Don't Like What I Say In My Blog?

I seem to remember that I posted a blog a few weeks ago with the title "If You Don't Like My Blog Don't Read It."  Apparently some folks out their in the blogosphere who don't like me or my blog continue to read my blog and feel compelled to comment on some of my opinions that I state in my blog postings.

Just to remind everyone, this is MY BLOG and I write what I want to write about and I freely express my opinions without fear of censorship.  If you don't like what I write about, my opinions or you just don't like me, then why are you wasting your time (and mine) reading my blog?

Why do some people feel compelled to correct me on opinions that I state just because they differ with their opinions?  Hey, maybe I don't agree with them either.

I realize there are those people in this world who feel they are superior to others and feel the need to correct others directly when they see or read something they don't agree with.  All my life I've had to deal with these people,  the SUPERIOR ONES who KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS.  You all know who I'm talking about.  There is not a one of you (unless you're ONE OF THEM) who hasn't had to deal with this type of person who believes their Mission in Life is to pontificate to others about their behavior which they feel doesn't meet THEIR STANDARDS.

Recently I cleaned house of several of this type of "friend" (you know who you are).  I don't need them in my life, I don't want them in my life, and I'm not having them in my life.  They are always negative, never positive and certainly never supportive.  I will live my life unencumbered by their negativity.

This is me, I am who I am.  You either like me or your don't like me but I sure as hell am not going to change my life to PLEASE you.

So to those few readers of my blog who feel compelled to correct me on my opinions, I don't need your advice no do I give explanations as to my opinion.

I said it once and I'll say it again.  If you don't like reading my blog then don't waste time sending me comments trying to control me.

To those of you who find my blog interesting and fun (most of it is said with tongue in cheek after all, a distinction that is often lost on the complainers), I continue to welcome you.  I appreciate your friendship and understanding of my sense of humor.  But to those humorless few, you're wasting my time.

Friends

Two pooches in the Millsboro B.J.'s parking lot 4/12/2011

Friends, a subject I've written about  before but bears writing about again.  


In the course of life one is fortunate to have acquired a few good friends that last a lifetime.  I have been one of those lucky few.  


To me a true friend is a person who accepts you as you are, flaws and all.  A true friend doesn't try to dominate or control you.  A true friend cares about you.  A true friend doesn't look upon you as an opportunity to further their own advancement or for what they can get out of you.  During the course of my almost seventy years on this planet I have encountered all types of 'friends."  

• I have had 'friends' who looked upon me as only a sexual object for conquest.  

• I have had 'friends' who have seen me only as an opportunity for what I could do for them to either with my skills or my money  to make their lives easier.

• I have had 'friends' who were only friends to advance their own career.  When I no longer had a career they no longer needed me as their friend.  

• I have had 'friends' who have mistakenly identified  my good natured and easy going personality as a weakness and thus an opportunity to dominate me, tell me how to live my life, mock and scold me and thus use me to build up their own selfish egos.

• Those are my former friends.  Granted, sometimes I have had difficulty identifying these 'friends'. It has taken me longer to end those friendships, sometime very reluctantly because I didn't want to believe what was right before my eyes.  Sometimes the parting has been painful.  Sometimes the parting, long overdue, has come with great relief.  

Then there are my true friends.  

I am happy to say that I have more than a few true friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin.  

• They were my friends when I was young and attractive and they are still my friends now that I am old and unattractive.

• They were my friends when I have a great career and made loads of money and they are still my friends when I am now working part-time as a hotel front desk clerk making $10.75 an hour and mopping floors at night.

• They are my friends in spite of the fact that I am moody, immature (at times), do dumb things (sometimes), and wish to be alone (many times).  

• They are my friends in spite of the fact that I have a lot of annoying habits like clearing my throat, taking pictures at almost every dine out.

• They are my friends in spite of the fact that I cannot give them money, sex, career opportunities or a home to live.    

They are my true friends.  

• They did not desert me when I was falsely accused of sexual harassment in one of my jobs.

• They did not desert me when I was being railroaded out of a job because of a new boss who was homophobic and didn't want any 'queers' working for him.  The excuse I heard "I would like to help you Ron but we're concerned about our own jobs."  That was the first time I realized that real life wasn't like life in the movies or TV.  When there is an injustice most people, including people who you think are your 'friends', will toss you under the bus for expediency.  They will risk nothing for their 'friendship' with you.  Ironically, when I was going through those two bad periods of my life, even though I saw many false friends I found a few new friends.  People I totally unexpected came to my defense.  It just goes to show that you never know who your true friends really are.

