Saturday, July 16, 2016

Pet Peeves



One of my favorite bloggers, "Jon" of "Lone Wolf Concerto" posted his "Hate List."  I've been thinking about posting my own hate list (God knows I hate a lot of things) but was hesitant to do so lest my followers would think that I wasn't the nice guy I purport to be on my blog postings.  But you know, I was so encouraged by Jon's post I'm going to go ahead with it anyway.  I'll start with posting Jon's list and add my own comments.

Here's Jon's list. His dislike is in red and his answer is in green.  My comment is in blue.


  • 1. Incessantly barking dogs.
  • I have a gun and know how to use it.
  • At our home in center city Philadelphia we were plagued with a neighbor's barking dog.  A red Irish Setter.  I hate red Irish Setters to this day.  We're lucky in the neighborhood where we live now, no barking dogs except the two Kuvasz who bark at my as I pass their backyard during my morning walk. 

  • 2. Children.
  • Yea, I know your kids and grandkids are adorable. Just keep them the hell away from my property.
  • Oh I know your kids (and grandkids) are just the perfect, exceptional, smart as a whip, little miracles born with ten fingers and ten toes.  But please keep them in your backyard.  I don't care to hear their ear piercing screams. Little girls are the worst with the screams.  The little boys don't scream.  I don't even know how to scream. 

  • 3. Tailgaters.
  • Follow too closely and I'll break quickly.
  • I've always wondered "What's the hurry?" with these folks.  I automatically slow down at least five miles when I'm being tailgated.

  • 4. Screaming babies.
  • Makes me think abortionists have the right idea.
  • Oh God, why on this earth do people take their babies to restaurants, in a baby basket yet?  Can't they afford a babysitter or do they just want to share their "little miracle" with the rest of us who would like to enjoy a quiet evening out having a meal without smelling baby poop during our meal.

  • 5. Marriage.
  • Straight, gay, whatever. I've always been adamantly opposed.
  • Disagree! Without marriage, if I died Bill would have to sell the house to pay the taxes and he would be destitute.  Marriage affords protection (we pay less taxes now that we file a joint return) that we haven't had most of our lives even though we were paying a higher tax rate than straight couples.  Oh no, now we don't have to jump through hoops and explain who we are when one tries to visit the other in the hospital (which we have had to do numerous times in our past).  Oh no, it's not easy not being married in our society.  We need the protection.

  • 6. Cell phones.
  • Who the hell are these obnoxious people constantly talking to?
  • GUILTY! I'm one of those obnoxious people who is always talking on the cell home.  Like this morning during my morning walk I talk to my Canadian buddy Pat on FaceTime while I walk.  Oh yes, I AM one of THOSE annoying people on their cell phone.  Look the other way.

  • 7. Sugar-Free
  • If it doesn't decay your teeth and make you fat, I don't want it.
  • Artificial crap which will kill you. Go natural like Stevia or agave.  

  • 8. Taxes
  • Enough said.
  • Leona Hemsley had it right when she said "Only the little people pay taxes."  She was jailed for telling the truth but nothing has changed.  It's still the little people who pay the taxes whether it be income tax of the heavy taxes on gas, soda and cigarettes. 

  • 9. "Awesome!"
  • The most annoyingly over-used word in the English language.
  • So many annoying over-used words in our society today like "at the end of the day."  WTF does that mean anyway?

  • 10. Weddings.
  • A complete waste of time and money. They'll be divorced in three years.
  • Tru dat! I remember I videotaped a friends wedding on the beach several years ago.  Lot of trouble and made copies on a flash drive for them.  Yep, they were divorced three years later. So much for BIG weddings. 

  • 11. Couples who proudly announce "We are pregnant."
  • You're not pregnant, you emasculated wimp. The cow is pregnant.
  • Another "tru dat!"

  • 12. Women who proudly proclaim "I'm a single mother."
  • What happened to the man, babe? Suicide? Or did you drive him away? Was it immaculate conception? I think there were a couple shots of sperm somewhere along the way.
  • The single moms get state aid this way.  Believe me, the dad is still around, screwing her making another baby that the state can pay for.

  • 13. Stay-at-home dad.
  • It sounds far too sissy.
  • It is sissy. No two ways about it. 

