Hit Again

This morning when I woke up I had the dizziness and nausea again. I couldn't believe it.

I got up and tried to go about my regular routine but my head wasn't having any of it. 

The only relief I got was to lie down in my bed and keep my head perfectly still.

I couldn't eat breakfast this morning. Several times I got up, hoping the dizziness would go away but no such luck. 

I stayed in bed, drifting in and out of a light sleep. 

At about 12:30 I got up to have a light lunch of soup and some corn chips with roasted red pepper hummus, my favorite lunch which I usually over indulge but not today.  Just a little bit to keep something in my stomach.  At least I didn't throw it up.  Then back to bed.

I'm sure what I have is an inner ear infection caused by my year long respiratory infection. Something I should have taken care of a long time ago but I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. It's not going away.

I texted by boss at work and told him of my situation. I'm scheduled to go into work Monday from 3 PM to 11 PM.  I miss work.  I hate to miss work.  I look forward to going to work.  I just don't want to work every day.  I can't go into work though with this condition. I can't even stand up straight. My head swims.

Monday I will call my ENT doctor and see if they can take me earlier than my now scheduled August 22nd appointment. I called last week when this happened and left a voice mail. They sent me a voice mail back advising me to see my primary care doctor. My primary care doctor is at the VA and not that easy to see on a show notice. But if I can't get an earlier appointment with my ENT doctor I'll try to climb that wall and get an appointment with my doctor at the VA. I use the VA primarily for semi-annual lab work and prescriptions. The VA doctors really aren't on call as primary care doctors they way we used to think of them in the Fifties when they visited your house with their little black bag and stethoscope. Does ANY doctor make house calls now?  

I'm falling apart folks. Just like an old car, an old car that has been well taken care of.  Even those old cars, the parts start going.  

This is the first time in my life I've experienced this inner ear problem.  It's scary. Totally immobilizes you, just as much when I tore my quadricep muscle in my left leg a few years ago. I couldn't around then and I can't now when this dizziness is in full effect.  To know what this is like, think of when you were a kid and played around spinning yourself very fast then trying to walk.  That's what it's like, only worse.  At least I can get relief by lying down in my bed and keeping my head perfectly still.  And thank God there is no pain.  But the nausea, I hate being nauseous. 

To bed early this Saturday night. I hope tomorrow brings relief.  

Dizzy

This morning when I awoke and rose from my bed, my head was spinning. I was dizzy. 

Now I've been accused of being dizzy before but this was a different kind of "dizzy."  I felt like I did when I was a kid and spun myself around very fast with a blindfold on then tried to walk. I was off balance and fell. That's the way I felt this morning sitting on the edge of my bed.

I sat a while there, trying to get myself together. It wasn't happening. In fact I felt a sickening feeling in the base of my throat, I was nauseous. I hate feeling nauseous. 

The closest I've ever felt like this was when I've been drunk. I felt high but not a good high. 

I waited, sitting on the edge of my bed. The dizziness and nausea continued to wash over me in waves.  What was going on?

I had to go to work today. Also, I was expecting a serviceman to service our HVAC system today. And here I am, unable to stand up straight and feeling like I had to vomit.

I got my iPhone and typed in "dizzy and vomiting" symptoms. What I found was very interesting. Apparently I have an inner ear infection that is affection my balance. I've never had this happen before in my life. My Mother had this problem and I've known other people who have experienced this but this was a first for me. The information on my Google search said this inner ear infection could be caused by a respiratory infection. Ah ha!  I do have a respiratory infection. That is my mucus problem, which has gotten progressively worse this past year, especially the past two weeks. I have an appointment with an ENT doctor on the 22nd of this month, the earliest I could get an appointment. 

I got up and went to the bathroom, unsteady in my walk.  To the casual observer I probably looked like I was drunk. 

I thought if I got up and got into my regular morning routine this dizziness and nausea would go away.  It didn't.  

After my bathroom routine I went into the kitchen and said good morning to Bill and had my breakfast, even though I had no appetite.  I told Bill I wasn't feel well.

After breakfast I went for my morning walk, hoping that would clear things up. It didn't.  Any of my neighbors watching me walk would conclude I was drunk.  I must have looked a pretty sight.

I managed to complete my walk but felt no better. Returning back to our house I concluded that I couldn't go to work today. I wouldn't be able to drive my car because of my lightheadedness. 

I hate to call in sick to work. Something I rarely do.  But I did call in.  Not a good time to call in because we're in the height of the season, but I had no choice. I just couldn't drive into work and do my job in a competent manner, losing my balance and on the verge of vomiting.

