My Neighborhood

Rich with "Samantha" and Bob with "Heidi"

Almost every morning, before breakfast, I walk the length of my neighborhood.  

I live in a Ryan Homes development a few miles north of Lewes, Delaware.  In fact, the border between Lewes and Milton, is the road that leads into our development.

All my life I wanted to live in a nice neighborhood. In fact, you could say that acquiring a home in a nice neighborhood has been a lifetime goal of mine.  

Some people aspire to be a great success in their chosen career.  Some others aspire to get married and have a family.

Me?  My goal was just to have my own home in a nice neighborhood with nice neighbors.

Folks, it has taken me most of my life to realize this goal.  

Growing up my family lived in second floor apartments.  Apartment buildings that weren't in neighborhoods.  

Walking to school I envied what my classmates, who lived in "regular" houses, took for granted.  A porch, a first floor, a second floor, and attic, a basement and a back yard.  I never had that "luxury" until my parents built a 1,100 square foot, three (small) bedroom, one bath house on three and half acres of land in the country outside of Downingtown, Pennsylvania.  

I was 16 years old and, for the first time in my life, I had my own bedroom.  Nirvana folks, nirvana. However, my happiness was short-lived because I was a senior in high school.  After graduation I left home and joined the Army for three years.  

From that date in January 1963 my life has been a series of apartments until our first house.  A row house in Philadelphia.  We didn't have a porch or an attic or a basement but we did have a small backyard.  Progress!

Then in 1980 we bought seven acres of land near where my parents lived in Downingtown.  Four years later we built our dream house.  We finally had a porch, basement, and attic.  Only problem, where we lived wasn't too friendly to two gay men who had the chutzpah to move into and live in their straight neighborhood.  Not all the neighbors were homophobic but enough were that made periods of our twenty-five year stay uncomfortable.  In fact, at one time our next door neighbor went to the township police chief to "report" us as gay.  She truly believed that by exposing the "gaywads" who had the nerve to live next to her (we were there first by the way, she and her husband built their house years after we had built ours).  Fortunately for me the police chief knew that Bill and I were gay (his boss the township supervisor was my boss at the bank) and informed this hateful ignoramus that "They have every right to live wherever they want to" which came as a shock to this terrible woman. 

We continued to live there several years after this woman's attempt to have us arrested.  Of course she nor her family was "neighborly" to us.  The rot continued with neighbor below who told Bill once that he made her "feel uncomfortable."  

And now we come to today.  

I decided to sell our Pennsylvania home and leave Pennsylvania because of their steadily increasing their school real estate tax.  We just couldn't afford to live in Pennsylvania anymore.  And to be very frank, I wanted to spend my remaining years in a more tolerant environment.  An environment where we didn't make our neighbors "feel uncomfortable."  

This morning, returning from my morning walk in the rain I encountered two of my neighbors, Rich and Bob.  Both are conservative Republicans.  And as you know I am not.  I'm one of those PROGRESSIVES.  But you know what folks?  even being the conservative Republicans that both of these men are, Bill and I are appreciated for just what we are, two human beings who are just trying to live their life in peace and tranquility.

I don't have a whole lot of years left on this earth folks but I am so thankful that for the few years I do have left, I am in a nice neighborhood.  And with some VERY nice neighbors.

An Apology

1953 6th grade class operetta - me- back row left
my friend Bill B. second from right first row

"Hey Ron,

I owe you an apology. Our pastor is doing a series on forgiveness and I thought about our last conversation whereas I said that someday people may marry their pets.  I said that because who knows what will happen in the future?  As Pastor Lee said this morning, "Give thanks that we can meet openly. Someday that may not be the case." It wasn't a comment due to a threat, or to scare anyone. It was a comment because, really, we don't know. 

The conviction that I should apologize to you is from Romans 12:18. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  I offer the olive branch to you. I'm sorry that I offended you by my comment and ask for your forgiveness.

Best regards,

Bill"

A few weeks ago, during a casual conversation wit my longtime (since first grade, 1947) friend Bill B. (not to be confused with my spouse Bill K.), he casually made a remark in reference to my marriage to Bill K.:  "What's next? Marrying your pet?"

