Happy Birthday Bill

Bill, this morning on his 86th birthday

Bill Kelly, my longtime (sometimes suffering) partner (49 years) and (now) husband (1 year) has a birthday today.  Happy birthday Bill!

Bill is . . . . uh . . . 86 years old today.  Take a look at this hunk, doesn't he look great for 86?  I tell you, he's going to outlive all of us.

Bill doesn't exercise, eats gobs of mayonnaise, loves salt and, perhaps the biggest aging factor, he has to endure put up with me and my frantic antics.  But then, maybe my roller coaster, dramatic, diva, self-absorbed, me, me, me life has kept him on his toes.  One thing Bill has always said "Life is never boring with you Ron!"  Frustrating, aggravating, tiring . . . you name it.  I've provided many opportunities for Bill to throw in the towel and say "You're not worth the trouble Ron" but he keeps putting up with me and my peccadilloes.   

You see this man in the photo above folks?  From the day he met me on that rainy summer night in 1964 Saturday night at the Westbury Bar in Philadelphia, that man has treated me (with a few minor exceptions) like the prince that I am. Who else would do that?  No one, that's who. 

So what are we planning for Bill's birthday?  Nothing special.  Bill doesn't like to go out to restaurants (except that smelly one in Milton because no one is there and they have booths).  He definitely doesn't like birthday parties.  You know what he likes for his birthday?  A nice birthday card.  I got him one yesterday at Giant.  

Happy birthday Bill!  

Bill and "Sparky" - his Main Dog - Philadelphia - 1972

More Memories of Bob

"Big Bob" and "The Cajun" - 2009
Just one of Bob's many friends 

I continue to be surprised by my emotional reaction to the passing of my longtime dear friend Bob McCamley. I don't usually get this emotional over deaths, even family members or friends.  But I guess I didn't realize how much Bob was part of my life.  

Bob and my brother John (the pastor) - 2007

This morning I was making phone calls to try and find out what arrangements are being made for Bob.  I called the nursing and rehabilitation center where Bob spent his last days.  They told me they couldn't even tell me he passed, only his nephew could tell me that.  

Bob and one of his two nephews the day Bob entered assisted care - 2013

I called his nephew who has been taking care of Bob's affairs.  No answer. I left a message.

I called the assisted care facility where Bob and his longtime partner Jim lived until last earlier this year when Jim had to move Bob to a full care facility.  They said Jim was there and put me on hold.  I finally hung up when no one came to the phone.

Bob's friend from Metropolitan Community Church Miles and Tim - 2010

Then I decided to call Bob's nephew's wife.  She answered on the second ring.  I told her who I was.  I had met her two years ago when she and her husband and his brother and the brother's wife put Bob at the assisted care facility on Bob's birthday, December 10th, 2013.  She immediately said "Oh I am so sorry for your loss honey."  

Bob and my Mother - both died in September (9-16-2013 for my Mother) - 2007

When she said that I lost it.  I couldn't talk.  There was silence.  I tried to talk but I had the biggest frog ever in my throat trying to get out. Tears started to well in my face.  

Bob and Jim at their home - 2009

I COULDN'T TALK.

So embarrassing.  Finally I manage to squeak out "Thank you. Do you know of Bob's arrangements yet."  Of course all I got out clear was "thank you" before I started to bawl again like a little girl.  I don't know if she even understood the last "do you know of Bob's arrangements."  More silence from me.  

Bob and his dog Bonnie - 1987 - they're together again

Finally I got myself together . . . . somewhat . . . and said "I'm am so sorry."  She said "Don't worry honey, I understand. We'll let you know when the arrangements are made. Glenn (Bob's nephew) will call you." 

Bob and Bill - this is the last time Bob had a meal at our house - 2009

So embarrassing.  And to think this morning I was going to ask if I can speak at his service.  I've never spoken at any funeral service before but I feel a strong need to speak at Bob's service.  I have so many stories to tell of our times together that I know those who were privileged to know him and love him would like to hear.  But after this morning I don't think I can do it.  If I did I would be one of those sobbing messes who draws more attention to himself than the person they are there to honor.  At my Mother's funeral I solved this problem by asking my brother, who is a pastor and speaks at funeral services for a living, to read my written words.  Perhaps I will do the same at Bob's service.  I wish I could speak but after this morning's embarrassing episode I doubt I can.

This is hard folks, very hard. 

Below are pictures of better times:

Bob in front of John Wanamaker's where he used to work - 1980

When we both used to work in Center City Philly, I would meet Bob for lunch.  He worked at John Wanamakers and I worked at Girard Bank, only a block away.  Oh those were the days.  Bob hated that job but we had good lunches together.