I'm coming up on my Old Age now and beginning to wonder, as I see some of my true friends die off either physically or mentally (one longtime friend has dementia), I wonder will I be alone in my Old Age.  

I have no children.  I have many nieces and nephews but I want none of them 'taking care' of me.  

I moved to this area of southern Delaware not only for the low taxes but because there is a large GLBT community.  This area of the country isn't as homophobic as where I came from (suburban Philadelphia) but I have encountered my fair share of homophobia even here.  My longtime partner is thirteen years old than I am and thus probably will be die before I do.  I had hoped that I would find a network of friends in this area but that hasn't turned out to be the case.  I've made a few friends but generally the GBLT community is very tribal (cliques) in this area as it is in other areas of the country.  I've met some nice guys (the lesbians don't have anything to do with gay guys) but that's as far as it goes.  No close friends.  That might be me.  

Unfortunately I've encountered some of the same problems here that I did earlier in my life.  Either it's a sexual liaison hookup (which I am absolutely not interested in at this time of my life) or what can I do for them (provide a home or replace their screen door ), or be dominated (no one dominates me), or be constantly mocked, criticized or scolded (I only allowed my Mother to do that and she died last year).  

So this is where I am at today.  Contemplating what is going to become of me if and when Bill leaves me and I am ALONE.  I try not to think of it but the thought keeps creeping back in my mind.  

Yesterday I spent about three hours with my longtime (and straight) friend Larry on FaceTime.  Larry and I have been friends since third grade.  He does not judge me, he does not criticize me, he doesn't ask me for money or to fix his screen door.  He knows me and knows my faults (as I know his.)  I feel comfortable with Larry and he feels comfortable with me.  He knows when I get in a mood and I know when he gets in a 'fowl" mood (as he said earlier this week).  I give him space as he gives me space.  He understands.

Bill, my Life Partner (and husband if they ever change the laws in this backward country in my lifetime) is my Very Best Friend.  Ever since we began living together forty-six years ago the only thing he has ever asked of me is just for me to be me.  It is also the only thing I ask of him.  Do we have our differences?  You bet.  But in the end I know I can count on Bill and he can count on me.  He won't desert me at the first sign of a better opportunity of when I get into trouble.  

Of course my bestest friend ever in the world was my Mother.  She died last September 16th and I still feel her loss every day.  Towards the end it wasn't pretty because her personality had changed due to the effects of dementia.  She got nasty.  But I forgave her because I knew that wasn't my real Mom.  

Someday in the not to dissent future I will be gone from this earth.  I've come to accept the fact that my passing will make about as much difference in this world as the water level in a bucket of water after a hand if pulled out of it.  Their will be slight disruption but the water level will return to where it was before and the hand that was taken out of that bucket will quickly be forgotten.  

Until that day comes, I will cherish and value my true friends that I have here on this earth.  When I lose those friends then I'll get a cat (or two).

A Little Spontaneous Action

Me and "The Cajun" - Riverboat Gamblers

Wayne (AKA "The Cajun") and me at Olde Time Photo in Rehoboth Beach


After having slept most of this rainy Sunday, I decided late in the afternoon to take a ride into Rehoboth.


Normally I would not do this on a Sunday night in season but since it rained today I figured the vehicle and people traffic wouldn't be too bad. I was right.


As I was making my left turn off of Rt. 1 onto Rehoboth Avenue (Rt. 1A) I thought to myself, "Why not stop by Dos Locos and see if Wayne is still there?"  Wayne is a host at Dos Locos.  He usually gets off around 5 pm.  I thought on a lark, drop by, pick up Wayne, treat him to dinner at the Purple Parrot and then go to Olde Time Photo and have a crazy picture taken.


I was in luck.  Wayne was just getting off work.  He was surprised to see me but he was up for the adventure.  He said he had already eaten but would join me for a drink at the Purple Parrot while I chowed down a Wimpy hamburger (with cheese and crispy bacon - no raw bacon for me thank you.)


About a year and a half ago (was it that long ago), a group of us used to meet at the Feathered One (AKA the Purple Parrot restaurant) on Sunday nights for a weekly get together of old friends.  Really OLD FRIENDS.  


However, somehow that tradition has fallen by the wayside for several reasons of which I won't go into at this time.