Bill and me from a class reunion committee a few years back

He didn't say this in malice or anger but just an offhand, "less than", denigrating remark.  I truly don't believe he realized how insulting and hurtful his remark was to me. 

After he made his offhand remark trivializing my marriage as something like a "fad of the moment", it took me a few moments as our conversation continued on other subjects to say "Bill, do you realize you just insulted me?  Did you hear what you just said to me?  You're equating my marriage with human beings marrying animals?" 

Bill, who as I said I've known for a long time, didn't understand what I was upset about.  He said "Ron, there are people who believe that."  

I said to him "Does that make it right?  The Klu Klux Klan believed that blacks should be kept down too.  Does that make it right?"

Folks, my longtime friend really didn't understand my consternation.  I told him "Don't you remember what happened to your former senator (Rick Santorum, my friend is from Pennsylvania) who equated same sex marriage with 'man on beast'.  Where is he now?"  

Bill and me 50th class reunion - 2009

Bill, like most of my friends, is a longtime conservative, self-satisfied, every Sunday church going Republican who NEVER admit they're wrong even when they know they're wrong, actually sent me an e-mail today apologizing.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  

Reading the e-mail, I'm still not quite sure he's apologizing for being wrong but for saying what he said.  I think in his heart he still believes that I am "less than" the equivalent of his societal acceptable heterosexual marriage.   

Me at Bill's house enjoying a mutual glass of box wine

However, I do appreciate that he places some value on our friendship and has actually offered his apology, such as it is.  Sometimes even I am surprised.

Here is my reply to my friends apology e-mail:

"Thank you Bill. I was and have been upset. We've been friends too long to let something like this affect our friendship.

I believe that friends can have differing opinions but still remain friends. But when my marriage with Bill, which is recognized by law in Delaware and the United States as equal is trivialized as marrying an animal, I have no other choice than to be highly offended and hurt. 

I accept your apology."

Ron

And the beat goes on.

Musings on a Dreary Sunday

I usually put a "Weekly Roundup" posting here but this time I'm just going to let the brain waves flow and put those thoughts and observations to this post.

First I loved this photo that one of my cousins posted to her Facebook page.  Only those "in the know" will "get" it.  Oh those WERE THE DAYS.

So here's the deal folks, I'm still having the old prostate problems.  Not to gross anyone out with TO MUCH INFORMATION (but I will anyway, you all know me - I say what I think with rare restrictions), every time I pee I feel like I have to pee again.  Yep, there is a constant "I have to pee" feeling in my lower abdomen.  This is going to take some getting used to.  My urologist doesn't want to do anything until he takes a biopsy of my prostate for cancer.  That doesn't happen until the end of January.  Long time away.  In the meantime, I suffer.  At least there is no pain, just the discomfort of always feeling the need to pee.  So there, got the TMI info out right away.

Yesterday Bill and I visited our friends who will move into their assisted living apartment today.  God, I hope that's not the fate that awaits me.  Both of them have lost their driver's license so their wings are severely clipped.  All of their adult lives both of them have practically lived in their cars.  A big change for both of them.  I had breakfast with them.  La La Land.  Today at noon my one friend is having a birthday party for him at their new assisted living home.  More La La Land.  Pictures may or may not be taken.  

Just got a bulletin that one of my co-workers gave his three week notice at work.  He also works part-time as I do.  Well, that didn't last long.  He hasn't even been on the job six months.  This month I've been filling in for all my three co-workers. Looks like I'm going to be working more hours again.  I can't remember the last time I worked a whole month of my regular shift.  My permanent shift seems to be that of a substitute worker.  I don't mind working, the job isn't that hard and I like meeting people and providing the service that I provide but perhaps the hardest thing about my job is that it disrupts my eating schedule.  You see, when I'm working a the hotel I can't eat.  What I do is slip a packet of Lance cheese wheat crackers in between the phones calls and requests for extra pillows.  An irregular schedule of this "nutrition" severely disrupts Ron's gastrointestinal activity (read between the lines - I've already provided too much information about my bodily functions in this posting).

What I would rather eat for dinner - yum!

