First Crush

Robert Joseph Murdaugh

We've all had our First Crush.  Lately I've been thinking about my first infatuation.  Of course the object of my amorous delusions fantasies was a guy.  Hey, I'm gay and I've known I was "gay" (back then I didn't know what "it" was but I knew I was different) since I was four years old, one year before I entered first grade in 1947.

I will give the full name of my first crush because I know in the past when I've given the full name, through the miracle of the search engines of our Internet age, he may find my humble posting.  I've had this happen in the past, sometimes with good results and sometimes not so good.  No, I'm not going to go there other than to say the son of the married man with family who first seduced me wasn't too thrilled that I posted my "First Time" about his dad.  Hey, it is what it is.  At least I answered a question his family always had "Was my dad gay?"  My answer to him was "He was when he was seducing with me."

So without further ado here is how I first fell in love with another man guy boy.  The year was 1954 and I was 12 years old.  His name was Robert Joseph Murdaugh and he was 14 years old.  

Oh yes, that's me to the far right with the rolled up jeans - a 12 year old hopelessly in love with an upperclassman two years my senior - 1954

I first saw him when I was riding to school on my school bus.  My school bus stop was Boot Road, Downingtown, PA.  He got on at the next stop which was by the quarry.  

To this day I remember clearly where he lived.  I could see his house from my seat in the school bus.  His house looked like the house of the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe. I was always fascinated at how many of his brothers and sisters (all younger than him) emerged from that house on the corner right across from the quarry.  

There was his younger sister Joanne and his younger brother Clifford and several other younger siblings whose names I never knew but then there was HIM.  When he stepped up the steps on the bus I had to catch my breath.  I was mesmerized.  

That smile.
That wavy hair.
Those blue eyes.

I was too young to even think of THAT BODY but some inner sense knew that this was my dreamboat come true.

With great anticipation every day I would eagerly look forward to the Next Bus Stop when he would get on my bus.  Of course it was too much for me to ever hope that he would sit next to me.  And in all the years we took the same bus he never once did sit next to me so me MUST HAVE KNOWN that I was in LOVE with him.

Now folks, I'm going to get a little graphic here so if their are children in the room or you are a bit squeamish, might be best for you to move on to your next blog.  

So here's what happened next.  Almost every day I would see "Bobby" (as I called him) get on the bus.  I was in heaven even if I was only looking at the back of his wavy haired head most of the time on the bus.  I almost always did get to see him climb those steps and see THAT SMILE.

Then something strange happened a few weeks later.  I woke up one night and my bed was all "sticky."  I had NO IDEA what happened.  Now remember I was a very innocent kid in a small town in the Fifties.  No Internet and only Uncle Miltie on my small screen black and white Philco TV.

I guess most of you can figure out what happened that night.  I had my first "nocturnal emission."  In other words I had a wet dream.  

Later in life I have read stories about young girls who had their first period and were scared to death.  Hey folks, that was my first "period." I had NO IDEA what happened.  Of course it didn't take me too long to figure out what was going on, I was dreaming about HIM.

Now just to bring my fellow wise guys (you know who you are), I never had a "mentor" to show me the ways of burgeoning young adolescent sexual awareness.  In fact I never learned (make sure you're sitting down when you hear this) how to masturbate until I was twenty-seven years old! I know, I know.  No one believes me but this is a fact of my life.  Such things weren't taught in high school and certainly never talked about in my family.  

Okay folks, you can take your seat belts off now because I'm not going to get any more graphic than I just did.  Sorry if I offended any of my regular readers but this is the only way I could describe my "situation."

For the next four years I would often fantasize about "Bobby." In fact, my first pet, a cat I named "Bobby" in his honor.  That's how ridiculously lovesick I was.

"Bobby" my pet pussy cat 1954

I had many, many dreams about Bobby.  Many.  It got so that I could almost control my dreams.  

Then there came a time that Bobby graduated from high school.  He was a senior and I was a sophomore.

Interestingly, the year before in the yearbook (1956) we appeared "together".  That's me in the Ping Pong Club, third from the right in the back row.  Bobby is sitting on the ledge with the Stamp Club (he wasn't actually in the "Stamp Club" but was in the "Slide Rule Club") with his elbow leaning on his classmate to his right.  That was a close as I ever got to my fantasy.

Me, the tall one in the back on the right with the brick wall behind me - 1956

My fantasy man sitting on the window ledge next to "Todd" - 1956
I just about died when I saw this photo

All the years we went to high school together (four) he never spoke one word to me. Of course I was so shy and backwards I didn't dare say anything to him.  When he graduated in 1957 I felt like I lost something. Even though I didn't know him and we certainly weren't friends I always knew he was "there."  

