My brothers and I were very fortunate in that our Mom was totally devoted to all three of her sons and her husband. She lived for us. I know it is a cliché but my Mom was really one of those saintly Moms. Even as recently as the beginning of this year she was still providing for us by helping us out monetarily with our various needs. That’s just the way she is and always has been. She has never spent money on herself or been concerned with “things.” Her family has always been her first priority. Mom set the standard for us, her three devoted sons.
Now in her 85th year she is failing both physically and mentally. We always knew this could happen but that we see the reality of her condition, it doesn’t seem real. To see this strong woman who we have relied on all these years change into someone else we don’t know doesn’t seem real. This can’t be our Mom. She’s going to snap out of it anytime soon and I can talk to her like I have for years. We could exchange family gossip, I could listen to her stories of working in the layer cake division of Pepperridge Farms, and we could relieve memories of Pop. We can no longer have those conversations.
The last time I talked to her on the phone about a week ago I didn’t get much of a response from her. The conversation was eerily reminiscent of my conversations with my friend down here who is suffering dementia. He’s not “there” nor is she “there.” It’s one thing to lose a loved one to death but quite another to have them still here but not “there.”
I don't like to keep writing depressing blogs but this is my life now. There are a couple of positive developments in my life today, this Friday May 8th, 2009. The sun is finally out after about 10 days of rain and dreary weather. The sun always brightens my spirits. I hope Mom can get out today and enjoy some of this sun. She always loved a beautiful spring day.