I've been reading all the comments on the "Then" and "Now" photo of me and Bill on "Gay Marriage USA."  About 80% of the comments are positive but 20% are negative, some very viciously so.  Of course I read the usual "Gross!" and "You're going to hell!" and (get ready for it) "FAG!" (hardly the first time I've heard that endearment in my lifetime).  No surprise that there is still a solid undercurrent of homophobia in this great land of ours that doesn't hesitate to rear its ugly, hateful head and spew venom.  What I find interesting is the concentration on our sex life and "what do they do?" and the lack of interest in why Bill and I have been together for 48 years (we love one another).  I have a simple answer for those who are obsessed with our sex life (which is nobody's business by the way):

"Marriage is not about constant sex but a loving, committed relationship."

And that is what Bill and I have, a loving and committed relationship which will endure despite all the hate that is some continue to send our way.  Why two people who love one another upsets other people is something I will never understand.  

The one constant I have in my life is Bill and no matter whatever difficulties I encounter in life I know I have that one rock which is more than many people have in their life.  And in that respect I am indeed one of the luckiest men on the face of this earth.

Bill at my work place

I Got That Funny Feeling Again

Bill and Ron Milton, Delaware -  2011

Today I got that "funny feeling" again.  Three times in my life I've gotten this "funny feeling." 

It is hard to describe this "funny feeling" but I'll attempt to do so now.  Have you ever read about those near death experiences in which the soon to be deceased see the "light" at the end of a long tunnel.  The light is always described as emanating a feeling of total love and acceptance.  The feeling is one of comfort and peace.

Maybe it is a stretch to describe my feeling as heaven but I don't know how else to describe it.

The first time I experienced this feeling was on a cold February night in 1963.  I had just completed a three years in the Army working at the National Security Agency in Fort Meade, Maryland.  During that time I had to keep my homosexuality totally in the closet because I didn't want to lose my top secret clearance and get kicked out of the Army, which is what they did in those prehistoric times of the Fifties and Sixties. 

Bill and Ron Pennsauken, New Jersey - 1964

After returning to my home in Downingtown, Pennsylvania I took a bus to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to spend a weekend with my friend Sal.  Sal was a cook in the Air Force also stationed at Ft. Meade.  His tour of duty ended a few months before mine.  Sal was also gay.  Visiting Sal was my "coming out party" so to say. Sal and his friend Howard were going to take me to my first gay bar.

Of course I was very nervous.  I didn't know what to expect.  Sal lived in Elizabeth, a suburb of Pittsburgh.  That cold Saturday night we were going to visit a small local bar in the nearby town of Clairton, which was the hometown of Sal's friend Howard.

The straight part of the local bar was downstairs in the main entrance to the building.  The gay bar was accessed by a fire escape in the back of the main building.  We climbed the fire escape to the gay bar.

As we entered the darkened bar from the metal fire escape steps, butterflies were swirling around in my stomach.  The first thing I saw after my eyes adjusted to the darkness was male figures slow dancing together to a jukebox record.  I forget the name of the song but I will never forget that sight. The wild butterflies in my stomach disappeared immediately and were replaced by a calmness and warmth.  I was "home."  I no longer felt ALONE.  I no longer felt like a criminal in hiding.  I no longer felt the heavy oppression of shame of being homosexual.  There were others like me and they looked normal!  I didn't see one man dressed as a woman.  The sight of those men slow dancing that night in that small town bar in Clairton PA opened a whole new world to me.

Ron and Bill Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - 1974

The second time I experienced that funny feeling was the first time I visited Provincetown, Massachusetts.  I had heard a lot about "P-town" as the gay resort destination of America.  I was curious and decided the summer of 1974 to take my vacation in Provincetown.  I wasn't as nervous this time. 

From my first experience in 1963 to this time eleven years later in 1974, I had been a regular weekend bar hopper to the most popular Philadelphia gay bars.  I was also in a committed gay relationship since 1964.  This July weekend in 1974 my good friend Bob and I were going to see what all the fuss was about in P-Town.  We weren't disappointed.

We made the twelve hour trip in Bob's pickup truck driving from my center city home in Philadelphia, PA through New Jersey, New York, Mystic, Connecticut and then finally to the tip of Cape Cod where Provincetown is located.

