Ten Things Time Has Taught Me

Me, 1958 - Young and Stupid

At my age (82), I have been reflecting on my life a lot lately. 

Have I had a good life? 

Yes! Absolutely!

Have I had difficulties?

Again, yes! Absolutely!

But here is what I know. I came across this list on a friend's Facebook post and the ten things time has taught me hit home with me. Read them and I'm confident these life lessons will connect with you too. Time for reflection folks.

10 THINGS TIME HAS TAUGHT ME

1. Most of our life is spent chasing false goals and worshipping fans ideals. The day you realize that is the day you really start to live.

2. You really, truly cannot please all of the people all of the time. Please yourself first and your loved ones second, everyone else is busy pleasing themselves anyway, trust me.

3. Fighting the aging process is like trying to catch the wind. Go with it, enjoy it. Your body is changing but it always has been. Don't waste time trying to reverse that, instead change your mindset to see the beauty in the new.

4. Nobody is perfect and nobody is truly happy with their lot. When that sinks in your are free of comparison and free of judgement. It's truly liberating.

5. No one really sees what you do right, everyone sees what you do wrong. When that becomes clear to you, you will start doing things for the right reason and you will start having so much more fun.

6. You will regret the years you spent berating your looks, the sooner you can make peace with the vessel your soul lives in, the better. Your body is amazing and important but it does not define you.

7. Your health is obviously important but stress, fear and worry are far more damaging than any delicious food or drink  you may deny yourself. Happiness and peace are the best medicine. 

8. Who will remember you and for what, become important factors as you age. Your love and your wisdom will live on far longer than any material thing you can pass down. Tell your stories, they can travel farther than you can imagine.

9. We are not here for long but if you are living against the wind it can feel like a life-sentence. Life should not feel like a chore, it should feel like an adventure.

10. Always, always, drink the good champagne and use the things you keep for "best". Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. Today is a gift that's why we call it the present. Eat, Drink & Be Merry. 

Now, having said all this I wish I had bought that 2,000 of Apple stock when it was $25 a share in 1998 and accepted that first offer on our Pennsylvania house. 

What a wonderful journey this life has been. I'm thinking this even more today now that my cousin Bud has passed. We were the same age and alike in so many ways. His life journey on this planet has ended. I wonder where he is now and if we will ever see each other again. But I believe this is it. So make the most out of your life folks. Deal with the deck we were given at birth. We only go around once.

Bud

My cousin Bud Tipton and (skinny) me - 1953

 Edward "Bud" Tipton was one of my thirty-six first paternal cousins. 

Of all my cousins, my Uncle Ed and Aunt Mabel had the coolest children. 

They lived in the country. We lived in town. 

Almost every Sunday during the late Forties and early Fifties my parents would take us for a Sunday ride to "Ed and Mabel's." This was before all the developments, it was all country with an occasional farm.

Ed and Mabel's home in the country did not have electricity, plumbing (outhouse) or running water (they had a hand water pump with a well). But those days "in the country" were pure bliss for us "city kids." As you see in the photo above, there are some happy kids. From left to right in the back are my (late) brother John, cousin Janet, my other brother Isaac, Bud and me. Check out the "muscles" on me. Damn I was skinny. At that time (1951 I think) I was the tallest of my brothers but they eventually overtook me as we progressed into adulthood.

Bud was the oldest with his twin sister Sis. He also had three  younger sisters. 

Back in those days we were viciously poor. But I think just about everyone was poor so we really weren't that conscious of how poor we were. All we knew was we always had a fabulous time when we visited Ed and Mabel's and all played in those innocent days of the Fifties summers. I think Bud was glad to see me and my brothers come over, what with all those girls in his household.

Bud never married. He was always very private about his life. 

In the later Fifties his family moved to a house closer to Downingtown, where me and my brothers lived. Those Sunday visits with Aunt Mabel's fabulous fried chicken and biscuits ended. However we all still remained friends over the years, although we didn't visit as often as I would have liked.