I called my boss and told him I had an inner ear infection and was having balance problems and wouldn't be in to work. 

Then I went back to my bed. I found that if I laid down on my bed and didn't move my head I could ease my nausea. That I did for about an hour while I waited for the HVAC serviceman. 

The HVAC serviceman (person) arrived on time. I managed to greet him and take care of his visit. I explained to him that I had an inner ear problem and wasn't feeling well.  He said he understood, his father has had the same problem.

After he left I went back to bed to try and get my nausea under control.  Now fourteen hours later I'm better but still a little woozy.  Actually, without the nausea it's kind of a high that isn't unpleasant but I can do without the feeling of the urge to vomit if I move too fast. However, I would prefer to be back to normal.

Just another day in the life of this 76 year old who is slowly falling apart. 

Turning Points in My Life

As I enter my seventy-seventh year of life, I often reflect back on turning points in my life. Decisions I made at times of my life that I didn't realize would affect the direction the rest of my life would take. I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I had made a different decision. Would've, could've, should've; that's what one of my former bosses used to say. Alas, I made decisions that permanently put my life on the road where I am now. Do I have any regrets? Sure, but to use a tired old cliche, "it is what it is." I have to admit that I am at a good place in my life now, except for physical aches and pains, I am quite happy and contented. Now if I can just get rid of my latest phlegm problem. I have an appointment on the 22nd of this month with an ENT doctor.

Now for my list:

On Being Gay
When I was about four years old (1946), a teenage friend (Emmett) of my teenage Uncle Bruce (who used to live with us) would come over and get on all fours and us kids would play "horsey" with him. That is, we would climb his back and he would try and buck us off. Our little group consisted of boys and girls aged from four to six. We took turns riding Emmett's back. After a few rides on Emmett's back, I realized I was enjoying these "rides" a bit more than my little play friends.

Me about 1946 when I played "Horsey"

I didn't understand quite why I was "enjoying" these rides so much but I did know that I had to keep this to myself. About a year later when I was watching the old Flash Gordon serials on TV, I realized that I had a pleasurable intense feeling whenever Ming the Merciless would capture Flash Gordon (Buster Crabbe) and tie him up with his arms above his head and have him totally under his control to do who knows what? I knew these "feelings" I had were not to be shared. What I did know was I was experiencing for the first time a pleasurable feeling that was better than eating corn on the cob.

Self Worth

Growing up I was constantly put down by my father. He called me "Beak" (nose to big) and stupid and weakling. I was too tall for my age. I had no sense of self worth and didn't know there was an alternative, since this is the only input I ever had. Then came a time I was with my friend Larry (we were trading comic books) and I made some off hand reference to being so ashamed of my big nose.  I will always remember what Larry said to me (I think I have this right, if not Lar will correct me) "You're not ugly. You're good-looking."  Never in my life had I heard anyone say that to me. I think I was ten or eleven years old at that time. I was quite shocked that he would say that to me, because I just always assumed that I was defective and worthless. For the first time in my life I considered the possibility that I wasn't the ugly loser that my father had always depicted me. 

Me in back of the family "vehicle", a GMC pickup truck. My father got a great deal of pleasure humiliating me by having me ride in the back bed of the truck on our family outings. My father was a cruel, selfish man.

I didn't turn into an obnoxious narcissist that day but I did begin a new path in my life that perhaps I was a "normal" person and not quite as bad as my father had drummed into my head from my earliest memory.

Public Nudity

Entering high school I faced the scariest time of my life, gym.  I was scared to death that for the first time in my life I would have to shower naked with my fellow classmates. Up until that time the only naked males I had seen was my father and two younger brothers and one teenage uncle in perfectly innocent circumstances. This would be the first time in my life that I would be nude with others LOOKING at me. I was scared to death. Turns out I wasn't the only twelve year old seventh grader who was terrified of showering naked with my fellow classmates.

At my first gym class, our gym teacher called all us boys together and addressed this concern that many of us had. So I wasn't the only one!  He told us that he knew we had that concern and that we shouldn't because "they all look alike." Then he dismissed us to go out in the field and play soccer. At the end of the gym class we all filled back into the locker room and undressed and went into the showers.  Then I discovered for the first time in my life that (sometimes) adults lie because THEY ALL DIDN'T LOOK ALIKE. In fact, they all looked different. There were no two that looked alike. Okay. Later on in my life when I became more sophisticated about such matters I realized that my gym teacher was straight because to him, they all do look alike. But to my connoisseur's eye? Uh uh.

