Mom Was Always Right!

Me and my Mom 2010 (about three months before she died)

Good morning all! I have the rest of the month free (no doctor’s appointments)! Next month is a different story SEVEN DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS including a PET-SCAN to see how far my prostate cancer has spread. Appointments next month:

Labs

PET-SCAN

Urologist

Podiatrist

Hearing Aid checkup

Dentist

Dermatologist

And to think I used to tease my Mother when she was the age (84) that I am now. I said “Your life is just a series of doctor’s appointments interrupted by your life.” Her response was “You just wait, your time is coming.” She was right.

Mom's are always right!

Update Visit With VA Doctor

 

Waiting for my primary care doctor to come on line this morning

This morning I had my six month visit with my primary care doctor at the VA Outpatient Clinic in Georgetown. I was looking forward to this visit because I wanted to discuss my plans for treating the reoccurrence of my prostate cancer.

I'm happy to say he's on board with my decision not to seek further medical treatment for my prostate cancer. He did say that there are a lot more treatments that are available if I wanted to stave off the cancer or slow it down. Mainly hormone treatments which I'm not inclined to do. I've already developed man boobs. I don't need to further enhance them with accompanying hot flashes. But we shall see.

I was concerned that he would be one of those doctors who has a personal bias against patients not seeking treatment and choosing assisted suicide should the going get too ugly. He isn't. Now I have to see my urologist in June after I get my PET-SCAN. I don't know how he feels on this subject since he was ready to start treatment for me right away last December. I hesitated because I wanted to give more thought to how I wanted to go. Now that I know I will not seek any more treatment be it radiation, chemotherapy or hormone treatments. I'll just live out the rest of my life hopefully like I am doing now. 

I asked him what was his experience with other patients who were or are in the similar situation that I am in now. He told me he just had a patient this week that has similar circumstances that I have and he has also chosen not to get further treatment. He also told me that from his experience, that most men who have a reoccurrence of prostate cancer die of something else. That was also my feeling, that I will probably exit this wonderful life I've had the last eighty-four years from some other method. We even mentioned that I could walk out of his office this morning and be hit by a car. One never knows does one?

All in all, I feel so much better now that I have this other of the way. Now to live my life.

Have a great day!

Cataracts And Other Observations of Today's World

It is time for my cataract surgery. My right eye is always cloudy now. 

For the past several years my eye doctor has told me that I have cataracts forming in my eyes but that surgery wasn't necessary.....yet. Now I think it is time. 

It is annoying to look out my right eye and see that permanent cloud. I look at my eye at it looks clear from the outside but that not what I'm seeing from the inside.

Now the question is "What to do with Bill during my surgery." 

The surgery itself only takes about two hours in all from the times I check in until I check out. I know this because Bill had cataract surgery several years ago.

Bill always goes with me to my myriad of doctors' appointments. He sits in the car and waits for me. Having him sit in the car for over two hours would be too much for him.  Of course I could leave him here at home but I don't trust him. Just this morning he was on his step ladder putting more masking tape over the heating/air conditioning vent in his bedroom. Bill is ALWAYS  cold and he is fearing this summer when I have to have the air conditioning run-in our house. I one of those persons who cannot breath in heavily humid air. Some of my friends don't believe me, they say "you can acclimate yourself to the heat and humidity." Of course that would be Pat. But I can't. I literally feel like I'm smothering and on the verge of passing out. I guess a dead Ron would prove to him that I can't take the humid heat. Regular heat I can take (Palm Springs) but this humid heat that is produce here on the Delmarva Peninsula with has the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Chesapeak bay on the otherwise, it's a potential killer for me.

My appointment with my eye doctor is May 9th. I'll work something out with Bill. If worse comes to worse he'll just have to stay home by himself that morning that I have my cataract surgery.

I also put in a call to my gastroenterologist. It's time for my every three years colonoscopy. Same thing, I'll be put "under" for a period of time early in the morning. Again, I'll have to work something out. I guess I can ask my neighbor Bob M. to look in on Bill. He's the widower who lives next door with his late wife's Yorkie, that I have to walk in about an hour because Bob's off fishing today. I hate to ask him to watch Bill but I'm pretty sure he would do it. There is no one else to ask. I can put Bill in the hospice center for a day but he won't hear of it. 

Whenever I feel the world closing in on my when I'm in one of these quandaries I say to myself:

"Self, it could be a lot worse. You could be living in Ukraine next to the sub human Putin and his murderous Russians destroying your country while bombing, torturing, raping and killing your innocent civilians. Yes Ron, life could be a LOT WORSE. This is nothing."

Then again we are living in a country where one former president is above the law, not held accountable for a lifetime of crime committed bracingly in public and still roaming free after a failed coup attempt to overthrow the last election. 