I always felt I had a special connection with Bud and his family as did my father with his brother Ed, Sr.

One day in 1951 my father and his brother Ed took me and Bud to a fishing rodeo in West Chester. I had fished a few times but wasn't a "fisherman."  Bud was the fisherman. Of course, wouldn't you know it, I won the fishing contest for catching the biggest fish (a 13 inch bass).

9-1-1951 Ronnie and Bud Tipton West Chester Fishing Rodeo

The local newspaper took out picture and published it, twice. One in 1951 and once thirty years later with one of those "Thirty Years Ago" memory photos. I framed that picture and gave bud one of the framed copies and I have one. 

This is a picture of my Uncle Ed and my father Ike Tipton at the same fishing rodeo.

Here are some more pictures of our Sunday outings at Ed and Mabel's from he late Forties to the early Fifties.

Me on let with arms folded, and my brothers John and Isaac. My Aunt Mabel is behind me and next to her is my Mother

I'm standing in the from with my arms folded. Bud (he was born with a permanent tan) is too my right. My two younger brothers are to my left. The rest of the kids are Tipton cousins and other aunts and uncles in addition to my Mother. I think my father took the picture because he isn't in it. This was about 1951.

I have this picture framed and on the wall above this desk where I am typing this blog post. Every time I look at it I am reminded of those wonderful summer days at Ed and Mabel's. Money cannot buy that kind of happiness

And I will end with the priceless picture of our earliest visit to Ed and Mabel's. This picture had to be taken in 1946 considering how little me and my brothers are.

Me in the center with the big smile and the combed hair. Bud is to my left. 1946

I think the last time I saw Bud was when this photo was taken in 2005.

Me with my cousin Bud Tipton 2005

I wish I had kept more in touch with Bud and his family but you know how "life" takes over. 

A few weeks ago I called his sister. She had received my Christmas card where I stated I was now Bill's caregiver. She had left a message on my iPhone that she wanted to talk to me. When I called she told me that she was now Bud's caregiver. She said he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about three years ago. Last week she called to tell me Bud was in the hospital with a respiratory infection. This morning she called to tell me Bud had passed last night. 

I am going to move Heaven and Earth to go to his funeral service. Wish me luck. 

High School graduation Day for Tipton Cousins 1959
From left to right me, cousin Joan "Sis" Tipton (Bud's twin sister), Cousins Louise and Bud. We had the world before us. 

Bill's Health Update

 

Bill had a setback today.

He woke up this morning very dizzy. He told me he fell last night. He fell two more times this morning.

I called his VA nurse and she arrived shortly thereafter in this horrid wind and rain weather we're having right now, even as I write this post at 8:06 PM tonight.

She took his blood and urine sample.  Bill doesn't have a fever but his blood pressure was below normal. Going to the emergency room is out of the question. We're not doing that again.

Now is the time for decision making. If Bill has a urinary infection, which is common for someone his age and health condition, then she will prescribe medications or that. If not, then she suggested either hospice care (again, Bill has already been on hospice care twice) or a rehab facility. Bill is not going to a rehab facility. She will have the results of the tests tomorrow and we will make the decision then.

Because Bill is so wobbly he's finally using both of the walkers we have in the house, that we've collected over several hospital stays (I even gave one away to the thrift store). He's also using my old cane from my leg injury way back in 2013 (how long ago that seems). 

Of a big concern for both of us is Bill going up and down the stairs to his bathroom and bedroom, both of which are located in the basement. We tried to dissuade him from using the stairs but he won't hear of it. We both decided that he should have some control over his life. He is very careful going down and up the stairs. He uses both the railing and the wall to steady himself. His other falls were caused by him refusing to use a walker or a cane, which he now uses. He finally came to his senses on that part.

I am exhausted now. I don't want to go to bed this early but with the wind and rain whipping against our house, I am sorely tempted to climb into my comfortable, flannel sheeted bed and sleep away my worries. 

