Same Sex Headstones

My former neighbor's headstone - they were together forty years

A few weeks ago I posted about gay headstones in a cemetery.  As regular readers of this blog know, I am a Find a Grave volunteer.  I take photos of grave headstones in cemeteries and post them to a website called Find a Grave.com.  Occasionally I come across a headstone with two male names (or female) on a single headstone.  Since most of the grave headstones I take photos of are of folks who died back in the dark ages when homosexuals were all in the closet and had to hide their true feelings for one another.  As I came across some of these headstones I often wondered if some of these gay folks tried to do an end run against the ignorance and hate of our shameful past era and try to proclaim their eternal love for one another with a single headstone.  I think so.

However, one of the comments I received stated that perhaps the two male names on the single headstone were of brothers.  Maybe but not the headstone I pictured in my blog.  On that headstone I had done my research (Ancestry.com) and found that the one man was born in Poland and the other man born in the United States.  Still, not for certain they weren't related but probably not.

Now I have proof positive that two gay men are on one headstone.  The picture of the headstone at the top of this blog is of my former neighbor and his partner.  Don and Al were together for forty years.  I knew Al was buried near Princeton, New Jersey, where he grew up and worked most of his life before he moved to our neighborhood here in Delaware about the same time Bill and I moved here (2006).

Don, Al and I reading for a Halloween outing (you didn't think I would wear a dress did you?)

Al died a few months ago.  I requested a photo of his grave through Find a Grave.com.  Another Find a Grave.com volunteer was kind enough to take that photo and send it to me.  I have to say I was surprised when I saw what Don (the surviving partner) did.  Good old Don put it right out there for the world to see.

This gives me encouragement.  I would like to do the same for me and Bill but I know Bill is definitely against it.  Bill is of the old school of homosexuals where if you're gay you stay in the closet and don't dare tell anyone.  He says he sees no reason to "throw it in their face" the fact we're gay. To me, short of having sex in public, acting normally isn't "throwing it in their face."  This difference of opinion has always been a source of contention in our relationship.  I don't think Bill will ever change and I know I certainly won't.  I came out at 21 years old in 1963 and I never went back in the closet since.  At times it hasn't been easy folks, especially those early years but it is the only way I could live.

I have to be me.  I will not and cannot live my life the way others expect or want me to live my life.  It ain't happening.  If that makes some people, including my friends (and former friends), tough.  I would rather not have the friendship if it is to be on those (their) terms.

So it was with great pleasure that I saw that my neighbor Don put this headstone out there for all the world to see.  Bravo Don!

Al and Don out for dinner with their neighbors - yes, Don is giving me The Finger

The Boys in the Band - Harold Arrives

Back in gay prehistoric times (before most of my blog followers were born) there was a seminal (no pun intended) movie about gay men.  It was called "Boys in the Band."  I remember clearly when and where Bill and I saw it.  It was at the Goldman theater on Chestnut Street in center city Philadelphia, right across from the bank (Girard Bank) where I worked.

We had heard about this first ever gay (called "homosexual") movie in the bars.  We couldn't believe there was actually a movie about real gay men and how we actually lived.  Just couldn't believe it.  Oh I know it is hard for a lot of you "youngsters" to believe that we of an earlier gay generation were so excited by this first ever main stream movie about gay men.

Bill and I were so nervous about seeing this movie, that we saw it in the day time.  We sat near the exit doors in case their was a riot disturbance in the theater's audience during the showing.  After all, gays back in pre Stonewall Days were only heard about and not seen in decent company.  We were allowed to congregate at our gay bars, with the knowledge that during election season our bars would be raided.  It was just a fact of life.

So it was with some trepidation that Bill and I went to see this HOMOSEXUAL movie.  Note, there isn't one female character in it (excluding "Cliff").  You get the feeling from the movie that it was just a film of the original off Broadway play, which it was.  However, it still works.

Me, my friend Ron and Phil back In The Day - 1965
Our very own Boys In The Band
Both Ron and Phil are gone now - I survived

The movie's language and clothing is somewhat dated (tight pants on the ass for the guys and the "Mary's" and "she's" when referring to gay friends) but otherwise the premise holds up true.  Sure, it's about gay self hatred and bitchiness but the Slice of Life, Gay Life, still comes through strong and true.

Harold's entrance has to be one of the best entrances in movies since Liz Taylor's Cleopatra's entrance into Rome.  No one has ever topped Harold.

