Friday, August 03, 2012

Michael Phelps - Hero?


Okay folks, don't say I didn't warn you.  I'm going to bitch about the Olympics in this blog posting.  If you are among the millions who slavishly follow the  "U.S.A.! U.S.A!" chants for the athletes on the jingoistic, orgasmic,  delayed and one side slanted programming for U.S.A. athletes only on NBC (and its sister cable station MSNBC), you all better stop reading this blog posting now because you're going to get pissed off.  "How dare he criticize our 'heroes'!" 

If you're among those touchy folks who brook no criticism of anything "U.S.A.!", then venture no further in reading this blog. I don't kiss ass. 

I wasn't going to say anything more about the Olympics.  I was going to wait it out, with only two more days to go before this obscenely expensive and colossal waste of time ends on Saturday night but I just can't hold myself back, especially after seeing that sucker fish mouthed doofus Michael Phelps "interview" on Piers Morgan a few nights ago.  Now come one folks, isn't that fish-man child just about the most arrogant, ignorant and self asorbed ass-hat you've ever seen interviewed on TV?  There he is with his 6'3" inch enlongated torso with short legs (why he swims so well, he was born with a fish body) drapped out on his interview chair with Piers.  Michael has his legs folded so one foot is in the air constantly wiggling, distracting from the "umms," and "ahs" that punctuate every second or third word, doing the "slow blink" (a sure sign of someone who is totally into himself)  as he laconically answers Piers "probing" questions like "How does it feel to win all those medals?"  Good questions Piers! That's why they pay you the big bucks!

So what does Michael fish-face man-child answer?  "Um, um.....ummmm...it feels....you know....um....good" (giggle, giggle).  By the way, Michael, he of the deep booming basso voice now (whatever happen to his voice from the "young man" voice of four years ago?  Too many bong hits perhaps?) giggles like a teenage girl after almost every answer.  In fact I think he giggled after every answer, while still twitching that size 15 foot that he had propped up on his knee during the WHOLE INTERVIEW.  Hey Michael!  How about sitting up in the chair and put both feet on the floor?  Just a suggestion.  By the way, what is THAT THING on his bottom lip?  A piercing or just a little touch of herpes?  




Enough about Phelps. He and his kind annoy me so much. Big hero. What does he do for a living? Swim for bucks? How about a REAL JOB Michael? So you were born with a fish body and provided a pool to swim in for years. Then you get all those medals in the China Olympics which resulted in millions of dollars in endorsement deals which you promptly blew (both literally and figuratively) in a bong. Wheaties had your puss on all their cereal boxes which they then had to destroy because you were no longer a "role model" (do you think?) Selfish, self asorbed ass-hats like Phelps annoy me to no end. Oh I know, I know. "But he's worked SO HARD to get where he is."  HE SWIMS ALL DAY!  Two more days and hopefully all this slavish worship of the "hero" Michael goes away.

Can't happen soon enough.

So tell us what you REALLY think Ron.

9 comments:

  1. anne marie in philly2:36 PM

    I am proud to say I haven't watched ANY of it! but I am digging that gymnast gabby douglas; now THERE'S a role model!

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  2. Anne Marie,

    I agree with you, gymnast Gabby Douglas is a great role model. That is what the Olympics are all about, not some spoiled, self-asorbed dickhead like Michael Phelps.

    Ron

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  3. paulo18:08 PM

    I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but there are actually nine more days of jingoistic reporting to come. And I'm counting the British and Irish on the internet and the Canadian and U.S. live. If you've got a horse in the race shout your head off. Who remembers anything about the last five or so Olympic games. Right, but who remembers who stuck it to Herr Hitler in the 1936 games. Even if you weren't born for another fifty years, if your a sports fan, you know.

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    2. Paulo,

      Oh no! Another week? OMG. I do like Gabby Douglas though. Now there is an Olympic athlete I can respect.

      Ron

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  4. Ron, you're a man after my own heart. I agree with every word you said about Phelps the Fish. And I'm still laughing.

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    1. Jon,

      Phelps won his last medal today. Phelps said this is his last competition. One can only hope. I'm sick of him.

      Ron

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  5. Man, you are mean! If it weren't so funny I would feel sorry for fish-face. I don't see a struggling young man who has done the impossible. You are right! He lives in the water. And size 15 feet...the're flippers. It is sort of sad that he didn't live up to his image of greatness. But it would be nice to retire at 27.

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    1. Jeff,

      I don't see a "struggling young man" either who did the impossible. My first clue was that he is the same height as I am (6'3") but only had a 30" inseam! Wow! I have a 36" inseam and I don't think my legs are all that long, they're normal length. This guy is built like a fish with flippers (size 15 foot). And if I had the luxury of swimming in a pool all day, every day for years and years I guess I would be a pretty good swimmer too. But I can overlook the physical advantages he was born with but his arrogance and selfishness is what gets to me. All this guy wants is to have everyone kiss his ass and his dick sucked. I'm not doing it. But he now has a legion of woman who are quite willing to kiss and suck. Good for him.

      Ron

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