Before Bill

Jim cooking Swiss Steak in my Coatesville, PA apartment - 1963

"Before Bill", what does that mean you ask.  Well, as regular followers of my blog know "My Bill" is my life partner, spouse, husband, or whatever the current term is for a long term same sex couple.  Back when we first set up house together we were known as "lovers."  Remember that pre-Stonewall term for same sex partners?  Quaint isn't it?  Sort of paints a picture of two hotties swinging from the chandeliers nude doesn't it?  Well, not quite.  At least after the first wave of lust wore off (if you know what I mean).  

"Before Bill", I had a lover.  His name was Jim Groh.  Oh yes, I was "married" before.  Even though Bill and I have been together 48 years now, I was briefly "married" to another man.  That's Jim in the photo at the top of this page.

I met Jim at a gay bar in Philadelphia (same place I met Bill about a year later).  The year was 1963 and I was 21 years old to Jim's 24 years old.  Bill was 35 years old to my 22 years, an "older man".  Jim and I were about the same age.

Of course I liked Jim (what's not to like? He's a hottie, check the pic).  And Jim liked me.  At the time I met him neither one of us had a car.  

My Coatesville apartment rear (tan) wall - 2005

I lived in a small, furnished efficiency apartment ($65 a month) in Coatesville, Pennsylvania, 42 miles west of Philadelphia.  Jim lived with his parents in Philadelphia. 

The front entrance (tan wall - ground level) to my Coatesville apartment - 2005 - not quite "The Ritz"

Jim worked as a manager at Sears Roebuck. I worked as an accounts payable clerk at Lipsett Steel Products, Inc. in Coatesville.

Jim took the SEPTA bus to work.  I walked the two miles to where I worked.

After Jim and I met and hit it off, he would take a train from Philadelphia to Coatesville, to spend most weekends with me.  

We would cook for each other. Both of us like to cook.  Swiss steak was our favorite dish.  The picture above is of Jim at the stove in my apartment cooking up a batch of Swiss Steak.

Jim usually came out Saturday morning and left Sunday afternoon.  We would stay in the apartment all weekend; either cooking or playing board games.  Of course we engaged in "other activities" but not ALL THE TIME.  As I said, I'm not a swinging from the chandeliers kind of guy.  

One habit we got into was buying a pie from the neighborhood bakery and devouring that whole pie while we played board games.  As you can see from the picture below where we were horse playing (I am a "horse playing" kind of guy, Bill and I still do it now even though we're Old Men, some things never change).  I think I weighed about 175 in that picture.  My ideal weight is 160 (which is about what I weigh now and have since I graduated from high school).  

Jim and me horsing around - 1963

Jim and I kept this routine up for about three months until Ron Got Restless.  I wanted to go OUT.  Yes, I wanted to go to the bars.  Jim didn't.  He was quite happy to keep me at home.  

Well, finally one weekend I talked him into going to the bar where we met.  That turned out to be a disaster.  I discovered that Jim was very jealous.  And I mean JEALOUS.  He had me boxed in a corner of the bar and wouldn't let me out.  Of course the Tipton Temper flared and we had a big fight.  That was the beginning of the end folks.  I could never have a serious relationship with anyone that possessive and jealous.  It would be like smothering me.  That kind of attitude just doesn't work with me.

I sent Jim a "Dear Jim" letter.  I never saw him again until about a year later.  By that time I had met Bill and moved in with him and was working at Girard Bank in Philadelphia.  

Jim sent me a letter to my old address that was forwarded to me.  He asked if I could return two water color pictures that he had left on the walls of my bedroom at my Coatesville apartment.  Of course I agreed. There were his pictures and he should have them back.

Over my left shoulder one of Jim's two water color pictures that I eventually returned to him - 1963

We made arrangements to meet at lunch time on Chestnut Street in Philadelphia, right outside the bank building where I worked.  

At the appointed hour I saw Jim walking down the street towards me.  He had a sad look on his face.  I felt bad.  