The sad news from this movie is that all of the actors have since died from AIDS.  Everyone except the one straight actor, Laurence Luckinbill who in real life is also straight and married to Lucie Arnaz, the daughter of "I Love Lucy" Lucille Ball.

This is one movie I can watch again an again.  I have lived it.

Bravo boys!

San Francisco Police Department "It Gets Better Video"

With the wall to wall coverage this weekend on TV of the death of Whitney Houston, I prefer to see something uplifting like this video from the San Francisco Police Department.

One thing I find very interesting is the fact that a couple of police officers stated that they knew they were "different" at a young age (5 years old) but should keep this knowledge to themselves.  I felt the same way when I was growing up in the late 1940's and first became aware that I was "different."  Now remember this was back before TV, the Internet and the Digital Age.  I didn't even know the word "gay."  In fact, I didn't even learn of the word "homosexual" until I was in high school.  I just knew I was different.  And yes, I thought I was the "only one" in the whole world, even up to the time I joined the Army at 18 years old in 1960.  It was only after I was in the Army that I met other young men like myself that I knew I wasn't "the only one" in the world.

Sadly, the two gay men I met in the Army and who were my best friends (Ron and Sal) are now gone.  They didn't live long enough to see this dramatic change in our society.  Oh how I would like to discuss this with them.  Maybe someday in the Great Up There we will meet again and we'll have a big laugh about the absurdity of discrimination against gays and lesbians.  Thank God things are changing for the new generation and the young people beginning their lives today.  They have a freedom that we didn't have. They will lead a much different life than we lead.

My two best friends (gay) in the Army - Sal DeRosa and Ron Hampton 1960 - Ft. George G. Meade, Maryland
Ron and Sal produced and starred in a Broadway type show (of course they did) at the Service Club - I supplied the music

Naked On the Beach

During the Seventies I used to vacation every summer at Provincetown, Massachusetts, aka "P-Town." I loved Provincetown.  Because I am a gay man, Provincetown was the one place on this planet where I could totally relax and be myself. 

I went to Provincetown to relax, met other gay men and to work on my tan.  Every time I got off the commuter plan at Provincetown's small airport I felt a complete sense of freedom.

My favorite beach for sunbathing and working on my tan was Herring Cove, which was outside of town.  The beach was huge and sparsely populated.  The bay water (I was on the bay side) was crystal clear and cold unlike the in town beach which was cloudy and bathtub warm.

One day while lying on the beach, with my eyes closed, baking the in sun a shadow fell across my face.  I put my arm up across my forehead to shield the sun from my eyes and looked up.  What greeted my welcoming eyes was a totally nude man looking down at me.  "Well, hello" I said.  Of course I was a bit discombobulated by his state of undress.  He introduced himself as Tony Bellafoto (are you out there Tony)?  I sat up and extended my hand to his to shake.  This was the first time in my life that I ever shook the hand of a nude man.  I have to admit that from my position lying on the sand and Tony standing, I was careful where I steered my extended hand.  My eyes and brain weren't exactly coordinated at this moment. 

After we exchanged pleasantries, Tony asked if he could join me.  "Why of course!" I said.  I'm no fool.  A lean attractive man with a FULL body tan asks to join me on the beach who am I to say "no."  

Tony spread his towel on the sand beside my towel.  He lowered himself on his towel while my uncollable eyes checked out his business bobbing around and also getting settled.  I have to tell you, this was not an unpleasant experience, lying next to an attractive nude man on the beach.  Yes indeed.

Our conversation got around to Tony asking me if I had ever sun bathed in the nude.  I told him that I hadn't.  He asked why. I told him that I never had the opportunity but that I always did want to.  He said "Well, now is your chance".  And I thought, "Well, why not?"  

I stood up and looked around.  For what?  To see if there was anyone else who would see me pull my swim trunks down?  There was no one else in sight.  It was a weekday and we were behind a dune.  Tony told me that the nude beach was in Turo, which was the ocean side of the bay but he preferred Herring Cove. He told me the only problem was if a park ranger came by that we would have to put our trunks on.  Tony said not to worry, he would keep a lookout for the park ranger.  The rangers patrolled the beaches on horses.  Ironically, their horses were nude and had their business swinging around for all to see.  

