Updating the Wills and Other End of Life Documents

Me at my lawyer's office this morning about an hour ago

Just got back from my lawyer's office in Rehoboth Beach. 

Yesterday I received the documents for new power of attorney, medical directives and wills for both me and Bill through e-mail.

Man, life is complicated especially when one if preparing to leave life.

Since Bill and I are officially married now I felt it was time to update all of our legal documents for end of life.  

Bill and me waiting for our conference room at the law office

I had a number of changes to make to the first draft of the documents.  I had to put my former boss and long time friend Dave S. as executor of both of our wills.  Dave is in the business of settling estates and executorships. In my Previous Life I used to work as operations manager for Dave in the bank trust department.  Yes folks, I had a life before hotel front desk clerk life. Dave is good at what he does but I was concerned that since his practice is in Pennsylvania he would not be able to be the executor of our estates.  Dave said he could but he would have to do it as an individual. Thank you Dave. That takes a load off of my mind.

Me and Dave at lunch a few years ago

I also had to add the two newest babies to my beneficiaries.  My grandnieces are having babies. Wow, what does that make me. Old. 

I was so hesitant to drive down to my lawyer's office in Rehoboth Beach because of the heaving summertime traffic. But I decided appearing in person was the most efficient way to show the changes I wanted to our legal documents.  And yes, the traffic was heavy. Very heavy.  

But we got the changes in and just returned home. Hopefully this is the last draft of our documents and we can sign them and put them away until we depart this earth that seems in so much turmoil today.  

Wonderful Discovery!

This morning I made a wonderful discovery.

For several years now I have been putting off updating my will.  

Over the years I have had more will made up that I can remember. Life circumstance change which require updates to my will (and Bill's). 

Right now if I die everything goes to Bill. If he dies then everything goes to me. But Bill has nothing except a small bank account. Many, many years ago we decided to put everything in my name for protection from those family members who didn't approve of our relationship.  Those family members who viewed our relationship (53 years now) as "not quite legit."  Well, of course now we are legit after having become officially married July 3, 2013.  

However, if I am the sole survivor of our relationship I have previously made a will leaving everything to my brothers' children (twenty) by percentages. I had also named my brother and his wife executors. Both have to change. I now have two grand-grand nieces (man I am old) and, since I am estranged from my brother, I need a new executors.  Plus I have some special instructions for the disposition of our remains and other special instructions that maybe only a gay lawyer would understand and be sympathetic to.  

Times have changed. Now that Bill and I are officially married I have to change our wills to reflect that fact.  Also, I have decided to change the percentages to fixed amounts.  That will make it a lot easier for the executor of my estate.  I should know, in my previous life I work in bank trust operations.  One of my jobs was a manager of the remittance unit for trust and estate executor accounts.  Fixed amounts are much easier and don't care as much family angst.  I will leave the balance of my estate to a selected friend, who is with me at the end of my life. Also a few special bequests to those who have been kind to me during my lifetime.

My last will was prepared by an attorney in Rehoboth Beach.  He and his staff were fine but I wanted someone who I felt more comfortable with.  I've been mulling over this decision for a few years now. I keep putting off making a decision.  At one time I was going to use the law firm that Pat used for the sale of his land.  I liked them but hesitated because their law firm specializes in bill collecting.  That just didn't seem like a good fit to me.

The good news is yesterday I found the answer to my dilemma quite by accident. 

I was checking the obituaries in the local newspaper and found "Tipton" in the obits.  Finding someone with my surname is quite unusual for this area.  Not too many Tiptons in Delaware.  I knew there was one in Lewes but I never contacted her.  Most Tiptons I contact aren't interested in sharing our common family tree even though we're all related.  I've always been able to find the connection from or original ancestor Jonathan Tipton who arrived in this country in 1692 from Port Royale, Jamaica after their big earthquake destroyed his barrel stave making business.  Yes, my ancestor made barrels to store Jamaican rum.  He was part of Venables' Force who colonized Jamaica after defeating the Spanish in 1655. 

While reading the obituary of my distant Tipton relative yesterday I noted that one of his surviving sons was "Michael and his husband Eric of Rehoboth."  Say what?  There is another same sex Tipton couple in the area?  Wow.

So this morning I did a Google search and I find that Michael is an attorney who specializes in elder law and wills and estates.  Say what?  

Even better!  I check his website and I find he's a Bear.  Most of you don't know what a "Bear" is.  I do.  And most gay guys do.  

I put a call in and left a message for him to call me back.  

I have a will that needs updating.  

Last Will and Testament

One boy man's life

This morning I meet with my lawyer with the details of my last will and testament.  I hope this IS my last will.  I've done so many of these things over the years since my first will back in 1966.  Frankly, I'm sick of making them up.


