My journal of thisl 75 year old gay man retired to Delaware.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
This was a long time ago. Many waves have washed up on Poodle Beach since this fall day in 2005.R. Tipton May 12, 2009
Are you living in Rehoboth now? My sister and her kids live in (and around) Smyrna. I used to live in New Castle, then moved to Fort La De Da about fifty years ago.
I went back to your first post which seems to be a good reflection of you and you are in your favorite(or one of)place and probably at your favorite time of year and I am sure with many more year to come. I don't sleep well at nite and haven't since my AVR surgery 5 years ago. The last thing I want to talk about it mortality. It has been on my mind as of late. Maybe because I have fixated on the past for a good amount of time. By the numbers, I should not worry about dying at 50. But death is ever present. I think about dying. I dream about dying. Every day is a gift when you live with long term illness, that is a merciless killer. A leopard cannot change its spots no matter now medical science changes the terms of the game. The animal remains the same. It is we who cheat death by living, many of us have lived beyond any doctors predictions.(The life expectancy when the AVR was installed with an ejection fraction of 23% was 5 years and I passed that in January of this year.) I am grateful for every day that I lived. I don’t have any regrets. They would be a waste of time. I have no doubt in thirty days you will be planning fall and waving farewell to the last of the summer stragglers.
3rdnlong,Wow, you went all the way here to my first post. Thank you for you thought provoking comments. You are right, this is my favorite place. Truth be told, I wanted to move to Delaware and near the water before I died. I don't plan to die anytime soon but we never know what fate holds in store for us. I feel I cheated death once already, when I was 17 years old and given up for dead with a staph infection. I had a cousin who died of the same infection some years later. Maybe because I was young and healthy, I survived, much to the doctor's surprise. Every year since then I have counted as "gravy." As I said before in my comments and post, I am not afraid of death but I am afraid of the way die. I don't want it to be prolonged or in extreme pain and discomfort. That to me is not living. I don't know how my current situation will turn out after my next test but I am concerned because a friend of mine is going through this very thing now. I am of that age where men contact prostate cancer. I am lucky though that this is probably the most curable cancer.I understand how you feel having survived this long with AVR. Like you I think about dying. I am almost 100% convinced that when I die there is nothing. I don't think we're aware of anything. Thus I am not afraid of actual death itself. And my living, I haven't missed much in my life. Maybe a trip to Paris of London but hey, I love it in Delaware. Like you, I have no regrets. I've had a good life and I am ready to go. But I would prefer it not to be now. But if my time is up, then I accept it.