So I pulled my trunks down and laid back down on my towel.  No lightning bolt came out of the sky to turn me into a pillar of salt (shades of Sodom and Gomorrah).  As a matter of fact, I felt quite liberated.  In fact, IT FELT GOOD TO LET "IT" ALL HANG OUT.  And I could tell by the expression on Tony's face, he was quite comfortable with our situation also.

Ah, so there we were.  Two young, lean,  gay guys in their prime and in the all together lying on the beach, thinking to ourselves "life just doesn't get any better than this."  

After a some more conversation we laid back to bake in the hot summer afternoon sun on the sandy beach listening to the sea gulls and the waves gently rolling in on the beach.

After about fifteen minutes I heard voices in the distance.  I pulled the towel off my head that was covering my eyes from the bright midday sun and saw a group of about five ladies off in the distance dressed in khaki with safari hats.  "Uh, Tony".  Tony removed his towel that was covering his eyes and looked at the ladies who were getting closer to us.  He evaluated the situation and then told me "Oh, they're just a group of women on a bird watching expedition."  Oh really?  

Tony advised me to lie back down and pay them no attention.  Oh really? Seeing no other alternative other than to pull on my bathing suit (which was somewhere in my bag) and looking pretty ridiculous with my ass hanging out for them to see while I put each leg into my bathing suit, I decided to take Tony's advice and lie back down and put my towel over my eyes, continue my sunbathing and pay the birdwatching ladies no attention.

As we lay there I could hear their voices come closer and closer.  Yes, there were talking about birds.  However, when their voices came very close to us, they stopped talking.  I know they were standing close because two of the ladies were blocking the sun, I could feel their shadows on my body.

Uh huh.  I wonder why they stopped talking.  Then it dawned on me, they were checking OUR BIRDS!  I wonder what they wrote down on their pads when they saw THAT.

After what seemed like a long time but was probably actually only a minute or two, they began talking again as their voices trailed off into the distance.  I couldn't quite make out the words but I did sense the tone of their voices and it was something like "WELL, I NEVER! and DID YOU EVER?"  

Tony said nothing more about it. Apparently this wasn't the first time his goods were on public display.  It was a first time for me.  It was a strange feeling. I felt like I was exposed.  Actually, I was EXPOSED wasn't I?  It certainly was a different experience.

Later,  Tony asked if I wanted to take a dip in the water.  We were hot (in more ways than one) and I thought that was a good idea.  The waters at Cape Cod are always cold.  Clear but cold.  We ran into the cold, clear water, and took the plunge. 

It was a different experience splashing in the water in the all together  It really did feel natural, the way it should be.  In fact it felt great!  The only problem was when I got out of the water and strode on the wet sand of the beach.  I looked down and I couldn't see ANYTHING!  Oh, I did see my pubic hair (sorry to that mental image in your minds, I don't shave) but WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?  

Here's the story folks, MAJOR SHRINKAGE.  Remember that Seinfeld episode about "shrinkage?"  Well, it's true, especially if you're coming out of very cold water.  WOW.  

Not to worry though, after a few minutes of laying on the beach everything returned to normal.  Phew!

Tony and I stayed on the beach for about another hour before we decided to call it a day. And no, I didn't get sunburned on that part of my body that had never been exposed to direct sunlight in all my thirty-nine years (this took place in 1979).  I did have some concern about this I have to admit.  But all I got was a  little bit pink then back to the natural, unexposed white flesh that has never saw direct sunlight.  

Tony asked to meet the following day.  I agreed to meet him but I told him that I wouldn't be nude sun bathing anymore.  Once was enough for me.  Thanks but no thanks.  Been there, done that, let's move on.

I did ask Tony to take a picture of me so I could check this off of my Bucket List.  He took my picture with his camera and sent me later on in the summer after I had returned home to Philadelphia.  I got the slide and promptly hide it in my closet.  Yes folks, back in the closet I went.

Going through my slides this past week I came across it.  This is the first time I've seen this picture since I Tony sent it too me at the end of 1979.  It's been in a box all by itself with all my other slides.  I decided that it was time for this photo to come out of the closet so to speak.  So here it is folks, my answer to Burt Reynolds and Scott Brown!

The way I look at it, if they can do it I can too.  Nothing to be ashamed of.  It is what it is.  

