Sunday, May 19, 2013

Traffic

Hello folks.  I took a couple of days off.  Something I rarely do in Blog Land but I felt I needed a respite.  There has been just too much going on in my life the past several months.  While I like all the activity and I do believe that once you make the decision to vegetate you'll end up in a senior living center like my friends Bob and Jim, I did feel the need to slow down a bit and gather myself together.

So here is what is going on in my life today.  The complication and side effects from my prostate seed implant surgery earlier this month are dissipating, thank goodness.  I have no more burning urination, which I am sure all of you are tired of hearing me talk about.  I still have major discoloration of the more private parts of my nether regions.  With all that black and blue and purple in "those parts", it looks like I went for a few rounds of The Fight Club.  It actually looks worse that it feels.  In fact I felt no pain at all "down there" even though the hospital gave me an ice pack for the pain.  Never felt a thing.  I guess that's good.



Next up, we finally got another part-time front desk clerk at the hotel and this week I'll begin working two nights a week at the hotel, the first time that's happened since December.  Man, that was a LONG six months.  I don't mind working occasionally more than two nights a week but not every week.  I just have too many other things going on in my life.  I like to work and love my job but I need a balance.  It's not like I'm looking to start a new career.

Balancing my life

Next subject, our marriage.  Bill is trying to figure out someway that we can get married that no one knows about it.  That's My Bill, in the closet to the end.  He is of that generation that feels he has to hide lest he offend someone by his gayness.  I wanted to get married in our backyard but he's afraid that we "shove it in the face" of our neighbors if we get married in our back yard.  See what I'm dealing with?  I told him "It's OUR back yard."  I have to walk a fine line here.  I want to accommodate Bill but I don't want to live my life worrying about "what the neighbors will think" which has always dominating Bill's thinking wherever we lived. I've told him time and time over again "I don't care what the neighbors think."   But I understand it is hard if not impossible for Bill to get out of his mindset for survival by staying in the closet.  It's not easy folks. 

You won't be seeing one of these at our wedding


Now here is a subject that has increasingly come to the forefront of our lives:  traffic.

Yes....TRAFFIC. A few weeks ago the traffic picked up significantly in our part of the world here in Tourist Land.  Route 1 is the major thorofare transporting the customers (that would be the tourists) to our major attraction here on the lower Delmarva peninsula (that would be the Atlantic Ocean).  While we all appreciate and value our main income source that provides jobs and a livelihood for us all, one does have to take into consideration the danger of traveling on Route 1.  The bottom line is that Bill and I are of an age that we have an increasingly difficult time traveling in all that traffic.  Four lanes in and four lanes out of mostly aggressive driving.  When you see the barefeet of the passengers parked on the dashboard of the cars headed south to Rehoboth Beach and beyond, you know you're in for Summertime Craziness.  This year Bill and I have decided not to take part.  No thank you .

The "Root Gourmet" in Rehoboth.  And I see where a new "Touch of Italy" will be opening.  Shame I can't go until after Labor Day.  No more fighting traffic and risking an accident just to get some great salsa and potato salad.

We will do our shopping at the Food Lion in Milton.  Perhaps travel to BJ's in Millsboro every other week.  And of course make our regular pit stops at the Milford Walmart.  Anything else like the Root Gourmet in Rehoboth, I'll make my own salsa and potato salad.  Just coming back yesterday we saw a horrific "fender bender".  If we, as to Oldie Goldies, keep venturing out onto the ten lanes (four going down and back plus one turn-off lane on each side), it's just a matter of time before our turn to have an accident.  Why just yesterday we saw a jogger in one on the passing lanes!  My God, what in the world was she doing jogging on Route 1?  Like there are no other places to job down here?  Nope, we'll leave the Route 1 traffic jams to people like this intrepid Oldie Goldie who was driving his English car on the WRONG SIDE.  See what we're dealing with?


Bill looked at this car yesterday as we were sitting in traffic on Rt. 1 and said "Where is the driver?"
Hey folks, we have a beautiful backyard.  This past week I loaded up on plants and transplanted them in our backyard.  I love our backyard.  This is where I'm going to spend the summer and fall only to be interrupted by a few follow-up doctor's appointments.  I would rather be raking up cut grass in our backyard any day than to sit in traffic on Route 1.  

