What is a Good Christian?

"Kerouac"

Hard to believe that another year has flown by.  One thing that you youngsters ("youngsters" is anyone who is younger than me) will notice as you get older that the days, weeks, months and years fly by.  Wow, I hardly got used to using "2011" and here we will be up to "2012" in less than two weeks.

One of my pet annoyances (among the many that I have) are the year end retrospectives.  I hate all that rehousing on the television stations at what happened last year.  I KNOW what happened, don't remind me.  I think the reason the cable channels and communications media does that is because most of their regular staff is off work and that material was in the can and they play it to fill up the airwaves.

Well, my stuff isn't canned.  It's fresh out of my mind right now.  Oh, by the way, the kitty pictured at the top of my blog is "Kerouac".  He is my friend Larry's cat.  Kerouac is named after the famous Fifties Beatnik (the first one) Jack Kerouac.  "Kerouac" is appropriately named.  His story is below.

I usually talk to Larry on FaceTime on the weekend at his home in Claymont Delaware.  Larry and his family have about a dozen cats they have rescued from the animal shelters and a few rescued right off the street.  Kerouac was rescued from a parking lot as a kitten nearly starved to death.  There wasn't much to Kerouac when Larry's son Darryl Yes, Larry has a son named "Darryl" as in the characters in the old Bob Newhart Show who were brothers named "Larry, Darryl and Darryl.  Larry assures me it is just a coincidence that his son is named Darryl.  Uh huh, that Larry, I've known him for over sixty years (we went to grade school together) and I think this is Larry pulling a slick one on his innocent son but be that as it may.

Feeding time at Larry's house 2003

One night maybe about a year and a half ago (if I'm wrong on the details Larry will correct me) Larry's son Darryl brought this poor, pitiful, near death kitten home, hoping to get permission to add it to the feline menage that already occupied Larry and Lois's humble abode in Claymont.  I think at that time the kitty population of their home was about two dozen kitties roaming the premises.  There was hardly room for one more but Darryl pleaded and begged and his parents consented to "just one more" (famous Last Words).  Larry and Lois finally caved in and reluctantly accepted this new scraggly member of their household.

Kerouac had some medical issue that had to be addressed and Lar and his family took care of those issues.  That's the kind of family they are, just good kind people rescuing a poor, neglected critter that few would care about otherwise.

You know, I began this post with all good intentions of writing about my wrap up at year end and here I'm writing about my friend Larry's cat.

As most of my regular readers know I write off the top of my head.  Nothing "canned" here my friends.  I'm not like those TV news stations that have canned material ready to plug up the airtime.  No sir folks,  it's all fresh here.

So this morning while I was on FaceTime with Lar, I had to leave for a few minutes and when I came back I saw this live FaceTime picture of Larry's cat Kerouac relaxing.  When Larry knew I was back he put the camera on his puss again.  I asked him to turn it back to Kerouac so I could take a picture (you can do this with FaceTime). This is the picture I took, one of God's creatures rescued from a certain death by my good friends who actually practice the Christian faith of peace and goodwill toward all, including even an emaciated and injured kitten found in a parking lot scurrying beneath parked cars just trying to survive.

You can put all the pictures of people in the paper giving each other awards for God know what and all the Rick Perry's of the world who refer to themselves as "persecuted Christians" while at the same time asking "what is the matter with this country when gays in the military are allowed to serve openly while there is a war on good Christians like him."  This is a man who go for his morning walk with his gun and brags that he shot a coyote.  Yes, we have plenty of examples of so called Good Christians but folks, this little cat to me represents what a Good Christian is.

You don't have to go to church every week to be a good Christian.  You don't have to proclaim you are a good Christian.  All you have to do is BE a good Christian and folks, this little cat named "Kerouac" is God's work.