We are living in a country where one political party (the Republicans) have no shame in perpetuating the Big Lie that Trump won the last election and are doing everything in their power to undermine our democracy right now. These are perilous time we live in my friends. About half our country is brainwashed and the other half is just trying to survive day to day. Then there is Ukraine. Could be a lot worse. Thank God we have neighbors like Canada and Mexico. One country can't wait to get into our country to raise their standard of living and the other country (Canada of course) is a paragon of excellence and good neighborliness. And then you have Ukraine who has the misfortune to have monstrous Russia as their neighbor.

Another Doctor's Appointment

Cancer Center waiting room with proper social distancing

 Yesterday I had another doctor's appointment. This one I was dreading. 

It turned out not to be too bad, at least not yet.

The appointment was for 3:00 PM at the Tunnell Cancer Center. That's where you want to have your doctor's appointments, at the cancer center.

I've been to this cancer center before.  It was where I had my prostate cancer treated almost to the day eight years ago. I am familiar with his place. I am familiar with seeing people in the waiting room gaunt, gray and thin. Obviously in the last stages of their cancer disease. 

After filling out the obligatory paperwork (I was told I was a "newbie" because it had been so long ago that I was there, anyone who had been there the last three years wouldn't have to fill out their complete medical history again), I was told to wait until I got a text message to "Meet Under the Stars." This waiting room  has an area of the ceiling that has a lot of little lights against a black background, replicating space. 

I had a long wait, not quite an hour then it was my time to "meet under the stars."

I was taken back to one of the rooms to wait for my doctor.

When he arrived he said "So, what are we here for?" Here we go. I explained that my nurse practitioner at the VA was concerned with my low white blood cell count. The doctor looked at my records and told me "Your white blood cell count is on the low end but not serious but I would like to monitor it." After some more discussion he wrote up three doctor's orders for blood tests. That where I went this morning, to get those blood tests. 

He said he would like to see me in about a month.

So that's where we stand now. I live for another day!

Annual Maintenance Checkup

This morning I had my semi-annual dental appointment at 8 AM for teeth cleaning and a checkup. Good news, the cleaning wasn't too painful and no new issues with the teeth I have left. The only painful part was paying the bill when I left the dental office.

At 9 AM I had an appointment a few blocks away at the medical imaging office. This appointment was for an X-Ray of my abdomen for my appointment with my urologist next week. He's keeping track of my latest kidney stone that is forming in my old, decrepit body. Hopefully we can head this kidney stone off at the pass before it makes its passage through my very tiny little urethra tube thus causing me such unbearable pain that makes me want to exit this early existence. 

Last Friday I had an appointment at my dermatologist. He, or shall I say she (student doctors observing) removed potentially precancerous actinic keratosis formations under my left armpit and lower back.  Waiting in the room for my doctor to evaluate me, he entered with two women, students. Didn't even ask me but just proceeded to evaluate my body which was only covered by one of those flimsy hospital gowns with the open back. I only had my shorts (underwear) on.  I apologized for my sagging body (always an embarrassment these days) while three sets of eyes scanned said body. He informed the students "Mr. Tipton has three choices, we could shave off the keratosis, leave them (to an option because the constantly itch) or burn them off".  "What will it be Mr. Tipton?"  I said "Burn them all off!", which is what I always have done. The "burning" is done with dry ice. And it hurts.  It burns. Smoke happens. But at least I'm not itching any more and I've dead ended any possibility of those skin formations turning into cancer. This is over twenty-five years now I've been having keratosis skin lesions burned off my skin. None on my wrinkled and weathered face this time though. I walked out of my dermatologist's office sorer but relieved that I won't be itching for a few more months until the next visit in May of next year.

I am so thankful that I have medical insurance to cover all these health care expenses and that I have doctors to take care of me to help me survive a few more years.  

Medical Update

My VA doctor, best doctor I ever had

Good news folks! Bill's legs are getting better. What a relief!  

Tomorrow he has a followup with his doctor at the wound care center. Yes, we have another doctors' appointment. 

Yesterday I had my appointment with my doctor at the VA. Every six months I take lab tests.  My main concern is checking my PSA level.  Good news, my PSA score is still down (.14).  

Remember I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 203 when my PSA score was 8.4.  After much consideration as to what kind of treatment I would choose, I opted for seed implants. So far that appears to be the right decision, for me.  I didn't want to choose removal of my prostate because of the chance of developing some serious side effects. I also choose not to get exterior radiation of estrogen treatments. I don't think I would do well with hot flashes.  Of course I have some side effects from the seed implants, the details of which I won't go into here, but most of my "functions" are sill in place and, this is important, I new "pee like a teenager."