  • 14. Birthdays.
  • Save your damn cake and candles. I want to age  discreetly.
  • I don't mind birthdays, it the celebrations I can do without.  Who needs it?  I don't

  • 15. Algebra.
  • I still have horror flashbacks from the 11th grade.
  • I never "got it."  Never understood it or WHY we had to know it.  How many times would I have to figure out the square footage of a room in my lifetime?

  • 16. Rap music.
  • Take it back to Uganda where it belongs.
  • One of the biggest cons going. Never "got it" and never will.  I like "the beat" but not the lyrics.  There are lyrics?

  • 17. Shaving.
  • Continuous facial nicks and razor burn since I was seventeen. 
  • Grow a beard, that's what I did. 

  • 18. Getting up early.
  • If God wanted me to rise at dawn I'd be a rooster.
  • No matter how late I go to bed the latest I get up in the morning is 7 am.  This morning it was 5 am.  However, I do take a major nap in the afternoon.  DO NOT disturb me between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.

  • 19. Contests.
  • Rigged. Phony. Look at me! I'm the best!
  • Absolutely!  They're all rigged.  ALL OF THEM!

  • 20. Surveys.
  • You don't really want my opinion....
  • I complete waste of MY time.  Especially the ones at the end of your supermarket checkout receipt that wants you to on on the Internet to tell them about "your experience" shopping there and maybe you'll "win a prize".  NO ONE EVER WINS and you just contributed to their marketing survey for free. 

  • 21. Audio Books and eBooks.
  • If it's not made of paper and I can't turn the pages, I don't want it.
  • Not for me.  I want a real book that I can hold in my hands.  Besides, this is one of the biggest ripoffs going now because they charge just as much for audio and e-books as they did for printed books.  Big profit margin because they don't have to print the books or distribute them.  Whose making millions off of this?

  • 22. Passwords.
  • Holy shit, I have at least fifty of them.
  • One of the banes of my existence.  Pretty soon I'll have to have a password to take a dump.

  • 23. Instant Messaging.
  • I rank that with instant coffee. The only instant thing I want is sex.
  • Instant messaging, no.  Text messaging, yes.

  • 24. Windows Updates.
  • Why do they have twenty updates a week?
  • I dumped Windows years ago and it was still too late.  Should have done it years ago.  Another massive fraud, Windows based computers.

  • 25. Facebook. 
  • A Communist organization.
  • More millions for goofy Mark Zuckerberg. But I do like sharing family photos even though most of my family doesn't appreciate it.  Maybe someone down the line will after I'm long gone.

  • 26. Stravinsky.
  • Ear torture.
  • Like rap music, WTF?  What am I missing here?

  • 27. NASA
  • Biggest waste of money in the history of the United States.
  • Tru dat! Tru dat!  All those billions dollars spent just so Houston can transmit images of the  astronauts in the orbiting space ship floating around in zero gravity. Send them to Disneyland, it's a lot cheaper.

  • 28. Greenpeace and PETA.
  • I chop down trees, barbecue beef, and wear real fur.
  • Wanna rumble??
  • Oh no, BIG disagree.  Oh sure, Greenpeace and PETA are perhaps a little too self righteous but some balance has to take place. Thank goodness we're past the day when beating to death a tired old horse passed as entertainment in our culture when dray horses were disposed of this way in 19th century New York City. . That "fun thing" was what started the ASPCA.

  • 29. Political Correctness.
  • Trotskyism at its worst.
  • True, true but also add hypocrisy. The Republicans are all against political correctness until it comes to their stances. Then it's "They're taking Christ out of Christmas!"  No they're not. I can say "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" and I don't need some narrow minded right winger telling me to wish "Merry Christmas" to everyone on my list.

  • 30. Affirmative Action. 
  • I just scrapped my opinion on this. I didn't want to scare you.
  • Agreed! Putting someone at the head of the line just because they're of a certain skin color is WRONG.  I grew up poor and white and was always at the back of the line.  Why should someone go ahead of the line just because they have the favored skin color of the day?

  • 32. Doctors and Scientists.
  • I detest anyone who likes to play God.
  • They're people just like you and I. No better, no worse. Just a different skill set.

  • 33. NY Times Bestseller List.
  • Consistently some of the most incredibly bad books I've ever read.
  • Oh so true!  I never found a book I liked on the NYT Bestseller List.  Another fraud.

  • 34. Football.
  • America's biggest waste of time.
  • Just an excuse to run multiple commercials on TV. Too many time outs. You can only see so many tight butts.  After awhile the fun wears off. Football games on TV is just one commercial running into another interrupted briefly by some football. Doesn't anyone get this yet?

