|Me at five years old - 1947 - gay already|
Recently I read an article on Huffington Post about a 7 year old who announced he was gay. I'm sure the reason for the article was "How does a 7 year old know he is gay?"
Hey folks, I'm here to tell you a seven year old knows. I was four years old when I knew I was gay. I didn't know the word "gay." This was way back in the last century, 1947 to be exact. I knew I was "different" before I started first grade in 19147-1948. The picture at the beginning of this blog posting is of Your Truly (that would be me). It is my first grade picture taken at the East Ward Elementary School, Downingtown, Pennsylvania. I think you can tell by the tilt of my cute little head that I was gay already.
|Me in my second grade picture - I'm in the stripped shirt, third row back far right with the mop of hair - 1948|
So you ask, how does a little kid, who has no sexual awareness, know he is gay? My answer is, I KNEW I was different and I should keep it a secret. Now remember this was the time before TV, the Internet, and I couldn't even read. At that age of course I had no sexual awareness. I didn't know my "pee-pee" had a dual use. I would find that out until I was 12 years old when my good friend Larry told me how his parents had sex. Up until that time I believed I was "delivered" by a stork at the Chester County Hospital. In fact, I always wanted to go to the hospital and see where the storks landed daily. Oh yes I did. I was that naive. I remember exactly when my friend Larry told me. We were both riding out bicycles up a step incline (Chestnut Street over the railroad) and when he told me, I had to get off my bike. I could not believe what I was hearing. My father peed into my Mom and that's how I came about? I was in shock. But this is a subject for another whole blog posting (or two).
Anyway, back to four year old "Little Ronnie" (as I was known in those prehistoric times), I knew that I had a "special feeling" whenever I was around one of my ten uncles (my father had ten brothers). Nobody molested me but I did get some winks which thrilled me to no end. And then when my Uncle Bruce's friend Earl came around (he was only 13 or 14, same age as my Uncle Bruce who lived with us for awhile because both of my grandparents were dead), to play "horsey", I got a little more out of riding his back than my little friends (both boys and girls did).
I had some favorite aunts too who were always nice to me but when one of my uncles would say my name ("Ronnie") and give me that Special Wink, oh how my heart fluttered. Maybe it was because I never got this attention from my father, I don't know.
What I do know is that when I went to first grade I was immediately attracted to a little, goofy looking blonde haired boy named Dennis Kozolowski. He was sort of buck toothed and had a serious cowlick, but I had that "special feeling" again when I saw him. Of course all my Little Buddies at that time were the girls my age. I was One of the Girls, for sure. I wasn't in the Little Boy Crowd who played marbles at recess of Mumbly Peg with their penknives. Oh no, I ran off with the little girls. Back in those days a little boy like me was called A Sissy.
Even though I hung out mainly with the little girls I did have little boy friends. Of male friends I had there was nothing sexual or "special feeling" about them to me. The ones I had a special feeling about I looked on from afar. I knew I had different feelings for them and I also knew that this was my secret. That I should never tell anyone. I thought I was the Only One In The World with these feelings.
Some years ago I was watching a Phil Donahue show (tells you how long ago that was). One of his guests was an "expert" on homosexuality. Of course this "expert" wasn't homosexual himself (isn't that always the way with the "experts?") The subject of the show was young children being aware that they were different at a very young age. This "expert" said it was impossible, because children that young don't have a sexual awareness. I got very angry when I heard this because I knew my situation. I was the EXPERT on my situation, not this self-appointed "expert". By the way, how do these people get to be experts? Do they take a course in college? Anyway, I knew this guy was all wrong. Even though I didn't have a sexual awareness when I was four years old I knew I liked the smell of men (a woody, axel grease smell) as compared to the smell of women (a "pink" smell). I knew I liked to see the crease move in the seat of a man's pants when he walked away from me (this was back in the Forties with the baggy pants). And I knew that my heart fluttered anytime I was given special attention by a man, more so than by a woman.
My sexual awareness didn't happened until I was in 6th grade when I was eleven years old. Now that was a whole new world which I could write several blog postings about!
But to answer the question does a child know he is gay at seven years old? Absolutely! Take it from me because I am an EXPERT on this subject.
|Me (tall and skinny kid on the right) with my cousins and my brothers 1956|