Inclusion - High School Band

During the summer of 1956, before I entered senior high school, our school's music director contacted me during my summer vacation and asked me if I would like to play the Sousaphone in the marching band?  I had never thought of joining the band but I was glad that an adult thought enough of me to ask. I agreed.  Then he told me I would have to take lessons to learn how to play the Sousaphone which consists basically of spitting into a large mouthpiece and playing three notes.  I wasn't happy about having my carefree summer vacation from school days interrupted with music lessons but I didn't want to disappoint him because he had placed so much faith in me. At the time I thought he thought I had talent. It wasn't until many years later I realized he probably only asked me because I was tall and I would be marching in the last row of the band where onlookers' could see the "H" (for DHS) screen over the big brass Sousaphone opening. 

Me, 1958 with my Sousaphone

But at the time being in marching band opened a whole new world to me. I got to go to all the football games, both home and away games. And I met my best friend Bill B. during this time. Bill B. played the bass drum. We both had to load our instruments last in the storage section of the bus.  Bill asked me to save him a seat. Thus we began a tradition for the following three years of bus trips to away football games. And it helped that I had a crush on this same person. And we're still friends to this day but the crush I had has long since been extinguished.

This post is getting much longer than I had intended. Apparently I can't squeeze in seventy-seven years of turning points in my life in one post. I will pick up this stream of memories in a later post. 

Curious Things About the House

Walking angel

At this time of my life I don't need any more collectables, also known as knick knacks or tchotchkes.  

I grew up in that era (Fifties) where knick knacks were a necessary element of home decor. 

Over the years I've collected my share of these useless dust collectors. And then when my Mother died in 2010, I inherited ALL her knick knacks.  My brothers wanted no part of them.  "Dump that junk on Ron" they said. And I gladly accepted them. Why not? A lot of fond memories in Mom's "junk."  Those tchotchkes all have been placed lovingly around Casa Tipton-Kelly. 

Then came a time two years ago.  Bill and I took our annual trip to Sussex County redneck country, the Laurel Flea Market (haters comment below).  While strolling through the junk filled tables in the hot August heat, something caught my eye.  I glanced at the small angel figurine with the broken right hand.  I felt an immediate connection like one feels at the animal shelter when a sad eyed dog or cat catches your eye. I backtracked. Dare I purchase this dust collector?  Where was Bill?  He was at another table. If he knew I was buying another knick knack, I wouldn't hear the end of it. 
I looked around for Bill.  I saw him at another table loaded down with rusty tools.  Now was the time to make my buy.  I approached the grizzled Sussex County native (who obviously wasn't an import from a nearby state like me seeking relief from onerous property taxes in my retirement) and asked "How much?"  He said "Three dollars".  "Sold!" He put this orphaned angel in a bag and handed it to me. I accepted the bag with my new treasure and quickly went to my car to hide it. I would deal with Bill later (check out the video below).

When I got home I searched for a location to place my angel. I found it, on the edge of my desk in my bedroom. I love this angel. Every day I walk by her.  Sometimes I move her position every so slightly. This angel is my good luck charm. She makes me feel good. She is the newest and possibly the last addition to our home, but she is now one of my favorite "things."

I love her.

Box Turtle Rescue

Yesterday, as we were returning home from our weekly jaunt to B.J.'s, we spotted a box turtle in the middle of the Oyster Rocks Road. 

This box turtle was about fifty feet from the very busy Coastal Highway (Route One) here in southern Delaware. He (or she) was purposely aimed towards crossing Route One. IF this turtle made it across Route One (which would be highly unlikely) there wasn't a suitable home for him. On the other side of the road is Hudson Fields, where soccer matches are held and occasional eleven hour loud rock concerts. 

I pulled over on the side of the road. Bill got out and interrupted this turtle's march to its doom. I told Bill to put the turtle on the floor mat, lest he poop or pee, at least I can wash off the mat. I've rescued wayward box turtles before and they do tend of soil themselves when rescued.

I told Bill we would drive to the end of Oyster Rocks Road, which dead ends at the Broadkill River, and relocate this wrongheaded turtle. The protected wetlands is a perfect home for this turtle, much better than the soccer field adjoining heavily trafficked Route One, especially in the summertime. That turtle would never had made it across Route One alive. I foresaw seeing a smashed turtle for weeks every time I returned from my shopping trips to Food Lion. That turtle was headed on a Journey of Death before we rescued him (or her).

At the end of Oyster Rocks Road I pulled over. Bill took out the turtle who was hiding in its shell. He gently placed it to the side of the road, next to the wetlands. 