He approached me and said "How are you?" I said "I'm fine, how are you?"  I had his two framed paintings in a shopping bag and handed them to him.  He asked me "Where are you living now?"  I told him "Pennsauken, New Jersey.  I met a man named Bill Kelly. We're lovers and we live together now."  I think I saw the sadness in his eyes deepen.  Maybe he was hoping for a reconciliation.  I felt bad.  He took hold of the shopping bag handle and with a resigned smile said "I hope you're very happy."  I said to him  "Are you living with anybody?"  He said "No, I'm still living at home but I'm doing fine."  There was an awkward pause for what seemed like a long time as he slowly looked down at the bag I had handed to him, but was probably only ten seconds and then he said "Well, I have to catch a bus and get back to work."  I said "You take it easy Jim." I watched him turn around and walk through the lunchtime crowd of people on Chestnut Street towards Broad Street to catch the SEPTA bus to take him back to where he worked in Northeast Philadelphia at Sears.  Sadly I watched until the crowd swallowed him, wondering how much different our life would have been if I hadn't broken off the relationship.

That sunny April day in 1965 on a crowded center city Philadelphia street was the last time I saw Jim. In the years since then (1965), I had been to the bars many times but never once saw Jim.  Not once.  I never heard anything about him either.  A few years ago I tried to look him up on the Social Security Death Index to see if he died.  I only found one "James Groh" but he was born in 1904, a different Jim Groh. Jim had disappeared as if he never existed.

A few weeks ago I was going through some old black and white negatives and found these two pictures that I had of Jim.  They are the only two I have of him. I took them to Walmart and had prints made.  Looking at them now brings warm memories of that time long in the past when we were both innocent, naive and happy in our new found love.  

I've often wondered what happened to Jim.  I hope he had a happy life.  He was a good man.

U. S. Supreme Court To Hear Proposition 8!

Finally!  The Supreme Court is taking the first step to granting same sex couples the same rights that heterosexual couples have had since the founding of this country.  

First same sex couple to receive marriage license in Washington State

The DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) is fundamentally an unconstitutional law and everyone knows it.

Junia and Patty get married in Washington State

Equal protection under the law is a fundamental right.

Dan Savage and his husband get married in Washington 

Marriage is not about constant sex but a loving and committed relationship.

One of hundreds of couples getting married in Washington State

Everyone has a fundamental right to pursue happiness which is guaranteed in our constitution.

Together 40 years

In this country we deny a portion of our population this fundamental right of the way they happen to be born.  

Guess who? Together 48 years!

This is the beginning the end of the discrimination of same sex marriages in this country folks.  

Lee Welcomes Home Navy Boyfriend Trent

After my God Awful posting of this morning of Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg, I had to find something inspiring to post to my blog.  I found it. 

I never thought I would live to see this but we are evolving as a society aren't we?  This simple welcome home of a young man and his Navy boyfriend brought tears to my old eyes.  Who knows, maybe in my lifetime gays and lesbians will no longer be second class citizens and can express their love as openly as anyone else in our society.  Just maybe.

My Bill

The Happy Couple

Reviewing my backlog of e-mails this morning I came across this photo that my friend Mark H. took of me and Bill this past summer.  Bill's got his eye's closed but it's still a great picture.  Thanks Mark!

Bill and I haven't made our relationship official yet.  We have to make a trip to Georgetown and find out exactly what is involved in completing our civil union.  I don't know if rings are involved and how should we dress.  We aren't having a BIG WEDDING.  The owner of a local popular restaurant and his partner had a BIG WEDDING last weekend in Lewes.  That's not for us.  We just need some legal protection.  We don't even have to call it a "marriage" but we would like the same protection that straight couples have.

Who knows?  Maybe that will actually happen in our lifetime.  Both of us are surprised of all the progress that has been made so far for same sex couples.

We live in a great neighborhood.  He have wonderful neighbors.  We're in good health (for a couple of Old Dudes) and we're happy (most of the time).  Life is good.

Rare Photo!

Bill and Ron with Heidie at neighbors' house a few minutes ago

Hey folks!  A rare photo was just taken a few minutes ago.  Our neighbors called and asked Bill if he could help them move their couch.  I wasn't ask but I went over anyway.  I'm nosy.  I wanted to see my neighbor's new couch.

After Bill was done helping the husband move the couch (I of course was keeping the Misses entertained), Bill joined us in her living room.  Her little Yorkie was yapping, wanting to be picked up.  I picked her up and placed her in Bill's reluctant arms (which doesn't matter to Heidi the Yorkie, she LOVES Bill).  Now that I had Bill immobilized I asked Barbara (our neighbor) to snap a picture of us with her Android phone.  Here it is!

Bill doesn't like to have his picture taken.  We have very few pictures of us together.  I think the last ones were the photos my blogger friend Mark H. took this past summer when he and his spouse (Fred) visited us.  I warned Bill that we are going to have our picture taken together when we get do our Civil Union Thing (Delaware still isn't at the "married" stage yet for same sex couples, we take what we can get to protect our legal rights at least here in the state where we live).

