New Custom Made Shirt!

Yesterday when I returned home from work I found a very nice surprise.  There was a package that contained a custom made Dr. Spo shirt.  So nice!

This is my "giraffe" shirt.  Very appropriate for me, being taller than average most of my life.  I love it!  

A happy Ron with his new "Giraffe" shirt

I am already the lucky recipient of three "Spo shirts."  I wore my "parrot" shirt to the "Price is Right" TV show last year when Pat and were in Hollywood for our annual winter holiday.  I wasn't chosen to "Come on down!" last year, even though I wore my Parrot shirt (see side bar photo).  But this year I am confident I will be chosen because I will be wearing this fabulous shirt.

I am so thankful to have a friend like Dr. Spo.  

Dr. Spo, fabulous friend well over four feet tall

Let me tell you something about this wonderful man.  He's kind, generous, witty, good-looking, and smart.  He lives in Phoenix, Arizona.  He is a head shrink therapist. 

I "met" him through a link to his blog that was on my late friend "The Cajun's" blog.  I was immediately attracted to his handsome features.  Then I read his blog.  Wow, this guy is good!  In my opinion he's a better writer than many professional humor writers. I think he missed his calling.  He's as good as Dave Barry, my preeminent favorite humorist.  

Four years ago I had the good fortune to meet him in person during our first Bloggerpalooza.  I was very surprised to find that he is well over four feet tall.  In fact, he is quite tall.  

Dr. Spo with me, the late David Jefferies and the late "The Cajun", and Anne Marie of Philly's husband. I, Wayne and Dr. Spo are wearing his custom made shirts.

As you can tell I like this man.  But you know what I really like about Dr. Spo?  He is so kind.  And he tolerates me, even with all my foibles.  He isn't one of those faint hearted "friends" who dumps me as a friend just because I did or said something immature or inappropriate.  At the Bloggerpalooza I took note that he treats all people the same.  He doesn't have favorites.  

Dr. Spo gives a bear hug to the late David Jefferies

Dr. Spo is a good person and I am proud to have him as a friend.

Thank you Dr. Spo for this wonderful shirt. 

Me, Dr. Spo and his partner, Someone arriving at the Bloggerpalooza 2013 (note, I am 6'3" and Dr. Spo is almost as tall as I am and he's not wearing heels)

Friendships

Me with my longtime friend Don M. - 46 years

From time to time I reevaluate my life and my friendships.  Like most people I like people to like me.  And like most people, I have found that no matter what I'm like or what I do, some people just don't like me.  

I admit that for most of my life this fact has bothered me.  "What can I do to make people like me more?" I often thought?  I sometimes would go to great lengths to make certain people like me, especially those I liked and (thought) I respected.  

My longtime (53 years) friend and former boss Bill P.

A few years ago I came to the realization that no matter what I did, some people just would never like me.  

Was it because I didn't do what they wanted me to do (for them?)  Was it because I didn't let them control my life? Was it because I didn't give them enough?  Or was it just because they didn't like a tall, skinny, bearded guy who expressed his opinions?

My longtime (68 years) friend Bill B. at our 50th Class Reunion 2009

Gradually I came to accept the fact that just being myself was abhorrent to certain people.  Should I change myself to suite them?  Absolutely not.  

I recognize and accept the fact that I am not a perfect person.  Oh sure I can use the tired old cliche "No one is perfect."  In fact I just did.  But I am far from perfect folks. 

Here are just a few aspects of my personality that I recognize that are less than perfect:

My immaturity
My tendency to freely express my opinions
My independence and resisting at being controlled by others 

And here is perhaps the biggest "imperfection", my irresistible impulse to proclaim "The emperor has no clothes!" 

So at this time of my life, my "Twilight Years", I think back to friends I have made and lost.  

Larry, my longtime (65 years) friend and I at 10 Downing Street Restaurant

One thing is apparently clear in those friends I have made and who are still friends with me.  

They accept me as I am, imperfections and all.

That too me is the true test of a friend.  And the same holds true in reverse.  I have friends who I accept as they are, even though there are aspects of their personality that I don't like.  I like them because overall they are good people.  I overlook those parts of their personality where they come up short as they do my personality.

Bill K., my longtime friend (52 years) and husband - I must have a thing for "Bill's"

Most of my longtime friends have seen the bad side of me.  When I haven't been too kind to them at times.  Did they get freaked out and ban me from their life?  No they didn't.  Just as I didn't get freaked out when they let me down.  

Then there are those who ended our friendship over the first misstep on my part. Know what? Those friendships probably weren't friendships at all and it is just as well that they ended.

In my senior years I have discovered many benefits.  One of the main benefits is that I am finding things that I used to care about I don't care about anymore.  Especially those friendships that I have lost.  You know what? That's on them.  It's also good for me.  