Me raking dead grass in our backyard yesterday - I love doing this! So relaxing and peaceful. Good exercise too!  

30 comments:

  1. ooooooooh, a triumph TR6! sweet ride!

    I got news for bill - the neighbors already KNOW you're gay. and they are at work during the day. so who's gonna see, other than the JP, the witnesses, and the birdies? c'mon, bill, I loves ya, but you only get married once!

    and you - nothing wrong with taking a few days off to charge the batteries. sounds like your health is on the mend without too many complications.

    glad to have you back!

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    1. Anne Marie,

      Bill is so afraid that he will make the neighbors uncomfortable by us getting married in our backyard. Their deck looks out over our back yard. I've told Bill "They don't care. And if they did, so what?" This "What will the neighbors think?" attitude has always been a source of friction between us the entire 49 years we've been together. Bill just can't seem to get past that non-obstacle. To me it would be one thing if I was flying a gay rainbow flag, but we're just living. Bill is of that generation that he just can't accept living openly as a gay man. It's a real shame that he is still ashamed of being gay.

      Ron

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  2. The music box is beautiful! I am glad you are feeling no pain. Maybe you guys should get married on the beach, but then again, you would have a lot of tourists in July. The main point in to be married and if Bill is not comfortable doing it in public, even in your backyard, do in inside your house. It is ashamed but it is what he wants.

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    1. Nadege,

      Bill said "Where did you get that cheap music box?" I don't know but I've always liked music boxes, even the cheap ones. They bring back memories of more innocent times.

      I will accede to Bill's wishes (as I usually do) and try to get married in the most quiet way possible. That will probably be at the justice of the peace's office. Bill really gets freaked out if we do anything in pubic. He never goes to any parties or functions, reunions, or anything with me. He's always been that way. He has that problem. I can see past it. I still love him.

      Ron

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  3. Wow! What a great photo of your intensely green back yard. I haven't seen anything green since I came to Texas - - except for my loaf of French bread that turned green from mold last week.

    As for the wedding - - I hate to admit this, but I've always had the old-fashioned mode of thinking that Bill has. I don't like to shove my sexuality into anyone's faces. That's very odd for me to say, since I lived in Hollywood where everyone is gay and having sex in the streets is normal (Okay, that's an exaggeration. I only had sex in the alleys).
    Having said that, however, I still think your back yard would be a perfect place for the wedding. As Anne Marie said, the neighbors already know you're gay. And I'm sure your wedding won't be quite as elaborate as that of Kate and William.

    As for summer tourists - - you haven't lived until you've seen the summer tourists in Southern California. They are bumper to bumper and wall to wall and as annoying as hell (I'm only speculating - - but I THINK hell is annoying.....).

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    1. Jon,

      I'm not one for shoving my sexuality in anyone's face either but I don't hide it. I don't substitute pronouns or lie about who I am. If someone has a problem with me being gay, it's their problem, not mine. Bill would rather hide and not be exposed. I don't care. I am what I am, either you like me or your don't.

      Oh our summer tourists are pretty much "bumper to bumper" here too in Gayberry, Delaware.

      Ron

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  4. I'm glad to see that you're posting again. I like your "Fight Club" reference. (The first rule of fight club is... you don't talk about fight club.)

    Thanks to that little video clip, Tchaikovsky is now going to run through my head. I should have guessed it was going to be Swan Lake. Oh well; there are worse things to get running though one's head, No, I will not give any other examples lest I annoy too many people.

    I took a look at route 1 on Google maps with satellite imagery turned on. Wow! That really does get hairy as you get close to Rehoboth. I'd get sick of dealing with that too.

    Can you and Bill work out some type of compromise?









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    1. Sean,

      Bill doesn't compromise. I do all the compromising in this relationship.

      I didn't realize the music was "Swan Lake." I should have known that beings there were two swans "swimming" on the mirror. Now that tune is stuck in my head.

      Ron

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    2. Have you ever heard the term "earworm" before? It means a tune or sound that you just can't get out of your head.