I told Bill that I'm going to give him a Big Wet One when the ceremony is over and I'll try and get that picture published in the local paper.  He can't sleep at night now even considering the possibility that he's finally going to be outed BIGTIME!

Get ready Bill, this is just a preview.

Yes, I noticed that the picture is blurred.  Actually, that's not a bad thing at our age.  We're sort of like the old movie stars who soap up the camera lens to blur out their winkles.

Ron and Bill - Forty Seven Years

Bill and Ron July 3, 2011

Most people who know us, know that Bill doesn't like to have his picture taken.  Unlike me who LOVES to have his picture taken.  This past Sunday, a blogger friend stopped by for a visit.  He took several pictures of me and Bill which are quite good.  Sunday also happened to the 47th anniversary of the day Bill and I met at a Philadelphia gay bar.  I was hoping to get a nice anniversary picture of me and Bill.  Mark, my blogger friend sent me the pictures he took last Sunday.  They are all wonderful.

Thus, here are all the pictures that I have of me and Bill together.  There are not many pictures, I wish I had more taken over the year but you know how it is when someone doesn't cooperate.  Also, at the end I have a picture of Bill that I only recently received from his grandnephew after he read my blog.  It is the only picture of him as a young boy.  I am very appreciative of his kindness in sending me this picture.  

Here is the Gallery of Bill:

1964

1974

1978

July 2010

Bill and Ron July 2011

Bill (little boy sitting on right squinting eyes) 1933

Couples

Wei and Mike at Poodle Beach, Rehoboth

Today was a mightily busy day.  This morning a friend who I met through Grindr last winter called to say he was arriving in town with his boyfriend for a visit and would like to visit with me.  I braved the heavy traffic into Rehoboth and we finally met after months of texting.  He is from mainline China and presently works in Washington, D.C.  With my ever ready iPhone I took this picture of Wei and Mike at Poodle Beach in Rehoboth.

Fred and Mark in my backyard near our new flower island (just completed today by Bill)

This afternoon I had plans to meet with a fellow blogger and his partner of twenty-years.  I had met him before but never met his partner.  Today we fixed that, he brought his partner along to meet my spouse Bill.   Again, two very pleasant and nice guys.  Again, with my ever ready iPhone I took this picture in our backyard of Mark and Fred.

Bill and me - 47 years today! (Bill has his eyes closed thinking "What did I do?")

Last but not least was the couple who is celebrating their 47th anniversary today, me and Bill.  This is one anniversary date that we could never forget, being one day before the Fourth of July.  My friend Mark (or maybe Fred, I forget which) took this picture of me and Bill.  Of course Bill has his eyes closed but I'm not hunched over like I usually am so I'm using this picture as our Official Anniversary picture.

Don's shrine to Tom Cruise in "Risky Business"

After a short visit with the four of us, we were off to Milton to visit our friend (and fellow blogger) Don V. Don showed my friends his Tom Cruise showcase.  Don has the original shirt and jockey shorts that Tom Cruise wore in "Risky Business."  He bought it on eBay and has it set up behind a display case in his dining room.  Then we were off to the Broadkill Boathouse for a relaxing Sunday evening repast.

All in all it was a very good day because I was also able to visit my friend "The Cajun" who is one of the hosts at Dos Locos in Rehoboth.

A day with friends whether they be old, recent or new.  This is what life is all about.  It just doesn't get much better than this.

Saturday Night and Everything is Alright

Tulips in front of my house yesterday (when we had sun)

Just a quiet Saturday night here folks.  Nothing earth shattering happing in my world, at least not right at this moment.  


I'm going to have a nice dinner BY MY SELF and then take in a Netflix movie  BY MYSELF.  Sometimes I just like to spend sometime by myself in my very comfortable bedroom with my big screen TV.  The wind and rain are howling outside so this is a perfect time for some "Ron Time."  


I did some tweaking on my blog (always tweaking don't you know).


 I checked into my Ancestry.com account and responded to some inquiries.  Every time I check my family tree I think of my ancestors who lived in those western North Carolina hills (yes, they were hillbillies and I'm 'half a hillbilly') on cold and windy Saturday nights like this.  What did they do?  No TV, no Internet.  Oh, maybe that's why they had so many kids.  