It was good to get our table by the window again where we could view the parade of people strolling down Rehoboth Avenue while we chatted and waited for our order.  Wayne ordered a margarita.  He was sampling the competition.  Dos Locas has the best margaritas this side of Rt. 1.  The margarita he got at the Parrot missed the mark.  Obviously from a mix, it was bitter and not pleasant.  Somewhat awkwardly he asked the waiter to take it back.  But that was the only sour note on the night.  My Wimpy hamburger and fries were perfecto.  Just as I remembered them from a year and a half ago, the last time I was at the Parrot.


While stuffing my face with my Wimpy,  who do I think I see walking by outside than none other than one of my blog fans.  I do believe it was Mark with his partner Fred.  Was that you Mark?  I think we made eye contact but you swiftly averted your eyes.  You came into the Parrot and went to the bar with Fred but you left shortly thereafter.  I was tempted to go up and say "Hi!" to you but Wayne advised me against it.  I didn't want to cause any problems in your marriage.  Ah, the drama that unfolds when one ventures out into the night.


It was a beautiful night.  After dining at the Parrot, Wayne and I crossed the street to the old time photo place.  This Sunday Rehoboth Avenue was busy but not crazy busy like it is in the height of summer.  A cool breeze surrounded us, the soft lights of the avenue was kind to our old visages, and we were in an adventurism mood.  Almost like two young kids even though I'm 68 and Wayne is 64.  God, we're old.


As luck would have it, they were empty.  I didn't want to have our pictures taken with a bunch of screaming, irritable, restless kids around.  I did that when I had my Christmas card pictures at J.C. Penney Dover last year.  I didn't want to go through that experience again.  


The two young ladies from some eastern European country (one from Russia) who were working at the old time photo place were delightful.  We decided to have our pictures taken as two old time western gamblers.  Oh and did we ever look like the gamblers.  I'll post those pictures tomorrow (I have to scan them and it's too late now for all that activity.)  


After our pictures were taken and we were choosing what pictures we wanted to keep, Wayne's two bosses stopped by to say "Hi!"  The picture posted on this blog is the one they took of us.  I know, I know, my blue plaid shirt does not match my gambler outfit (Wayne already told me.)  However, the smiles are genuine.


All and all, a good night in the town.  One is never too old for a little spontaneous action.  


We're not dead yet.  

The night didn't end well - our usual relationship - contentious

Rehoboth Beach, Delaware 1964

Bill K. and Ron H. Rehoboth Beach, DE 1964

I'm often asked, "When did you move to Delaware?" My answer is that I officially moved to Delaware November 17th, 2006. That was the date I sold our house in Pennsylvania and moved into our new house in Delaware. What I don't say is that I made the decision to move to Delaware, specifically the Rehoboth Beach area, way back in 1964.

Growing up in the small town of Downingtown, Pennsylvania I always wanted to "go to the shore." I envied my schoolmates who had families that took them to "the shore" (aka "the beach) for holidays and in the summertime. My dad would go fishing with some of his brothers and friends off of Cape May, New Jersey but he never thought to offer to take any of his sons along. If he had, I would have gone along with him. The option of taking his family for a day of fun and frolic at the beach wasn't even considered. That was our "Pop." In our family, his needs always came first. Entertainment for his three sons was not one of his priorities. Not that I'm complaining, my brothers and I had plenty to keep us busy during the summer where we lived on 120 Washington Avenue in Downingtown, PA. Our favorite playground was the railroad tracks a couple of blocks behind our second floor apartment building on Washington Avenue. I never felt like I was deprived during my childhood but I do remember envying my friends who went to the beach and saw the ocean waves.

Me (on the right) and my brothers 1947 - this is as close as we ever got to "the shore."

The first time I saw the ocean was when I was 23 years old. In July of 1964 I met Bill, my life partner. He lived in Pennsauken, New Jersey. I lived in an efficiency apartment in Coatesville, Pennsylvania, a long way away from "the shore." I used to spend my weekends with Bill at apartment in Pennsauken, NJ. One weekend, looking for something to do, I asked Bill if he could take me to "the shore." Finally, I'm going to see the ocean!

My brothers and I and Mom - the closest we ever got to water - the park pond 

Thus, on a Saturday in August of 1964 Bill and I headed for Ocean City, New Jersey. The sun was out, the heat was on and the crowds in place. My first impression was "where has this been all my life?" I immediately felt at home. Maybe it had to do with that I'm a Scorpio and a water sign. Whatever the reason, I felt at home. The only problem was the lifeguards. Every time I went out in the water, the lifeguard whistle would blow. I wasn't going out far, just wading in the water. But once the water reached my knees the lifeguard would blast his whistle. I looked back to see what the problem was only to see the lifeguard, who was laying on his back, impatiently waving me back to shore. To me it looked like the lifeguard didn't want to move his head too much so he wanted me and all the other bathers in his line of view.