I never knew what happened to him when he graduated from high school.  Just tonight I went on Ancestry.com and checked the Social Security Death Index to make sure he was still alive.  He must be because I couldn't find his name there.  However, I did find a marriage record for him in Ohio.  I also found an address for him in Ohio.  So he must have been straight, he got married.  Uh huh.  

So in all the years since, and especially now that I am at the end of my tenure here on earth, I've often wondered what became of my "Bobby."  

All I can say now though is that he was, even if he didn't know it, an integral and wonderful part of my adolescence and development of my sexual awareness. 

I've often wondered if he knew that I loved adored fantasized dreamed about liked him.  Well, if he didn't, he will now. 

Hotsie Totsie

Rehoboth Beach Summer 2013

"Hotsie Totsie" - no, that's not me nor is it some eye candy that I happen to see during my comings and goings during the day.  "Hotsie Totsie" is how Bill refer to the weather when it is unbearably hot as it was and still is today.  

I'm telling you folks, I can't take this heat and humidity.  Our thermometer reached triple digits (100 degrees) today.  Temperatures like this just drain me.  If I'm out in it for more than 15 minutes I get dizzy.  I'm soaked with sweat. 

By the way, if any of you are wondering "What in the world is that banner Ron put on his blog?"  Well folks, look closer.  Look to the far right and you will see a young man sitting in a chair with a Sousaphone (no, it's not a tuba) wrapped around him.  That is yours truly in 1957 during a Downingtown High School concert band concert.  I was 15 years old at that time.  Hotsie Totsie.

Me - 1958

Yes, I was also in the marching band.  In fact, the three years I was in marching band were the some of the best three years of my life.  Not only did I get to go to all the football games (back when I was a big fan of football) but I formed a close friendship with Bill B., who was the bass drum player; a friend that I have until this day.

Me, far left on the back and my friend Bill B. far right with the bass drum - 1958

Not only did I make a good friend with Bill B., being a member of the marching band (and concert band) was wonderful for me because I was included.  Unlike many others who I hear don't go to their class reunions because they say they hated high school, that wasn't my experience.  I loved high school.  I was included.  How ironic that today I feel excluded from much of the local gay community.  But I won't go there again today.  I've done that in previous posts and I feel I'm belaboring a situation that will never change.  Too bad but that's the way it is.  

That's me in the plaid shirt - 1956 - yes, the girls liked me.  My friend Ruth Hall (the blonde to my left) thoughtfully placed this collage in her yearbook partly to kid me because I didn't have any girlfriends - do you think she knew?

It's not that I don't reach out. I do.  Just recently Bill and I met another couple at the Georgetown courthouse on July 1st when we applied for our marriage license.  I feel with hit it off right away with this other couple.  They were a bit younger than us but not kids.  After that day I sent Facebook friend requests.  One was accepted.  I sent messages invited them for dinner.  Heard nothing.  Silence.  Same thing I heard from the local gay organization when Bill and I got married.  My local state representative stopped by our house personally to wish us well.  And yet I didn't even receive one "like" from the folks at the local gay organization.  I heard later from one of the board members, he said they were "busy."  Uh...okay.  But here I am going of on another tangent.  Yes, it's hurtful.  I try not to let it bother me but their silence does. So rude, so selfish, so insular, so uncaring.  

As regular readers of this blog know, I don't always know where I'm going when I start a blog posting.  This one really veered off the Heat Wave course didn't it?  Well, the "Hotsie Totsie" metaphor should tie it all together don't you think? 

I don't mean to say I haven't made friends since we've moved to the Rehoboth Beach area seven years ago.  We have and I appreciate those friendships, I do.  All fine folks and they know who they are.  Thank you friends.

And this brings me back to why I blog.  I like to write and I like to make friends.  I like people.  That's one reason I choose a job as a hotel front desk agent.  I get to meet a lot of people, nice people and get paid at the same time.  But as I said before, I found since moving to Delaware, I didn't make many friends in the local gay community for whatever reason.  Maybe it was me but hey, I am what I am.  I don't change myself to suit someone else.  That's not me.  So I thought to myself, "How about all those folks outside my little bubble here in Gayberry, DE?"  So I've been blogging since 2007 and I have made a LOT of friends in the blogosphere.  THANKS!  A LOT of really nice folks who accept me just as I am just as I accept them just as they are.