Bart, Jim and Bob - 2012
Every time I take a picture with Bart in it he sticks his finger up his nose which ceased to be funny about ten years ago

This is Bart, Jim's former partner who Jim urged to move to Delaware from his home in New York state because he couldn't afford to pay the taxes any more.  Jim told Bart "We'll look after you."  Bart is 94 years old now and still living by himself in his house and doing fine, or as well as can be for a 94 year old.  Bob is gone and Jim is in assisted care which just goes to show you, things don't always go as planned.  Bill and I plan to visit Bart this Friday to see how he is doing.

Bob at his home - 2012

Bob loved his home (a doublewide) on twenty-two wooded acres outside of Georgetown.  No one lives there now.  Bill and I were there yesterday, it is overgrown. So sad. All the happiness for so many that used to happen there.

No longer a home - the love is gone

One year I met Bob in Provincetown for a really crazy vacation.  We both had button down, corporate type jobs in the city (Philadelphia).  Oh boy, did we ever let go when we vacationed in P-Town.  I took this picture of Bob and his then current boyfriend Gino (who has also passed).  A black lesbian heard our merriment and asked to join.  And the kind of person Bob is he said "Come on and join!"  She did and this is the resulting picture which I always said I was going to blackmail him with.  Never did of course.

Gino, Bob and ? in Provincetown, Mass - 1978

Women were always drawn to Bob. He had that kind of personality.  Bob didn't mind unless they started to think a "step further" which he wasn't willing to go or, even more drastic, matrimony.  Bob was 100%, no bisexual was he.  Here is another threatened blackmail picture (that I never used) that was taken during one of the not infrequent bacchanals at The Ranch.

Bob and ? - how did she get in his doublewide? - 1980

As you can see, I have a TON of pictures of Bob.  I hope you don't mind me sharing some of them with you.  He was my friend and I will miss him . . . . a lot.  These are the memories I have and will cherish as long as I live.

I believe this was Bob's last visit to our home - he didn't drive any more after this visit - 2012

Bob

My friend, Bob McC. 
1936 -2014

April 1960, Fort Devens, Massachusetts.  I had just completed Army basic training at Ft. Dix, New Jersey and spent a week's leave at home in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.  

Bob (standing behind the kneeling me on the left with his hand on is hip) during a break between classes at Ft. Devens, Mass. 1960

I arrived at Ft. Devens for schooling in the Army Security Agency. I was eighteen years old, alone and scared.  

Bob (left), me (right) - goofing around during break between classes at Ft. Devens, Mass - 1960

I don't remember when I met Bob but I quickly became friends with this big guy. Everybody liked Bob but he was my best friend.  I felt privileged.  We had so many adventures together, memories that I will never forget as long as I am alive.

Bob (left in back) and me (right n front) - 1960

During the fifty-four years we've been friends I only saw Bob get mad at me once.  That was when we were washing our clothes at a laundromat in the nearby town in Ayre, Mass. We were both pulling out the clothes from the dryer.  As we were doing so I put one of Bob's underwear over his head as he was bent over taking more clothes out of the dryer.  With his underwear over his head he stood up and looked at me through the leg hole.  I was laughing so hard I was choking.  Bob pulled the underwear from his head and looked at it and realized that he had on his head.  He was so embarrassed and lit into me with a stream of invectives like you never heard.  Over the years since then I've often relived that memory with Bob, much to our mutual enjoyment.

Bob at his single-wide in Delaware - 1978

I could write a book, a long one about our friendship and all the ups and downs and the adventures.  But perhaps the most unique thing about our friendship is that for all the years Bob and I were best friends during our Army days I never had a clue that he was gay nor did he have a clue I was gay.  I was friendly with Bob but I was never interested in him THAT way, nor was he interested in me in THAT way.

Bob and I at the Collonade cafeteria in Philadelphia, PA - 1982 - we both worked in the city and used to meet for lunch once a week

The revelation that we were both gay was when I came out to everyone in March of 1963.  I was out of the Army (discharged in January 1963 as was Bob) by then and living by myself in a small furnished efficiency apartment in Coatesville, Pennsylvania.

Bob and I playing pool at the Double L in Rehoboth before they turned it into a dance bar - 2004

I had had enough of living a double life and I wrote everyone I knew and told them I was a "homosexual" (the term for gays in those pre-Stonewall days).  Bob, who then was living in Norwood, Pennsylvania, immediately dropped what he was doing and appeared at my apartment.  He told me he was gay too!