Net week I have an appointment with my urologist to go over the results of my CRT scan.  Kidney stones. Hopefully if I have any more kidney stones, I'll get a warning and take action to prevent ever going through another painful kidney stone episode.

These days folks I can feel my age. Every morning I get up my body is stiff with arthritis. 

Every day, about this time of day, I wind down like an old clock. No more party time for this boy.

And, very important, every day I have to have a nap of at least one hour, or more.  

But I am thankful that my health is basically good and I don't have any serious issues like so many others my age.  And how lucky is Bill to be approaching age 90 and still in basically good health?  

Have a great day folks!

Another Day, Another Doctor's Visit

Today we visited the Georgetown VA Outpatient Clinic for Bill's dermatology appointment. He has a growth on his right arm and some suspicious spots on his face. "Lois" took pictures and will send them to the Wilmington VAMC for their dermatology department to examine. 

Another day, another doctor's appointment.

I used to tease my Mother years ago when her weekly schedule revolved around doctors' appointment. I remember what she told me:
"You just wait, you'll get your turn."  

Well, my turn has come as well as Bill's turn.

Next Monday Bill is scheduled for an endoscopy by his gastroenterologist. That means he undergoes anesthesia . . . . again. 

Tuesday I have my once postponed appointment with my cardiologist. My previous appointment I had to cancel because it conflicted with one of Bill's doctors' appointments.  

Thursday we see Bill's eye doctor for he final followup to Bill's cataract surgery and eye examination for his new glasses. 

Now, I've checked the calendar for the rest of the month and I don't see any doctors' appointments. And get this, I checked next month, August, and there is NOTHING.  Hard to believe. Wouldn't it be great if we could go one whole month without any doctors' appointments. Here's hoping. 

A Week of Doctors' Appointments

This year's tulips! Happy Spring!

You know one sure sign that you're old? Your week revolves around doctors' appointments.

This week we have three:

Tomorrow I see my urologist.  

I haven't seen him since my prostate seed implant back in 2013 and my two surgeries (plus a catheterization) for my kidney stones. This appointment is a followup for my kidney stone passing a few weeks ago.  When I was in the emergency room the doctor told me I had more kidney stones waiting to fall. Great! Just what I need, that hanging over my head. 

I'm not looking forward to this appointment for several reasons. One being I had a blowout with one of his assistants while arranging my appointment. She was being very authoritative and dismissive of me and treating me like a child.  I blasted her back. Told her to talk to me like an adult. I don't like these confrontations but sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself or else people will walk all over you.  At this time of my life I just don't put up with that crap. 

And another thing, no invasive procedures like that cystoscope.  A small camera that is on the end of a pen sized instrument that they insert up your penis to have a look inside your bladder. About eight years ago a doctor at the VA insisted that I have that procedure and I turned him down, which he didn't like. He called another doctor in to pressure me but I still turned then down.  He said "You could have bladder cancer" because there was blood in my urine. I told him that the blood in my urine was right before I passed my kidney stone.  He didn't want to hear it. I thought this procedure was unnecessary.  Ever since my brother had the tissue of his penis damaged by a careless catheterization I am very careful about getting this very invasive procedure. The only reason I had it the last time was to keep additional kidney stones from falling down until I had my surgery to blast them to pieces. Then, after I turned down this procedure I heard a report that 41 veterans were infected with the HIV virus contacted from dirty instruments doing a cystoscope. See what I mean?  My first major surgery back in 1959 (hernia) the hospital almost killed me when I contacted a staph infection.

So I have that appointment with my urologist tomorrow afternoon.

Thursday I have a followup appointment with my VA primary care doctor to go over the results of my labs that I took last week.  I'm always nervous about my labs, checking my PSA score to make sure my prostate cancer hasn't return. Three years since I had my radio active seed impacts. My PSA score has been .1 which is good! If it goes up I'm not having any more procedures but hopefully it doesn't go up and I have a few more years to wreck havoc. 

Also on Thursday we visit Bill's eye doctor for a followup of his cataract surgery.  We're putting drops in Bill's eyes everyday to speed up the healing process.  So far Bill says he doesn't see any change in his vision.  Hopefully, when the healing is done he will see an improvement. 

In the meantime, today is a glorious spring day.  Enjoy!

Visit to Doctor and Other Thoughts

Filling out the paperwork (again) while waiting to see my doctor yesterday

Yesterday I saw my doctor (orthopedic surgeon) for the first time since my surgery a week ago.

My appointment was at noon-time, apparently during his office's lunch time because there were no other patients in the waiting room.  

Bill and I arrived early (45 minutes) early as we usually do for our appointments.  Generally we are taken in early but not yesterday.  

