Monday, April 25, 2011

The Colonoscopy Diet

Lunch - six ounces clear chicken broth (Swanson)

Hey folks.  Want a sure fire diet?  Try the Colonoscopy Diet.  Guaranteed to drop 2 to 3 pounds of of body weight in ONE DAY!  I've been trying (without much success) to drop another 2 to 3 pounds (to 160) for two months now.  I lost two pounds already!  So if you want to lose weight (but don't want a life) try this diet:

I just had my lunch of 6 ounces of clear chicken broth.  Oh man was that delicious!  Then, guess what I had for dessert?  A lime Jello.  WOW!  I am stuffed.

Dessert - four ounces lime Jello (fat free) YUM!

At two o'clock (a little less than an hour from now) I mix my first bottle of vile foul tasting "Suprep Bowel Prep Kit liquid with 8 ounces of water and SWALLOW IT.  Then within the next hour I have to take two more 8 ounces of water to dilute the vile foul tasting liquid.  Of course this is right at my nap time of 2 o'clock but that is of minor consideration today.

I repeat this whole process at 6 pm tonight.  I figure by the time I'm watching "Dancing With the Stars"tonight I'll be doing my own 'dancing' to the loo. 

Tomorrow at 10 a.m.  That is when I my rear nether regions get violated examined with a long, rubber, flexible instrument by a doctor in Lewes.  This procedure is called a colonoscopy.  This procedure may save my life.  The inconvenience and humiliation is well worth it.  Still, I'll be glad when this is all over with and I can go back to normal or what passes for 'normal' around these parts.  

Half an hour to go until I drink the Suprep Bowel Prep Kit.  Oh I can't wait!



Mark said...

Um, no thanks. I'll stick with that Eggplant Parmesan that you promised to make for me this Summer.

Buddy Bear said...

Oh, the pleasures of getting older! I'll probably be having my first one in about a year; thanks for filling me in as to what it will be like.

Ron said...


I just took it. It was worse than I thought. See my video.

Ron said...

Buddy Bear,

It is NOT something to look forward to. I'll be so glad when this day is over. Only once every five years thank God.

Will J said...


Just do it right so that they can get a good reading and don't make you repeat it!

Ron said...

Great advice Will! I don't want to have to go through this again for at least another five years!