Monday, February 27, 2012

The Oscars!

For about two seconds I considered going straight when confronted with THIS!  Then I took a look to the left and settled back into my Gay Comfort Zone - admit it, Brad's leg is sexier.

Okay, where do I start?  What do I say that hasn't already been said?  Well, here we go with Ron's Stream of Consciousness Thought:

  • What was the deal with Angelina's right leg?  Did it have a hard on? 
  • Billy Crystal was great as the host.....however
  • Not original Billy with the ageist jokes about Christopher Plummer's age, not funny either.
  • Another "What Was The Deal With?..." Robert Downey, Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow?  I never got the charm ?) of Mr. Reform Druggie ex-convict Robert Downey, Jr.  Somebody tell me why he thinks he's funny and relevant?  I have to give Gwinnie props for trying to save that awkward Banter Moment
  • And yet another "What Was the Deal With?" the Cirque du Soleil performance?  I thought this was the Oscars, not Las Vegas.  Okay, okay.  We got it.  Cirque du Soleil is SO COOL (but I did see one guy fall on his ass during one of the acrobatic tumbles so they're not PERFECT)
  • I was very disappointed in Emma Stone.  She doesn't do BANTER well. Of course she had as her Banter Partner Ben Stiller, MR. LARGE EGO. Both were VERY BORING.
  • And PUH-LEEZE....enough with Jenny From The Block and her boop-boop-pit-de-doo Little Girl Voice and Plunging Neckline gown.  We got it Jo-Lo, WE GOT IT.  You're hot (at least in your own mind)
Big Ass

  • And Woody Allen, didn't disappoint again.  He WASN'T there to accept his Oscar for best screenplay.  Where was he? Playing his clarinet at a New York jazz club?  Oh SO COOL.  Oh Woody, you're so over. BORING.

  • Let's see, what else can I bitch about?  Who was the dude in the audience with the maharaja head do with the bling?  Yeah, we SAW you.   Like , WHO ARE YOU?

    Of course the first recipient of an award bounds up on the stage with shoulder length white hair.  WTF?  Yes, WE SEE YOU.

      I thought Halloween was over.

    So have the Hollywood Trendsetters signaled that long hair is back in style again?  Even Brad Pitt had long hair, albeit it greasy..  Oh don't tell me, "It's for a role."  Brad didn't look to bad this time.  At least he trimmed that scraggly beard he had the last time he deigned to appear in public before his Adoring Fans.  Wash you hair the next time Mr. Sex Pot, it looks better when it's blonde and fluffy.

    Oh let's see (I knew I should have taken notes last night while I was watching the Oscar commercials Show.  I can't think of anything else to bitch about so here are some good comments:

    I was SO GLAD Octavia Spencer won Best Supporting Actress.  I LOVE THAT woman.  By the way, who the HUNK with her?  WOWSIE!

    Gorgeous Octavia!
    I was very disappointed that Viola Davis didn't win Best Actress but I am glad that Meryl Streep won.  She is a fantastic actress and thirty years is TOO LONG to go between receiving an Academy Award for her consistently outstanding performances.

    I didn't see that silent movie and I don't think I will.  I don't go for the Cute Factor.  If you all think silent movies are the new Trend, let's see how many they make this year.  I'll go out on a limb and make a prediction:   NONE.

    I didn't see "Hugo" either and probably won't.  I'm not into cutsie poo kiddie pictures.  Don't get me wrong, I like kids (as long as they're well behaved) but I don't go for the Hollywood Kiddies.  They don't seem genuine to me.  Way TOO CUTE (hear that Dakota Fanning?)

    That said what was the deal with all the awards going to "Hugo"?  A Lovefest for Martin Scorese?  Which remind me...did anyone notice how many SHORT actors were there last night?  No room for tall guys like me (I'm 6'3" - used to be 6'4" before old age shrunk me).  Either the actresses were all wearing 10 inch spiked heels or Tommy Boy wasn't wearing his lifts.  Oh, that's right.  Tommy Boy appeared ALONE.  Not taking any chances he of being dwarfed on the Big Night.
    Another dwarf accepting an Oscar - big heads little bodies  

    Check the Dwarf on the right with the Angelina Stance - love it!

    What was this?  Partners? Lovers? Jerkoffs?  I heard some mention of "wife" and "my children" so I assume they're straight but you could've fooled me!

    Another "couple"? The Buzz-Cut on the left is sort of cute if dorky.  Hey, I have strange tastes.  I'd take him over Brad Pitt  

    And yet more Dwarfs!
    Hey gang, did you see the Horse Face on this babe?  God, I almost fell out of my chair when she turned around and displayed the best Horse Face since Celine Dione.  Move over Celine, you have a replacement!
    Ah "SHUT UP!"  This is when I'm glad I have a MUTE button on my remote control.  

    Christopher Plummer, Best Supporting Actor
    Class Act - Well Deserved
    Meryl Street, Best Actress
    Class Act - Well Deserved

    Oh, I almost forgot.  What was that with the Focus Group skit?  That was downright embarrassing.  I thought it was a spoof on comedy skits, just to see how GAWD AWFUL a bunch of old Hollywood writers could write a bad skit.  NOT FUNNY.