I know who I am and I'm not a bad person.  In fact I'm a pretty good person.  Could be better?  Certainly.  I could give all my money to charity and volunteer all my time to soup lines.  But I don't and never will.  But I will continue to be who I am and in these golden years of my life, content with who I am.

My new "longtime" (three years) friend Pat F. and me at the Marathon Restaurant Philadelphia PA

Looking at these photos of my best friends, they all have one thing in common.  They know me, the bad and the good and they still like me!  Now that's a real friend, and they have my total respect and friendship. 

Tom , Surviving the Friendship Acid Test

Tom and me yesterday

Tom is a former co-worker of mine from Fidelity Bank in Philadelphia.  And no, Tom isn't gay, he's straight (not that there is anything wrong with that). 

Tom March 31, 1994, one day before I left the bank in Philadelphia, PA

Tom stopped in yesterday on his way back from North Carolina to his home in Pennsylvania.  He usually stops by at least once a year to visit me and Bill here on the Delmarva peninsula.  Many years ago when Tom was a young man (he's 54 now), Tom used to have a "place" in Lewes with friends.  They would come down on the weekends and fish and crab.

Tom during his visit to us in 2009

I worked in the same department at Fidelity Bank with Tom from 1987 to 1994.  As with most people who know me long enough, I blasted Tom once for something that made me angry at the time.  I even forget what it was now but those of you who know me personally, know that if I get pushed far enough under bad circumstances I lash out.  This isn't something proud of but it is me.  It is my personality.  What you see is what you get.....and sometimes more.

Yep, this is part of my personality

Sometimes I think this is my acid test for friends. If they can survive one of my "blasts", then they are a true friend.  Of course My Bill has survived many such blasts.  Poor Bill, has he ever.  Just today he said "I like you when you're nice, but you're not always nice."  And folks, I'm here to tell you that Bill speaks the truth.  

Me and Tom, our last lunch together in Philadelphia March 31, 1994

Now not all my friends have survived this acid test.  They are now called former friends.  The first time I blasted them for some real or imagined transgression, they bailed.  

Me and Tom September 2011

And by the way, I haven't exempted former bosses from my outburst behavior.  All have survived except one.  He had me fired when I blasted him.  The others?  We're friends to this day.  They survived because they know the Real Ron.  

Tom and Ron November 23, 2012

And that my friends is the real meaning of friendship.  You accept the person as they are, warts and all.  Not just the good parts but the bad parts to because we're all human.  No one is perfect, least of all me. 

Tom and Ron July 29, 2010

I am so thankful that at this time of my life I have true friends like Tom.  

Tom digging into his prime rib yesterday at the Bay Leaf Restaurant in Milton, DE

Larry

Larry and his wife Lois (on the left) and me (in the center in front of the pirate) at Trivia Night at the Brickside Grille, Eagleview, Pennsylvania 2005

Larry is my best friend.  I met Larry in 1951 in third grade at the East Ward Elementary School in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

Miss Ezrah's 3rd Grade Class - 1953

I am in the back row, partially obscured by my friend Stuart's head, and I have my hand to my mouth (no I wasn't sucking my thumb).  Larry is to the far left, in front of Miss Ezrah.

That's me in the back with the big head of hair!

I'm also friends with the kid in front of me, Stuart.  In fact he called me last night from his home in Ft. Lauderdale Florida to tell me that he's voting for Obama now that Romney chose Ryan for his running mate.  I guess Stuart came to the same conclusion that I did, I would prefer to keep my Medicare and Social Security as we are getting them now but I digress.  This is a subject for another blog post.  This blog post if a Memory Post.  Discussing politics sometimes is just so exhausting so I prefer to do something pleasurable like talking about my enduring friendship with Larry.

Larry is in front of Miss Ezrah

We met under unusual circumstances.  I gave a book report in my third grade class, of which Miss Elizabeth Ezrah was the teacher.  See below for the picture of me and Larry with Miss Ezrah many years later when we visited her at the Simpson Meadows nursing home in 2004.

Me, Miss Ezrah (she never married) and Larry at the Simpson Meadows Nursing Home in 2004 - she remembered us!  Off course, we are unforgettable!

I took my book report from a story I read in a Scrooge McDuck comic book.  At the time I didn't realize I plagiarized the the plot from the Scrooge McDuck comic book.  Hey, I was in third grade.  So what did Larry do?  He shouts out in class "I read that story in a comic book!"  Gee, thanks Larry.

Larry (on the left), Ginny and me - 1960 - this was when Larry thought I was straight and he was trying to fix me up with Ginny - didn't work - look at the body language - tells the whole story

After class, when the class was milling about outside for recess, I approached Larry.  Larry told me much later when he was writing his autobiography that he thought I was going to punch him.  But instead I walked up to him and said "You have comic books?  Do you want to trade?"  Thus began a friendship from 1953 until this date, fifty-nine years later!

