Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day 2013

Mom at her favorite spot in her garden, at the end of the day

My Mom died in 2010.  This is the third year that I will not send her a Mother's Day card.  Oh sure, I know "holidays" like Mother's Day are over commercialized but my Mother did like to receive a Mother's Day card.  


Mom (far left) with her two older brothers George (center) and Randall (right) She told me that later her brothers tore the head off of her doll.  This is the only picture of have of my Mom as a little girl.  It was taken around 1927

I honored my Mother every day of the year.  Whenever I saw something that I thought she would like, I bought it for her.  I didn't have to wait for a holiday.  For you see, I was one of those lucky kids who had a great Mom.


Mom holding her half sister Ruthie on her shoulder- this is the only picture I have of my Mom when she was  about 14 years old -1 937

Oh sure, towards the end of her life, when she started to slip into dementia, things got difficult.  The last year or so of her life she was very angry with me.  I think her anger had a lot to do with the fact that I moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware, thus leaving her.  She felt the same way when my younger brother John moved to South Carolina with his wife over thirty years ago.  However, we didn't "leave" her.  She was living with our other brother Isaac.  For you see, "her boys" (as she always used to call us), had all the bases covered.


Mom as a high school sophomore - 1939

I had a room for her at our house here in Delaware.  She lived with Isaac at her home of over fifty years in Pennsylvania until he could no longer care for her.  That when we tricked her into moving to South Carolina with brother John, who is a care pastor and had the facilities in his home to better accommodate our increasingly frail mother. Plus, John had two women (his wife and daughter) who could better attend to our Mom's "woman's needs" than Isaac or Bill and I could.


Mom's graduation picture 1940 - she never graduated - she got married when she was 16 years old  had me

My brothers Isaac and John and I promised our Mother that we would never put her in a nursing home.  I have to admit that the last couple months of her life became increasingly difficult for John and his wife Barbara to care for Mom.  She was very demanding and difficult (as a result of her dementia).  But then she had her good days which made all the difficult days fade.  


Mom, me and Pop - 1941
I am so proud that we were able to keep our promise to our Mom.  Although she did want to spend her last years at her longtime home in Pennsylvania, my brothers and I were able to provide her with the personalized care that she so loved and appreciated.  


Mom and me - 1941 - humble beginnings but happy

There is a rarely a day that goes by that I don't think of my Mother.  We were best friends.  I discussed everything with her.  When she died I felt like part of me died.  In fact, part of me did die.  She was always there for me.  For sixty-eight years I had the comfort and security of knowing that my Mother was never more than a phone call away, ready to listen to my latest drama.  


Guess who makes their arrival in November 1941? Yep, it's me!

My Mom loved me like no one else has ever done. Bill comes a close second but no one, and I mean no one loved me like my Mom.  And I in turn can never love a woman like I loved my Mom.  


I was a Happy Baby (so says my Mother) - 1942

When I was younger and confused about my sexuality I often thought it had to do with my close relationship with my Mother.  I could never imagine anything other than a loving (platonic) and respectful relationship with any other woman other than my Mother.  Any other kind of relationship (carnal) with a woman repealed me (no offense to my present women friends).  I still feel the same way today.  


No mistaking who the Mama's boy was - that's me leaning on my Mom while my two younger brothers are trying to figure out that toy typewriter - 1950

I have many photos of my Mom.  Yesterday I pulled some out to represent my relationship with her over the years.  Some of these photos I have posted before in this blog.  Perhaps I'm posting too many this time.  But you know what?  It gives me a good feeling to honor my Mom this way on her special day.  I'm sorry Mom that I couldn't send you a Mother's Day card this year but here is my annual tribute to you Mom.  As I said earlier in this posting, I was one of the lucky kids.  I had a great Mom.  


Mom - one of my first pictures with my new camera she bought for me for Christmas - 1954

Some day Mom, if there is a Heaven perhaps we will see each other again.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?


Mom and "her boys" 1952


Mom and "her boys" 2005


Mom and No. 1 Son (that would be me) 2000


Me and Mom 2003 - a special friendship


Mom 1943
Mom - 2006


Mom with her cousin Sandy (left) and niece Elaine (right) - 2005


Mom didn't get many hugs growing up - me and my brothers tried to make up for it - 2007


Me helping Mom back to her house - 2007


Brother John helping Mom to her chair


Mom at the car where she met Pop - she was in the rumble seat - Pop carried this picture in his wallet until the day he died



The last picture I have of me with Mom - June 2010 (yes, she was mad at me) 


A few months before she died - brother John got her on one of her good days - 2010
Pop and Mom - 1960

26 comments:

  1. this is a wonderful post about your mother, ron. she lived in such a different time--maybe a simpler time where there was a difference between children and adults. dementia changes a person in terrible ways, you know, i am sure, that her anger was not usually "rational" as she got older. i am glad that you were able to give her the care you did--we had to place my mother in a care home and that was heartbreaking.

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    1. Tony,

      Ah yes, a simpler and better time. Even though she developed dementia at the end of her life we didn't hold it against her. Both of her older sisters also developed dementia. We were very patient with her. We understood and I think she did to. The person that came out sometimes wasn't her and we knew it.

      We almost came close to putting her in an assisted care facility. Towards the end it was pretty stressful for my brother and his wife. We were very lucky that we were able to keep our promise to her.