Peace, safety, love

Rick Perry - Man of Faith

Have you seen the new Rick Perry "Man of Faith" ad?  If you haven't, take a look below:



Ah yes, another good Christian man who espouses hate against gays.  What a jerk!  Can you believe how totally stupid this a-hole is?  Here he is in his Heath Leadger "Brookback Mountain" sheepherder's jacket spewing his Christian homophobia hate against gays in the military and some imaginary "war on religion." Hey, somebody...send this Texas cow patty-kicker who is so punch drunk on his own ego that he doesn't even recognize that he is the biggest a-hole to come out of Texas since...well George W. Bush!  Even Ole "W" wouldn't be this stupid.  Ah yes, Rick Perry, the gift that keeps on giving.  I'm going to miss him when he crawls back in his hole under that rock with the "N Word" at that Texas country club he used to belong to.  Yes Rick Perry, you are a bigot.  And another thing, I have friends and family who are Christians and Rick Perry, you are no Christian.  You are a stupid, a-hole opportunist from Texas.

Check out the answer to Governor Perry's ad below.  I couldn't have said it better myself.




Below is even better:

Hate

I recently deleted a post about someone who invaded my Facebook account and directed his homophobia at me out of respect for a friend of mine whose account he used.  However, I want this person to know he doesn't control my life.  I also want this person to know that he should leave me alone to live my life as I choose.  I don't need him or his view of religion to tell me how to live my life.  Leave me alone.  Respect my privacy as I have shown respect for your family by removing my original post.

Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values



and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false


and the false with the true.

Martin Luther King

Religion

Here is the first of my many future posts on religion. Yes, I have decided to take on the BIG SUBJECT, religion.



I was raised as a Baptist. As a child I enjoyed going to Sunday school. I even have a certificate for perfect attendance at a Summer Sunday School in Downingtown, Pennsylvania, which you know is pretty darn good for a 10 year old kid out of school.



Where I went off the rails with religion was when my Aunt Margaret took me to church with her one Sunday at her church in West Chester, Pennsylvania. The church was a Pentecostal Church. I believe I was about 12 years old at the time.



My one searing memory of the sermon that day was that the pastor who delivered the sermon scared me to death. He was a red haired, pale faced man but when he delivered his sermon his face was red and it seemed like foam was coming from his mouth. The only part of the sermon that I remembered was him screaming "You are a sinner! You were born in sin! You will die in sin! You must accept Jesus Christ as your savior or else you will burn eternally in the fires of Hell!"



As I left church that sunny, brisk day in leafy West Chester, I was shaken. At ten years old I already knew I was "different." I was aware of my homosexuality but I didn't know the name for it other than "fairy" for the ten letter word beginning with "c" and ending in "r." I knew that wasn't me so I didn't know what I was. Remember, this was in the early Fifties (1951 to be exact.)



From that day to this day I have never looked at organized religion the same way again. Oh yes, I have gone to different churches over the past fifty years. But I have never regained the comfort I had when attending Sunday school.



I could never express adequately in words what turned me away from the organized church other than this pastor who obviously relished the fact he was scaring the be Jesus out of his congregation by passing judgment on them over something they had no control (being born.) It wasn't until a recent e-mail exchange with a fellow blogger who is an atheist that I realized what the problem was. The church I went to that Sunday wasn't about peace and love. That church was about obedience. You obey and you get to Heaven because you're born with a major strike against you. You are a sinner. No matter what kind of life you lead, no matter how exemplary your conduct, unless you ACCEPT Jesus Christ as your Savior, you're not getting into Heaven.



Over the past fifty some years I've read a lot about different religions. I've tried some of them on for size. None fit exactly. None gave me the comfort level that they obviously give their many millions of devoted followers. Oh sure, I could tell my friends that I accept Jesus as my savior to please them but in my heart I just didn't feel it. And that is what it is all about any isn't it? You have to feel it in your heart.