Larry, Stuart and me - 1957 - still friends after all these years

We were very close friends until 1963, at which time we parted ways for about thirty years because of a misunderstanding about my gayness.  I came out to family and friends at that time and lost most of them, including Larry.  However, much later that we just had a misunderstanding.  Not that Larry was homophobic, he wasn't but he felt that something was "wrong" with me.  I didn't take kindly to that attitude and thus ended the friendship.

Me (far left in back), Larry (far right in back) and Stuart (far right in front) dressed as scarecrows for a class operetta - 1953

Fast forward to 2001.  Larry's Mother sent me a Thanksgiving card asking me to get in touch with Larry.  Larry had recently lost his longtime job at a major bank in Wilmington.  His Mother knew I worked for a major bank in Philadelphia and had also lost my job.  She thought I could help him get over his depression and funk and perhaps help him cope with a new set or realities.

Larry (left) and me (right) - 1962 - I wanted Larry to join the Army with me but he Mother wouldn't hear of it - Larry guarded the home front while I manned the fort at Ft. Meade, MD

I called Larry and thus we renewed our friendship.  Our friendship renewal has probably been the best thing to happen to me in the past ten years.  In a time when I've had to deal with shallow gay friends who are easily offended and drop my friendship, losing friends and relatives to death; I am so appreciative that I have a friend like Larry who can see past my many imperfections and stay friends with me.

Larry (left), his wife Lois (middle) and me on the right at the Spirit of Philadelphia Cruise (class reunion) 2002

There is a lot we don't have in common.  Larry and I don't have the same views politically.  Larry is straight and I am gay.  But those differences are minor.  We have something that is much larger.  A true friendship.

Larry and I talk several times a week on FaceTime.  I always look forward to those times.  Once a year on Larry's birthday July 30th Larry makes the trip from his home in Claymont, Delaware, which is at the top of the state to Rehoboth Beach, near where I live.  We get one of those old time photos.  Just fun stuff.  Two old men, enjoying each other's company.

Me and Larry on my back deck during his visit this June 2012

Larry and I decided on a pirate theme this year for our Oldie Goldie photo.  Of course I look like a fool as a dandy pirate.  Larry looks good. I will correct that next year.

I await your comments Lar!

Friends Redux - Ebb and Flow

Rehoboth Avenue, Rehoboth Beach Easter Sunday April 8, 2012

Sunday evenings I used to dine with friends at the Purple Parrot in Rehoboth Beach.  That was a few years ago.  I started that mini-tradition when a friend, whose 32 year old relationship had recently ended, told me he was uncomfortable dining alone.  I told him that I would go out with him to keep him company. I like to dine out.  Bill, my spouse does not.

I don't like to dine out alone either (I remember so well the scene in "The Lonely Guy" with Steve Martin - that was me!)  so dining out with friends was a win-win situation.

My friend and I used to meet at the Purple Parrot in Rehoboth.  Soon other friends joined us.  The next hint we knew we had a tradition.  We would meet almost ever Sunday night in the off season (forget dining out in Rehoboth during The Season when Rehoboth is overrun with the touristas).  We had great fun.

A few years go when we used to meet every Sunday night at "The Feathered One."  No more

Then my friend decided he didn't want my company any more.  To this day I'm not quite sure why because he never explained it to me.  I think he was trying to save money.  He also got a job in town just down the street from the Purple Parrot so his need to dine out was gone.  I wasn't needed anymore.  He had all the social exposure and interaction he needed without the security blanket of me keeping him company so he wouldn't look like a loser dining alone.

Then there was the one time I blew up at him because I got tired of his snippy comebacks.  I'm a firm believer that if you give me enough snippy comments I'll throw them right back in your face and see how you like it.  He didn't like it.  Bullies never do. That was probably the beginning of the end of our somewhat fragile friendship, if there ever was one.

Many times after that I attempted to arrange dinner dates but he always had an excuse to not go.  Finally I gave up.  It takes me awhile but I can take a hint...eventually.  I was not wanted.  No longer needed.  Rejected.  This wasn't the first time in my life I've been rejected and it certainly won't be the last time.  One would think that one would get used to rejected but I'm here to tell you it hurts just as much the 100th time as it does the first time.  So I took the only course of action left to me and I walked away from what I thought was a friendship.  My mistake.

This morning Bill noticed another former friend's car over at one our  neighbor's house.  I looked and sure enough, the car belonged to my long time friend from Pennsylvania who I went to school with lo these many years ago.  Our friendship had also fallen by the wayside some years ago over some minor friendship infraction of what exactly I forget now.  He lost his friend/partner a few years ago.  He was alone now.  He was staying at our neighbor's house who had lost his partner of 40 years ago six months to this day.

