Michael Phelps - Hero?

Okay folks, don't say I didn't warn you.  I'm going to bitch about the Olympics in this blog posting.  If you are among the millions who slavishly follow the  "U.S.A.! U.S.A!" chants for the athletes on the jingoistic, orgasmic,  delayed and one side slanted programming for U.S.A. athletes only on NBC (and its sister cable station MSNBC), you all better stop reading this blog posting now because you're going to get pissed off.  "How dare he criticize our 'heroes'!" 

If you're among those touchy folks who brook no criticism of anything "U.S.A.!", then venture no further in reading this blog. I don't kiss ass. 

I wasn't going to say anything more about the Olympics.  I was going to wait it out, with only two more days to go before this obscenely expensive and colossal waste of time ends on Saturday night but I just can't hold myself back, especially after seeing that sucker fish mouthed doofus Michael Phelps "interview" on Piers Morgan a few nights ago.  Now come one folks, isn't that fish-man child just about the most arrogant, ignorant and self asorbed ass-hat you've ever seen interviewed on TV?  There he is with his 6'3" inch enlongated torso with short legs (why he swims so well, he was born with a fish body) drapped out on his interview chair with Piers.  Michael has his legs folded so one foot is in the air constantly wiggling, distracting from the "umms," and "ahs" that punctuate every second or third word, doing the "slow blink" (a sure sign of someone who is totally into himself)  as he laconically answers Piers "probing" questions like "How does it feel to win all those medals?"  Good questions Piers! That's why they pay you the big bucks!

So what does Michael fish-face man-child answer?  "Um, um.....ummmm...it feels....you know....um....good" (giggle, giggle).  By the way, Michael, he of the deep booming basso voice now (whatever happen to his voice from the "young man" voice of four years ago?  Too many bong hits perhaps?) giggles like a teenage girl after almost every answer.  In fact I think he giggled after every answer, while still twitching that size 15 foot that he had propped up on his knee during the WHOLE INTERVIEW.  Hey Michael!  How about sitting up in the chair and put both feet on the floor?  Just a suggestion.  By the way, what is THAT THING on his bottom lip?  A piercing or just a little touch of herpes?  

Enough about Phelps. He and his kind annoy me so much. Big hero. What does he do for a living? Swim for bucks? How about a REAL JOB Michael? So you were born with a fish body and provided a pool to swim in for years. Then you get all those medals in the China Olympics which resulted in millions of dollars in endorsement deals which you promptly blew (both literally and figuratively) in a bong. Wheaties had your puss on all their cereal boxes which they then had to destroy because you were no longer a "role model" (do you think?) Selfish, self asorbed ass-hats like Phelps annoy me to no end. Oh I know, I know. "But he's worked SO HARD to get where he is."  HE SWIMS ALL DAY!  Two more days and hopefully all this slavish worship of the "hero" Michael goes away.

Can't happen soon enough.

So tell us what you REALLY think Ron.

Is My Sun Setting?