It is my belief that this obedience aspect of organized religion comes from our European medieval heritage. Back in the Dark Ages the way the nobility (not us) kept the serfs (us) in line was to promise them a golden after life. They made this promise in lieu of the horrible circumstances serfs lived in; poverty, filth, disease and lack of freedom. The promise was "Sacrifice now for the prosperous after life in Heaven." Does this sound familiar? It should. That's what the terrorist suicide bombers are promised if they sacrifice their life by killing the Infidel.



How did I arrive at this belief? For one thing there is a lot of emphasis in all religions, especially the Christian religion about "praising God." Also, have you noticed God is always referred to as "The Lord?" How did the peasants and serfs refer to their nobles in medieval times? They bowed and said "Yes, my Lord." They also did a lot of praising. This is not a coincidence. It is a fundamental part of the culture of the Christian religion.



So you sacrifice today for a better after life. You do a lot of praying but make sure you give sufficient praise and under no circumstance DO NOT MOCK GOD. To many fundamentalist religious persons, any criticism of The Word or their belief is MOCKING GOD. “Do not mock God!” One half expects Charleton Heston to appear as Moses issuing thunderbolts from his fingertips to zap anyone to dares to question the existence of God.

This is just the first of many future postings I will have on this subject. My stating my religious belief, or lack thereof, I am not demeaning or criticizing those who do find comfort in an organized religion. I do understand that religious rituals offer comfort to many in this threatening and dangerous world. The way I feel about it is that if you find comfort in religion, then I am happy for you. I am happy the same way I would be if you found comfort in sailing a boat or spending time with your family. But when one takes their religion and tries to shove it down my throat because they want to "save" me, that am when I rebel.



It has never been satisfactorily explained to me how Jesus died for me. That he died to wash me of my sins. Sins that I was born with. Again, I remember back to that sermon on that spring day in April in West Chester, Pennsylvania. The thought that ran through my head was, "I didn't ask to be born and here I was born and I don't have a chance because I'm a sinner." The only way I could not be a sinner to take this nebulous step of "accepting" Jesus Christ as my savior.



What does "accepting" actually mean? Does it mean going through this charade even though my heart didn't feel it just to please my friends, relatives, and neighbors. Does it mean living a lie?



All my life I have been pushed, encouraged and then demanded to live a lie just because I happened to be born a homosexual. "Do this or something bad will happen to you." It just didn't make sense to me.



For many years I struggled with this dilemma, pleasing my friends, relatives and neighbors or be true to myself. Perhaps the turning point came about ten years ago when I was having an in depth discussion with a long time friend of mine who I like and respect in spite of his hard core conservative Republican and religious views.



He told me I would never get to Heaven unless I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. I asked him, "Do you mean if I led an explemary life, harmed no one and then died I would not go to Heaven." He said (as best I can remember it) "Ron, Ted Bundy will go to Heaven before you will. He will go because he accepted Jesus Christ on his death bed (Mr. Bundy, a serial killer was about to be executed)



I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Ted Bundy, a notorious serial killer, would go to Heaven in spite of all the evil he did during his time on earth, but I, a quiet, unassuming, honest, good hearted, woefully naive, guy would not go to Heaven no matter what I did. Plus, I had another BIG strike against me because I would not renounce the sinfulness of my homosexuality. The way I figure it, I was born the way I was for a reason and that reason wasn't some big test of wills.



I think that day was the day I stopped believing and saw through the hypocrisy of organized, or "man-made" religion (as I call it.)



I will continue to lead my life the best way I can. Of course I know I'm not perfect but I'm not an evil person either. I do like to engage in gossip every once in a while and sometimes I experience schadenfreude. But other than that I'm a pretty uncomplicated person who wishes the best for my friends, neighbors, relatives and humanity. If I believe anything it is the belief that those among us who are truly evil will receive their comeuppance either in this life or the afterlife. Maybe there is such a thing as reincarnation and they will come back as a cockroach or some other despised life form. That makes more sense to me than all the contradictory religious teachings and proselytzing of Christians.



