Have I Been Here Before?

Reincarnation, I've talked about it before.  Reincarnation has always intrigued me.  I find it more plausible than the fairy tale (no offense intended to my religiosity practicing friends) of organized religion.

My earliest memory was "I am starting all over again."  I distinctly remember beginning again.  This memory occurred when I was about four years old.  I remember the time because it was before I began first grade of elementary school at five years old.

The "Black and White" days with my brothers (('m in the enter) at the ole swimming hole in the Fifties

At different milestone periods during my life I felt like I was being given the opportunity to make a decision of what road to take.  Sometimes I've chosen correctly and sometimes not.  My life has felt like one big test…..again.

During all my challenges in life, times when I had to make life changing decisions, I've always felt that I had an unseen guardian angel by my side.  Perhaps others would call this feeling "Faith."  I prefer to think of my guardian angel as a male figure, much like me, guiding me and protecting me.  

I never thought I would live as long (this time) as I have.  During the past ten years many of my friends, former co-workers, and classmates have died.  Much to my surprise I find myself one of the few left standing.  

Jay, one of my friends now gone.  It seems just like a few months ago we were standing in front of this sign in Lewes waiting for our table to open at the restaurant

Last year I had several life threatening medical situations.  I've been fortunate in that I seem to be recovering from those conditions.  But I'm realistic enough to know that sooner or later something is going to get this 72 year old traveler of the universe.  I just hope it's not like my friend Bob McC. who is in a total care facility now, having something to bath him, dress him and clean up after him after he goes to the bathroom.

When I go I want to go like my cousin Randy below. He wasn't sick, he just didn't wake up one morning.  Randy, that's the way I want to go.

My late cousin Randy with his mother (my late aunt) at Simpson Meadows, 2004

I noted with some irony that in August of last year I met a person who seemingly came out of nowhere and has provided a much comfort and happiness at this time in my life.  Yes, I was married last year to my longtime partner after 49 years of living together.  And yes, we are very happy.

Me and Bill

 
But I never had that special friend, some I was very compatible with.  We understand each other.  Bill and I are almost the exact opposites, even though we love each other dearly.  Of course that person, for those of you who follow this blog, is Pat.  I now kid him and ask him "Are you my guardian angel come to life to whisk me away?"  I don't know folks but what I do know is that everything seems to be falling into place.  And as Martha Stewart said "That's a good thing."  Just a thought folks, rambling on here on this last day of March in 2014.  Just a thought. 

"Going Down?"

Do I Have a Guardian Angel?

Yes, I believe I do.  

From my earliest memory, when I was about 3 1/2 years old I remember "I'm here and I'm going to do THIS (life) again."  I definitely remember I had a feeling of returning.

I don't remember exactly when it was that I realized I was not alone in my renewed Life Journey.  I do remember the comfort I felt attending summer Bible school.  I even received a certificate of perfect attendance in 1948, when I was a mere six years old.  A few years later that comfort that I felt from the church was destroyed by a hate filled rant by a Pentecostal preacher who, face red and purple with rage and foam at his mouth, screamed at his congregation at which my Aunt Peg took me one Sunday when I was twelve years old "You're all sinners!  You were born in sin, you live in sin and you will die in sin! You must repent or spend eternity in the everlasting fires of Hell!" 

At first I was confused.  I thought: 

1. "I didn't ask to be born and I didn't make a choice to be a sinner."  
2. "Why is this preacher screaming at me?"  
3. "Why does he hate me?"
4. "Does God hate me because I was born in sin?"
5. "What can I do to make this man and God stop hating me?"

Then came the coup de tat, I knew I was "different" (homosexual) and I knew I was surely damned even before I had a chance at life.

As I matured I realized that organized religion was for the great bulk of people who chose, in my opinion, the easy way for spirituality.  They didn't have to think, just follow man-made instructions on how to think and live their lives.  I don't criticize their choice but that is the way I see it.  I don't go that way.  If there is a God, he/she gave me FREE WILL (as the "religious" are so fond of quoting) and I'm using it.  Now rest assured folks, I'm being very careful here not to step on anyone's religious toes.  I know everyone has their own beliefs, and some of those who follow organized religion tend to get very defensive and huffy puffy if one of the Flock goes in a different direction but be that as it may.  I don't force my views on anyone (proselytize) nor do I appreciate anyone preaching their religious views to me.  I can take care of myself quite well, thank you.

And do you know what gets me through the days, weeks, months and years?  I know I have a guardian angel.  Of course I know the term "Guardian Angel" connotes Catholic visions of diaphanous lady visions of angels. 
 

Guardian angel for straight folks

That is not my guardian angel folks, that's for straight folks only.  I may have to subject myself to females in the medical industry but my guardian angel is all male.  And yet my male guardian angle isn't necessarily the perfect, Adonis-like, six pack abs exaggerated gay version of a angel either.  That angel is for the gay pulp fiction crowd.  My guardian angel is a regular looking male just like me.  The only difference being that He has accompanied me my whole life and is now with me as I end this term of my earthly existence.

A real guardian angel for Ron

In a few weeks I'll turn 72.  Seven and two are my favorite and lucky numbers.  They add to nine.  I was born on the 9th of November, 1941 at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning.  

I always believed that I had a "presence" with me during my life.  My own personal guardian angel to help me through the challenges in my life.  At times I was pretty low but I never gave up hope because I knew, I just KNEW that I was not alone in my Journey.  

A few months ago my beliefs were confirmed.  Some have a "coming to Jesus" moment.  Some are reborn.  None of those man made events for me.  I don't need nor have ever needed anyone to tell me how to think for believe.  I've always known deep within my soul what was right for me.

Others with judge me and call me as an Unbeliever or ignorant.  But folks, I am in this shell that is called a human body and I have my own soul to live with and understand.  What I tell others who are so concerned about my soul and who say they will "pray for me" (such a condescending attitude that never fails to rile me up), I say "Take care of your own life first, I'll take care of mine."

So today, as I am about to embark on another day of living, continuing to the Final Countdown when I am no longer here on this earth to ruffle feathers, upset the egg basket, and cause consternation of those who profess to "care about me", I say that today is the happiest I've ever been in my life.  I never knew that happiness could be this wonderful.  And that is because my Guardian Angel has come into my life.