An interesting side note.  I showed this picture to my GOOD friend Lar this morning, giving him a head's up about my blog posting.  He took one look and almost fell off his chair laughing!  Am I missing something here?  I asked Lar and he said it was the wide, white swath of skin that tickled his funny bone.  I guess I was a dead giveaway that day on the beach.  The bird-watching ladies probably knew it was my first day at the races.  Like I said "It is what it is."

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Ends

Rainbow over my neighborhood 6:15 pm Sept. 17th, 2011

Late yesterday afternoon as I was out in my backyard enjoying the cool breezes and welcome respite from the rain, I noticed that a beautiful rainbow had formed an archway into our development.  I quickly ran into the house to get my expensive SLR camera to record this treasure of nature before the rainbow disappeared.  I just made it and that is the picture that you see at the beginning got this blog.

This morning as I opened up my neighbor's newspaper (which I am collecting for them while they are away on a short trip), I noticed that the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was officially ended last night.  Was it a just a coincidence that the rainbow presaged the ending of this horrific and stupid policy?  I don't think so.

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" 1960 Ft. Devens Mass (two gays in this picture, my friend Bob on the left and me on the right)

As regular readers of this blog know, I am gay (gee, who doesn't know that?)  As you may or may not know, I was also in the Army for three years from January of 1960 to January of 1963.  I joined the Army to escape the draft and also to get a job because I couldn't afford to go to college and I needed a job.  I thought joining the Army was the best way to fulfill my obligation as a citizen of this great country (yes, I did feel it was my obligation to perform a service for my country) and perhaps learn a skill which I could use when I got out.  As it turned out, joining the Army was perhaps the best decision I ever made in life life.  That decision continues to reap me benefits.  In addition to getting a college degree with the help of the G.I. Bill, I have lifetime medical coverage which I have used and continue to use to this day.  The Army has literally saved my life.

Private Ronald Tipton 1960 -right out of Basic Training

However, when I joined the Army I knew I was gay.  I've known I was gay since I was four years old.  I know that because that was the age of my first awareness and I knew I was different a full  year before I went into first grade in 1946.  Of course at that time I was "the only one" in the world.  This was the Forties and Fifties folks.  No TV, no Internet, no movies.  The only "gays" I knew were either swishy queens in the movies or dirty old men hanging around public restrooms for a peek at those men using the urinals.  I knew I wasn't either ONE OF THEM, so I didn't know what I was.



Of course by the time I joined the Army at 18 years old I knew I was a "fairy".  The word "gay" in those days meant you were having a good time.  I know I wasn't having a good time.  In fact, I was about as backwards as you could get sexually.  I didn't even masturbate.  I didn't even know the world.  Sorry if I'm grossing out any of my readers here but I'm just telling your like it is.

Me and Bob horse playing during break at our Ft. Deven's ASA schooling April 1960

I'm then tall one carrying a guy on my back - Bob tried to piggy back our friend Dick E. but Dick collapsed under Bob's heft.

I could write a whole book about my experiences hiding my gayness during my three years in the Army.  In fact I might do that but I'm not going to do it here.  What I do want to say is that during my three years in the Army, I was selected for the Army Security Agency.  I worked at the National Security Agency at Ft. George G. Meade, Maryland.  Yep, I was a spy.  I didn't ask for it.  I was selected.

Me (on the left in the back) with my fellow classmates/soldiers Ft. Devens, Mass April 1960

I had a top secret clearance.  I didn't ask for it.  It was assigned to me.  Of course HOMOSEXUALS were not allowed in.  I was a HOMOSEXUAL.  Homosexual is what faries like me were called in The Day.  If they ever found out I was a HOMOSEXUAL,  they would take away my clearance and I would get kicked out of the Army.  Of course I didn't want to go that route so I stayed in the closet.  However, many of my fellow soldiers were victims of the routine witch hunts that were held at Ft. Meade and NSA.  Once you lost your clearance you were restricted to the barracks until the paper work was processed to discharge you from the Army.  This process usually took about six weeks.

Me and my friend Jim H. on the firing range Ft. Meade, MD 1962 - both gay

When someone lost their clearance and went from a professional job analyzing communications intercept at the NSA to cleaning latrines and moping the barracks floor, we all knew what happened.  "He got a Section 8."  Surprisingly enough, no one every harassed these guys.  But they were a pariah and no one spoke to them.  If you did you would also be considered a HOMOSEXUAL and liable to lose your clearance.  You see, back in The Day as it is today, many of the old Timers are SCARED TO DEATH of HOMOSEXUALS.