One thing that makes perfect sense to me is that if there is a Heaven and I get there some day I know I won't see that preacher who shouted at me all those years ago.

The Power of Prayer

Today's posting is a little different for me. As though of you who know me personally, you know that I do not buy into "man-made" religion. Another way of describing "man-made" religion is that or the organized church. The organized Christian Church left me when I was 10 years old because of my homosexuality. There are those friends of mine who criticize me for "always being the victim." Well, sorry about that but when the man-made church tells me I will burn in Hell for eternity because of who I am, and then I have no choice but to leave that church for the Select Few who were lucky enough to be born with the socially acceptable chromosome makeup.

After I left the organized man-made Christian Church when I was 10 years old I continued to have my own personal religion. Many times over the years I have prayed for guidance in this perilous minefield called Life. Many times I have had guidance from a Greater Power that has helped me through some very difficult times. I don't know whether it was my guardian Angel or Buddha or just a Spirit in the Sky. One thing I do know is that organized religion has never helped me nor has man helped me. The only thing that has gotten me this far in life (67 years) is my personal spiritual belief.

A friend sent me an e-mail this morning that best epitomizes the way I feel sometimes. The friend who sent this e-mail to me this morning is going through a difficult time of her life at this time. She recently lost her job. Then she discovered she had breast cancer. Just last week she lost her father, with whom she has lived with and cared for these many years. Now she is alone except for her brother who is caring for her.



I met my friend many years ago (1965) when I worked at Girard Bank in Philadelphia. She started work a short time after I began working for the bank. We were good friends even after we both changed our jobs and went to work for another bank up the street when Mellon Bank took over Girard Bank.



We worked together at the new bank for about seven years until I left in 1994. Over the years we have remained in touch by e-mail. Her friendship is one of the few I have maintained over the years in all my job changes and travels. She is one of those True Friends. I am very fortunate because I have a handful of these True Friends whose friendship I value more than just about anything.



My friend believes in religion but makes no judgments. My friend doesn't warn me about burning in Hell because I am a homosexual and I refuse to "accept" Jesus Christ as my Savior. My friend does not discount me as a human being because of my homosexuality. My friend does not patronize me by saying she "tolerates" me in spite of my "weakness." My friend accepts me just as I am, a human being created in the image of God.



This is her prayer. It has meaning for me. I want to share it with others who feel as I do. And why do I post an image of a made-made representation of Jesus Christ? It is only a symbol of Peace and Love which in the end is what religion is all about anyway.



 

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.



Let's always pray for one another.






The prayer:






Father,


Thank you for each and every day you have


blessed us here on earth.


Thank you for your tender mercies.


Thank you for giving us friends and family to share these internet joys with. I ask you to bless my friends, relatives and those I care deeply for who are reading this right now.






Where there is joy, give them continued joy.


Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy.






Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence.


Where there is need, fulfill their needs.






Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings.














In Jesus' name..






Amen.

Senator Kennedy

I've been busier than a flea on a pack of hound dogs today! Phew. I've not nothing but run around all day.

First up I had to get out the invitations of my 50th high school class reunion. This was the second time I've prepared the invites and I think this will be my swan song. It is a LOT OF WORK and I wonder just how much of it is appreciated. We have a class of just over 100 students, of whom about 90 are left. There is a hard core of former classmates who almost always go to the reunion. The rest of the classmates ignore the invitations which leads me to wonder, is it even worth sending the invitations to them. I think all of my friends tell me they always ignore their class reunions. They treat the invitations with disdain and derision which is probably what some on of my classmates do also. Oh well, I'm not going to get myself worked up over that now. We do have forty or so classmates who do appreciate the time and effort (and expense) that those of us on the reunion committee put forth. I know I appreciate their effort that's why I'm always wanted to help. However, it does puzzle me why some people don't want to have anything to do with their former classmates. I didn't have all that great of a time in high school either but I consider that time of my life all a part of my Life's Journey. I always look forward to reconnecting with my former classmates. But then, that's just me. I can't speak for my fellow former classmates.