Me (blurred) and Bob at his double wide at "The Ranch" - Bob had many friends and got a lot of phone calls. When I lived in Pennsylvania I used to call Bob almost every evening - 2006

He told me he was shocked that I was gay as I was when he told me he was gay.  Thus began a new phase of our friendship, which was always close.  Bob knew nothing about the gay scene.  He wanted to know "where to go."

Bob on the backyard swing at my home in center city Philadelphia June 1971 - Bob was the toast of Gay Philadelphia - everybody knew and liked him

I took Bob to his first gay bar. It was the Westbury Bar in Philadelphia, PA. Back then when one gay man introduced another gay man to the gay bar scene, he was called his "Mother."  For years I used to tell everyone I was Bob's "Mother", much to our mutual enjoyment.

Once Bob was out, it didn't take him too long to make friends - here he is with "Bob H." and "Phil" - 1980
Don't know what the serious discussion was about but I do know these were two hot guys who both Bob and I liked

Once Bob was introduced to the gay scene, it  didn't take him too long to "catch on."  He quickly made many friends.  

One of Bob's many admirers - The Venture Inn, Philadelphia - Halloween 1980

Eventually Bob met the love of his life, Jim.  

Bob, Jim and Me - 1986

Both Bob and I worked in center city Philadelphia for many years.  Bob eventually grew tired of the commute and stress of working in the city and left to start a new life in rural Sussex County Delaware.  The year was 1976.  Bob lived in a shed on his recently purchased tract of twenty-two wooded acres outside Georgetown, Delaware.

Bob and Jim at their double-wide in later years at "The Ranch"

For many years I would travel with Bob down to his place in Delaware which he mockingly called "The Ranch".  I along with whoever else would like to have a weekend free of the constraints of living straight in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  Oh the many, many fond memories of those weekends at "The Ranch."

Bob with Ray and one of the many "party" weekends at The Ranch - 1982

Visiting Bob over the years at his place in Sussex County, Delaware, I fell in love with Delaware and decided this is where I would retire.  Not only would I be living "near the water" (a life long goal) and living in a state with much lower taxes than my home state of Pennsylvania, I would be nearby my best friend Bob.

Bob (far right), Tommy (big boobs) and Howard (far right) - sometimes 1977 - I called Tommy and Howard this morning and gave them the sad news 

I moved to Delaware in November of 2006.  The previous few years I had noticed changes in Bob.  Mental changes.  It seemed to me he wasn't grasping how to access his e-mail on his computer.  Every time I would visit him, I would have to explain the simple procedure. But when I visited him again,he had forgotten.  Then there were the other "little things."  The signs of cognitive disability.  

Jim, Bob and me - later years when the signs began appearing - Bob still smiling though

A group of us would meet every Wednesday for an "Old Fart's Night Out."  Bob would pick the place to meet.  I would appear at the designated restaurant.  No Bob. No group.  Then I would find he was at another restaurant.  I used to think I was getting confused until one time another member of our group also showed up at the wrong restaurant.  

Me (far left) and Bart and Bob

I'm sorry but I'm making a book out of this blog entry.  I'll wrap it up now.

I mentioned to our mutual friends about Bob's "problem."  They dismissed it.  Thought I was imagining things.  But I knew Bob as well and probably better than any of them. 

Bob and me at one of our many restaurant meals together

The turning point came when I had asked Bob to take a picture of me with my camera.  He couldn't understand how to do it, to take a picture with the camera.  We were at the Lewes-Rehoboth Canal.  He almost backed himself right into the canal.  That was whenI knew there was a problem.

Bob and his dog Bonnie

More "instances" occurred during the coming years.  Eventually I called his nephew and told him about his Uncle Bob and maybe he should step in and take control.

I subject Bob to a "selfie" - 2012

Bob and his longtime partner (and now spouse) moved into an assisted care facility a couple of years ago.  Jim was fine, Bob was not.

Bob and Jim at Brandywine Assisted Care - 2013

Jim continued to take care of Bob until even he need help.  Last year Bob was moved to a full care facility.  

Me (Wolfman) and Bob (Frankenstein)  1980 at the Philadelphia Gay Center Halloween party on Kater Street

I remember the last time I visited him.  My friend Pat was with me when we signed the visitors' log.  The name above the log was Jim's.  Pure luck we happened to come in behind Jim.  