I walked back to where Bill and I had laid our towels on the beach and told Bill I wanted to leave. What was the point? I'm finally at "the shore" and I couldn't go in the water past my knees. We left and I haven't returned to the Jersey shore since that summer day in 1964. And I never intend to return especially now since "Snookie" and "The Situation" are what the Jersey shore is all about.



I hadn't given up on going to the beach. Instead, I decided instead of going to "the shore", is what you call going to the beach in New Jersey, that I would go to Rehoboth Beach.

Rehoboth Beach, DE April 8, 2010

A few weeks later, Bill and I along with my friends Ron H. and Ed C., headed to Rehoboth Beach, New Jersey. This was in August of 1964, long before Gayberry. This was even before Camp Rehoboth! This was even before Murray and Steve established their exclusive beach house circuit of friends. Wow, we were pioneers.

We loved Rehoboth Beach. Ron, Ed and I worked on our tans. Bill wasn't into baking in the sun. He only went along to please me. He couldn't care less about Rehoboth Beach or any beach. Bill's not a water person. The only problem was the 2 1/2 hour one way ride to Rehoboth Beach.

My friend Ed C. sunning himself at Rehoboth Beach, DE July 1964

That summer day in 1964 was my first introduction to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware and I was in love! Bill and I returned a few more times and then in the 70's my good friend Bob McC. purchased a 22 acre wooded parcel of land outside of Georgetown, Delaware. From that day on I often took advantage of my friendship with Bob and visited him, with other friends, at his single-wide in the middle of the woods. Occasionally I could talk him into dropping me off at the beach for a day of fun in the sun.

Me at Rehoboth Beach last week - older and grayer but the Dream is realized

I don't know the exact date that I decided that I wanted to retire to Delaware but I did make that decision. I thought "Someday, somehow, I will retire to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware." As I have found so often in my life, if you set a goal for yourself and work hard towards that goal, you will reach it. I had a dream and in November of 2006 I realized that dream.


I love every day I live here on the coastal shore of southern Delaware. My friend Ed C. has a home right in Rehoboth Beach. My friend Bob McC. still lives on his 22 acres of wooded paradise. My friend Ron H. passed away in 2005. Bill and I live six miles from the beach in Rehoboth. Bill still doesn't like the beach but moved here to please me. And that perhaps is the best thing that has ever happened to me. To be with someone most of my adult life who treats me like a prince.

Me catching some rays on my first visit to Rehoboth Beach, July 1964

So here I am, living at the beach with the one that I love. I have good friends, good health and a good job. Each day is like a vacation day. I worked hard for a long time to get where I am today. I take nothing for granted. I treasure each day I am privileged to live upon this earth. When my time comes, I will have no regrets. I have lived the good life. I am living the good life.

Me with my friend and neighbor Barbara at Rehoboth Beach April 2010

Spring is Coming

Spring is coming. I can feel it in the air. The yellow crocus, always a welcome harbinger of spring, is blooming along the walkway to my front door. When I lived in Pennsylvania the deer usually ate the new bloomed crocus before I could enjoy its colorful splendor. One in a while the deer would miss a patch and I would see it for part of a day, which was enough for me to know for certain that spring would soon follow.

Yesterday I loaded up my ’98 red Subaru Forester with old items to be donated to the new thrift store which will be operated by Clear Space Productions. There are several thrift stores in the area, and I have made donations to them in the past but I’ve been saving the best items for just such an occasion as this. A few years before I moved to Delaware, the Metropolitan Community Church used to operate a thrift store. This is the thrift store where I was going to make my donations after my move. Unfortunately, the new pastor of the church discontinued the thrift store because he was too lazy to operate it. His decision not to involve the church in the operation of the thrift store really was unfortunate because the proceeds of the thrift store supported the church. Another benefit of the thrift store was that it was a wonderful outreach to both the gay and straight community from the predominately gay Metropolitan Community Church. An even extra benefit, the thrift store provided an excellent center for the sale of many particularly kitschy items that only the gay community can provide. I’ve always been reluctant to part with some of my more flamboyant household items to the main thrift store in Rehoboth, which caters mainly to the straight, poor population of the Milton/Lewes/Rehoboth beach area. Straight people just don’t have the ability to appreciate some of the finer objects de art that is available through a gay thrift store. Yes, I told my friend who is involved in opening this new thrift store, that he and his group have made an excellent decision to open their thrift store. I have no doubt that a year from now they will be pulling in so much money that they will wonder why didn’t they do this earlier.

