Monday, October 28, 2013

My Attraction for Older Men

My friends (left to right) Tommy, Bob H., Clayton, Louis (older guy) and Bob McM. - 1980 Philadelphia
Who is the most interesting guy at this table?
Right! Louie
It is no secret for those who know me well that I have always been attracted to older men. I've never been attracted to young men unlike many of my gay peers.  

"Raffles", a popular Philadelphia gay bar in the 70's.  NOT my style at all.  Older men were discouraged from attending.

When I came out into the so called "gay lifestyle" in 1963 when I was 21 years old I wasn't seeking to meet another 21 year old.  In fact, the first man I was intimate with was an "old" 29 years old.  Ironically, I felt I was doing him a favor even though I was very attracted to him.  That's how much I was brainwashed that since I was gay I should only be attracted to young men.  While my friends were cruising and meeting guys their age I was secretly eyeing the older guys in the bar.  I was embarrassed that my friends would know that I had this so called weird attraction to the OLD GUYS.

Don't tell anyone, I like older men

A year into the gay bar scene I met Bill.  Bill was 35 to my 22 years old.  Perfect.  Was I looking or a Father Figure?  I don't know.  Maybe I was.  

A really good example of my attraction for older men is the actor John Kerr.  I remember the first time I saw him in "South Pacific."  When he appeared on screen, in those tan military khakis, with that smoky voice of his, I had to catch my breath.  
John Kerr - actor - South Pacific
God, I never saw such a handsome man in my life.  Farley Granger?  Forget it, John Kerr soon supplanted Farley in my fantasy.

John Kerr with his co-star Mitzi Gaynor in "South Pacific"

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie "South Pacific" but not for the warbling of Mitzi Gaynor (who I liked) but to just watch that beautiful face of John Kerr.  I fantasized that John Kerr was gay and would rescue me from my mundane existence on Washington Avenue in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

John Kerr and France Nuygen

I cannot exactly pin down my attraction for John Kerr other than he had this sad quality about him that wanted someone to love him.  He wasn't your typical, self-absorbed Hollywood actor.  He was quiet.  He had bags under his eyes, another strange attraction I have in men.  

Mitzi Gaynor and John Kerr - many years after "South Pacific"

After watching "South Pacific" in 1958 I eagerly awaited his next movie.  I missed his movie "The Crowded Sky" in 1960 but did see him in the Vincent Price cheapie Roger Corman thriller movie "The Pit and Pendulum" in 1961.  I had a strange reaction to seeing my fantasy man in "The Pit and Pendulum."  I felt sad that he had "progressed" from a big production like "South Pacific" to a schlock movie like "The Pit and the Pendulum."  I thought he was destined to be a major movie star. However, watching him in "The Pit and the Pendulum" I discovered I actually enjoyed seeing Vincent Price tying him down.  OMG!  So sexy.  Oh I know, I should be ashamed of myself but hey, it is what it is.  I was really turned on now.  Maybe it was because my fantasy man was tied down and couldn't get away.  

Vincent checking the sharpness of the blade 

Well folks, so I had my guilty pleasure in seeing John "secured" and then I didn't see him anymore.  I heard he appeared in some films and some TV show but he eventually left acting and got a law degree.  

Over the years I always wondered what happened to him.  Then one slow night at my hotel front desk job I did an Internet search to find out "Where is he now?" and I found a picture of a very attractive older John Kerr.  OMG!  Wow!  

An older John Kerr

See what I mean folks?  I find the older John Kerr so much more attractive than the young John Kerr, even though I thought he was also very attractive when he was young.  

I am so thankful I'm not like most (I think all) of my gay friends who go for the young stuff.  Oh no, I find an attractive older man much sexier and interesting.  Especially a man who has taken care of himself both physically and mentally.  

Another example of my strange attraction for older men was Guy Madison, "Wild Bill Hickock" of the old television series.  Whenever his show came on I was glued to the set, watching his every move.

Guy Madison had a brief movie career before "Wild Bill".  He was perhaps the handsomest (in my opinion) movie actor ever to grace the silver screen.

However, he may not have been the most talented and soon his career was as a TV cowboy, albeit one sexy and very watchable TV cowboy.  After "Wild Bill" I heard he went overseas to star in cheapie Italian films.  I never saw him again.

Then, one slow night at the hotel I looked him up and here is what I found:

And older and much more interesting "Wild Bill."  
Wow.  And he IS looking right at me.  At least that's what I choose to believe.  I love my fantasies.

Now hey, look at this older gentleman.  I'm even more attracted to him.  

So folks, I'm not making a case for older men just because I are one.  Oh no, I've always been attracted to a good-looking, slim older man.  Lucky me!


  1. Anonymous9:14 PM

    I think we each have our particular likes and dislikes. When I realized Bill was 13 years older than you, it didn't faze me at all. I never judge a person as to their particular tastes, so I hope none will judge me for mine!
    Anyway, cool post!