Ron and Bill Downingtown, Pennsylvania - 1978

We arrived in town on Commercial Street on a Saturday evening.  P-town was packed.  As our truck inched it's way through the Saturday night crowd, we realized we were at someplace special.  Walking, strolling and laughing in the streets were all kinds of couples.  Straight couples, men and men couples, women and women couples.  Everyone was so relaxed.  For the first time in my life I felt the tremendous burden of oppression lifted from my being.  This must be what straight people feel like all the time!  Freedom!  Now we knew what all the fuss was about in Provincetown.  Every summer from that date on I spent at least one week of my vacation in Provincetown, ending in my last visit which lasted three weeks in 1986. 

Today was the third time I felt that special "feeling."  This was when I learned that President Obama announced publicly that he supported marriage equality.  In other words, he fully supports same sex marriage.

I never thought I would experience this feeling again but I have and it feels damn good. 

Maybe, just maybe in my lifetime Bill and I can get married for real.  Not any of this civil union or domestic partnership second- class make-believe marriage but a real marriage.  You know, just like the straight people with all the benefits, protections and respect.  If and when then happens I will have realized my life long dream that only a few years ago I considered impossible during my lifetime.  Bill and I will be married. 

Bill and Ron Milton, Delaware - 2011

In a few months we will celebrate our being together for forty-eight years.  Maybe by the time we celebrate our 50th anniversary, during the second year of the Obama administration with a Democratically controlled House and Senate, Congress will repeal DOMA.  

The question is not "Is it going to happen?" but "When is it going to happen?" 

I hope I live to see it.  

Ron and Bill 1965

Senior Prom - 1959

Jeanette and Ron - DHS Senior Prom 1959

Yes folks, that is me,  I'm the guy on the RIGHT SIDE of the photo. The girl on the left side of the photo is my date, Jeanette.  The occasion was my Senior Prom.

This morning I was talking to my long time friend Larry from my school days.  We're in the process of writing out autobiographies (like anyone is interested besides us).  We were talking about the delicate process that we undertook to select who we would ask to our respective senior proms.  We had to take a lot into consideration being the cowards that we were in dealing with rejection.

Hey, when you're seventeen years old, with all that peer pressure, one has to be very careful about asking a girl to the senior prom.  The worst thing was to be turned down because EVERYONE would know.  And I mean everyone.  Of course I had the  extra  problem of being gay and keeping that a big secret.  I did want to ask a girl who was expecting too much (if you know what I mean) AFTER the prom because I certainly wasn't going to deliver.  I had to ask someone who was pretty and well liked but not too pretty or popular because she would almost have to reject me because she had her reputation to consider too.

Larry and I of course are getting a big laugh about this now.  He did the same thing as I did.  He asked a  girl who was pretty but not too pretty and one who wasn't likely to turn him down.  I did the same thing.  Look at the picture of my date and you can see her waist size isn't exactly 18 inches.  Yes, Jeanette still had some baby fat she was nice.  In fact she was delightful, just no sexual chemistry.

Now here is who I really wanted to ask....my fellow classmate Don.

You know the funny thing about this?  Today he probably would have went with me.  Not back then in the Fifties though.  No way, no how.

Don is gone now, one of my several lost opportunities due to my sexual immaturity and lack of self confidence.  Don was a farm boy back in that day confused about his sexuality as many of us were during our teens especially in the Fifties when there was so little information about differences.

Oh Don, if I knew then what I know now I would never have turned you down.

Do you think we would have made a good-looking couple at our Senior Prom?

Gay at 5 Years Old?

Me at five years old - 1947 - gay already 

Recently I read an article on Huffington Post about a 7 year old who announced he was gay.  I'm sure the reason for the article was "How does a 7 year old know he is gay?"

Hey folks, I'm here to tell you a seven year old knows.  I was four years old when I knew I was gay.  I didn't know the word "gay."  This was way back in the last century, 1947 to be exact.  I knew I was "different" before I started first grade in 19147-1948.  The picture at the beginning of this blog posting is of Your Truly (that would be me).  It is my first grade picture taken at the East Ward Elementary School, Downingtown, Pennsylvania.  I think you can tell by the tilt of my cute little head that I was gay already.