I think this is all I'm going to write at this time. It is late afternoon and I do want to get my daily walk in before dinner tonight and then to bed. I work the day shift at the hotel tomorrow and I have to be in by 7 am to set up breakfast. I can see another Busy Bee day tomorrow.

One note on Senator Ted Kennedy's passing today......he will be sorely missed. He was a tireless advocate for those of us who are not plugged into the power base of this country. I realize there are those out there, many self professed "Good Christians" who harbor a deep seated hatred towards Senator Kennnedy because of the events of Chappaquiddick forty years ago. Yes, Senator Kennedy probably made a mistake and was instrumental in causing an innocent person's death. He had an accident. He didn't report it right away. We all make mistakes. What surprises me is the unrelenting hatred of those who profess themselves "Good Christians" who are unwilling or unable to forgive. I'll tell you what I can't forgive. I can't forgive a president who lead us into a war of choice who caused almost 5,000 unnecessary American deaths and countless thousands of Iraqi deaths. I cannot forgive a president who lead an administration who squandered our precious moral authority in the world by permitting the most heinous forms of torture on our supposed enemies. I cannot forgive those in the Republican party who aid and abet the lies that is making health care so difficult to pass. That's who I cannot forgive.

When I first started this blog I made a conscious effort not to make it a platform for my political views. At times it has been very hard for me to suppress posting my views on this blog. But today I am making an exception. I say to my "Good Christian" friends who harbor hate in their heart towards their bogeymen (Kennedy, Pelosi, Reid, Clinton) and say "don't be hating." We're all in this together. Two of Senator Kennedy's brothers were murdered. If our current hate climate continues, I don't even want to think of what could happen in this country. Here is my suggestion, lay down your hate mongering and let's work together to make this a better country. Is that so hard? Leave the hate behind. That's what Jesus would do.

Governor Mark Sanford

Yet another conservative Republican "family values" politician from the Bible Belt fell from grace yesterday. South Carolina governor Mark Sanford emerged from his lie that he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. At a dramatic, rambling, impromptu press conference in the hallways of the state capital in Columbia yesterday he confessed that he was really in Argentina with his paramour. With the bizarre backdrop of some giggling teenage girls behind him, he admitted that he was unfaithful to his wife. He admitted that instead of taking a solitary hike through the Appalachian Mountains to clear his head after a tough legislative session, he was instead in Buenos Aries, Argentina, in the arms of his "dear friend" Maria.

Affairs of the heart happened. I understand that. Lord knows I've had a few myself. Where the difference is that Governor Mark Sanford is a public figure. He is a conservative Republican politician who espouses "family values." When he was a congressman he was one of the first to criticize former president Clinton for lying about his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Sanford, along with his fellow conservative Republican Christian politicians opposes same sex marriage. He claims that same sex marriage would "destroy the santicity of marriage." In fact, Governor Mark Sanford also opposes same sex civil unions. Governor Mark Sanford is a hypocrite.

While there is a growing list of politicians of both political parties who have been caught in sex scandals, only the self-righteous Republican politicians insist on holding onto their office. Democratic New Jersey governor James McGreevy resigned about his homosexual affair was revealed. Democratic New York governor Elliott Spitzer resigned after he was discovered to have frequented a hooker in a Washington D.C. hotel. Not so for Republican Louisiana Senator David Vitter. He refused to resign his office even after his name was found on a Washington D.C. madam's list. Republican Arizona John Ensign hasn't resigned his office after admitting an affair with a woman. Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig refused to resigned after being arrested at a Minneapolis airport bathroom for playing footsie with a male vice squad officer.