We also had the suicide watch people visit and call. Bill has expressed a desire to kill himself and end this misery for all. The VA health care system is rightly concerned about his possibility. I don't think Bill would do such a thing but I have hidden all the sharp instruments like the scissors that he often uses.

While all this was going on I received a text from my good friend and former classmate Bill B. (another "Bill"), informing me that our fellow classmate who has kept our class together all these years is now in the hospital under hospice palliative care with congestive heart failure and pneumonia.  She is the one who has always informed us of other classmates' passing or illnesses. This is getting too much folks.

I am so tired.

Ron's New Selfie January 8 2024

My selfie taken this morning January 8, 2024.

How is this folks for starting the New Year off? I'm posting this selfie of me, wrinkles and all taken a few minutes ago. Yes folks, I have earned every wrinkle. 

This morning I just returned from my annual VA checkup. Looks like I'm going to be here for a little while longer. And as an extra bonus, I got to see my old doctor ("old" in as he was my VA doctor for a long time) again. Not in person but via TeleHealth (the VA's version of Zoom) but still it was a very pleasant surprise to visit with him again. He knows all my foibles and problems. 

The last time I saw him was pre COVID and before I was caregiving for Bill. I told him of the problems (depression) I was occasionally incurring in my caregiving responsibilities. Like many people I have spoken to since I've been caregiving, the good doctor has given me excellent advice, the main one being "Make sure you take care of yourself too." He has also prescribed for me a small dosage of a mood altering drug. This should be interesting. It's all about "uplifting my serantonian" or something like that. We'll see how that works out. He said it will make me "feel better". Somedays I do get down folks, especially when the weather is overcast and rainy outside as it has been the last few weeks. Also when my mailbox gets smashed and not fixed (I'm still waiting on Amazon to fix it).

So folks, the selfie picture of me at the beginning of this blog, which took some doing to create since I didn't want my iPhone in the picture too, is me at 82 years old; wrinkles, lopsided eyes, gray hair and all. No longer a young stud with a life of adventure ahead of me. Now I'm officially an Old Geezer just living one day at a time.

Have a great day!

Are All Nursing Homes/Assisted Living Facilities Bad?

 

From left to right, my Aunt Jeanette, me and my Mother 2005

Of course not.

There are many senior nursing homes and assisted living facilities that are very good and fulfill a need for many seniors and their families at the end of their life.

I may have inadvertently perpetuated the belief that ALL such facilities are bad. They are not. 

Like anything in life there are good places, some not so good and some awful. Hopefully the awful places are found out quickly and put out of business.

I do speak from experience about such facilities. 

My Mother's older sister (see photo above) lived in one such facility for over seven years. She lived in the dementia unit (the one with the locked doors and alarms that go off if one of the residents decided to take a walk). She was treated well, had her own room and always seemed happy when we visited even though she didn't know who we were. Aunt Jeanette lived at that facility for over seven years. When she ran out of money ($424,000 later) she was sent to a state run facility that Medicaid paid for. She died within months of living in the new facility.

When my Aunt Jeanette lived at the facility (I will not mention the name) we could visit anytime unannounced. The facility was always very clean. The staff was always very accommodating and seemed to genuinely care for the residents. 

They never had to sedate my Aunt Jeanette but I did observe other residents who appeared to be heavily sedated. I know if Bill was in such a facility they would sedate him. They did for the two weeks he was in rehab after his strokes. When I confronted his doctor he claimed he didn't but a few minutes later I overheard his doctor telling the nurse to "cut back" his "medication." Yes, the doctor lied to me. To my face.

My friends Bob and Jim (both deceased now) were in an assisted living facility. Again, a very nice facility which I could visit anytime and often did. Jim was fine with the facility but my friend Bob was always attempting to escape.

My friend Bob (in plaid shirt second from left, I am on his right) with his nephews and wife and two friends at the assisted living facility where he was first placed - cost $7,000 a month which quickly ate up his life savings of over $100,000. The man to my left in the tan jacket was Bart. He vowed never to go into such a facility. He died at home alone at 97 years old. His neighbor always looked after him. 