Top photo, last row,  6th from left - tallest guy with the mop of hair - oh did I ever have a lot of hair back in 1957

So what was I talking about?  Oh, "Hotsie Totsie". Is it hot where you are?

Downingtown High School Class of 1959 - 1957

By the way, how bad is this?  I still remember the names of everyone in this photo of our sophomore class.

Downingtown High School Class of 1959 - Reunion 2012 (I'm in the back again fifth from left with the tree growing out of my head) - no crinoline skirts in this photo - the woman in the blue sitting second from the right is the same girl in the 1957 picture sixth from the right) - the woman in the black vest standing in the middle is the same as the girl in the 1957 photo fifth from the left front row with the VEST!  Mary Jane, you haven't changed your style!

Pen Pal Letter - 1957

Me with "Gindy" the cat - 1957

Digging through my Letter Box yesterday I came across this pen pal letter that I sent in 1957.  Of course I don't have original copies of my hundreds of pen pals letters, they are probably long gone scattered as they are over the continental United States and a few in Germany and Japan.  The only reason I have this original copy of my letter was because it was returned because of an invalid address.

I don't know about you but I find this letter very interesting on several levels.  First was that I wrote it on PINK stationery!  Hey, I knew I was gay in 1957 when I was 16 years old.  Sixteen years old?  Was I ever that young?  Wow.

Secondly, note that I wrote in PURPLE ink.  What was THAT all about?  How GAY WAS I?

WHO IS THIS PERSON?

Reading the letter one wouldn't think I was gay.  I'm full of compliments for "Eleanor."  Hey, I was trying.

For those of you who can't read my backward slant handwriting of 55 years ago, here's a translation:

Miss Eleanor Gonzales
502 West Main
Ulvade, Texas

South Chestnut St.
Downingtown, Pa.
November 25, 1957

Dear Eleanor,

      Hi.  I don't know quite how to start of this letter.  I gues there is one thing I'd better say though, I would like to be pen pals with you.

     All of this I am doing now is completly (sic) against my rules of course.  I have enough pen pals to do me but when I saw your picture in "DIG" I thought maybe there was a slight chance.  To me, yu looked like the nicest girl on all the two pages of "Paper Mates."  Man!  I bet I really sound corny!

     The main things for you to remember about me is that I am 6'3", 160 lbs., brown hair & eyes and just turned 16.  I have a fairly good sense of humor.  I like "Rocknroll" like most teenagers.  I also like to ice skate, play baseball, and basketball.  I don't play football beings I'm in band (which I think is more fun)  I am sports editor of the Blue & Gold newspaper)  I have also been class president for the Freshman & Junior class (one I'm in now). Don't ask me what happened last year.  All I know is that I got beat!

     My religion is Protestant (Baptist).  I have two brothers Isaac 14 and John 13.

     Well, I know you have a lot of letters to read and write so I won't hold you any longer.

                                                                        In sincere friendship,

                                                                        Ronald Tipton
                                                                        (Ronnie)
P.S.
You promised to answer all letters but if you don't like me then by all means don't answer this letter. O.K.?

P.S.

I lied about being class president and ice skating and playing baseball and basketball.  I never ice skated in my life unless you can count that time I "skated" on my ankles the first and only time I ice skated.  However, I did play in band and was the sports editor of my high school newspaper.  To be quite frank I'm surprised that I felt the need to lie about being class president.  I tell it like it now baby, like it is.

Class Reunion

Once upon a time there were about one hundred young people who lived in the small Pennsylvania town called Downingtown.  The year was 1959.  These kids were the last class of the Fifties.

They graduated June 2, 1959 on a grassy high school football field behind their school.  They were full of hope and aspiration for what the future would hold.

Fast forward fifty-three years.  These "kids" were now in their early 70's.  Perhaps old of body but still young of mind as they gathered together at the Chicago Bar and Grill restaurant in Lionville, Pennsylvania for their 53rd class reunion.

This is a iMovie that I made of that gathering of those former classmates.  All of the photos were taken by my blogger buddy Mark H. of "Our Simple Lives......"  One photo was taken by me which in included because Mark the photographer is in the photo.  See if you can spot him.

Thank you Mark and thank you fellow classmates for making our reunion such a wonderful occasion.

See you all next year!

Ronald W. Tipton, DHS Graduate 1959

Weekly Roundup

Another busy week folks!