We waiting in the waiting room.  After about twenty minutes my leg really started to hurt (I have to keep it elevated).  I sought out one of the office assistants and asked if I could be placed in one of the backrooms on one of those tables where I could keep my leg elevated.  She seemed a bit annoyed with me and said "No one is allowed in back until the doctor is in."  She said it twice. I got the message. My leg was still hurting, and getting worse.  She suggested that I elevate my leg on another chair in the waiting room.  That I did and the increasing pain in my leg started to recede.

"Ah, relief!"

 One o'clock, my appointment time rolled around (and their lunch hour was over), I was taken back to one of the back rooms to wait for my doctor. A big sign on the door says "NO CELL PHONES".  That's why  you won't see any pictures of those rooms.

The doctor's assistant opens my brace so I'm ready for the doctor.  He comes in the room about ten minutes later.  It is very uncomfortable for me to lie on one of those tables because they are build for short people.  If you're over 5'6" you're hanging over the table.  I'm 6'3" so I'm a LOT hanging over the table.

My doctor comes in and surveys my wound. He's pleased with the healing.  He suggests that I start to do some exercises of slightly bending my leg every day.  Not too much but enough to keep my leg muscle from atrophying and becoming "flab" (his term).

He said he will take out the staples (all twenty-five of them) at my next Tuesday, my next appointment with him which will be two weeks to the day since I've had surgery.

Bill and I leave and the three of us (me, Bill and my walker) hobble out to our car.  I tell Bill to wait while we're in the car so I can do a Rapid Order with Panera Bread.  I have an iPhone app for Panera Bread in which I can order anything, have it paid for and pick it up in ten minutes.  I was hungry and I need my protein.  

I didn't feel like all the effort of preparing food for lunch.  I've decided that during my convalescence I will order out, often.  It's good food, nutritious and much less effort than cooking and preparing it myself in our kitchen.  Yesterday I ordered a roast beef sandwich with horseradish, a broth bowl and a Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich for dinner. Oh my God, delicious! 

My Panera veggie sandwich for dinner - which looks exactly like their photo - which is very unusual because rarely does food look like their photos but Panera Bread is as advertised

I had a nice LONG afternoon nap yesterday (2 1/2 hours).  Of course I awoke in time for dinner and that scrumptious veggie sandwich with fresh homemade bread (tomato basil, nice and chewy).  

My dinner layout last night, accompanied by Panera Bread black bean soup, Glove magazine and Steve Kornacki on MSNBC filling in for Chris Matthews on "Hardball"

This morning, out my bedroom window I saw a flash of yellow.  My first daffodil!  Spring is here.  A little later this morning "Robin" from Home Health Care is stopping by to change and clean my wound. 

Progress is being made folks.  Each day that goes by is a day closer to returning to my normal life.  But I will say one thing, this experience I'm going through now isn't for naught.  I always learn something even from bad experiences.  Even though this is probably one of the worst (right up their with my kidney stones and prostate cancer and hernia operation with a staph infection), I again have a new appreciate for good health.  Being able to get around on one's own, being independent and mobile.  Being about to come and go as one pleases.  Being able to enjoy each day as it comes without any encumbrances and restrictions.  Being able to have freedom.  I will alway remember how fast that freedom can be taken away from you in an instant.  If it was not for that one stumble on the ice build up at the base of that drain pipe, today I would be going to work.  Which, by the way folks, I miss terribly, going to work.  

This time of year is one of the my favorite times to go to work, when the days get longer in spring but before school lets out and the hotel gets packed.  But in only a few short months I will be back to work and that day folks will be a glorious day.

Visit to the Doctor

Waiting for the doctor this morning - never a happy camper

This morning I had my six month checkup visit to my doctor at the VA.  I am so glad I am in the VA system.  I truly believe being in the VA system and having regular six month checkups have saved my life.

My appointment today was for 11:30 am.  I drove down to Georgetown, where the local VA outpatient clinic is located.  Dennis, an assistant was waiting outside.  After I parked my car and got out and approached the facility, he hollered to me "Are you Mr. Tipton?"  I said "Yes."  He motioned with his arm for me to follow him inside.

VA Outpatient Clinic Georgetown, Delaware

What service!  So much for the naysayers for government healthcare.  I followed him in.  He measured my height.  74 inches.  I shrunk.  I used to be 75 inches.  He told me not to worry about it. Happens to everyone when they get older.  There we go with the "older" thing again.  Oh well.

Then he motioned for me to have a seat.  I took my jacket off (nice day today but still a bit of a chill out on this sunny day) and he took my blood pressure.  135 over 72.  I said "That's a little big high isn't it?"  He said "No, that's normal."  Then he stuck a thermometer in my mouth and took my temperature.  I don't know what my temperature was but it probably was alright because after he took the thermometer out he motioned for me to have a seat to wait for my doctor.