One time Bill had to pull Bob back in by the seat of his pants when Bob tried to make a break for it. I knew Bob well. He was my best friend since 1960. He always vowed he would never go into such a facility. But his Parkinson's disease gradually took over. The last time I saw Bob he was in a nursing home. Pat and I saw him in the dayroom which was straight out of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest." Bob's speech was unintelligible at that time but he knew enough he wanted to get out of there. But of course he couldn't because he couldn't even take care of himself nor did he have anyone to take care of him. A situation a lot of older people are in, even if they do have family. Bob only lasted in that nursing home a few months before he died. The last time Bill saw Bob,

My friend Bob with Bill at the assisted living facility

he couldn't understand anything Bob said. Bill told me that he couldn't visit Bob anymore because it was too upsetting for him. 

My brothers and I promised our Mother we would never put her in such a facility. She was also a very private person and didn't need the social interaction that works for so many who enter such a facility. 

My Mom at my brothers home where they took care of her at the end of her life. We kept our promise and kept her our of an assisted living/nursing home. She like Bill and my friend Bob were too private to end their days at an assisted living/nursing home. Thank goodness they had a family to take care of them. No matter how good a assisted living/nursing home facility, living at home for some is the best option. That is the option I have chosen for Bill and hopefully for myself should I live that long. I can guarantee you this right now, you will never see me in an assisted living facility or a nursing home. That doesn't work for me. If it works for you, I'm happy for  you. 

Admittedly it was a close call towards the end of her life (she was living with my younger brother and his wife) because she became very difficult, keeping them up all hours of the night. My brother and his wife were just about to give up but Mom must have known because she died a few weeks after entering that phase of the end of her life. 

Right now I am having increasing difficulty with Bill. Last night I won't even go into it here but I'll just say caring for Bill here at home is becoming increasingly challenging.

Pat with Bill

He's good most of the day but at night he has hallucinations and goes wandering about.  Of course he remembers nothing the next day. Today I had to spend about a half an hour telling him how to go to the bathroom and use toilet paper. Use your imagination. 

Again, I reiterate. I am not disparaging the option of ending one's days in an assisted living or nursing home facility for everyone. You do what is best for  you and your circumstances. 

Maybe we all live happy and healthy lives to the end.

Into The New Year!

 Good morning folks! 

This year I'm going to make a difference. It is clean out time.

Yesterday I attacked the hundreds of bubble wraps that I had accumulated over the years from packages I have received and donated them to Zach of "Boxes" in Milton. Two large black garbage bags. 

Zach was so appreciative as was I. I'll never use all that bubble wrap in whatever time I have left in this life. Time to get rid of all that and other packing materials. Zach is a young guy just starting his business in Milton, which is one of those UPS/FEDEX mailing places. We could use a facility like that nearby. The only other facilities like that are on Route One and 24, heavily trafficked areas here in the Rehoboth Beach area. I prefer to avoid those roads if possible. I also prefer to recycle material so this is a win-win.

My mailbox still isn't fixed. Remember that was the one the Amazon delivery driver demolished last Saturday when he was attempting to turnaround in my driveway. He said it "would be a few days" but as I suspected, NOTHING is being done. I will file a complaint against him on the Amazon website. I don't like to do that because I know it was an accident, even though I've told those drivers time and time again DO NOT TURN AROUND IN MY DRIVEWAY but they continue to do so. By the way, Amazon is not responsible for the damages, the driver is. The driver is supposed to have his own insurance but I highly doubt that. Prove me wrong driver. As I said, I file a complaint today but by next week I'll ask my handyman neighbor to help me fix the mailbox post and I'll buy a new mailbox.

I only have two more doctor's appointments left then I'm off free to coast for a few months. Just in time to avoid the snow storms which we've dodged so far this year here in southern coastal Delaware.

