Bob H., Clayton, Louis (older guy) and Bob McM. - 1980 Philadelphia|
Who is the most interesting guy at this table?
"Raffles", a popular Philadelphia gay bar in the 70's. NOT my style at all. Older men were discouraged from attending.
When I came out into the so called "gay lifestyle" in 1963 when I was 21 years old I wasn't seeking to meet another 21 year old. In fact, the first man I was intimate with was an "old" 29 years old. Ironically, I felt I was doing him a favor even though I was very attracted to him. That's how much I was brainwashed that since I was gay I should only be attracted to young men. While my friends were cruising and meeting guys their age I was secretly eyeing the older guys in the bar. I was embarrassed that my friends would know that I had this so called weird attraction to the OLD GUYS.
|Don't tell anyone, I like older men|
A year into the gay bar scene I met Bill. Bill was 35 to my 22 years old. Perfect. Was I looking or a Father Figure? I don't know. Maybe I was.
A really good example of my attraction for older men is the actor John Kerr. I remember the first time I saw him in "South Pacific." When he appeared on screen, in those tan military khakis, with that smoky voice of his, I had to catch my breath.
|John Kerr - actor - South Pacific|
|John Kerr with his co-star Mitzi Gaynor in "South Pacific"|
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie "South Pacific" but not for the warbling of Mitzi Gaynor (who I liked) but to just watch that beautiful face of John Kerr. I fantasized that John Kerr was gay and would rescue me from my mundane existence on Washington Avenue in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.
|John Kerr and France Nuygen|
I cannot exactly pin down my attraction for John Kerr other than he had this sad quality about him that wanted someone to love him. He wasn't your typical, self-absorbed Hollywood actor. He was quiet. He had bags under his eyes, another strange attraction I have in men.
|Mitzi Gaynor and John Kerr - many years after "South Pacific"|
After watching "South Pacific" in 1958 I eagerly awaited his next movie. I missed his movie "The Crowded Sky" in 1960 but did see him in the Vincent Price cheapie Roger Corman thriller movie "The Pit and Pendulum" in 1961. I had a strange reaction to seeing my fantasy man in "The Pit and Pendulum." I felt sad that he had "progressed" from a big production like "South Pacific" to a schlock movie like "The Pit and the Pendulum." I thought he was destined to be a major movie star. However, watching him in "The Pit and the Pendulum" I discovered I actually enjoyed seeing Vincent Price tying him down. OMG! So sexy. Oh I know, I should be ashamed of myself but hey, it is what it is. I was really turned on now. Maybe it was because my fantasy man was tied down and couldn't get away.