Sunday I traveled to Lionville, Pennsylvania for my 53rd high school class reunion which was held at the Chicago Bar and Grill.  I'm one of those class members who likes to go to the class reunions.  Actually, I only like to go to my high school class reunion because I know everybody.   I don't go to my college class reunion because I wouldn't know a soul there.  I went to night school at Peirce College in Philadelphia on the G.I. Bill for three nights a week for four years.  My fellow class members were just a blur to me.  But my former high school class members, we're all friends and keep in touch over the years.

The Downingtown High School Class of 1959 - 53 years later Sept. 23, 2012

This year I asked my friend and fellow blogger Mark of "Our Simple Lives" to take photos for me.  I asked him at the last minute almost.  Fortunately Mark obliged and took some great photos which I am now sharing with my classmates and will post on future blogs.

Jean Timmerman and Ron Tipton - I always sat behind Jean in class back in those alphabetical class seating days.  

Notice that we're color coordinated.  No, we didn't call each other the night before the reunion to check.

Jean - 1959 graduation photo

Ron - 1959 graduation photo

I really enjoyed seeing all of my OLD classmates and am looking forward to next year's reunion.

Monday morning I had an early dental appointment (7:30 am).  I got my teeth (and partial dentures) cleaned and came out clean without any new cavities.  There's no room left for cavities in my mouth!

Wednesday I had the big stress test.  THAT took about three hours.  I don't want to go through another one of those anytime soon.  They don't call it a STRESS TEST for nothing.  My electrocardiogram indicates an extra "blip", that is why I've been undergoing a series of heart test the past few weeks.  While I was on the treadmill the doctor said the "blip" disappeared.  However I am still getting those little whiffs of highs (lightheadedness) all day long. I think that has something to do with the "blips."  We'll see, my appointment with my cardiologist is next week and he will go over the findings with me. Funs time folks!.  Maybe this old body is slowing down.  Do you think?

I'm working Mondays and Tuesdays at the hotel.  My new days work out fine.  I feel like I have a longer week by having the rest of the week off.  Previously I worked Wednesdays and Thursdays.  I felt like I had a shortened week.  These days work better for me too because all my appointments and other activities seem to occur later in the week.  The only downside to my new days is that I don't make as many reservations because the beginning of the week is usually considered the slow time in the hotel business.

Bill and I had a little issue with the car.  He can't help himself, he's an inveterate backseat driver.  We now have a New Rule.  Whenever we go someplace together, he will drive.  We were hoping to buy our friend's car but that doesn't look like that's going to happen in our lifetime.  This is the friend who has dementia and his partner can't make a decision.  The hubcaps on his car already has spider webs.  I guess then mold appears on the car they'll be ready to sell.  It's just as well.  We don't have room to store another car anyway.

Downingtown High School - many fond memories

Senior Prom - 1959

Jeanette and Ron - DHS Senior Prom 1959

Yes folks, that is me,  I'm the guy on the RIGHT SIDE of the photo. The girl on the left side of the photo is my date, Jeanette.  The occasion was my Senior Prom.

This morning I was talking to my long time friend Larry from my school days.  We're in the process of writing out autobiographies (like anyone is interested besides us).  We were talking about the delicate process that we undertook to select who we would ask to our respective senior proms.  We had to take a lot into consideration being the cowards that we were in dealing with rejection.

Hey, when you're seventeen years old, with all that peer pressure, one has to be very careful about asking a girl to the senior prom.  The worst thing was to be turned down because EVERYONE would know.  And I mean everyone.  Of course I had the  extra  problem of being gay and keeping that a big secret.  I did want to ask a girl who was expecting too much (if you know what I mean) AFTER the prom because I certainly wasn't going to deliver.  I had to ask someone who was pretty and well liked but not too pretty or popular because she would almost have to reject me because she had her reputation to consider too.

Larry and I of course are getting a big laugh about this now.  He did the same thing as I did.  He asked a  girl who was pretty but not too pretty and one who wasn't likely to turn him down.  I did the same thing.  Look at the picture of my date and you can see her waist size isn't exactly 18 inches.  Yes, Jeanette still had some baby fat she was nice.  In fact she was delightful, just no sexual chemistry.

Now here is who I really wanted to ask....my fellow classmate Don.

You know the funny thing about this?  Today he probably would have went with me.  Not back then in the Fifties though.  No way, no how.

Don is gone now, one of my several lost opportunities due to my sexual immaturity and lack of self confidence.  Don was a farm boy back in that day confused about his sexuality as many of us were during our teens especially in the Fifties when there was so little information about differences.

Oh Don, if I knew then what I know now I would never have turned you down.

Do you think we would have made a good-looking couple at our Senior Prom?