      I lied when I said I wouldn't give out any examples. There's the classic "Chicken Dance Song" or "The Song That Never Ends." Then there's this most wonderful piece of 1970s cheese from Communist Russia, "The Trolololo Song."

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM.


      You're welcome!!!


      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM

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    3. Sean,

      I'll pass on those "ear worms" right now. Too much going on in my life at this time.

      Ron

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  5. Pre-wedding jitters, Ron. Nobody's immune. Even I had them 43 years ago --in a back yard. They exaggerate every possible minor glitch in our imaginations. Pre-wedding jitters is what keeps me from getting married oftener, well, that and falling in love with the right person first time. Thing is, what you and Bill are planning exceeds the simplicity of the ceremony by connecting with and celebrating a hugely important advancement in human rights. That's got to add a jitter or two!

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    1. Geo/.
      Bill doesn't have the pre-wedding jitters. He has the jitters of being publicly identified as being gay. This has always been a problem between us. He worries way too much about what other people think. I couldn't care less. If they have a problem, it's their problem not mine.

      We'll probably just get married at the justice of the peace office. I didn't want a big wedding anyway but a small gathering would have been nice.

      Ron

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  6. Ron,

    I wondered where you were. I was getting a bit concerned. Bill's got to get out of that prison. Your neighbors know, no doubt, and all they care about is that you are good neighbors. Man, I wish I could blog about some things, but probably can't. Things are not good. I'm getting depressed dealing with depression. I think you understand. Can I call you on FaceTime late tomorrow morning and cry on your cyber-shoulder?

    Lar

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    1. Lar,

      Absolutely, call me tomorrow morning. I don't go to work until Wednesday night now. I think finally after six months I'm back to my two night a week schedule.

      Bill can't change his way of thinking. He is so embarrassed at being gay. He's never been comfortable with it. He is beside himself trying to figure out how we can get married without anyone being there. I told him we need at least two witnesses and the justice of the peace. Poor Bill, he just is unable to think any other way. I know you understand.

      Ron

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  7. Maybe you could get married in the house and have the party/reception out back. That way the neighbors won't feel uncomfortable--though my position would be "Who gives a f%k about the neighbors this is MY f%king wedding!"

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    1. Bob,

      As I told Will J., Bill would never have anyone in the house. He doesn't like to have company. He gets all whacked out when he knows I'm having someone over.

      Hey, I'm like you, I don't give a flying F what the neighbors think. However, our neighbors don't care one way or another. They have their own issues to worry about. Bill worries way too much about "what the neighbors will think." This attitude has always been a problem between us. I live my life openly, I"m not in anyone's face but I'm not going to hide just because it might make someone else feel uncomfortable. That's their problem not mine. But Bill can't think any other way. He of THAT generation that is used to hiding. I know another guy who is 92 years old. He lives by himself but whenever his nephew visits, he puts the word out "NO VISITS." He doesn't want his nephew to know he has male friends. He's friends with a widow and he drags her out on those occasions. Isn't it sad to live out one's life that way?

      Ron

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  8. I don't know what to say that would help Bill. If he won't listen to you, he won't listen to anyone.

    Glad you are feeling so much better. Has to be a relief after the initial pain. Now you just have to get busy glowing in the dark so you'll know it's working, right? ;-)

    I agree with you on traffic. I deal with way too much of it every day on I-95 and I'm only on it for perhaps a mile each way. But there is no better way to get to work and back. Sigh. You don't have to be 71 to hate dealing with the idiots on the road these days.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    1. Jay,

      Bill is very, very stubborn. Notice that he didn't attend the Bloggerpalooza with me. He never attends any function where there are other people. He doesn't even like to go out to a meal with me. He is a homebody and that's where he wants me. I'm a homebody too but I do like to get out on occasion.

      Re the traffic, the older I get the more it bothers me. I don't need it and I'll avoid it as much as I can. Too many idiots on the roads today.

