Balance

Lately I've been thinking a lot about balance, as in my life.  I've been working too much lately.  I've been worrying too much lately about unimportant things.  I need to get my life back in balance.

The past few days I've been updating my Find a Grave.com (acronym FAG) account.  There is only one reader of my blog who knows what Find a Grave.com is.  We're volunteers who take pictures of gravestones and post them to a website.  I've talking about this "hobby" of mine before.  Some may think I waste my time, it would be better spent in going to church or say, volunteering my time at a local thrift store or some other endeavor they consider worthy of filling up my "spare" time.  But folks, walking around graveyards, enjoying the peace and non stress of cemeteries give me a peace of mind that I rarely find in other quarters.  I prefer to make my own decisions as to what to do with my time.

I go to work where there is all too often some kind of emergency.  I come home and try to figure out how to pay ever increasing bills on my mainly fixed income.  Just this week I received significant increases in my car and homeowner's insurance.  Consistent insurance increases are my biggest concern in my retirement. At my former home in Pennsylvania, ever increasing taxes were my constant concern.  Always something.

Then there is my health.  A year out from my prostate procedure I still have fatigue that requires me to take a daily afternoon nap.  Then there are the side effects.  Annoying and not suitable for discussion in this family friendly blog.  

It seems there are some that feel the need to volunteer my time for one of their causes.  Uh….no thanks.  I appreciate the thought but my plate is quite full already.  About a month ago I was quite annoyed when a stranger who I didn't know posted publicly on Facebook that I should "take the lead" in helping a sick member of our community.  Where did that come from?  Who is this person volunteering my time that I don't know? Trying to shame me into volunteering. Again folks, I'll run my own life. I'm the best judge of how I spend my time. Why don't you volunteer your time instead of taking to Facebook and trying to shame me into volunteering my time?  

So for the next several months (or longer) I'm going to take time out for…….myself.  I'm going to start posting my thousands of photos that I've taken over the past two years of cemeteries I've visited here in southern Delaware and during our trips South.  So if anyone is thinking of volunteering my for something, my plate is already full.  Cast your gaze elsewhere.

Ron Gets a Break

Guess what?  I got a break!

Late yesterday afternoon I ventured out again, with the goal to introduce myself as the neighborhood volunteer for the Democratic party.  The sun was out but very, very windy as I crossed over the no man's land patch of land between my development and the development where I usually walk and where today I was going again attempt to make my introductions.  

The first door I knock, no answer.  Another strike out.  I check my list of names and addresses on my clipboard, fighting the wind flapping my papers around.  With all the noise I'm making I'm announcing my arrival.  

No answer 

Next house I walk up the three steps and boldly knock on the door. As I've said before, I'm absolutely hating knocking on strangers' doors.  Fear of rejection - bothering people - loss of control - not cool - et al.  

The door opens.  I ask "Are you John Hamilton?"  A pleasant looking thin man, a few years younger than me (most everyone is younger than me these days) answers "No, he moved".  Strike out again!  Remember, last week the first door I knock on the nice lady answered and gave me the same answer.  Am I being punked?

Well, I had a nice conversation with this man.  During our conversation I asks him if he was a registered Democrat.  He was not.  He said he was an Independent which, actually I am.  Maybe if I had registered Independent I wouldn't have been volunteered for this present adventure.  But I digress.

With a handshake, I finished our conversation.  But during the conversation Mr. B. (name omitted to protect the innocent his privacy) said to me "Why isn't Covington Chase (the development I live in) having a yard sale tomorrow with us?"  What was that?  A - YARD - SALE?   Do I detect an opportunity here?  A yard sale as in almost everyone will be out tomorrow morning in front of their houses with their junk items?  You mean I don't to creep around your neighborhood like a snake oil salesman with my list of registered Democratic voters?  You mean I can just BLEND IN with the crowd?  Oh yes!  

Folks, it is now 7:07 am.  The yard sale is from 8 am to 12 pm.  

I'm going to have some breakfast now, then put on my white shirt, blue sweater with my local neighborhood Democratic volunteer badge and descend on the unsuspecting this morning. 

This should be good.  

Volunteering

Me on a mountain top somewhere in Tennessee looking for that next cemetery

Now that I'm retired I'm often asked "Do you volunteer your time?"  My first thought when I hear someone ask me this question is:

"You're an old useless man now who has nothing to do with your days, surely you would want to give your free time to help others." 