Me in my second grade picture - I'm in the stripped shirt, third row back far right with the mop of hair - 1948

So you ask, how does a little kid, who has no sexual awareness, know he is gay?  My answer is, I KNEW I was different and I should keep it a secret.  Now remember this was the time before TV, the Internet, and I couldn't even read.  At that age of course I had no sexual awareness.  I didn't know my "pee-pee" had a dual use.  I would find that out until I was 12 years old when my good friend Larry told me how his parents had sex.  Up until that time I believed I was "delivered" by a stork at the Chester County Hospital.  In fact, I always wanted to go to the hospital and see where the storks landed daily.  Oh yes I did.  I was that naive. I remember exactly when my friend Larry told me.  We were both riding out bicycles up a step incline (Chestnut Street over the railroad) and when he told me, I had to get off my bike.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  My father peed into my Mom and that's how I came about?  I was in shock.  But this is a subject for another whole blog posting (or two).

Anyway, back to four year old "Little Ronnie" (as I was known in those prehistoric times), I knew that I had a "special feeling" whenever I was around one of my ten uncles (my father had ten brothers).  Nobody molested me but I did get some winks which thrilled me to no end.  And then when my Uncle Bruce's friend Earl came around (he was only 13 or 14, same age as my Uncle Bruce who lived with us for awhile because both of my grandparents were dead), to play "horsey", I got a little more out of riding his back than my little friends (both boys and girls did).

I had some favorite aunts too who were always nice to me but when one of my uncles would say my name ("Ronnie") and give me that Special Wink, oh how my heart fluttered.  Maybe it was because I never got this attention from my father, I don't know.

What I do know is that when I went to first grade I was immediately attracted to a little, goofy looking blonde haired boy named Dennis Kozolowski.  He was sort of buck toothed and had a serious cowlick, but I had that "special feeling" again when I saw him.  Of course all my Little Buddies at that time were the girls my age.  I was One of the Girls, for sure.  I wasn't in the Little Boy Crowd who played marbles at recess of Mumbly Peg with their penknives.  Oh no, I ran off with the little girls.  Back in those days a little boy like me was called A Sissy.

Even though I hung out mainly with the little girls I did have little boy friends.  Of male friends I had there was nothing sexual or "special feeling" about them to me.  The ones I had a special feeling about I looked on from afar.  I knew I had different feelings for them and I also knew that this was my secret.  That I should never tell anyone.  I thought I was the Only One In The World with these feelings.

My Uncle John (with my cousin who is the same age as me and is also gay) - 1956

Uncle John was straight as they come but so very kind to his nieces and nephews.  Maybe it was because he was a prisoner of war (he was a paratrooper) who escaped twice from the Germans and was recaptured both times - our family thought he died in the only to be surprised when he returned home after the war ended, His mother died a few months before he was repatriated from the German prisoner of war camp.  I can still remember his gentle baritone voice saying "Hi Ronnie" and giving me a friendly wink.

Some years ago I was watching a Phil Donahue show (tells you how long ago that was).  One of his guests was an "expert" on homosexuality.  Of course this "expert" wasn't homosexual himself (isn't that always the way with the "experts?")  The subject of the show was young children being aware that they were different at a very young age.  This "expert" said it was impossible, because children that young don't have a sexual awareness.  I got very angry when I heard this because I knew my situation.  I was the EXPERT on my situation, not this self-appointed "expert".  By the way, how do these people get to be experts?  Do they take a course in college?  Anyway, I knew this guy was all wrong.  Even though I didn't have a sexual awareness when I was four years old I knew I liked the smell of men (a woody, axel grease smell) as compared to the smell of women (a "pink" smell).  I knew I liked to see the crease move in the seat of a man's pants when he walked away from me (this was back in the Forties with the baggy pants).  And I knew that my heart fluttered anytime I was given special attention by a man, more so than by a woman.  

My sexual awareness didn't happened until I was in 6th grade when I was eleven years old.  Now that was a whole new world which I could write several blog postings about!

But to answer the question does a child know he is gay at seven years old?  Absolutely!  Take it from me because I am an EXPERT on this subject.