One turtle saved. 

Simplifying My Life

This morning I sent in my resignation letter as a board member and secretary (acting) of my Homeowners' Association. 

I don't want this responsibility at this time of my life. 

I have enough going on in my life, I don't need this.

Unfortunately for our homeowners' association, very few of our fifty-seven homeowners want to be on the board.  I was nominated as a board member by my neighbor.  I thought I could help, especially with my secretarial recording skills that I had in my previous life. But once on the board I realized that with my part-time job, my caregiving responsibilities for Bill and myself (our life now is a series of doctors' appointments), and just running our household takes up most of my time. With what time I have left over I want to do what I enjoy like blogging, gardening, reading, following my political shows, researching my roots on Ancestry.com, and organizing my photos and creating memory videos and spending time with my friend Pat and our four (quarterly) jaunts to our favorite cities. I'm seventy-six years old. I've been working since I was ten years old (as a paper boy - not just mowing lawns and running errands but actually working at a job), and I deserve and will claim time for myself at this time of my life.

Please friends and neighbors, do not volunteer me for any more jobs.  I claim my time.

Since we moved to Delaware I've been asked to volunteer my time at several thrift shops (for free), at the hospital (for free), and to run for political office and to solicit votes (for free).  

Folks, anyone reading this blog, DO NOT ASK ME TO VOLUNTEER for jobs that YOU WANT.

I have a life and I will decide how I live it.  

Volunteering is a wonderful option for those who have the inclination and time for it.  This is not an option for me.  Bill and I live on a modest fixed income. Our income will never go up. However, how expenses continually creep up. I need my part-time job just to try and keep up. And I'll never get a raise on that job either.  So if YOU want to volunteer, do it. Don't ask me because I'm turning you down.

I have no doubt some of these people who ask me to volunteer my time are well meaning , but I have to say I resent the fact that they think I have nothing going on in my life that I have to fulfill some desire they have.  Don't do me any favors friends. 

Every morning I wake up I roll out of my bed, sore all over. I'm unsteady on my feet. My whole body aches from my slowly advancing arthritic condition. I get up to go to the bathroom and I'm unsteady on my feet. My biggest fear at this time of my life is falling. I've fallen too many times in the past five years, three times causing serious injury.  Just yesterday I almost fell leaving the Food Lion parking lot when I stumbled over a speed bump on the way back to my car. Thank goodness I didn't fall on my face like I did in Philadelphia a few years ago when I was crossing a busy street. Thank God Pat was with me and stopped the cars from running over me as I lay flat on my face. 

Every day I need an afternoon nap to get through the day. If I don't I wind down like an old manual clock. I don't have the energy I used to have when I was younger. 

I'm an old man who doesn't have much time left on this planet.  I claim my time.  

Scenes Around the House

Our front door

Have you been wondering where I've been? I've been making more video compilations of photos and videos of my former high school classmates for posting to You Tube. This is a project that I have long delayed but can no longer. Too many of us are dying. I have to get those hundreds of photos and videos I've taken of past class reunion committee meetings and reunions posted before I die. 

And on that note I will transition to today's post. This is the first of many future posts about our home.  

I love our home. 

The photo at the beginning of this post is the front door of our home. We never enter the house this way. We go through the garage. 

The front door is used by service people and our neighbor Bob M. who visits Bill and brings freshly caught and cooked fish for Bill. This morning the door bell chimed and it was the serviceman for our monthly irrigation system check. Next week a visit is scheduled with our HVAC service company. Politicians seeking votes occasionally ring our church chimes doorbell. And, once in a great while a guy will ring our doorbell offering us a "deal" to coat our driveway.

Bill and I have lived in five homes during our fifty-four years of cohabitation. This is our final home. Well, actually, those two cemetery plots I bought in 2000 at the Northwood Cemetery will be our final "home" but this home our last move. At least that's the way I plan it.  Baring an accidental death or a slow decline and I end up blubbering in a "rehab" center, this house is where I die.

As you come in the front door, to the left is the smallest bedroom in our house, which I use as my home office. That's where I am now, typing this blog post. To the right is our dining room, which of course we never use. It's a semi-storage room now. Further to the left is the guest bedroom.  I call it "Pat's Room" because he's the only one who stays there.  

Our front door faces east. The morning sun comes through for about a half an hour in the early morning, bathing the hallway in life infusing light. Sort of like the "light at the end of the tunnel" many who have experienced near death have claimed to see. 

Now I have a lemon sponge pie to make. Have a great day everyone!