Waiting Room Georgetown VA Outpatient Clinic

I took my seat, got out my iPhone and within five minutes, my doctor open the door to his office and came out to get me.  As I greeted him he said "That's what I like to see, a big smile.  You know Mr. Tipton we get so many people here who don't smile, it's nice to see a smile like yours."  Hey, I didn't know I smiled that much but it's nice to hear.

I followed I'm into his small office and had a seat.  I won't go into the details of what we talked about except to mentioned that I did tell him about the painful skin condition on my back that was causing me a great deal of pain.  He took a look and said it was a very common condition called seborrheic keratosis, a non cancerous skin condition.  A couple of days ago it was itching so much and I scratched too hard thus breaking the skin and causing some major pain.  He prescribed a cortisone cream.  I have it on now and the pain is almost gone.  Thank you doctor! 

Not me but doctor similar to mine this morning under same circumstances - I get the best care at the VA!

I was in his office for almost an hour.  Oh yes, government health care, the big bogeyman that the Republican are trying to scare everyone about.  Well, we covered everything from the side effects of my prostate cancer treatment to comparing U.S. healthcare with government run Canadian healthcare.  With both programs, one has to wait for major procedures so there isn't any difference.  I told him that with him I can spend time with my doctor that my private doctors (and I have a slew of them) don't seem to have the time for me because they're off to see another patient.  To me that is one of the major differences between government run health care and private health care.  Of course I use private health care now because of the geographical convenience.  I can't be running to Wilmington (89 miles away) every time I need to see my urologist, oncologist, cardiologist, dermatologist, eye doctor and dentist.  Besides if I did the VA in Wilmington still charges my Medicare just like the private doctors do now.  

So all in all I had a good visit.  As I left to go out into this wonderful sunny spring day, I made another appointment for six months hence in October.  

All is well in the World of Ron.  Back to our regular programming now.

My happy tulips waiting for me when I got home

OUCH!

OUCH!  That hurt!

About a hour ago I returned from my 8:15 am visit to my dermatologist.  Last January 24th, he had taken a biopsy of a discolored patch of skin from my right knee.  From that time until today, that wound has never properly healed.  There were times when my pants would rub against the scab and a pain would shoot through my leg like a thorn in the wound.

Last week I made an appointment to see him to take a look at this slow healing wound.  The day before I cancelled it, thinking it had gotten better it hadn't.

On Tuesday this week I made another appointment for this morning.  I arrived bright and early at his office with my wound, still inflamed.  His assistant took a look at it and began poking at the wound.  OUCH!  WOW!  Know how it feels when the dentist drills for a cavity and hits a nerve?  That's the way it felt when she was poking around that inflamed wound.  Hey, I think I can tolerate pain as good or better than most but this morning I was a major pussy.  I  yelled out loud "OH GOD!"  Yes I did.  I really did.  

Two other assistants came into the room.  More poking around and more screaming (yes, SCREAMING) by me.  One of the assistants thought that part of the "dissolvable" stitch was still in the wound.  SOMETHING was in there.  Know how it feels when you have a thorn in your toe or finger?  SOMETHING WAS THERE and it hurt like HELL when they poked.  

The doctor came in.  He took a look with his instrument.  Wouldn't you know he tried to pull something out.  This time I almost kicked him (involuntarily) and yelled "OH GOD!" again.  What is it with me with the "Oh God" exclamation?  I'm not even religious?  Well, anyway, I asked him "Don't you have a pain killer?"  Be careful what you wish (ask) for.  He motions to one of the assistants.  She brings in a MAJOR needle and hands it to him. He said "This is going to pick a little bit."  Uh huh.  I thought the poking around hurt, well ladies and gentlemen, I experienced a new kind of pain.  OUCH!  WOW!  

Folks, this year (and last year) I've been through whole new levels of pain.  From the biopsy and volume check for my prostate cancer to that LONG Labor Day Weekend when my urologist decided to let my stuck kidney stone in me for four days hoping it would pass on it's own.  Yes folks, that was pain but today was a whole new level.  I'm telling you, the medical establishment really should get in touch with those war criminals former vice president Cheney and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld

"The known unknowns, we don't know anything"

and immediately let them know that we have doctors down here in Lower Slower that could put any of your professional torturers to shame.  

War criminal and former vice president Dick Cheney - still on the loose

My good doctor did some digging around on the now numbed area of my knee and removed the offending stitch that had infected my knee these past three months.  

I left his office with a copy of my medical report to meet Bill (who drove me) down in the lobby.  My knee wasn't hurting now because it was numbed up but I knew it would be hurting as soon as the pain killer wore off and as it is now sore.  But I don't have the shooting pain that was happening before when my pain let would rub the wrong way.  