January 3, 2008 I entered the Beebe Medical Center with an unbearable pain in my right side. Later it was discovered I was passing a kidney stone. Believe me, if you haven't passed a kidney stone, this is something you don't want to do. If our official government torturers knew how to replicate this pain, there would be no need for waterboarding suspected terrorists. During that emergency stay, I had an MRI scan performed on my body. It wasn't until a few nights ago that I read the full report. What I read confirmed what I suspected for a long time, I'm getting old! I am literally starting to fall apart. My 1998 Subaru Forester has over 105,000 miles on it, I expect it to start falling apart. In that case I can get a new car. Not so with my body. This is my one and only body. I think I've taken pretty good care of it in my lifetime but I am 66 years old. I'm afraid the wear and tear of the past 66 years is beginning to show. The MRA report says "there are multiple calculi in both kidneys." That means I still have kidney stones. Oh God! Not again. This is a result of my lifelong habit of not drinking enough water. I've tried to drink more water since I found this out but I fear I'm still not drinking enough. Even so, that won't help clear up the "calculi" that is now in both kidneys. My doctor tells me they will pass one way or another. Either in small granules or, heaven forbid, kidney stones. The report also says "there are calcifications in the liver and spleen suggesting granulomata". I don't know exactly what that means but it doesn't sound good. The next item is the kicker. It says "there is atherosclerosis of the aorta." That's hardening of the arteries! Proof positive that I'm an Old Dude. There are other notifications that don't make me feel good, the main one being that I have a slight case of emphysema. This from my years of smoking cigarettes. I stopped smoking my one pack a day of Marlboros on July 27, 1967. I had smoked for approximately 6 years. Apparently the damage was done. Several years ago I had a chest X-ray. My doctor at that time asked if I smoked cigarettes. I told her "Yes, but I stopped years ago." She told me that the chest X-ray indicated that I had scar tissue on my lungs which indicated that I had smoked cigarettes. One of the reasons I stopped smoking was that I got out of breath climbing the two flights of stairs to the floor where I worked at a bank in center city Philadelphia. I figured that if I was out of breath in my 20's, what would I be like if I continued to smoke. Probably dead by now. Last week I had the results semi-annual blood test at the VA outpatient clinic in Georgetown. It indicated that I was doing well in all areas, especially my cholesterol count. The doctor indicated that was as much due to my genetic heritage as to my diet. Thank goodness for that. Blood pressure was also fine. However, I did indicate to him that I probably needed another eye exam because I'm having trouble focusing on distant objects. He examined my eyes and told me I had some large "floaters." I asked him what was that. He said "all a part of aging." Uh uh. Another reminder that I'm getting old and beginning to fall apart. I look in the mirror every morning when I shave. I don't have a choice. I have to look or take the chance of cutting my throat. Who I see in the mirror isn't the same person I picture in my mind. I think to myself "Who is that old geezer looking at me in the mirror? Did I sleep with HIM last night?" Oh well, the MRI report also said "there are serpiginous vascular structures int he abdomen suggesting varices." I'm not even going to look that one up. I figure I have enough on my plate now. One thing is painfully obvious, a Michael Phelps I am not.

Michael Phelps

Now let us address the phenomenon of Michael Phelps. First let me make it quite clear that I am not criticizing this young man or his considerable accomplishments during the Olympics. Our country is proud to have such a hard working, determined young man represent our country in the Olympics. He seems like a fine young man. My problem is with the over the top coverage of him my our news media. I confess that I stopped watching TV coverage of the Olympics years ago when I realized that the US media basically only covered U S athletes. I also had a major problem with all the commercials. I used to love watching the Olympics, especially the live coverage. However, the constant chants of "USA! USA!" and the lack of coverage of the athletes of other countries caused me to lose interest. Another problem I have with the U S news media coverage is their habit of picking one of two U S athletes and build them up as the Second Coming. One hears the words "bravery, courage and hero" tossed around with so much abandon that those words have long ceased to lose their meaning in the context of Olympic coverage. Yesterday I read coverage about the aforementioned Mr. Phelps and how "brave" and "courageous" he was in obtaining gold medals for the U S. Give me a break. There is nothing brave or courageous at all about Phelps accomplishments. He worked very hard (five hours a day swimming) to gain his gold medals. Also, it helps that he has the body of a duck. Look at the cartoon I took out of the Washington Post yesterday. This cartoon drawing of Michael Phelps isn't too much of an exaggeration either. Phelps has a very long torso. He is 6'3" tall. I am also 6'3" tall. Phelps weighs 165 pounds. I weigh 159 pounds. Phelps inseam (leg length) is 30". Mine is 36"! The boy has short leg! His foot size is 14. Mine (and I thought I had big feet) is 12. The boy has flippers. His wing span is 6'7". I don't know what mine is but it isn't that wide. His hands hang 3 inches below his knees. My hands fall 3 inches short of my knees. Thus, Mr. Phelps was born with a built in physical advantage. Not to mention that his family circumstances afforded him the opportunity to spend most of his life in a pool swimming. I never entered a pool until I was 21 years old and in the Army. The first time I saw the ocean was when I was 22 years old. Am I jealous? Am I envious? You're damn right! I am riven with jealousy. I take nothing away from Michael Phelps. I wish him a long and happy life. But please, PLEASE, let us hear no more about how "courageous" and "brave" he is. There are many brave and courageous people in the world. Michael Phelps is no more or nor less than any of them. I fault our jingoistic new media. They would rather cover the fluff known as the Olympics rather than real issues in this world that involve brave and courageous people. And yes, I'm still jealous. Have you seen his hairline? I used to have one like that.