Me at home weekend pass 1962 - I was promoted to Specialist 5th class and assistant platoon sergeant - imagine that?  A gay platoon leader.  The world didn't fall apart and the Army survived. 

Why did one lose his clearance once it was established that he was a HOMOSEXUAL?  It was because our government, in all it's ignorance, decided that a HOMOSEXUAL would be subject to blackmail and thus divulge state secrets.  Of course there has never been a documented case of a gay person ever being blackmailed to divulge a state secret but that didn't affect this lame brain policy of blatant discrimination.  Of course on the face of it one can see this is a classic Catch-22.  The Army (and all the services) have an official discrimination policy against gays so they by default would be subject to blackmail.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Even back then when I was just a dumb assed 18 year old I knew this was a STUPID POLICY.

I wanted to make a career out of the Army.  I didn't because I knew I was gay and I knew sooner or later that would come out.  It's hard to keep an 18 year old gay man's hormones in check for twenty years.  I liked being in the Army.  I liked the regimented lifestyle.  I liked my friends.  I liked my job.  I didn't stay in because I knew I would be living a lie for twenty years.

Me in civilian drag at the White House 1962 - Ft. Meade is only a few miles away from Washington D.C. - a lot of us guys would frequently visit the surrounding tourist sites during our weekends we didn't go home - we would go in Civilian Drag - not that I still have the Army Demeanor - at Parade Rest - love the crew cut.

I could have converted over to civilian status of my NSA job.  I was a communications intercept expert.  It was a good paying job.  I liked the civilians I worked with.  It would have been a fabulous career.  In fact, if I had stayed with it I could have been one of these rich gay Washington D.C. retirees that populate the Rehoboth Beach/Lewes/Milton area where I live now.  I could dining at one of the many expensive Rehoboth Beach gay restaurants like the Sting Ray instead of the Rehoboth Diner.  Man, I missed my chance big time.  I could have been one of the D.C. In Crowd.  But that's another whole story.

Anyway, when my enlistment ran out on January 27th, 1963, I breathed a sigh of relief and departed from the Army and the National Security Agency.  I was even offered at job at the Social Security Administration in Baltimore by a straight female friend who met at one of the Service Club dances but I declined that job also because I knew that HOMOSEXUALS were not allowed to work for the government.

On January 27, 1963 I made the one way trip from Ft. Meade to my home in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.  Thus began my long Journey which is where I am now.  Again, I won't go into the details here (that's for my memoirs if I ever get around to writing them) but basically I left home for Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and came out officially as a gay man.  Why did I go to Pittsburgh?  A gay friend of mine (he was in the Air Force) had left Ft. Meade a few months before me.  He lived in Pittsburgh and offered me a place to stay until I could get a job.  I got a job at the Pittsburgh Hilton hotel and came out.  Yes, I came out in the early spring of 1963, way before it was fashionable to do so.  Was it dangerous?  You bet.  Again, this is material for another time.

So the stupid assed policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" ended officially last night.  It ended with a whimper.  Oh I'm sure there are still plenty of dinosaurs in the military that think this country is going to go to hell in a hand basket.  Won't they be surprised when they find out that life goes on as usual.  Oh sure, there are those who have a legitimate concern that the military will be inundated with swishy, drag queens mincing around the barracks.  It won't happen folks.  That's for the Uncle Toms  some of the local gays here in Rehoboth Beach who put on their drag shows of the visiting touristas.  You know, the tourists come to a beach resort well known to have a large gay population.  They expect the drag queens imitating Judy, Liza and Bette (God, can't they do anybody else?)  The touristas "tolerate" the local gay population as long as the local gays know their place.  No holding hands while walking on the boardwalk, and definitely NO KISSING IN PUBLIC.  Leave that to the straight folks.  But again this is a subject for another posting.

The official ending of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" won't affect my me at this time of my life.  My "autumn years" so to speak.  But hopefully it will affect positively that young man who was much like I was back in the Dark Ages of 1960.  He (or she) will have more freedom of choice and can live their life without the fear of being ostracized just for being who they are.  Hopefully, we can put behind us the last form of legalized discrimination and move on to what is important in this country, freedom for one and all, including gay men and woman.

Below some of Martin Luther King's quote that apply:

A lie cannot live.