Bill stopped at Loew's on the way home but I couldn't even get out of the car.  Not only because it is windy and cold this April morning (will this winter ever end?) but because I was feeling woozy (don't go there).  

As soon as I got home I took this picture of my sore knee and an aspirin and hit my bed for about an hour of gathering myself together (and feeling sorry for myself - I do love me a Pity Party).  

After about an hour of slumber I just got up and now I'm ready to take on the rest of the day and get myself prepared for a weekend of work at the hotel.  I'm filling in for a co-worker who is taking off a few days.  

And the beat goes on.  

Prostate Biopsy Done!

Gestapo Headquarters

This morning I completed my long delayed prostate biopsy procedure.  Oh yeah, I feel like I've been rode long hard.

Folks, this is NOT a pleasant procedure.  Damn, My ass is still sore.  I feel like someone put a broom handle up my rectum and rotor-rooted my butt.  I'm sitting here now typing this whiny missive with a Kotex like swap between my butt cheeks.  Ah yes, too much information.  

So here's the blow by blow (so to speak) sequence of events this morning and my urologist's office.

Waiting Ron

My appointment was for 8:30 a.m.  I arrived at 7:30 a.m.  I was immediately informed by the receptionist that my doctor had an emergency and would be at least a half an hour late.  Oh joy. And I did want to get this THING over with.

Bill (yes, he was with me this time) and I settled down in the waiting room.  Bill had his book and I had my iPhone, to update my Facebook followers. After all, I AM obligated to tell one and all "how do you feel?" in my Facebook status box.

At 8:15 a.m. one of the young ladies in the office steps into the waiting room and asks "Ronald Tipton?"  Uh oh, the dreaded "Ronald".  Either I'm in trouble with my Mother or I have a medical appointment.  

I identify myself and obediently follow her to her office.  She takes my blood pressure.  130 over 70.  Okay so far.

"For me!?!"

Then she leads me to another room and tells me to have a seat.  It is now about 8:20 a.m.  I sit.  She leaves.  I notice on the table in front of me a long nosed instrument that look suspiciously a lot like a caulking gun.  THAT'S going up my anal nether regions?  Also on the tray are twelve McCormick spice medical containers with (wait for it) MY NAME  ON THEM!  Yes ladies and gents, they really are going to take twelve chunks of meat samples from my teeny tiny prostate gland.  Oh my.  

The Rack

So I sit, contemplating my fate.  I take a couple of pictures of my sad self and post them to my Facebook account informing my loyal followers (and some not so loyal, the ones I constantly annoy because I'm an unapologetic progressive) that I AM STILL WAITING.

Then another young lady (where are the MEN assistants?  WTF?)  asks me to REMOVE EVERYTHING BELOW MY WAIST.  Well, there's a request that I don't get every day.  

She indicates a sheet and says "Put that around your waist.  The doctor will see you shortly."  

My very own biopsy kit 

I did as I was instructed and removed my jeans and my underwear (don't get excited now).  I wrap the sheet around me and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Feeling like a fool sitting in a chair fully clothed waist up and holding a sheet waist down.  

Another 15 or 20 minutes rolls by. Then the young lady (again, where are the young males?  Just asking) tells me to get up on the table and put my feet in the stirrups.  What?  I'm having a baby?  

She looks under the sheet and tells me to "scoot down a bit".  Uh huh, just what I always wanted to do on a snow mixed with rain and a little bit of sleet Monday morning, scoot my bare butt with my family jewels in full display before a strange young woman that I was never even properly introduced to.  Now if it was a man....well, I won't go there now.  I'll continue this narrative.  It gets better.

So I scoot down several more times until everything is properly displayed.  I'm wondering if I should rearrange my jewels to as to provide an unobstructed view but she says nothing so I say nothing.  Best left unsaid I say.  

Then she leaves me....in the stirrups.......properly displayed.  Now I'm ready for the Gestapo interrogation doctor.

The doctor comes in.  Much too cheerily he says "Good morning Mr. Tipton!  How are you?" My first impulse it to say "F--k you, let get this over with" buy my professional persona kicked in (as it often does when my full genitalia, plus my anus, is on display for one and all) "I'm fine doctor".  My Mother trained me well, and yes my under was clean although he couldn't see it because I had it tucked into my trousers on yonder chair.

He explains to me that I will "feel a little pressure and a pinch" but to just relax.  Oh yes, I've heard that "just relax" before but under difference circumstances but we won't go there either at this time.  

He turns around and takes the caulking gun instrument of the tray.  He explains to me that he is going to put a CAMERA in first to identify the TWELVE areas were he wants to take a sample, a "sample" being a chunk of my prostate gland.  