  • 35. Spam.
  • I'm talking computer spam. Not canned Spam.
  • Like shit, it will always be with us.

  • 36. Fine Cuisine.
  • I don't want bean sprouts and quail beaks. I want a side of beef and 5 lbs. of potatoes. With gravy.
  • I don't need a "presentation" on my plate. I'm not asking much.  Only food that taste good at a price that doesn't require me to take out a line of credit to pay for it.

  • 37. Lima Beans.
  • Dry, repulsive, tasteless.
  • Nope! I like lima beans.  Especially lima bean soup. Can't get enough.  And succotash.  Lima beans with corn.  Yum!

  • 38. Okra
  • Slimy. Thoroughly disgusting.
  • Only in Campbell's Chicken Gumbo soup. Otherwise, a slimy mess.

  • 39. Spiders, scorpions, ticks.
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
  • Never met a scorpion. Spiders, I give a wide berth.  Ticks I kill.

  • 40. Washing Dishes.
  • Don't tell me to get a dishwasher. I hate them. Washing dishes by hand is a piss, but at least it keeps my fingernails clean.
  • I actually like washing dishes.  Our first two houses I had the automatic dishwasher taken out.  Our last house we had to put one in (we never used it) in order to sell the frigging house after hearing too often "Where's the dishwasher?"  Here we have one, haven't used it in a couple years, not since our last dinner guest when we messed up a lot of dishes.

  • 41. Caustic criticism.
  • There's no such thing as innocuous criticism. It's always intended to hurt. And it's often inspired by jealousy. 
  • Right on the mark! And you're right, often inspired by jealously.  

  • 42. Cleaning the cat's litter box.
  • I have three cats and they shit more than an elephant herd.
  • Not a favorite activity of mine but since I don't have cats, doesn't apply.
Now here are some things I dislike with a great intensity:

  • Seafood. I hate any kind of seafood. It's the fishy smell.  That smell gags me for obvious reasons (figure it out, I'm a gay guy)

  • Looks like what the tide left on the beach

  • Macaroni and cheese - another "gagger" - I would literally through up if I had to eat mac and cheese.  Funny thing though, I like other pasta
  • Rhubarb. I almost died one eating rhubarb pie.  I was literally on the ground rolling over in pain.  
  • Food with artificial ingredients.  Again, my stomach rebels.  
  • Gay guys who act and talk like women.  Hey, I'm gay which means my sexual preference is men.  If I was sexually attracted to a woman I would go after the real thing.  Why in the world would I be comfortable with a gay man acting like a woman?

  • Oh yeah, this is what I LIKE (NOT)
  • Telemarketers.  I solved this problem by removing my land line.  The people who set up telemarketing companies deserve a special place in hell.
  • Computer viruses - those bastards who develop the viruses that plague Windows based computers also deserve their own special place in hell.
  • Bill Gates - self evident. A totally repellent human being. 
  • Mark Zuckerberg.  Okay, okay. We know you're a genius so get your goofy face out of mine.
  • Internet Billionaires. Okay, I admit it, I'm jealous. Why them and not me?
  • Comcast. A company which has rightly earned the reputation as the Worst Service Company In The World.
  • Charities.  Most are only devices for those running the charities to become fifty rich.  
  • 10K Run or any kind of runs.  Hey, you get that many people together, get them to pick up the roadside trash.

  • Talking heads on TV who can't talk.  One would think someone one TV would know how to talk without all the "Ummms" "Ahhs" and "You knows."
  • Law enforcement officers who hold a "news conference". After the latest tragedy they act like they won the Academy Award by thanking everyone and telling us all how great they are and how much they are "cooperating" (if they have to say it, they're not "cooperating) with the FBI.  Then when they're asked about the tragedy, they give no information.  It's all a big frigging secret.  They're just there to hold the  "news briefing" to pat themselves on the back.  And the TV covers it, always! Those "news conferences" aren't news, they're just self congratulatory orgies. We got it, you're all heroes. Here's a bulletin:  it' you job.
  • Gun nuts who believe in "Open Carry". Oh yeah, walking around with an AR15 on your should make you a BIG MAN. Probably more like you have a penis size issue.
  • Man with small penis exercising his Second Amendment rights at the local fast food store.  Oh yeah, this make some feel so much safer.