"Happy Birthday Bob!" - Philadelphia 1982

"Happy Birthday Bob" (at Rigby's - 2009)

Pat took a few photos of that visit but I won't post them here out of respect for the memory of Bob.  But this was the last time I visited Bob.  I knew it would be the last time.  I don't think he knew who I was.  But I think he did know Jim.  

Bob (center) and longtime friends - 1980

Bob couldn't talk.  He grunted.  He had lost a lot of weight.  I knew this was the last time I would see him. 

Bob with one of his first boyfriends after coming out- visiting me and Bill's apartment in Pennsauken, New Jersey - 1965

This morning I received a comment on my blog posting of yesterday informing me that Bob had passed away yesterday.  Even though I expected Bob to die soon, this news has hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am a mess right now.  

Me and Bob in Provincetown, Mass - 1974 - my first old time photo

Over the past few years several very important people in my life have died.  Most notably my Mother who passed away September 16th, 2010.  At that time I felt part of me died with her.  And now today.  Another part of me has died.  A very big part.  

Here We Go Again

Last night, during one last check of my e-mails I see these two e-mails:

Uh . . . . exCUSE me?  


Since when do I have a Cabella's account?  You know Cabella's don't you?  That's the company that sells hunting gear.  Camouflage, camping equipment and GUNS.

The e-mails thank me for opening an account with Cabella's (I didn't) and the second e-mail informs me that they will CHARGE me $539.59 on September 28, 2014.

Remember last month when I was on my way to Canada?  I took the plane to Buffalo where Pat, my Toronto host, picked me up to complete the last leg of my trip.  I stopped at the Walmart in Buffalo and by the time I got to Toronto I saw I had a charge of $2,581.25 on my Discovercard.  My credit card number was compromised.  Stolen. 

So of course I had to call Discover and I got a new card.  When I got home I had to notify everyone on the Internet that I had set up for automatic billing.  Still doing it by the way.

Thus it was with some anger that I saw those e-mails last night.  

It was too late to call last night and resolve this issue.  I called the first thing this morning.

It didn't go easy.  

I call the 800 number and go through the menu hurdles then get put on hold listening to "Your call is very important" and "All our operators are busy now due to an unexpected increase in volume."  Oh sure, like I haven't heard THAT line before.

I finally get through to "Ed."  He asks for my zip code.  Then my address.  Then my mother's last name.  Then my "last four" of my Social Security number.  Of course none of this information matches up to what they have on record.  Then he puts me on hold . . . . for 23 minutes!

Finally,  he comes back on the line. Apologizes to me and thanks me for being "so patient". He informs me that he is switching me to "Melanie" of Fraud Protection.  

Melanie comes on the line.  I go through all the information again.  She said the information I give her doesn't match up with what they have on their records.  When I was in the Army we had a response for this kind of response:  "NO SHIT SHERLOCK." Of course I didn't say that to her, she was nice.

Then we batted around what may have happened.  She was concerned that I got the e-mail because she said they were "pretty careful with recording the e-mail addresses."  

I suggested to her that perhaps because my e-mail address was my name and then gmail.com that maybe there was another "Ronald Tipton" who had the same e-mail address but with a number on the end.  While I was talking to her I lost the phone connection.  I was on my portable phone. The battery ran out.

I call back.  I hear the menus again.  I jump through the hoops and eventually get a live person.  this time it is "John".  He starts asking me the same questions.  I stop him short and tell him that none of the information I give him except my name will match up.  I tell him that I'm on a portable phone (the kitchen one now) and by the time we go through this routine I'll lose him too when the battery wears down on my portable phone.  I tell him I'm in a Catch-22 here and could he please get "Melanie" because I gave her ALL the information already.  He got a little snarky with me and said "I have to get your name first to do anything." Okay, I can understand that requirement.  I give him my name.  He says "Hold on."  Here we go again.

Well, it didn't take too long until he came back on the line.  He told me "Don't worry, we'll take care of it."  He said "That person who opened the account had the same e-mail as you."  I said "No he didn't."  Then he said "Well, it was similar to yours."  I said "Okay but it couldn't be the same."  Duh.

I was frustrated and my fuse was getting shorter.  I could sense that his was too but man oh man, I've wasted already about a hour and a half of my precious Morning Time trying to resolve this latest instance of either incompetence (keying error) or fraud.  

Okay, now I can take a deep breath and prepare myself for yet more challenges in this, our day, in this tech age.  Haven't you often thought: 

"What did our parents do?"
  
"What do old people do?" 

"Does life seem more complicated these days?" 

And why is it that someone is always trying to get access to my money.  I don't have any!