Yes, perhaps this sounds harsh but remember, this is my blog and I don't fool around here.  I tell the truth as I see it, offending many along the way.

Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with volunteering your time.  Many of us old useless folks find volunteering fulfills a part of their life by helping others.  I think that is JUST FINE.  If you fall into that category and you want to volunteer your time at the local thrift store (which I have been asked to do on numbers occasions), GO FOR IT!  You're happy, the thrift store is happy getting your free time, and the ultimate beneficiaries of the thrift store benefit by your generosity.  That is wonderful and I am not criticizing or condemning that activity at all.  What I am say, that is not for me.  I've seen old men like me volunteer and I don't like what I see.  They're not appreciated, they're taken for granted and they are looked down upon.

Me with my Mom at my paternal grandparent's grave in Union Hill Cemetery 

Bill and I got a kick out of seeing the description of one of our friend's obituary.  It listed his name and underneath it said "Neighborhood volunteer."  Say what?  We knew this guy and he was a former friend for several reasons.  Not only was he a racist who liked to use the N Word freely in describing another neighbor in our neighborhood but he was one of the most opportunistic and selfish people I've ever known.  That's why he was a former friend.  So we scratched out heads and tried to figure out what the "neighborhood volunteer" description meant.  And then it hit us!  Ah yes, our former friend volunteered at the local gay community center stuffing condoms into packets to be distributed to local gay bars.  Well that explained it, our former friend volunteered as a way to meet people.  He volunteered in a milieu where he was comfortable.  That's fine.  Whatever works for him.  Sort of funny though reading that description of him in his obituary.  The obituary should have went into more detail.  Now that would have been interesting.

Me standing on my cemetery plot at Northwood Cemetery, Downingtown, PA

I see the old ladies at the local thrift store who volunteer their time.  Bless their hearts.  I admire them.  Volunteering works for them.  Volunteering gives them a chance to put on their war paint makeup and get out in public and do something useful.  And they are always so sweet.  Volunteering works for them.  I'm happy for them and I'm happy for the thrift shop.

The view from my cemetery plot at Northwood Cemetery

So now we get to me, this old guy that some are so concerned that I don't have enough to do in my spare time that they feel the need to suggest that I volunteer my time to some worthy cause.  I guess they think because I'm not one of these well off older gay guys who has two or three homes that I travel back and forth too. You know, the home in PA and then the one in Rehoboth then the one in Florida for winter - sorry folks, I'm a POOR OLD GAY GUY.  I only have ONE home.  I tough it out here in the winter.  Nah, I'm not one of THOSE guys.  By the way, notice how they NEVER volunteer their time?  Oh yes, you won't see them getting down with the hoi polli.  They are much too good for that.  I notice that there is a direct inverse, the more property these guys have, the less they volunteer.  They're always the ones making the suggestions to this Poor Old Gay Guy.  I actually need to continue working to supplement my modest Social Security and retirement income.  I don't have the luxury of traveling between my homes.  I have a part-time job that I need to get paid for to keep up with my bills.  I'm not lazy.  I'll work as long as I can.

Some of my friends, who only have one home, volunteer at their local church (treasurer) or homeowners association (treasurer again).  Again, I think that is just fine.  They are utilizing their skills in a useful manner.  That is good and I do not criticize them. I admire them.

What I resent are those who feel the need to advise me that I should volunteer my time.  Here's the deal folks...I DO VOLUNTEER but I chose the method that I volunteer.  I am an Find a Grave volunteer.  I travel to cemeteries and take pictures of graves and post them to a website.  I do this because I ENJOY doing this plus my effort is almost always appreciated.  My volunteering is also good for my health because I get out in the open and move around.  I'm not one of those old gay guys who can't figure out how to lose weight.  I guess if all you're doing is eating out most of the time and moving around very little, you're going to put on weight and become unhealthy.  By the way, here's my advice to lose weight:

MOVE MORE, EAT LESS

Later today Bill and I are going to return to the Union Cemetery in Georgetown.  I have a lot of pictures to take.  While taking those photos, I'll be moving around, bending down and standing up.  I have about five pounds to lose that I gained over the winter.  I don't think I'll run into any of my Old Gay Friends at the cemetery today with three homes who advise me to volunteer my time.