      Ron

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  9. Perhaps the solution is to get married in the Living Room and have the reception outside in the yard - and your friends are greeting you in the grove of beech trees. Tell your Bill that you will make it look like you are just having a party. ;-)

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    1. Will J,

      A party? Bill and a party? Are you kidding? We've never had one party in the whole 48 years we've been together. Oh I've had friend over early on in our relationship, when I made those arrangements Bill disappeared. It was very embarrassing for me. I learned a long time ago that any parties I attend are outside our home. Bill has always told me that if I had friends over, he disappears. I've always envied those couples who could have a gathering of friends in the house. Once in a great while he will like one of my friends and we can have them over for dinner. But even though he likes them, it is still very stressful for him. I'll hear about it for weeks afterwards. It is ironic because when I met Bill he was probably the most popular guy in the bar. Not now though, he is a homebody. He only wants my company. Sometimes it is smothering I have to admit. But that's the way it is in our relationship. We're all different and we work these things out.

      Ron

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  10. Bill is just shy and wants his privacy!

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    1. Nadege,

      You are absolutely right. Bill is very shy and wants his privacy. I have several other friends who feel the same way. I value and want my privacy too but I do like to get out more than Bill does. Different folks, different strokes (or something like that). :)

      Ron

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  11. Bill looked at this car yesterday as we were sitting in traffic on Rt. 1 and said "Where is the driver?"

    When I read that, I started laughing so hard!!! I can see where he would think the driver is missing indeed.

    When you first said that the old geezer was driving on the wrong side, I thought you meant wrong side of the road, instead of wrong side of the car. And that would be a problem indeed with four lanes coming at you.

    David

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    1. David,

      I couldn't drive like that, on the right side although one would think it would come naturally since most of us are right handed. I just know I would get mixed up and ram into somebody head-on.

      Ron

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    2. When I was in England, I rented a car for a week and drove all over southern England. Only one time, I got mixed up and that was on an old country road with no other cars around. When I made a left turn at an intersection, I automatically started down the road on the right side, but quickly before seeing another car realized my error and moved over to the left side of the road.

      What was most difficult for me was that I had rented an English Ford with manual transmission, and I had to shift gears with my LEFT hand.

      Another BIG problem for me in London is that each time I as a pedestrian stepped off the curb, I looked in the wrong direction for oncoming cars. One could easily get killed doing that.

      David

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    3. David,

      Do you remember the story of the actor Matthew Broderick when he was vacationing in Ireland? He was driving on the wrong side of the road and had a head on collision and killed two women. I have a hard enough time just traveling on American roads, I can't imagine having to reverse everything. Thank goodness I'll never have the opportunity.

      Ron

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  12. Note to Bill:
    "Learning to love yourself,
    it is the greatest love of all."

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    1. Stan,

      Bill has always been very concerned with what other people think of him. I would like other people to think well of me but I can't control what they think. I gave up a long time ago worrying about what other people think of me. As I said many times before, it's their problem, not mine. I know myself and I know I'm not a bad person. If they fail to see that, then it is their loss. Not mine.

      Ron

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  13. goodness gracious I hope Mr. Bill chills out and allows a wedding. what's the point of marriage if you are ashamed of whom you are marrying ? I am in a rather cross mood I suppose. No more hiding or vanity viz. 'what will the neighbors think'.

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    1. Dr. Spo,

      Perhaps the number one point of conflict in our long relationship (me and Bill) has always been his attitude towards being gay. Whereas other couples have either money or sex as a conflict, with me and Bill it has always been his self-hatred (perhaps too strong of a word but I know of no other to use) of being gay. Many times I have come close to leaving him because of this problem, only to relent when I saw how devastated he would be without me. One time in particular I remember, I had already got an apartment and was ready to call an end to our relationship and he begged me to stay. I looked into his eyes and realized that he really did love me (as I did him) but that this was an issue that he just couldn't deal with. We all make compromises in relationships, this is my compromise. I have been in a long term relationship with a man who is ashamed of being gay. He will never change. Believe me, I've tried. Nothing works. I just deal with it day to day. Some days are better than other days, some not. However, somethings things I insist upon and he realizes that. We will get married, albeit a very small and low profile wedding. Hey, I'm surprised that he even agreed to a wedding.

      Ron

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