Not Helpful

 

Drainage pipe buried

This afternoon I got up from a deep afternoon nap to find out that Bill had dragged out all my camera equipment from the breakfront I have in our basement. "Just trying to help" Bill says. 

There he goes again with the "just trying to help" trope. 

All he did was make my life harder.

This makes me so angry. 

I hope when I never reach 93 years of age and cause this much trouble for anyone, let along my full time caregiver.

Because Bill was "just trying to help", my late afternoon schedule of today was delayed by half an hour while I tried to put all that camera equipment back in the breakfront sort of in the order I had all those pieces organized. 

I cannot remember all the times in our fifty-seven years together I've asked Bill:

LEAVE MY THINGS ALONE!

He will never learn. Never. 

Our very first fight was Bill "Just trying to help."

I'm the cook in our family. When cooking a meal I like to have all the preparation dishes cleaned before I sit down to eat. Bill wanted "to help" and insisted on cleaning the pots and pans AFTER WE ATE. 

I grew up eating meals with dirty pots and pans sitting in the kitchen sink in cold, gray, greasy water. My Mother never did the dishes. From about eight years old I did the family dishes. She let me, there was never a problem.

I grew up living in a chaotic, "Grand Central Station" house. People coming and going.

NO PRIVACY!

I'll get over this latest invasion of my privacy.

This latest attempt "just trying to help you" event.

But I have to tell you folks, I am exhausted. 

I managed the best I can caregiving for a ninety three-year old man who can't even dress or feed himself. 

For over fifty-years Bill and I had a good working arrangement living together. I ran the household. Paid the bills. Did the shopping and cooking. And for the past thirty-eight years the sole income earner in our household. Bill retired early at fifty-five years with a small settlement. Seven years with no income then collected early Social Security, a modest amount. Fortunately Bill is not a SPENDER like yours truly. God knows this family couldn't have two Spenders in this family. We would have been in much more modest living circumstances if Bill spent money like I did/do. 

However, since Bill's two strokes last year, his part of our arrangement - handyman work (which I am no good at), has been left up to me. 

This week alone I had a new microwave oven installed then taken out.

Yesterday I had a guy in to clean out my rainspout gutters which were clogged.

Also yesterday I had several guys in to install an underground drainage for the one rains-sprout that was leaking into our basement wall around the sewer pipe. Lovely. 

Today I had a service man in for our annual heater maintenance. 

I think I have something scheduled for tomorrow but right now I am too exhausted to look. I have to vent with this posting which some of my readers will no doubt find heartless. "How can you not have compassion for a ninety-three year old blind man who has lost his cognitive abilities?" 

I do folks, I do. It's just that some days are harder than others. And I'm not perfect.

But I'll tell you one things, I hope and pray that I never reach ninety-three years old, blind and totally dependent on someone else just to get through another days that I can't do what I love doing. If I'm lucky I'll just go to sleep one night and now wake up. That is my wish folks. 

I've had a long and interesting life. Full of ups and downs, mostly ups. 

Today wasn't a good day. 

Tomorrow will be better. Spring is coming. And I finally have that basement wall leak fixed.