Last night I spent several hours listing the details of my estate which is actually quite substantial, more so than I had thought.  


First I leave everything to my husband (life-partner, spouse, lover or whatever term the reader is comfortable with) Bill.  That's the easy part.  However, since Bill is thirteen years older than me (82), the odds are he will die before me so I had to make provisions for subsequent beneficiaries should I die alone in the world. 


I have no children but I do have four nieces and one nephew.  I also have seven grand nieces and five grand nephews.  They will all get $10,000.  In addition to those beneficiaries I am leaving the same bequest to two life long friends who have always been kind and loyal to me during my lifetime.  My final bequest is to my favorite charity, the Tipton-Haynes Historical site in Johnson City, Tennessee.  That makes a total of twenty beneficiaries.  Isn't it ironic that I am neat and precise even at the end of my life?  Anal to the end, that's me.


All my jewelry (diamond rings included) go to my grand-nephews.  My genealogy records go to my fifth cousin Tim Tipton who has agreed to continue our common Tipton family research.  No one in my immediate family  is interested in my records, which causes me great sadness but there isn't much I can do about that.  I would hate to see all my records tossed out on the sidewalk on a rainy Saturday morning the way I have seen other records soggy and abandoned with no one to love and cherish them.


My personal items my long time friend Larry has agreed to rescue.  Where the go after he departs, I do not know.  Larry is the same age as I am.  I'm not planning on checking out anytime soon but this could be my last day on earth.  You never know. No doubt when he goes his children will toss my lifelong accumulation of memorabilia.  I try not to think about it but I know of no one who wants it.  I guess this is something that is only of value to me and Larry, Children of the Fifties.


My clothing and household items are to be donated to the Encore, a local thrift store run by Clear Space Productions.  That should be a boon to them because I have LOADS of clothing, including all my business drag (ties, shirts, suits, etc) from my previous life as a banker.  But then no one wears Business Drag down here in Lower Slower.  The only drag down here are the gay drag queens in Rehoboth and I have NOTHING for them.  I was born male and have always enjoyed being a male.  I never had that gay urge to be a female.  I like being a guy  


I have given instructions for my house and all the remaining contents to be auctioned off and the proceeds go to my executor.  They can use the proceeds as they wish.  


Before I die I hope to sell most or all of my collectibles (including my stamp collection, coin collection, etc) on eBay.  I've been procrastinating getting on eBay but as I approach my 70th year on this planet, I think it is time to part with these items so someone else can enjoy them.  


And that my friends is my life...some money and a lot of junk (and maybe a good memory...or two). 

Updating My Will

Some color this morning out by my garage door

I put it off long enough.  I can't put it off any longer.  I had to update my will.  That's what I worked on all morning. I hate doing this.


I've lost count of the number of wills that I've had made.  I thought when I had my first will drawn up way back in the Sixties, that would do me for a while.  Oh no, every time I've changed my address I've had to change my will.  Every time my circumstances have change, time to change the will again.  


My last new will was two years ago, 2008.  Since then my Mother has died and one of my main beneficiaries, "Jeff" (of longtime friend previously mentioned blogs), has lost his mind.  He is mentally incapable doing anything much these days so it would be pointless to have him named in my will to 'remove personal items' from my house before my executors (my brother and his wife) comb through my lifetime of accumulations to distribute them.  Plus, I had also made a monetary bequest to Jeff but I have to remove that bequest because it would probably end up in the hands of his partner, who I do not like.  Life does get complicated doesn't it?


This morning I also worked on my second copy of the "Making Things Easy For My Family" booklet.  This is an information source of all my financial records; names, telephone numbers, etc. so my executors won't go crazy searching for this information when I'm no longer around.  Gathering and putting all this information down is such a pain.  I can't tell you how much I hate it.  I just want my life to be simple and  uncomplicated.  That seems impossible these days.


Pictured on this blog is my first bloom of spring flowers right outside my garage door. Spring, a New Beginning.  I hope I'm around for a many more springs to come.


Right now I'm looking at a colonoscopy examination at the end of this month.  Next week I take an Old People's bus trip to New York City.  I updated my travel accident insurance this morning.  That too was a pain finding the right telephone number.  Next month Bill and I are taking a trip down South to his hometown and to visit my brother in South Carolina.  Then I'm going to touch base at the Family Roots in the hills of western North Carolina (hillbilly country).  Who knows what will happen during these excursions?  I better be pretty well prepared.


Right now I'm having lunch then a nap before I go to work this afternoon.  


Just another day in this retiree's (complicated) life.  

White on white out by the entrance to my basement  - what was I thinking?