The hypocrisy of the Republican politicians is standard. They claim that same sex marriages would threaten the santicity of marriage. I ask, how exactly does that work? How does the formal union of me and my life partner of 45 years threaten the "santicity" of straight marriages? Here is my take, hypocritical politicians like Sanford, Gingrich, Guiliani, Craig, Vitter, McCain, and all the other family value conservative Republican politicians do more to destroy the "santicity" of marriage than me and my life partner Bill getting married. But then I understand that the conservative Republicans have raised a lot of money and gotten elected to office by pumping up the scare factor of same sex marriages.

The one thing I can give Governor Mark Sanford credit for, at least he didn't trot out his wife to stand next to him during his humiliation. But then, I understand she threw him out two weeks ago when she found about about his affair. Good for her.

While Governor Sanford seemed a very sympathic figure at his press conference yesterday with his tears and emotional plea for forgivness, the true victims of his selfish indulgence is his wife and four young sons. That is the real tragedy of this latest episode of soap opera that is the conservative Republican Party today. Where is their Christianity?

One of the Biggest Lessons in Life

A friend sent me this prescient message in an e-mail that I received from him this morning:

I think that one of the biggest lessons to learn in our lives is to be happy with who we are. We all spend so much time trying to be something or someone else and are never happy. When we can accept who we are and look at life through our own eyes, then life unfolds before us and we welcome the challenges and joys.

What a beautiful, life affirming message. This message has much more relevance to me than the “you are a sinner and you must be saved” message from my other friend and former classmate from my school days. My former schoolmate friend thinks that I should be attending church services in order to save my soul. I tell him that I cannot attend most Christian church services because they condemn homosexuality and since I am a homosexual, I am automatically discounted the moment I walk through those church doors.
My friend berates me by saying “Why do you always have to bring up the subject of homosexuality and play the martyr?” Apparently he believes in the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in church as well as our military. In other words, stay in the closet. Keep your homosexuality a secret. Don’t upset the “good” folks in the pews. Play along. Then if you admit you are a sinner and pray for forgiveness, then maybe you will be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Forty six years ago I broke down my self imposed closet door. It was the spring of 1963 and I decided to stop living a lie. I decided to stop substituting “she” for “he” when talking about relationships. I decided to stop sitting in church pews listening to preachers rant and rave about “fornicators, rapist, thieves, murders, and homosexuals” (notice how the bible thumpers always have a habit of lumping in homosexuals with the worst elements of society.) I told everyone; my family, my friends, my neighbors, that I was gay. Remember, this was before the Stonewall riots. This was before “Will and Grace.” This was before it was fashionable to be gay. I was stepping into Unknown Territory.

As a result of coming out, my Mother dispatched my brothers and father to “rescue me.” They appeared at my apartment and tried to physically take me to the hospital for the “cure.” Unbelievable as that sounds, that was the scene that chilly spring Saturday morning outside my apartment in Coatesville, PA. Both of my brothers pulling my by my arms outside while my father had his truck, motor running, waiting to rush me to the hospital. The scene played out that morning was bizarre, surreal, and out of this world.

They were unsuccessful in “rescuing” me. I resisted and they gave up. The struggle probably didn’t last more than fifteen minutes but it represented a irretrievable break with my former life of hiding, lying, fear, and guilt. I broke free in more ways than one. What followed were several years of estrangement from my family. Contact wasn’t made again until I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner. By that time I had moved from Coatesville, PA and was living in Pennsauken, New Jersey with my “lover” (now called "life partner".) By the way, I am still living in sin with my "lover", 45 years later.

I accepted their invitation with one caveat; I would only come if I could bring Bill (my partner) with me. They reluctantly agreed. I don’t remember exactly how that first Thanksgiving Dinner went other than it was somewhat subdued (except for me of course, I was my usual ebullient self – I always had a hard time feeling guilty about being gay because to me it seemed so natural.) Over time Bill frequently accompanied me on visits to my parents and brothers. In fact, both my Mother and Father became quite friendly with Bill, once they discovered that he didn’t have horns growing out of his head.