Me (tall and skinny kid on the right) with my cousins and my brothers 1956 

Gay Meme

I'm taking up the challenge of another meme.  This one Cubby passed along.  The subject is "Coming Out."  Here is  my story:

Ten years old in this picture.  I knew I was 'different' for six years by the time this picture was taken

Name: Buddy Bear
  NName:  Ron


   Age:    69




   How old were you when you first realized you were gay?

 Four years old.  I remember clearly because it was before I went into first grade (5 years old).  I had a different good feeling when adult men would wink at me or pay attention to me.  Plus, I liked looking at them as they walked away from me and the way their pants moved on their behinds.  It wasn't a sexual feeling because I was too young to know that feeling but it was definitely a different feeling than I had around adult women.  I knew that it was a 'special feeling' even at that young age and I knew that I was different.

Pat, another straight friend who isn't bothered that I'm gay

Renee - one of my many straight friends (mostly female)

Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? 

I have more straight friends than I do gay.  It is not of my choosing though.    I wish I had more gay friends. The few that I do have I value their friendship very much but most gays I know are only interested in sex and that's not where I am.  I'm not against sex but I prefer friendship and caring first.  Always have been, always will be.  I've lost a lot of 'friends' over the years just because I wouldn't go to bed with them.  

Dessie - straight guy who loved to flirt with me and me with him (of course)

Biggest turn on?

 Flirting.  To me there is nothing sexier than a good-looking man (preferably straight) smiling at me and, perhaps, giving me a wink.  I love it!  

Biggest turn off?

 A selfish, self-involved person who is only interested in what they can get out of you for themselves.  Sex, money or both.  You're only good for what you can do for them.  Straight or gay, the biggest turn-off for me.  Unfortunately I have found more than a few selfish gay men.  That fact has been one of the biggest disappointments in my life.  I expected the homophobia but I didn't expect this level of selfishness in the gay community.  I'm a naturally generous person but I've found out that some view that as a weakness.  As my longtime friend Bob M. has often told me, "Ron, you're the most naive person I've ever met."  Perhaps he is right.   

Ever been harassed due to your orientation? Yes, many times.  I've lost two good jobs due to homophobia.  I've been harassed leaving a gay bar, run off (while I was walking on the side of the road) the road by a car full of drunk teenagers in Provincetown, Mass, attacked by a group of teenagers while sitting alone on the Rehoboth Boardwalk late on summer day waiting for my friend who was sunning himself on the beach (Poodle Beach probably was the reason we were a dead giveaway), and numerous times walking home from the bars when I lived in Center City Philadelphia.  I've never hidden the fact that I'm gay, and even though I'm not a stereotypical gay (a flamer), I've frequently been the target of taunts, and threats of physical abuse because I almost always went out alone (my partner doesn't like to go out) and thus a convenient target for homophobes, usually teenagers who get drunk and decide to gay bash to prove their manhood

My classmate at my 35th class reunion - she knows I'm gay
Doesn't bother her

Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay? 

No, never.  I can usually figure out who the homophobes are and the people who are cool with it.  If I can't, I don't care what they think.  It's their problem how they view me, not mine.  I don't let others rule my life.  This attitude has often caused me problems but it is the only way I can live.  I do not live according to what others think that is the way I should live.  Religion or personal life.  I am free of domination by any man (or woman.) 

Me living the free life out of the closet

What is the worst gay stereotype?

 That we're only interested in having sex with ANY man. 

I think you're in the wrong bar honey

Are you a stereotype? 

No.  I'm not a flamer, mincer, swisher, or on-the-prowl 24/7 for sex with any man who wears pants (or doesn't)  I am my own person which sometimes causes consternation with some of my gay peers because they believe I should live my life the way they live their lives.  Again, I am my own person with my own rules for living my life.  No one or no ideology dictates how I live my life.  

One of my 200 plus pictures from the 2010 Gay March on Washington D.C.

Ever been to a pride rally? 

No, rallies but I did attend the first gay March in Washington, D.C. (1979) and the last one (2010) 

 Do you go to gay bars? 

In my youth I lived for the weekends at the gay bars.  I quit going when I was 37 years old when I realized I would rather be home in bed (alone) than being at a gay bar when the lights flashed on at last call ("What am I doing here?")

Me at 21 - still a Dork

How old were you when you first told someone you were gay? 

21 years old

Did you plan it? If so, how? 