Okay, here we go.  I've been waiting a year for this.  Finally, I'm getting it over with.  Everbody and everything is in position and he slowly slides the gun instrument up my orifice where the sun don't shine.  Folks, I'm here to tell you this was very uncomfortable.  Oh it slipped in all right but that didn't change the fact that I had a foreign object up my ass.  Not a good feeling, in fact it was downright uncomfortable.  Oh God.  So he's maneuvering this instrument around my canal and looking at the monitor while I'm trying to suppress groans which were not of the pleasure type.  

The Grand Inquisitor doctor continued this for a few moments, occasionally muttering "Umm, uh huh" and "ah!"  

Torquemada - The Grand Inquisitor

Then he tells me I'm going to feel twelve pinches and just to relax.  There he goes with that relax request again.  Sort of hard to relax when I have a staple gun up my ass.  

And then it happens.  "Boom!"  OUCH! I couldn't help but to let out a little pitiful grunt.  Ron you big sissy!  Be a man!  Then he did it again!  Two down and ten to go.  Chrissake, that damn thing hurts!  

Torguemada continues. He gets to six "Booms!" and says "We're half way there!"  but I'm thinking of telling him anything he wants to know including all the secrets that I was debriefed on during my Army stint the National Security Agency fifty years ago.  "Stop!  I'll tell you everything!"

Ron, you can do this. I grimace and groan, and grunt while Dick Cheney  the good doctor continues his torture procedure.  

Finally it's done.  Thank you Jesus (and I'm not even religious).  

The young lady of whom I now have no secrets asked me "Are you feeling lightheaded?"  Is the Pope German?  YES!  I feel like I'm f--cking going to faint! My God.  

Feeling like Ned Beatty in "Deliverence" after the good old boys had their way with him, "Are you feeling lightheaded."  Hey, I was just rode long and hard....YES, I'm feeling light headed!
She gives me a wet,cool towel to put on my woozy brow. That helps a little bit.  Mind you, I'm still on full display when I feel something warm running down my buttocks.  "Am I bleeding?"  I ask.  "Yes but not too bad."  Well okay, maybe I'm not bleeding BUCKETS OF BLOOD but I am BLEEDING.  Damn.  

She leaves there, in my having a baby position, dripping blood in a pan.  Hey folks, it just doesn't get any better than this does it?  WHAT did I do to DESERVE this?  I'll tell you what, I got old.  All those times I used to make fun of my Mother and all her doctor's appointments and procedures.  Karma really is a bitch.

After a few minutes the Young Lady From Whom I Have No Secrets returns and tells me I can clean up in the side bathroom.  She hands me a Kotex-like gauze pad and says "you can stick this between your butt cheeks after you clean up." Oh if my friends could see me now.  I'm come a long way from Ron Tipton, Trust Operations Manger, Mellon Bank, Philadelphia, PA.  Yes indeedy.

Gathering my pants and underwear, I waddle over to said side bathroom to clean myself up. That means using multiple paper towels to dab the blood coming out of my ass until there is no more.  Oh yes, I am still sore as hell.  Rode long and hard, that's the only explanation that I can think of to describe my condition now.

Cleaned up, I go back out into the office and sit gingerly on the chair and await further instructions.

The doctor comes in and tells me the camera doesn't show any sign of cancer but then he said "it never does."   Well.....okay.  He said he will send the specimens out for a biopsy and to stop at the front desk to make an appointment to see him for the results. Oh yeah, he also told me I would be peeing blood, excreting blood and even have blood in my semen for the next two weeks.  It just doesn't get any better than this does it folks?

He then makes a funny by telling me that no one ever thanks him in his line of business.  Ha ha.  

I try to walk normally, without much success, to the front office to make my appointment.  Made the appointment for February 15th. That's when I'll know the results of this morning's interrogation procedure.  

Bubba awaits his new "roomie"

Bill drove me home.  I was still feeling like I spent my wedding first night in jail with my roommate Bubba (not that I would know what THAT feels like but I can imagine). 

So here I sit now, still sore but not quite as sore as earlier this morning.  I just had my first pee and thank God, NO BLOOD.  

I survived folks, I survived.  Next!

By the way folks, if you were expecting to see pictures of me in the stirrups, dream on.  I'm revealing but not THAT revealing.  

New Doctor

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a new doctor.  This is a general practitioner doctor.

Except for my near death experience when I was 17 years old (I got a staph infection from an unnecessary hernia operation), I've never had my own designated doctor.  That was good news because my health has been good all those years from 1959 until 2000.

In the year 2000, when I was without a job and didn't have medical insurance I did have a couple of health issues which required two surgeries.  Fortunately for me I had access to the VA (Veterans Administration Health) facilities.  I received excellent care from the VA.