Gradually, over time I would encounter people from my “previous life” who would look at me in askance when meeting me again with this new knowledge about my personal life. I encountered the usual comments like “I would never know that you were gay.” “You don’t look gay.” “You don’t talk gay.” Then I would get the well meaning folk who would give, what they would think anyway, the ultimate permission statement “Some of my best friends are gay.” These comments have continued on over the years. Perhaps my favorite was my cousin who, upon discovering I was gay (hide the kids!) said after a telling pause “Will and Grace is one of my favorite programs!” Oh, that’s wonderful. Straight people playing gay but you will never see two men kissing on that TV screen (here’s a flash, gay men kiss in real life if not in reel life.)

Straight homophobia comes in all forms and sizes. Some well meaning and some just mean spirited. I’ve experienced it all. What I am getting very, very tired of is people trying to “save” me. Save me from what? Myself? As my friend said this morning (who, by the way is gay but also was married and has two beautiful, straight children – so much for “catching” the gayness):

"….be happy with who we are. We all spend so much time trying to be something or someone else and are never happy. When we can accept who we are and look at life through our own eyes, then life unfolds before us and we welcome the challenges and joys."

I remember a few months ago watching Ted Haggard (looking haggard by the way) on Larry King Live with his wife trying to explain away his “sickness” of being gay. I felt no anger towards this former preacher of the gospel. I felt pity for this gay man who is ruining his life by trying to be something he isn’t. Watching him through the TV screen, I wanted to embrace him in my arms and say “It’s alright Ted, be who you are. Don’t try to be what others want you to be.” But, unfortunately Mr. Haggard seems resigned to living the rest of his life as others in his church hierarchy have determined. They have already passed judgment on him. He will live a life of misery and denial. How sad to live one’s life by the will of a group of self righteous, dogmatic, self-appointed experts of a man made church. I feel profound sadness for this man and his family. My heart goes out to him.

There was perhaps no better display of the ugliness of this self righteous, homophobic bigotry recently when a contestant at the Miss USA contest (Miss California) was asked her views on same sex marriages by one of the judges, Perez Hilton:

Hilton, who is openly gay, asked:

"Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalise same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?"

"I think it's great Americans are able to choose one or the other," Prejeans answered. "We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.

"And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.

"No offence to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman."

This is a perfect example of the self righteous arrogance that many Christians, especially those on the right of the political spectrum, have. They don’t see it. My friend brags about his horse blinders that I accuse him of wearing. He says it keeps him “focused.” To me this is a form of mental cowardice. He is afraid of being exposed to other ideas because he is scared to death he might change his mind and his whole world would come crashing down around him.

After Carrie Prejeans didn’t win the crown of Miss USA, Miss California responded to the ensuing controversy by saying:

..........she knew instantly after answering the question that she would not win, "because I had spoken from my heart, from my beliefs and for my God".

Note the usage of “my God.” Is this the same God that gays like me are supposed to confess our sins? Is this the all inclusive God or the God just for a select few?

This young lady has every right to live her life convinced that “her God” only accepts “opposites” in marriage. However, she doesn't have the right to tell me how I should live my life no more than I have the right to tell her how to live her life. What she needs to do is drop her self righteous attitude that God is only on her side and accept the world as it is, full of diversity and different views. Miss California may have been beautiful on the outside but she showed her inner ugliness by her answer which casually dismisses the rights of same sex couples to marry and enjoy all the legal and financial benefits that straight couples now enjoy.

It wasn't all that long ago that another beauty queen, who was also a runner up for the big prize, (Miss America) had similar warped views of reality. Anita Bryant had a very successful singing career and a role as a spokeswoman for the orange juice growers association until she decided to show her true ugliness and go on a crusade to wipe out homosexuality from America.

However, times have changed since Anita's crusading days against the "scourge of homosexuality." Carrie Prejeans, Miss California, runner up to Miss USA need not worry about where her next job is coming from. Fox News will be calling soon.