      Ron

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  2. Incredibly moving, Ron. You are not only lucky to have had such a lovely mum (whose face and smile lights up like the sun) - but you've got so many memories of her camera-captured.
    I too was close to my own mum but have hardly anything in the way of pics. If only I knew while she was with us (she died in 2005, aged 89) that catching her on film would have been so appreciated after she'd gone. But you had the foresight to do it, so in that you've been doubly lucky.
    I do hope that somehow you'll be able to meet up with her again. If that is possible then it's equally likely that she knows right now how you're missing her.

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    1. Ray,

      Everybody liked my Mother's smile. She did radiate when she smiles. She had so much hardship growing up it's a wonder she could smile. Her mother died when she wasn't quite two years old and she never had a real mother. She often talked about the mother she never knew.

      I have other video of my Mother. It's hard to watch because I always get emotional. But I am glad I have them.

      Ron

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  3. A wonderful tribute to your Mother and fantastic photos. I always pretend that I don't care about Mother's Day, but it admittedly leaves me with a very painful emptiness. I never got over my Mother's death. Like you, I was extremely close to my Mom. I always strongly identified with women and I was terrified of men (thanks to my abusive father).
    If there's a heaven, our Moms have to be there....

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    1. Jon,

      You understand. My Mom was my best friend just like your mom was your best friend. So many times I want to just talk to her and I can't. It hurts that I can't. When she died part of me died with her. I will never be the same as I am sure you will never be the same since your mother died. I don't fear death because I figure I win either way. Either I see her again or there is nothing and the pain of her loss stops.

      Ron

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  4. you just sent your mom a nice card and you shared her story with us. yes, you were one of the lucky kids to have a great mom. I never knew your mom got married at 16 - so young!

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    1. Anne Marie,

      Yes, my brothers and I were very lucky to have such a mom. Oh yes, she got married one weekend and went back to school on Monday. She didn't tell her father she got married. He found out through one of her sisters. There was a big confrontation and my father told her "I'm going to get you out of this mess" and they left. That's why she quit school before she graduated. She has quite a story.

      Ron

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  5. That is a very nice tribute! You had a great mom but she is lucky to have a great son(s) too.

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    1. Thank you very much Nadege! My brothers and I knew we hit the jackpot with our mom. We all miss her terribly. But we did have her for a long time.

      Ron

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  6. You were lucky to have such a fine Mom.

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    1. Brian,

      Oh don't I know I was lucky to have such a mom. Coming from a small town I assumed all moms were like mine. It wasn't until I joined the Army and got away from home and realized that not all men were as lucky as I was to have a mom like I had. My brothers felt the same way. We knew we were blessed to have such a mom. The irony is that our Mom didn't really have a mother. Her mother died during childbirth before my Mother turned two years old. She always talked about the mother she didn't have. I always felt sorry for her but knew we were extremely lucky to have her.

      Ron

      Ron

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  7. Ron,

    That was a beautiful tribute to your Mother. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

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  8. A wonderful, fitting tribute to a fine lady. Every son deserves to have a mother like yours. Thank you for introducing her to me.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    1. Thank you Jay. You would have liked my Mom and I know she would have liked you.

      Ron

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  9. Beautiful, Ron. Just Beautiful. Thank you!!

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    1. Thank you Karen. I felt like I was with my Mom again when I did this post.

      Ron

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  10. Randy in NEB10:09 PM

    Ron, Oh my God, your story of your Mother made me happy and sad all at the same time. I guess it would be quite a hardship to get married so young. She was very lucky to have sons like you and your brothers.I still have both of my parents,76,78 years old. They have tons of old photos I'll have to go through some day too. I'm sad you miss her. Randy.

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    1. Randy,

      Thanks! Mom didn't mind the "hardship" of getting married so young because she her home situation was so bad. She was like Cinderella with the wicked step mother. My father said "I'll get you out of this mess" and he did.

      Treasure your parents while they're still here Randy. Too soon they're gone, forever.

      Ron

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  11. i liked the 2005 photo the best.

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    1. Dr. Spo,

      That 2005 photo was my idea because we didn't have even one professional photo of our family. Gathering everyone together was harder than herding cats. But my brother John was visit from South Carolina and I twisted Isaac's arm (he doesn't like his photo taken even though he is the best looking Tipton brother). I got it done though. I just wish I could have had one with my father too.

      Ron

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  12. Anonymous10:38 AM

    What a beautiful tribute to your Mom Ron. I adore her smile. It's one of those smiles that brings such peace to your heart. My Mom's been gone a few years now & I think of here several times a day.

    Fran

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    1. Fran,

      Like you, memories of my Mom are never far away from me. Like today, I was at the Sand HIll Nursery. I would have liked to have shared my pick of plants with her and get her opinion. One of our annual traditions was going to the plant nursery to pick out plants for the summer.

      Ron

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  13. I always find your old family photos very touching, in part, perhaps, because the clothes and the very poses people adopt and the set of their faces recall my own old family photos here in the UK. Somehow, hope and bravery come through your photos and they are always moving.

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    1. Paul,

      Thank you very much for your generous comments on my posting. You and folks like you are one of the reasons I do a blog. I have so many memories and old photos that I want to share with those who are interested before I pass from this earth. Too often I've seen that those memories and old photos are gone once the person has passed on. And you bring up a very poignant point about "hope and bravery coming through" the photos that I post. To me old photos are a permanent history of a time gone and never to be repeated. I hope by posting the few old photos I have others can share what I have enjoyed over the years by looking at these old photos.

      Have a great day!

      Ron

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