I'm at the age now where I'm just too tired to carry grudges.  It just takes too much effort.  So I told Bill I'm going over and see what he was doing at our neighbor's house.

I knock on the door.  He comes to the door and is of course surprised to see me.  I invited myself in.  He knew I lived in the same neighborhood but wasn't sure.  We had a two hour visit.  I found out he is dog-sitting our neighbor's dogs.

Friend at the door after I knocked

We caught up on old times and new times.  Before I left we agreed to go out for dinner at the Purple Parrot tonight.  I just returned from our dinner.  We had a very pleasant evening.

OLD friends at the Purple Parrot waiting for our food!

Rehoboth wasn't crowded.  The weather was perfect.  The food was good.  The service, well it was slow but we'll overlook that.  Everything couldn't be perfect.

A walk on the deserted boardwalk in Rehoboth after dinner

What was nice was having dinner on a Sunday night in Rehoboth Beach with a real friend.

Me with the bench all to myself on the boardwalk in Rehoboth this evening

Thank you Ed.

My friend Ed who can see past my imperfections and accept me as I am as I accept him - no fair-weather friend here

John and Isaac - My Brothers

My brothers Isaac and John 1954 - buddies

I have two younger brothers, John and Isaac.  I may have written about them before but I'll write about them again.  I do so because sometimes I pause and count my blessings that I am so fortunate to have such wonderful brothers.

John and Isaac 1952

We are all about a year apart in age, I am the oldest.  I was born late in 1941.  Isaac was born in the spring of 1943.  John was born in the summer of 1944.

Isaac, me (messing with John's hat - I remember doing this) and John -1946

Growing up, John and Isaac were best buddies while I stayed apart.  I don't know why I wasn't best buddies with my brothers.  Maybe it was because I was aware I was the oldest and had to maintain my aloofness.  I find it fascinating to see old photos of us now.  Almost always John and Isaac are closer together and I'm standing off an extra bit, maintaining my distance.

John, Isaac and me (space) Ron 1947

We are three brothers of the same parents but, like all siblings we couldn't be more different.

Isaac, John and (space) me - 1955

John is a pastor in a Christian fundamentalist church in Greenville, South Carolina.  He is married (first wife) and has had three children.  His two oldest are girls and his youngest (named after him) was a boy, who died at birth.  John lives in Greenville, South Carolina.

Mom, me and (space) the two buddies John and Isaac 1949

Isaac is a retired welder who is now divorced.  He also had two older daughters and his youngest is his son, also named after him.  Isaac lives in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

The Boys of Summer at the old Swimming Hole - Sam (our dog), buddies Isaac and John and (space) me - 1951

I am a retired banker (Trust Operations).  I live with my longtime partner in Milton Delaware.  I have no children.

Isaac, me and John enjoying our ice cream treat after pulling weeds in our father's cornfield - 1955

John is an extrovert.  Everyone likes John.  Even I like John.  John does not have a temper.

John, Isaac and me Christmas 1967

Isaac is an introvert.  Everyone likes Isaac.  Isaac has a big heart.  He has a temper.

Me, Isaac and John Christmas 1974

I have a passive/aggressive personality.  Sometimes I'm an extrovert and sometimes I'm an introvert.  I also have a hot temper, but mine takes longer to warm up.

John, Isaac and me - Christmas 1987

There are only three people in the world that I trust 100% to never let me down .Sorry friends, I love you all but from past painful experiences I have found that even the most devoted friends will put their family and career first before they would stand by me.  Just two weeks ago that theory was reinforced to me again when a person, who I thought was a friend, was so offended by a blog posting I did where I indirectly said he "wasted my time" by not taking advice which he asked of me decided that was the time to end our friendship.  That selfish action proved to me again how feckless some "friendships" are these days.  Step on somebody's toes and they take their ball and go home.  Friends like that I don't need.  Friends like that I don't want.

Me, John and Isaac at the Happy Days Restaurant Thorndale, PA - 2011

The Third Person who will always stand by me is, of course, My Bill.

Me and my "Little Brother" John in North Carolina - 2010

When all is said and done, I sleep well at night knowing that whatever happens to me, or whatever mood I'm in, I know there are two other people who will never abandon me, John and Isaac.

My other "little brother" Isaac - 2011

My brothers and I may have differing political views (oh brother do we ever!) and different religious views (again, BIG DIFFERENCE) but no matter what we are still brothers.

John and Isaac, animal lovers - both of their daughters have inherited their  dad's love of animals

So here is a shout out to my two wonderful brothers, John and Isaac.  I love you guys!

My brothers John and Isaac at Loew's last summer - still Best Buddies