However, recently I've been running into more medical issues and using the VA for every issue isn't convenient.  In order to use the VA I have to arrange a ride through the American Legion Post 28 to the closest VA facility to me which is in Wilmington, 90 miles away.  I can only have appointments in the morning and only Monday through Thursday in order to take advantage of the transportation to and from the Wilmington VA provided by the American Legion.

In the past few months I have had several skin cancer (pre-cancer thank God) on my face.  I just couldn't wait the two or three months I had to wait to make an appointment at the VA so I made an appointment with a local dermatologist.  I have Medicare and supplemental insurance which I pay a heft amount for every month, so I decided to use it.

I am receiving excellent care from the local dermatologist that I am using and it is much more convenient for me.  I'll think I'll forgo using the VA for my dermatology needs.

Now I am having some other problems like the one a few weeks ago in which my right leg was very sore.  I have no idea what happened to it but I couldn't bend my leg and standing up or getting out of a car I experienced excruciating pain.  I looked for a general practitioner doctor and was about to find one (purely by coincidence) right next to my dermatologist's office in Rehoboth Beach!  Another coincidence is his last name Kelly.  The same name as my Bill.

I have an appointment with him tomorrow.  The pain in my right leg is gone (I have no idea what happened) but now I have a soreness in my jaw.  It seems as if it is always something.  It is time for me to have a regular doctor.  My own personal "regular" doctor.  This is the doctor who is going to take me out.

As I've told my friends and co-workers so often, I am way past my expiration date.  I never expected to live past sixty years old.  Anything over sixty is gravy.  I'm working on bonus time now.

I'm still in very good health but little things are starting to go.  My eye doctor (who I see every year) says I have cataracts developing but probably won't need surgery for several years.  I do have a lot more aches and pains but with the exception of that very sore leg a couple weeks ago, I can live with the creakiness that is normal everyday for me now.

However, it does give me a feeling of comfort to know that I can call and make an appointment fairly quickly in case something develops in the future.

I now have an excellent dentist, eye doctor and dermatologist.  With this new general practitioner doctor that I will see tomorrow I will have all my bases covered except maybe for a shrink.

Return Visit To My Dermatologist

"I got a hole in my back!"

First of all, apologies to the readers of my Word Press blog because I'm going to do a repeat here, I also posting a this story to my Word Press blog today.

This morning I returned to my dermatologist to have the one stitch removed from my forehead.  Remember that wart like growth that popped out of my left temple a few weeks ago like a volcano?  I worry about these things, could be cancer.  Well, I have good news.  It wasn't cancer.

My dermatologist told me it was "only" keratosis.  Not even actinite keratosis, which is a pre cancerous condition.  For the past twenty-five years I have had numerous actinide keratosis spots removed from my face.  This was only a benign growth, my dermatologist said. I dodged another bullet!

His assistant removed the one stitch that was in my forehead the past week.  Didn't hurt at all.  She was good.

My doctor told me to take off my shirt and tee shirt and lay on my stomach on the pummel horse bench that is the common fixture in all doctor's office. Oh the stories that contraption could tell if it could talk.

The pummel horse bench was covered in that crinkly butcher type paper (how appropriate) and was cold!  I took off my clothing and rather awkwardly tried to position myself (what do I do with my arms?) on the bench.  It was cold.  Oh, I said that already.

He then gave me a needle in my lower back where he was going to remove the cyst growth near my spine in the small of my back. I've had this cyst removed twice before in years past (as long ago as 1986) but my doctor said they "didn't go deep enough."  Uh huh, sounds like we're going to do some DIGGING here, always fun.  Stick that needle in doc and numb me up!

In a few minutes I'm numbed up.  Now all those names I've been called over the past years like Numb Nuts and Numb Skull one could add Numb Back.  Doesn't quite have the same ring though does it?

So the small of my back is numbed up.  My doctor grabs his scalpel and proceeds to dig....and dig....and dig.  No pain but I could feel the pressure.  That's MY MEAT he's digging into!

Finally he says "Ah ah! "  Then he shows me the recalcitrant invader that took residence up in the small of my back.  It was pink and bloody and big as a large walnut!  Another Piece of Me gone!

The "aftermath" - that's my blood folks!

In the medical waste he tosses it.  He applies three stitches and then bandages me up and tells me not to take a shower for twenty-four hours.  Good thing I took a shower last night.

Before I put my clothes back on I asked if I could take his picture for my iPhone Address book.  He reluctantly agreed.  He wasn't real thrilled but let me take TWO photos. The first one was blurred which is the one I'm posting here.  The other went directly into my Address Book.

My dermatologist - he's taking good care of this Old Man

My next appointment is two weeks from now.  I guess that is how long it will take that hole in the small of my back to heal up.

Again, more proof of that old Bette Davis quote:  "Getting old isn't for sissies!"

Hey, I may be a SISSY but I'm not a sissy.