    Peace <3

  2. I can relate to this. I always had a "thing" for older men. I'm positive I was searching for a father figure. When I was 23, I had an intense affair with a man in his 50's. He owned a well-known shop in Beverly Hills. He wanted me to move in with him but I never did.
    But, on the other hand, I had a relationship for several years with a young guy named Phil. I was in my early 20's. Phil told me he was 18 . He looked 18 but I was shocked to discover that he was MUCH younger. I'd better not go into any details......but he was damn hot......

    I can't believe how John Kerr looks now!! What a radical difference from his youth. Mitzi Gaynor looks surprised from too many face lifts.
    Guy Madison was always a hunk.

    1. Jon,

      I had a couple of relationships with younger guys. Two to be exact. Both were about twenty years younger than me. This happened when I was in my late 30's and early 40's. They were both disastrous relationships. I was used. I meant nothing to them. I was the "older man." The good thing that came out of those relationships is that it cured me forever of the gay myth of going after younger men. I never was all that attracted to someone just because of their youth but both of these men came on to me so I thought they were interested in me as a person, not as a meal ticket. After those experiences I am of the firm belief that the May-December relationships are all like that which is fine if that is the understanding up front. I prefer to be equal. I prefer not to be used to just support someone while they screw around while expecting you to provide them with a roof over their head and money to support them. That's not me, never will be. Besides, I don't have any money so I'm out of that game anyway.
      Yep, Mitzi Gaynor did have a few face lifts. The "surprised" look is almost always the result. Guy Madison, if there is a Heaven, he's waiting for me.


  3. Anonymous1:43 AM

    When I was a youngin' in 1955 or so Roy Rogers did it for me. Living in the NYC suburbs never thought I'd see Roy in person but to my
    surprise my parents took me to Madison Square Garden for a show ( may have been the circus don't remember ) but we had seats right
    along the railing and Roy, Dale, Gabby and of course Trigger came out and rode around but stopped right by us and Roy shook hands
    with several of us at the railing me included. Didn't want to wash that hand for a week!
    A second older heart throb was Lloyd Bridges on Sea Hunt. Lots of bare hairy chest. Many a guest star was stripped down showing their
    bods on that show doing "dives" no pun intended. Just thought of another too, Drake as Perry Mason's private detective.
    In my own life I seemed to be the "older" one those youngers wanted to open up to. Even today when most are in their 30's and 40's they
    still keep in regular touch. Some on a daily or weekly basis. Our sexual attraction went on to a longer, broader relationship. Several had
    abusive fathers and they wanted a kinder father/ big brother figure that understood those strange feelings brewing inside but couldn't discuss
    with immediate friends or family.
    Stuart in FL

    1. Stuart,
      Roy Rogers did it for me too. Lucky you to actually meet him in person. I've never met any of my fantasies in person. Oh there was that one time I encountered Milton Berle exiting an elevator at the Pittsburgh Hilton in 1963 when I worked there as a night auditor. He wasn't one of my Fantasy Men though.
      I remember well Lloyd Bridges and his very hair bod. Perhaps a bit too much hair for my tastes. There were quite a few male television stars of the Fifties that caught my eye and ignited my fantasies but none more so that Wild Bill Hickok (Guy Madison). I had trouble breathing when I watched him cavort around in that fringed buckskin outfit of his. Oh my.

      I had two relationships with younger (20 years) men when I was in my late 30's and early 40's. They both turned out badly. You were lucky. Maybe those May-December relationships aren't all bad but I'll never go there again, especially at my age (72 in a few weeks). Oh no.


  4. John Kerr was certainly a head-turner - but I too only ever saw him in 'South Pacific' and 'P' & P'. His handsome looks and not exaggeratedly-muscled body made me wish it had been me who'd been cradled in those sexy arms while he serenaded ME as being 'Younger than Springtime'. (Hah!) Much later I felt considerably let down in learning that his singing voice had been dubbed by one Bill Leigh (who also did Plummer's in S/M).

    I'm sort of paying the price for my younger attitude of not giving anyone the chance with me if they were even as little as five years older than I was at any particular time. Not that I was interested in much younger guys either. They had to be within about a five-year window either side of my then age. My refusals, sometimes quite rudely, now shame me on retrospect. It must have caused quite a lot of hurt - and now for quite some years I've been reaping the attitudes in others what I sowed myself. It was when I turned about 50 that the light dawned, and now the number of those who'd even give me the time of day to me (now at 67) is depressingly small. I only wish there were more around like you, Ron. But can't turn the clock back. (If only!)