Choosing a Lifestyle

This evening a co-worker was having a discussion with me about his 12 year old cousin. He was telling me that he was correcting his cousin from referring to their gay Uncle Dennis as "that fairy." My co-worker (who is straight, I am gay) told me with self-evident pride that he told cousin "You shouldn't refer to Uncle Denny that way. He chose a gay lifestyle and he should be respected for the person he is." Uh.......chose? I quietly corrected my co-worker and said "Your uncle didn't chose the gay lifestyle." My co-worker's face crinkled up in puzzlement. He said "He didn't?." I said "No. He no more chose to be gay than you chose to be straight. Do you remember when you chose to be straight?"

I felt bad for my friend because he obviously felt he was doing the right thing by correcting his cousin from referring to their uncle as a "fairy." He asked me "Then, when did he become gay?" I told him "The same time you probably became straight." Now he's really confused. I further explained to him "Your uncle didn't chose to be gay. He just is. I didn't chose to be gay no more than I chose to have blue eyes (which I do) when I was born." I could see that he was struggling to understand. I told him that this is the problem, parents and adults pass down to kids these misconceptions about gays and lesbians. Through their actions and attitudes they pass down to kids that it is alright to discount a gay or lesbian as a human being because that is a "lifestyle that they chose." Sure, I decided when I was four years old (when I knew I was "different") to opt for a life of ridicule, hate and danger. Oh yeah, that's the kind of "lifestyle" I want to live.

This kind of misinformation that is fed to our youth is what contributed to the bullying that a caused 11 year old Carl Joseph Walker to hang himself rather than to constantly hear many of his classmates say "That's so gay" when referring to young Carl's naturally happy demeanor. His mother repeatedly told school officials that her son was being bullied but her pleas were ignored. This tactic permission by adults is what permits the term "faggot" to be used by young children and teenagers as the universal derivative term to put down anybody, gay or straight. A more appropriate piece of information to teach kids would be the definition of the term "faggot" - during the Middle Ages, homosexuals were executed by placing a bundle of sticks placed at the feet of the accused homosexuals to burn them alive at the stake.

Earlier this week I had another one of my frequent discussions with my longtime and former school classmate friend about the Christian church's condemnation of gays. I have to explain this to him because he doesn't understand why I won't admit my "sin" and be "saved." He says "Why do you always have to bring up the homosexual aspect?" I told him "Because the organized church condems me for who I am and calls me a sinner." He advises me to "stop being the martyr and confess my sins and accept Jesus Christ as my savior." Of course he is referring to ALL of my sins. The organized Christian church is very preoccupied with sin. But that's another whole new subject that I won't go into at this time. What I will say though is my response to the oft repeated "hate the sin, love the sinner" line that many of the far right Christian based church use in justifying their bigotry towards gays and lesbians - I hate the (organized) church but love the church goer. In fact, some of my best friends are Christians.

The fact remains that as far as this country (and world) has advanced in the knowledge that gays and lesbians are human beings just like their straight counterparts, there is still a lot of ingrained misinformation out there unwittingly being spread around with all the best intentions.

The look on my co-worker's face when I informed him that his uncle didn't chose the gay "lifestyle", it was priceless. It was sort of like the look on my cousin Elaine's face when I first informed her that I was gay. Momentarily she was puzzled and then she quickly recovered by saying "Oh, I love 'Will and Grace!" Uh......thanks but no thanks. And I bet some of your best friends are black too. By the way, I want to know that the "gay lifestyle" is. It sounds pretty glamorous to me but I must have been home sick from school that day when they gave that lesson at Gay High School. I have the same problem with the famous "Homosexual Agenda." I never got my copy. Of course there is no "homosexual lifestyle" anymore than there is a "homosexual agenda." Again, just more nuggets of misinformation that is spread out there in Straightville, USA every day.

Ironically, if I did have a choice, I wouldn't change a thing. I've been very happy with my life. You might even say I've had a very gay life.