A right delayed is a right denied.


Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.

Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.


History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the 
strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

The time is always right to do what is right.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that 
by the good people.

We have guided missiles and misguided men.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.

Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.

Me today - can you imagine me wearing this Civilian Drag back in The Day?

Gay Meme

I'm taking up the challenge of another meme.  This one Cubby passed along.  The subject is "Coming Out."  Here is  my story:

Ten years old in this picture.  I knew I was 'different' for six years by the time this picture was taken

Name: Buddy Bear
  NName:  Ron


   Age:    69




   How old were you when you first realized you were gay?

 Four years old.  I remember clearly because it was before I went into first grade (5 years old).  I had a different good feeling when adult men would wink at me or pay attention to me.  Plus, I liked looking at them as they walked away from me and the way their pants moved on their behinds.  It wasn't a sexual feeling because I was too young to know that feeling but it was definitely a different feeling than I had around adult women.  I knew that it was a 'special feeling' even at that young age and I knew that I was different.

Pat, another straight friend who isn't bothered that I'm gay

Renee - one of my many straight friends (mostly female)

Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? 

I have more straight friends than I do gay.  It is not of my choosing though.    I wish I had more gay friends. The few that I do have I value their friendship very much but most gays I know are only interested in sex and that's not where I am.  I'm not against sex but I prefer friendship and caring first.  Always have been, always will be.  I've lost a lot of 'friends' over the years just because I wouldn't go to bed with them.  

Dessie - straight guy who loved to flirt with me and me with him (of course)

Biggest turn on?

 Flirting.  To me there is nothing sexier than a good-looking man (preferably straight) smiling at me and, perhaps, giving me a wink.  I love it!  

Biggest turn off?

 A selfish, self-involved person who is only interested in what they can get out of you for themselves.  Sex, money or both.  You're only good for what you can do for them.  Straight or gay, the biggest turn-off for me.  Unfortunately I have found more than a few selfish gay men.  That fact has been one of the biggest disappointments in my life.  I expected the homophobia but I didn't expect this level of selfishness in the gay community.  I'm a naturally generous person but I've found out that some view that as a weakness.  As my longtime friend Bob M. has often told me, "Ron, you're the most naive person I've ever met."  Perhaps he is right.   

Ever been harassed due to your orientation? Yes, many times.  I've lost two good jobs due to homophobia.  I've been harassed leaving a gay bar, run off (while I was walking on the side of the road) the road by a car full of drunk teenagers in Provincetown, Mass, attacked by a group of teenagers while sitting alone on the Rehoboth Boardwalk late on summer day waiting for my friend who was sunning himself on the beach (Poodle Beach probably was the reason we were a dead giveaway), and numerous times walking home from the bars when I lived in Center City Philadelphia.  I've never hidden the fact that I'm gay, and even though I'm not a stereotypical gay (a flamer), I've frequently been the target of taunts, and threats of physical abuse because I almost always went out alone (my partner doesn't like to go out) and thus a convenient target for homophobes, usually teenagers who get drunk and decide to gay bash to prove their manhood

My classmate at my 35th class reunion - she knows I'm gay
Doesn't bother her

Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay? 

No, never.  I can usually figure out who the homophobes are and the people who are cool with it.  If I can't, I don't care what they think.  It's their problem how they view me, not mine.  I don't let others rule my life.  This attitude has often caused me problems but it is the only way I can live.  I do not live according to what others think that is the way I should live.  Religion or personal life.  I am free of domination by any man (or woman.) 

Me living the free life out of the closet

What is the worst gay stereotype?

 That we're only interested in having sex with ANY man. 

I think you're in the wrong bar honey

Are you a stereotype? 

No.  I'm not a flamer, mincer, swisher, or on-the-prowl 24/7 for sex with any man who wears pants (or doesn't)  I am my own person which sometimes causes consternation with some of my gay peers because they believe I should live my life the way they live their lives.  Again, I am my own person with my own rules for living my life.  No one or no ideology dictates how I live my life.  

One of my 200 plus pictures from the 2010 Gay March on Washington D.C.

Ever been to a pride rally? 

No, rallies but I did attend the first gay March in Washington, D.C. (1979) and the last one (2010) 

 Do you go to gay bars? 

In my youth I lived for the weekends at the gay bars.  I quit going when I was 37 years old when I realized I would rather be home in bed (alone) than being at a gay bar when the lights flashed on at last call ("What am I doing here?")