My dad had eleven brothers (no sisters). I have no children.  But I do have my big screen TV and Internet (and iPhone, iMac and iPad.)  Life is good. 


 At least it is now until the Republicans get control of the White House and eliminate my Social Security and Medicare, which they will, don't believe them when they say their budget proposals won't affect anyone over 55 because they LIE, at which case life won't be so good.  I hope I die before that happens.  In the meantime, I will try to grab a little bit of quality of life tonight before I check out then the bastards can do whatever they are hellbent on doing to destroy this country.


I try to keep politics out of my blog but I just couldn't help myself today after seeing all that is on the news.  Hey folks, I'm just trying to survive.  Trying to collect some of that money that I paid into for the past fifty some years of my life.  Well, at least I got a pretty picture at the top of this blog and I'm going to put another pretty picture at the bottom of this posting.  This is my home for which Bill and I have worked for all our lives. We're here now, trying to stay out of the way of everyone and everything.  We just want to be left alone.  

Home Sweet Home - Delaware of two old gay men who have been living in sin for 46 years

Happy Anniversary

Ron and Bill 1965 - Pennsauken, New Jersey (after I moved into Bill's apartment)

On this summer day in 1964, at a gay bar on the corner of 15th and Spruce Streets in Philadelphia, PA I met Bill, my life partner.

Today we celebrate our 46th anniversary.  Since same sex couple are not allowed to marry in this country, most of us count as our anniversary the day we met.  Thus, July 3, 1964 is the date of our anniversary.

Bill and Ron July 2010 Milton, DE (our friend Bob C.'s backyard)

Perhaps someday in our lifetime we can officially get married.   Perhaps.  But for now I rejoice in the fact that I have been able to live the past forty six years of my life with this wonderful man who has always treated me like a prince.

Happy anniversary Bill.  I love you!

Bill and Ron 1964 Pennsauken, New Jersey (Bill's apartment)

Ron and Bill 1974 at our home on Naudain Street in Philadelphia, PA

Ron and Bill 1978 Downingtown, PA (at my parent's house)

Bill in Provincetown, Mass.. 1979 (he didn't want to be there)

Bill and Hamburger and Sparky in backyard of Naudain Street home 1976

Barbara and Bill 2009 at Covington Chase, DE

Jane, Bill and Barbara Covington Chase, DE 2009

The two old men - Bill and me at Home Depot - our second home 2010 - Domestic Bliss

U. S. Census 2010

This morning I mailed my completed 2010 Census form. I received the form yesterday on April 1st as promised by the Census Bureau.




The form was very easy to complete. It took me less than five minutes to complete it.

The only information I had to record was my name, address, home ownership, sex, date of birth and race. I also record the same information for the other person living in my house.



I was very pleased to discover there was a box entitled “Unmarried partner” indicating the relationship between me and the other person living in my house. That “other person” is my partner of 46 years.

Marriage between same sex partners may not be in place but at least the government is now recognizing the reality of all the living arrangements of the people of this country. No longer will do I have to indicate I am “Single” when filling out such a form when in fact I have been happily “married” for the past forty six years! To be honest, I never thought I would live to see this day when Bill and I would be recognized as two legitimate people living in the same household. It is a wonderful feeling not to be discounted as a human being and an American citizen.



Bill and I are both veterans (me the Army and Bill the Army and Air Force.) Both of us have been productive members of the American society earning a living and contribution to the great American economy for lo these many years. During those years we have paid our full share of the many taxes of this land. Even though for most of those years we were discounted as American citizens and did not have the full rights most other Americans take for granted, we paid our full share of taxes. Someday I’ll add up the thousands of dollars we spent on school taxes even though we had no children in school. I don’t regret paying those taxes because well educated children benefit all of us in the country, gay and straight. However, I do remember the times when our straight neighbors in Pennsylvania used to harass us for even daring to live next to them because we were gay. But that’s a story for another day. Today is too nice of a day to go down that negative lane. The sun is out, the temperature is forecast for the low 70’s, and today is the 42nd Annual Kite Festival at the Cape Henlopen State Park. That’s where I’m going today, not back to the Bad Old Days when we lived in Pennsylvania with our homophobic neighbors.