    So let's see, what else?  One good thing, the Oscar cast wasn't three hours long this time.  I thought the Ellen DeGeneres J. C. Penney commercials were funny.  Hey, that's me.  She's funny in just about anything she appears in or does.  Unlike that lame Focus Group skit.

    Oh, and another "I almost forgot"....what was the deal with the Popcorn Ladies strolling down the aisles handing out boxes of popcorn?  Were WE trying to replicate an old movie theater experience? Me thinks so.  Only problem, I didn't see them charging anything for the popcorn.  Hey Producers of the Oscars, if you're going to mimic the Old Time Movie Experience, charge $10.00 for the popcorn.  And also have a sullen, teenage pimply kid hand out the popcorn, not some beautiful Babes.  Talk about Fantasy Land.  And thinking about it, if you really wanted to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT...have some hunky guys handing out the popcorn.  Now that would get me attention plus recognize that there are a LOT of gay guys and women in the audience.  In fact, a LOT MORE than the Old White Men who control Hollywood.

    I can't get that image of Angelina's Hard On Leg out of my mind.  Help me somebody!

    It was close but the director of "The Artist" was the Most Boring Idiot on the stage last night -BORING!


    1. anne marie in philly11:09 AM

      uh oh, is someone having his man period this AM? :)

      I didn't watch and I don't care. spouse watched the whole thing. the only movie he saw out of the ones nominated was "the artist".


    2. Anne Marie,

      Oh I just let "it" flow baby, let it flow!

    3. Love the recap.
      The hottie with Octavia was Tate Taylor, director of The Help.

      I saw The Artist and loved it. No sound, black-and-white, but so joyful.

    4. I don't bother with award shows but I enjoyed this recap anyway!

    5. I'm glad that the time difference meant that I couldn't watch this live. Well, I suppose I could have but it only started at 11.30 p.m. - and I wasn't going to endure a late night/early morning assault on my already low cringe-tolerance.

      I have a few slight disagreements about what you say above, Ron, but that's people for you. However, as someone who also doesn't like wise-cracking kids coming out with bon-mots beyond their years, I think you'd be pleasantly surprised if you saw 'Hugo'. In so many ways a really remarkable film which I'd gladly see again.

    6. What's with the dwarf jibes? Watch it, or I'll sic an elf on you. ;)

    7. I loved and thoroughly enjoyed watching all the French guys from "The Artist" production team kissing all over each other the whole night. Why are we so backwards in America that we can't express joy and admiration the way the French do?

    8. So glad I didn't watch... Love your commentary.

    9. Ron,

      Sorry, didn't get most of your comments having not watched this thing. If I want to see the movie, I'll see the movie and make my own judgment. Got better things to do with my time then Oscars anymore.

      I don't even know who thee people in your pictures are.

      Liked the snow geese.


    10. The hunky guy with Octavia Spencer was Tate Taylor, director and screen-writer of The Help.

    11. Bob,

      Thanks for the info on Tate Taylor. What a nice looking man and with a great smile all night. I'll see "Hugo" now that you have told me your like it. I will probably like it too since I think we have the same taste.

    12. Mark,

      I don't usually watch the awards shows either because they are so long and boring and I just can't stand all those acceptance speeches thanking everyone that ever entered their lives. I used the Mute button a lot last night. I did want to see Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer win, that's why I stayed up late.

    13. Walt,

      Ironically, I am attracted to short guys. Go figure. What I don't like is someone who is short pretending that they're not short. Especially the short guys with big heads, both literally and figuratively. I like tall guys too. I just don't like mean or swishy, effeminate guys.

    14. Ray,

      You're the second person who recommended "Hugo" which I will see now. Thanks!

    15. Cubby,

      Our Puritan (hypocrite) foundation is almost impossible to overcome. I've met straight men who would rather suck dick than actually kiss a man on the lips. Married guys. You probably have too. I've never been able to figure that one out.

    16. Mellissa,

      Thanks for your compliment. I don't usually watch awards shows either but I forced myself through this one in hopes of seeing Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis win an Oscar. I got half my wish.

    17. Larry,

      You didn't miss much. Billy Crystal had some funny moments but mostly the Oscar Fest was another bore. I can't stand all those acceptance speeches, especially the ones thanking their little babies for "supporting them" and "it would of have been possible if...." Give me a break. WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR KID? !?

    18. Desperate Artist,

      Tate Taylor, thanks! What a nice looking man.

    19. Anonymous6:03 PM


      I can't get that image of Angelina's Hard On Leg out of my mind. Help me somebody!

      LOL!! You're hysterical. LOL!!

      and YES! for Meryl Streep, she's got my vote! I'd loved her in Mama Mia - I didn't realized she could sing. I watch that movie now whenever I need a pick me up!

      Love the Rant!
      Judy (from NC)

    20. Thank you Judy (from NC)!

      Sometimes I just have to rant. I know I lose some folks with my rants but oh it is so much fun just to go "unplugged."


    21. Your Oscar observations are extremely apt and amusing. I think the entire affair has turned into a tawdry carnival rather than an award show.
      Personally,I didn't like Angelina or her leg......she could turn a straight man gay.
      I also didn't like Crystal's incessant "age" jokes about Christopher Plummer.

    22. Jon,
      I don't "get" Angelina either. My neighbor thinks she is (Angelina) is the most beautiful woman in the world. What?
      I didn't like Crystal's incessant age jokes either. Not funny.


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