    1. Ray,

      Oh yes, I too imagine myself enveloped in John Kerr's muscular arms while watching him in "South Pacific." Like you, I find not "exaggeratedly-muscled" men much more attractive than the body builders. I am disappointed to learn that he didn't actually sing in "South Pacific." There goes another fantasy bubble.
      I can identify with you with your younger attitude of not giving anyone a chance with you who was older than you. I did that for a very short period of time, probably because that was the attitude all my friends had. But I kept finding myself attracted to older men so I went with my feelings instead of peer pressure. But I still remember the dismissive attitude most of my friends had towards older gay men. "Old queens" and "The Wrinkle Bar." I notice now that young men won't even look at me but that's fine with me because I'm not interested in them. The first thought that always comes into my mind is "What do you talk about after sex?" Of course now it is out of the question with the Russian Roulette chance of STD's. No way, no how. When I was young I feared when I got older I wouldn't find an "old man" sexually attractive but much to my surprise and pleasure, I do! In fact, they turn me on so much more than any young man could. Maybe I've psyched myself out but whatever the cause, I'm glad of it.


  5. You brought back wonderful memories of John. John got his start on the Broadway stage where he caused quite a stir in the role of the sensitive Tom Lee. Of course, the subject matter in that era was so controversial that everyone was talking about it. Later, Hollywood made it into a movie and John and his original co-star, Deborah Kerr were paired together again. Of course, the movie was considerably white washed. I knew the original intent of the playwright and so identified with John. Today, those who remember him know him for "South Pacific". But for me it will always be "Tea And Sympathy". John looks absolutely wonderful in his later years and could have remained a great actor like Christopher P. How sad it is that we lost him this year.

    1. Good to hear from you again Paul (New Zealand?)

      I never say "Tea and Sympathy", the movie or the play. But I was drawn to the gorgeous John Kerr playing the part of a repressed, and self-loathing homosexual ("homosexual" is what gays were called back in the prehistoric - pre Stonewall days of the Fifties.) My fantasy was that John Kerr was actually homosexual and would come galloping on his white horse to my family's humble second floor apartment on Washington Avenue in Downingtown, Pennsylvania and whisk me away to live "happily forever after." Alas, that was not to be but that was my fantasy for several years. Then I saw him in "The Pit and Pendulum and to my surprise I discovered I had latent S & M fantasies too. Who knew? But I was so disappointed that John had sunk to a Roger Corman movie. I always thought John could have had a great career, I don't know why it stalled like it did. I loved his voice.


  6. Ron,

    Can't share your feeling on John Kerr, but I did enjoy watching Mitzi prance down the beach in those tight shorts. I don't have a thing about older women or younger for that matter. Age isn't the thing, but I have an attraction for women and many probably wouldn't find attractive.


    1. Lar,

      I saw Mitzi once in person at the Latin Casino in Cherry HIll, New Jersey in the Sixties. She looked the same as she did in the movies. Of course there was no sexual turn on but she looked great and had a lot of energy. We have something else in common, I find I have an attraction for some men that others would not find attractive at all. I can't explain it, but generally I've never been attracted to the Troy Donahue type. If I had a choice between Troy Donahue and Mitzi Gaynor, I would go with Mitzi.


  7. Ron,

    If I had a choice between Troy and Mitzi, I'd go for Mitzi too. Now if I had a choice between Troy Donahue and Rip Torn...I'd still go for Mitzi. Now if I had a choice between Angelina Jolie and Lizzy Caplan, I'd go for Lizzy. In fact, if I had my choice between Angelina Jolie and Kate Micucci, I go for Kate. For that matter, I find something very appealing about Josephine Tewson. I think it's her eyes and smile.


    1. Lar,

      Who are these other women you're talking about? I have no idea. Lizzy Caplan? Kate Micucci? Josephine Tewson? Do these women know that you admire them from afar?


  8. Ron,

    Lizzy Caplan is a 31 year old film and TV actress. She is currently the co-star of "Masters of Sex" in the role of Virginia Johnson, as in Masters & Johnson. I think she has an interesting face. Kate Micucci is a 32 year old singer-songwriter and half the musical comedy due of "Garfunkel and Oates", an artist, a comedian and an actress. She is very thin and a bit geeky looking, but I find her waif likeness appealing. She's had recurring roles in "Scrubs," "Raising Hope" and "Big Bang Theory". And you certainly know Josephine Tewson. She's the 74 year old British stage & TV actress who has co-stared in "Last of the Summer Wine" and "Keeping Up Appearances", where she plays Elizabeth.


  9. Despite today's 'youth culture" there is no lack of young men (20s-30s) who have the hots for older men (50s plus). Probably the man reasons are 'neurotic' but it's nice to be wanted ! :-)

  10. Ron

    I'm certain it's the older father figure that I am drawn to. And it's the result of not having had a bonding with my dad. It wasn't so much movie stars that seemed to fulfill this need of mine to long for someone. It was mostly people around me - teachers, priests, someone at a grocery store. Of course there were always good looking stars who caught my attention. Like Efrem Zimbalist Jr. of 77 Sunset Strip, Clark Gable, and Montgomery Clift to name a few. I also liked Darren McGavin and Glenn Ford.


  11. I've been having an intimate relationship with a 59 yo man and I'm 24. Older men have always been so sexy, especially when they call you "baby" or "sweetie". I could easily fall in love


Comments are always welcome except from SPAM bloggers. I answer all comments. Have a great day!