Bill had some more issues. He's hallucinating at night again. Also developed a heat rash in his crotch area and still has those open sores in his buttock cheeks. Sorry for the graphic details sharing, but this is Life of the Caregiver. I try to get Bill to clean those areas every morning during our daily change of Depends but he just gets too confused. I'm doing it now. Never in a million years did I think I would end my life as a nurse but here I am. I balance this all out by continuing to be grateful that I can keep Bill here at home where he is comfortable and that I can care for him. I can't imagine he would ever get this kind of care in an assisted living facility no matter how much they would charge. Just doesn't happen.

This time of year, before COVID and my caregiving, I would be preparing for my annual trip to Modernism Week in Palm Springs. This will be my fourth year of missing that trip. Last time Pat and I were there was in February of 2020. I seriously doubt I will ever again make a trip anywhere but one never knows. Right now I just want to get my mailbox fixed before another catastrophe hits.

New Year's Day 2024

Ron's Grasshopper Pie

Happy new year everyone!

This was perhaps the quietest New Year's Eve I've ever spent. 

I didn't even stay up last night to watch the new year ushered in on TV. I was just too tired.

Bill had an "episode" last night.  Usually he goes to bed when darkness descends on Casa Tipton-Kelly which is about early this time of year. 

Last night just as I was getting settled into My Time, I heard Bill saying something downstairs in the basement where his bedroom and bathroom is located. 

"Here we go" I thought. Usually when Bill has these episodes he doesn't remember them in the morning. This episode was no exception. 

I stop what I was doing which was updating my online Scrabble games and go downstairs to see what is going on now. 

Bill thought he had pooped all over his bathroom floor. He had gathered up the rugs and put them in his stall shower. I gingerly accepted my fate and pulled out the rugs (which I had just washed last seek) and happily discovered his "poop episode" was all in his imagination. Phew! I got a break this time.

I tried to tell him there was no problem but of course he didn't understand me. Bill has the classic Sundowner's Syndrome, he cognitive abilities decline about five o'clock on. Last night was no exception. No only does he have trouble understanding me, I have a hard time understanding him because he slurs his words at that time of day.

I got him settled and went back upstairs, exhausted. 

I was going to make a fresh grasshopper pie but didn't have the energy. 

I warmed up my delicious left over Swiss Steak (I make the BEST Swiss Steak) and watched an old Barbara Stanwyck movie that I had previously saved on my DirecTV from Turner Classics. Sometimes I just like seeing these old classic movies. This one was "Clash By Night" with Barbara, Paul Douglas, Marilyn Monroe (in one of her earlier roles before she had the end of her nose fixed) and Keith Andes' first big role. Keith was shirtless for most of the movies which was nice eye candy which helped greatly to uplift the mood I was in last night.

"Clash By Night" was a movie adapted from a stage play by Clifford Odets. I can always tell stage plays adapted for movies, most of the action takes place indoors but still this was a good movie. Overacted of course with two dimensional stereotype secondary actors (God, the stereotypes and of course NO diversity, this movie was made in 1951 of course). Still, always good to see Barbara. I'm 100% gay when it comes to gay icon favorite female movie stars of the Hollywood Golden Era. Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Barbara Stanwyck, and who did I leave out. Of course my all time favorite was Hedy Lamar.

Hedy Lamar, most beautiful Hollywood actress EVER!

She wasn't that great of an actress but my God, so beautiful. Just lovely to gaze upon. I may not care for Broadway show tunes but I sure do like those Hollywood stars of the Golden Era. I've always felt a special connection with Hedy. It wasn't until about ten years ago I discovered we shared the same birthday, November 9th. Then this year I discovered she was born in 1914. I was born in 1941. She was 27 years old when I was born. And guess what my lucky number is? Nine of course! November 9th and she was 27 years old when I was born which adds up to.......NINE! I don't know what all that means other than she also was a major inventor, helping to pave the way for the Internet which we all use now. 

How did I get on this subject? I was talking about my New Year's Day. 

Tell you what folks, I'm glad "The Holidays" are over. Time to get back to the regular routine. 

Happy New Year everyone!