This time last year I trained to be a Census worker. Let me tell you, this is a tough and thankless job. I don’t care how much they’re paying, it is a hard job. After a week of training I quit. Even after I quit I received a call from the Census Bureau asking me if I wanted to work this year. That call surprised me. Either I really did super on my test and training (which I did by the way) or else they were hard up for workers (which they are by the way.) I turned them down. I’m not one for going into strange neighborhoods and knocking on stranger’s doors inquiring as to why they haven’t sent back their census form. I have all the respect in the world for those Census Bureau workers who do that tough job. It is a job that needs to be done.

So folks, mail in your Census form today or as soon as you can. If you don’t send in your completed form you will receive a visit from a Census Bureau worker inquiring about the census form they haven't received. One thing is for sure though, that worker won’t be me.  But please make their job a little easier for those Census workers who decided to stick it out.  It's a tough job.

Reality Check

Bill and I have been treating ourselves the last week or so by frequenting a local dairy farm that offers fresh ice cream. The farm isn't located to far from where we live. The good part about it is that we don't have to travel down the traffic congested Route 1 into Lewes or Rehoboth to avail ourselves of this treat. Another positive thing is the ice cream is totally natural and thus tastes good and I don't have digestion problems as I so often do when I eat the usual artificially flavored,fructose sweetened and chemically laden overprice concoctions that pass for ice cream at the tourist traps in Lewes and Rehoboth Beach. Perhaps the only downside is if the wind is blowing in the wrong direction, we get a healthy whiff of cow poop while we're devouring our ice cream cones.

This evening we found another downside to patronizing an eatery off of the beaten summer tourist track. Good old homophobia. This was the first Saturday evening we went to the dairy farm ice cream stand. It was crowded with straight folk or at least what seemed like straight folk. Nary a same sex couple was to be seen. That wasn't a problem for me or Bill. In fact I didn't think too much of it until I was standing in line and saw that my line was being held up by a couple who were sampling ice cream flavors. First the girl would ask for a sample of one flavor while her boyfriend got a teaspoon of another flavor. Then they traded teaspoons. How cute. All this cutsie poo activity was going on while we were all waiting patiently in line. I could just imagine the reaction if Bill and I did that, especially her putting her spoon in his mouth and him putting his spoon in her mouth. For a couple of seconds I thought they were filming a commercial.

I got in another line before I went into saccharine overload. I didn't know how long the taste testing by the Cute Couple was going to take. I order our ice cream; a double banana ice cream for Bill and a double vanilla for me. I get the ice cream cones (no taste test necessary) and return to our car. Since there were so many cars at the ice cream stand I asked Bill to hold my cone and I moved my car around the barn out of the way and parked it facing a pasture with picnic tables. Several families were seated at those tables with children playing on the ground. It was like a Norman Rockwell painting.

A few minutes later a SUV pulls up close to us. Three teenage couple pile out of the SUV. I hear one of the guys say "What's this?" looking at me and Bill sitting in our car enjoying our ice cream cones. Reality bites. Our peaceful summer evening entered a familiar place. What to do? How to respond? Well, here is my choice. I could respond thus giving Mr. Teenage Macho a reason to impress his girlfriend or ask Bill to hold my cone while I started my car up and drove home. I chose the latter. I backed the car up and got out of there. I really wasn't up for a confrontation this evening. Besides, where would it have gotten me except to give some teenage kid a chance to impress his girl friend and buddies? I just didn't want to go there this evening.

Actually, tonight was my mistake on two counts. First I should not have went out on a lovely summer night on Saturday. I should have known it would be crowded. Bill and I don't like crowds. Secondly, I had let myself be lulled into complacency into thinking that homophobia didn't exist anymore or was so minimal that it didn't matter since moving to lower Delaware. Homophobia In the Milton/Lewes/Rehoboth Beach area, no matter how subtle, is considered bad form and generally not practiced. However, once one is on the other side of Route 1 (west) into the real Sussex County (read "rural"), then we're talking another whole ball game. It was the political representatives of this is the area of Sussex County that contributed greatly to the 10 year delay of the anti-discrimination bill in Delaware. We gays (and lesbians) tend to think that Sussex County is enlightened towards their GLBT neighbors but we have to remember that is only on the east side of Route 1 with a little spillover to the west side of Route 1. Most of the rest of Sussex County is as redneck as any other area of the south. We tend to forget that sometimes. This evening I was rudely reminded of the shallow waters of same sex couple acceptance by all areas of Sussex County.

A few weeks ago Delaware finally passed the anti-discrimination bill.
Unfortunately the passage of such a bill doesn't end homophobia. Especially at an ice cream stand in the pastoral farmland of rural Sussex County on a warm summer's evening.