  • Pickup truck with big wheels. Same situation as above, the size of the truck and wheels is usually directly proportional the penis size of the driver (compensation) 

  • Celebrities who give interviews and say nothing.  Okay, okay we now you're more popular that God but get over yourself.
  • Celebrities who name their kids weird names like (all true by the way) "North West", "Ode Mountain", "Jagger Snow", "Rocket Zot", and "Rainbow Aurora".  Hey celebs.  We know  your shit doesn't stink and you're SOOOO special but once you get your head out of your ass have you ever considered that perhaps, just perhaps that darling miracle that you produced is going to be stuck with that name the rest of their lives even unto the time they're 85 years old and in a rocking chair at the Old Folks Home.  I can see it now, the great grandkids visiting grandma "Jagger Snow."  Give me a break!
  • Taking your shoes off at the airport.  Now seriously folks, how many potential shoe bombers have we caught since we instituted this asinine procedure? ZERO.

Another potential Shoe Bomber thwarted 
  • Airport security. A misnomer if there ever was one.  Nothing like getting "patted down" at the airport before I get on the plan, half aroused.  Hey airport security, why are you patting down this old man?  Do I really look THAT dangerous? You flatter me.
So there you go folks, me indulging myself.  Exorcising the demons that lay just below the surface of my sunny personality.  

Ah, that felt good.





6 comments:

  1. Wow, Ron - you've put a helluva lot of effort into this post and I don't know where to begin. First of all, thanks for posting my entire "hate" list and responding to it. I always seem to be walking on proverbial eggshells in order not to "offend" my sensitive blog readers - but this time I didn't really give a crap.

    Ironically, you and I seem to inevitably attract readers who dislike our blogs - - but, they constantly hang around and return for more. We must be doing something right (it's because we're honest and interesting). I'm not an inherently vindictive person, but I very often enjoy irking my critics.

    I can certainly understand the legal benefits of marriage - as you indicated. I just detest the thought of two people clinging to life eternally together - pretending that they are happy. I'm a loner and thoroughly enjoy my freedom.

    We are certainly in agreement about children - and especially screaming kids. I never particularly liked children. Even when I was a child I disliked kids (!).

    As for doctors (and scientists) - sure, they do a lot of "good" - but I've encountered MANY who have a very superior god-like condescending attitude.

    I'm against gun control - but it's very unnerving to see "regular" citizens toting firearms (I saw this quite often when I lived in West Texas). In essence, ANY bastard can shoot you for any reason....and that's scary.

    I heartily agree with everything on your pet peeve list - - except for the fact that I LOVE seafood. And I love mac and cheese - if the cheese is real, not artificial.

    Great post, Ron - and I'm sure that some of the lurkers will hate it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll limit my comment to one peeve, #3's good. When I get tailgated I generally at least double the distance between my car and the one ahead of me. That way, if they make an emergency stop, I can brake more slowly and not get rear-ended by the tailgater behind me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I never read Jon's original post because, simply, I didn't dare! Now I've caught up with it through you here, and then perused your own list. All I want now after all that negativity is a cleansing shower of long duration, to take some aspirin and to lie down in a darkened room. Let us know when it's safe to emerge!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Jon. I should have asked your permission before I posted your whole posting. And I see where I forgot to put a link to your blog which I will do this morning. My views are similar to yours on marriage, I just got married for the legal protection and equal treatment for taxes. I too am a loner by nature, which I explained to Billl when he first urged me to move in with him fift-two years ago. That was our deal the Nd now. In fact, the main friction we have in our relationship is that I "don't spend enough time with him". However, I've always had my freedom even to this day witness my relationship with Pat. No doubt about it but Bill and I have an unconventional relationship but it works for us ( most of the time) and I'm glad we're still together. As to fish and seafood, Bill loves it but I won't permit that fishy smell in the house. Coincidentally both Larry and Pat hate seafood too, they are the only two people I know personally who feel as I do about what the tide left on the beach (ugh!)
    Jon, we both attract readers who dislike our blog and us. That used to puzzle me but I've figured it out, they're jealous. As Chevy Chase used to say "I'm Chevy Chase and you're not." HA!
    Ron

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love your blog and am not jealous at all! What I like best are the old photos you took last century.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow Ron - that was a lot of reading. I must admit the two main peeves of mine relate to noisy inconsiderate neighbours and weird drivers.

    Pat

    ReplyDelete