Yes.  I got tired or hiding and after my Mother caught me in bed with a married older man, I decided to tell everyone I knew and let the cards fall where they may.

What made you choose that person to tell?

 I told everybody at once by mail or phone call or in person.  

My friend Brad and me (on the right) having a good time in P-town!

How did you feel?  

Liberated.  I felt FREE!  No more hiding, lies or excuses.  It was scary and wonderful all at the same time.

Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them? 

Yes, I lost quite a few friends and was shunned by my family initially.  We reconciled after a couple of years.  Some family members ares till uncomfortable with me but that is their problem, not mine.

The first Christmas with my family after I came out
I'm on the right, check out my father look at me
Volumes

Have you come out to your family?

Yes, they were the first ones I came out to...in person..hysteria reigned...they tried to take me to the hospital (by force) for the 'cure'.  I physically resisted and they left me alone (shunned) for a couple of years until they invited me for a Thanksgiving dinner.  I accepted the invitation on the condition that I could bring my 'lover' (the pre-Stonewall term for 'partner') with me.  They reluctantly accepted and discovered that they actually liked my Bill (who was not a stereotype gay but a very, naturally, butch man who had a lot of mechanical skills - who knew a gay guy could build an addition to a house?)

Me (on the left) and my two Army buddies Richard and Dick

Me (on the right) with my two Army buddies - a prophetic pose for sure

Why did you come out at that point? 

I was tired of the hard work of lying plus lying doesn't come naturally to me.  I had just gotten out of the Army with a top secret clearance and saw many of my gay friends discharged from the Army with less than honorable discharges during the many witch hunts conducted at NSA during the Sixties...our government in action.  I didn't want to live the rest of my life according to someone else's terms.  I am who I am, deal with it.  Either you're my friend or you're not.  If anyone in my family rejected me, which they did, that was their loss, not mine.  Coming out at 21 years old was the best decision I ever made in my life.  The second best was joining the Army which matured me tremendously and gave me the courage to come out at the beginning of my life.

Me at work at my bank job

Me at work at my hotel job

Are you out at work? 

Always have been since I was 21 years old.  It hasn't always been easy but it is the only way I will live my life.  I'm fortunate now that I work for two partners who just happened to be gay.  I didn't know they were gay when I applied for the job but I am glad now that I can work the rest of my life and not have to worry about some homophobe taking up a cause against me just because I'm gay.

I do love a man in uniform - me - 1962

If not, why not? 

 I stayed in the closet while I was in the Army because if I came out I would have received a less than honorable discharge (at best) and at worst ended up in the stockade (for lying on my application "Do you have homosexual tendencies" when I enlisted in the Army)  Yes, gay men ended up in the stockade just for being gay.  It all depended on who your company commander was.  If you had a homophobe for a company commander you would brutalized first (beaten up) then tossed in the stockade for six months before your were discharged.  It happened.  I saw it.  

If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? 

There was never an occasion to be outed unwillingly.  I was always ahead of anyone outing me.  If someone thought they were outing me, then that was fine with me.  I have nothing to hide.  I am who I am.  'Deal with it' has always been my attitude.  This attitude still drives my 82 year old partner (he of the 'old school gays') to distraction.

What does being out mean to you? 

FREEDOM!

Me (in the middle) with my friends Paul and Jack - freedom to smile

What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? 

Come out immediately.  Don't put it off.  Do it now.  There is no 'right time' to come out.  Just DO IT!  Who cares what anyone else thinks?  You only have one life to live.  Live your life for yourself, not the way someone else thinks you should live it.

This is my attitude - enjoy life now because tomorrow you may be dead and if you live your live in the closet who have you pleased?

If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? 

 I wouldn't change anything.  I couldn't come out before or when I was in the Army for the previously stated reasons.  I came out as soon as I could after trying the closet for a couple of months.  I realized at that early age (21 years of age, 1963) that I couldn't live my life to other people's requirements.  I just could not do it.  I felt a force within me, like a volcano, coming up and demanding to be let out.  To this day I don't understand how anyone can live their life in the closet.  Why torture yourself that way just to please others?  It just doesn't make sense to me.  

My life today,
Happy and smiling out of the closet