Me at 21 - still a Dork

How old were you when you first told someone you were gay? 

21 years old

Did you plan it? If so, how? 

Yes.  I got tired or hiding and after my Mother caught me in bed with a married older man, I decided to tell everyone I knew and let the cards fall where they may.

What made you choose that person to tell?

 I told everybody at once by mail or phone call or in person.  

My friend Brad and me (on the right) having a good time in P-town!

How did you feel?  

Liberated.  I felt FREE!  No more hiding, lies or excuses.  It was scary and wonderful all at the same time.

Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them? 

Yes, I lost quite a few friends and was shunned by my family initially.  We reconciled after a couple of years.  Some family members ares till uncomfortable with me but that is their problem, not mine.

The first Christmas with my family after I came out
I'm on the right, check out my father look at me
Volumes

Have you come out to your family?

Yes, they were the first ones I came out to...in person..hysteria reigned...they tried to take me to the hospital (by force) for the 'cure'.  I physically resisted and they left me alone (shunned) for a couple of years until they invited me for a Thanksgiving dinner.  I accepted the invitation on the condition that I could bring my 'lover' (the pre-Stonewall term for 'partner') with me.  They reluctantly accepted and discovered that they actually liked my Bill (who was not a stereotype gay but a very, naturally, butch man who had a lot of mechanical skills - who knew a gay guy could build an addition to a house?)

Me (on the left) and my two Army buddies Richard and Dick

Me (on the right) with my two Army buddies - a prophetic pose for sure

Why did you come out at that point? 

I was tired of the hard work of lying plus lying doesn't come naturally to me.  I had just gotten out of the Army with a top secret clearance and saw many of my gay friends discharged from the Army with less than honorable discharges during the many witch hunts conducted at NSA during the Sixties...our government in action.  I didn't want to live the rest of my life according to someone else's terms.  I am who I am, deal with it.  Either you're my friend or you're not.  If anyone in my family rejected me, which they did, that was their loss, not mine.  Coming out at 21 years old was the best decision I ever made in my life.  The second best was joining the Army which matured me tremendously and gave me the courage to come out at the beginning of my life.

Me at work at my bank job

Me at work at my hotel job

Are you out at work? 

Always have been since I was 21 years old.  It hasn't always been easy but it is the only way I will live my life.  I'm fortunate now that I work for two partners who just happened to be gay.  I didn't know they were gay when I applied for the job but I am glad now that I can work the rest of my life and not have to worry about some homophobe taking up a cause against me just because I'm gay.

I do love a man in uniform - me - 1962

If not, why not? 

 I stayed in the closet while I was in the Army because if I came out I would have received a less than honorable discharge (at best) and at worst ended up in the stockade (for lying on my application "Do you have homosexual tendencies" when I enlisted in the Army)  Yes, gay men ended up in the stockade just for being gay.  It all depended on who your company commander was.  If you had a homophobe for a company commander you would brutalized first (beaten up) then tossed in the stockade for six months before your were discharged.  It happened.  I saw it.  

If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? 

There was never an occasion to be outed unwillingly.  I was always ahead of anyone outing me.  If someone thought they were outing me, then that was fine with me.  I have nothing to hide.  I am who I am.  'Deal with it' has always been my attitude.  This attitude still drives my 82 year old partner (he of the 'old school gays') to distraction.

What does being out mean to you? 

FREEDOM!

Me (in the middle) with my friends Paul and Jack - freedom to smile

What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? 

Come out immediately.  Don't put it off.  Do it now.  There is no 'right time' to come out.  Just DO IT!  Who cares what anyone else thinks?  You only have one life to live.  Live your life for yourself, not the way someone else thinks you should live it.

This is my attitude - enjoy life now because tomorrow you may be dead and if you live your live in the closet who have you pleased?

If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? 

 I wouldn't change anything.  I couldn't come out before or when I was in the Army for the previously stated reasons.  I came out as soon as I could after trying the closet for a couple of months.  I realized at that early age (21 years of age, 1963) that I couldn't live my life to other people's requirements.  I just could not do it.  I felt a force within me, like a volcano, coming up and demanding to be let out.  To this day I don't understand how anyone can live their life in the closet.  Why torture yourself that way just to please others?  It just doesn't make sense to me.  

My life today,
Happy and smiling out of the closet