In just a little over a month spring will be upon us here in our little enclave on the coast of southern Delaware. One of the things I really like about living in southern Delaware is that when the date of spring arrives on the calendar (March 21st), it really is spring, unlike when I lived in Pennsylvania. In Pennsylvania, the calendar may say spring, but in reality spring really didn’t arrive until Mother’s Day or May 15th, whichever came first. In fact this weekend the weather forecast for my Mom’s place in Pennsylvania is ice and snow. No thank you. We’re having our share of cold weather down here as it is. The sky was sunny yesterday but the cold winds continued to blow.

Sunday night I was invited to an Oscar Party by a friend. He has a 61 inch TV which is almost like attending the movies. I attended his Golden Globes party with friends a few weeks back. We had fun mocking all the self important stars who thanked everyone from their kindergarten teacher to their makeup girl for their “accomplishments.” The standard line was “I couldn’t of done it without ………………..” (Fill in the blanks.) It is always good fun to mock the self-important and delusional. One would think they found a cure for cancer or how to solve the economic meltdown this country is going through now. As my friend Wayne has often said “Get over your self honey!” I don’t think I’ll go though this Sunday. Wayne won’t be their and I would miss his caustic remarks. The other attendees may take that stuff seriously.

Bill and I are going over to our neighbor’s shortly and see her new dog. I would like to have another dog but Bill won’t hear of it. He still hasn’t gotten over the loss of our last dog, years ago. Maybe someday I’ll get a cat. For now, I am anxiously awaiting spring. Each day it gets one day closer. Spring can’t come soon enough.

Dodged a Bullet

Every now and then we get a winter day like today. After weeks of single degree temperatures, the thermometer reached the low 50's. Today was a treat. Sunny skies, low winds, mild temperature. Even the birds knew today was special. A flock of sparrows visited my backyard this morning, checking out the accommodations. It was nice to see these harbingers of spring.

Today was a day for a walk. It’s been months since I took this simple refreshing pleasure. I took advantage of this opportunity and walked in the development behind my house. Hundreds of honking snow geese passed over me in the skies above my head. A couple of buzzards, gliding on their long black wing spans, punctured the white sea of snow geese. A gentle breeze caressed my face. I took the long way through the development, finishing my walk about 45 minutes later.

Refreshed after my walk I decided this was a good day to wash my car. This was a good time to get the winter gunk off of it. I asked Bill if he wanted to accompany me. Bill and I drove to the car wash in Milton. Bill sat in the car while I lathered up my car. After rinsing the car, I drove it around to the back of the car wash to dry it off. This was the first glitch in the day. I forgot to put my bucket with sponges and drying clothes in it.

I drove out of the car wash with my dripping wet car to the nearby gas station to get some gas. I’ve never used the gas station in Milton because it is one of these old style gas stations which are hard to get into and charge too much for gas. The second glitch happened. While at the light waiting for the car in front of me to make a left hand turn Bill insisted that I pass the car on the right to get through the intersection. I was hesitant to because I’m not comfortable passing on the right. Well, I was right in this instance because as I passing the stopped car on the right, I almost had a collision with a car coming in the opposite direction that was making a left hand turn through the intersection. I dodge a bullet this time. The oncoming car slammed on their horn, letting me know I almost was the cause of an accident. I immediately said to Bill “I knew I should have done that!” This is the problem driving with Bill. For years I wouldn’t drive with him as a passenger in my car because he is a hopeless backseat driver. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said “Do you want to drive the car? You’re going to cause me to have an accident!” I shouldn’t have listened to him this time but I wanted to avoid an argument. I blame myself.

I have another friend who likes to give directions while I’m driving. I think it’s a personality thing. I don’t know if it is their arrogance and superiority complex or their contempt of me. Maybe they're just trying to help me. However, I doubt it. It seems no matter what I do when I have this kind of person as a passenger, they feel a need to give directions. Whatever the root cause of this kind of personality, it is very dangerous to drive with someone like this as a passenger. I find that driving with a person that has this need to control you’re either defending your driving or giving in to their scolds just to shut them up. Either way, it makes for a dangerous situation. The only solution I can see is to completely ignore them. It’s interesting but if I dared to give them directions, they would have a fit.

Bill’s upset now and won’t be speaking to me for awhile. We’ve been through this before. Even after 45 years, there are bumps in the road. He’ll get over it. We’ve been down this road before. I’m just thankful we didn’t have an accident. Thank you God.