Ron Does the 2012 Republican Presidential Hopefuls

Possible 2012 Republican Presidental Candidates

After the outstanding success of my Oscar Red Carpet review, I'm back with another smack down review.


Fasten your seat belts as I jump into the quagmire that is the potential Republican candidates for president in 2012.  


The Republicans may have gained control of the House and many state governorships and state legislators but they still face  formidable task in fielding a credible candidate for president in 2012 to face Barack Obama.  


Thus, here in no particular order is my take on the Republican wannabes for 2012:

Mike Huckabee,
Former Governor of Arkansas

Any presidential candidate for compares gay marriage to drug addiction, incest and polygamy can't be all bad.

Tim Pawlenty,
Governor of Minnesota

Who is going to vote for Casper Milquetoast for president?  

Rick Santorum

Former U.S. Senator- PA

The former "Compassionate Conservative" senator from Pennsylvania who made the following infamous quote about same sex marriages:

"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."

Yes folks, this is our "Man on dog" senator.  Yeah, he's presidential timber.

Haley Barbour

Governor of Mississippi

Once you get past the 'good ole boy' southern drawl, anyone for electing a man president who said that "the civil rights era wasn't all that bad in Yazoo City".

Same difference

Herman Cain

Former CEO Godfather's Pizza

Say what?  Who is Herman Cain?  Obviously the Republican's Michael Steele/Clarence Thomas answer to combating a black Democrat president.  Good luck.

Bobby Jindal

Governor, Louisiana

After "What Me Worry's" laughable Republican response to President Obama's State of the Union speech a few years ago, who can take this clown seriously.  I mean really SERIOUSLY.

Jon Huntsman

Former Governor Idaho

President Obama tried to neutralize the very attractive Governor of Idaho appointing him ambassador to China but Huntsman recently resigned his post obviously going for the presidential nomination.  Watch out for this man, he may be formidable.  He has the 'presidential look' of Mitt Romney minus the waffling.

Mitt Romney

Former Governor of Massachusetts

Definitely has the presidential look but has a serious 'waffle' problem.  Will say anything to any group to curry favor.  Has no principals.  Has no core.  Has no charisma.  He is an empty suit.  And remember, he is the one who famously put the family dog in a crate and strapped it to the top of the family mini-van a la the Griswolds in National Lampoon's Family Vacation.  Sorry Mitt, managing one successful Olympics doesn't qualify your for president.  

Jeb Bush

Former Governor of Florida

This is the Bush who should've been president.  I would vote for Jeb.  Unfortunately for poor Jeb, he has a giant albatross around his neck (see below)

Double You

John Bolton,

Former Ambassador to the United Nations

Captain Kangaroo for President?  I don't think so.

John Thune

Senator, South Dakota

The tall, handsomeT senator from South Dakota is supposedly the candidate the White House fears the most but Thune recently declared that he wouldn't be running for president because he didn't think he could beat President Obama in 2012.  Just what we need, a leader who is willing to take a risk.

Looks pretty good on a basketball court 

Gary Johnson

Former Governor of New Mexico

Who is Gary Johnson you might rightly ask? Former Governor Johnson is supposed to me the "Ron Paul of 2012".  A dark horse candidate of the Libertarian Party.  He supports gay unions, abortion rights and legalizing pot.  He sounds like my kind of candidate as long as he doesn't go 'Ron Paul' all the way and want to abolish Social Security and Medicare.  Watch out for this guy, he could be the next Jimmy Carter.

Mike Pence

Congressman, Sixth District, Indiana

Pence is one of these sleazy Republican operatives who appear frequently on the cable news programs always decrying about government spending until it comes to a subject like giving tax breaks to the very wealthy.  Elect this snake oil salesman and kiss Social Security and Medicare goodbye.  

Michelle Bachman

Congresswoman, Sixth District, Minnesota

Michelle, a 'Sarah Palin' wannabe.  Known for her 'space cadet' hypnotic stare while being interviewed on cable TV, this woman is a classic Wing Nut.  

Michelle at her spaciest best on 'Hardball' with Chris Matthews

Mitch Daniels

Governor, Indiana

A5 5'7' and a comb over?  This is presidential material?  Everytime he appears on TV I can't take my eyes off of that comb over. It's like an automobile accident, you don't want to look but you can't take your eyes away from it.  "What's it look like when a strong wind blows it over?"

Scott Brown

Senator, Massusetts

Yet another hunky GOP hopeful.  I like this man.  Not only because he's a hunk but he appears to actually be a 'compassionate Republican.'  Recently he put out his autobiography which bared all (no pun intended).  Plus, I don't think his Cosmo spread of twenty years ago will hurt him either.

Yummy

Newt Gringrich

The "Newtser."  Who can ever forget his hissy fit when he was denied a seat in the front of Air Force One?  Three times married bombastic Newt if fond of embracing family values by denying same sex couples the same rights he takes for granted.  Electing Newt Gringrich president would be like electing a car bomber president.

Sarah Palin

Former Half Governor of Alaska

Oh where do I start with Sister Sarah?  Okay, I admit she is attractive and she knows how to rile up a crowd.  But a woman who thinks Africa is a country and can see Russia from her back door?  There are two good things I can say about Ms. Palin.  She is raising unashamedly a special needs child and she has one hunky eye candy husband. 

Todd Palin, Hunk-u-rama

Congressman Ron Paul

14th District, Texas

Okay, I admit it.  I'm a Ron Paul fan.  I think he's cute.  I like some of his ideas.  Not all of them though.  He's for going back on the gold standard and totally abolishing income taxes, Social Security and Medicare.  If he had his way I would be toast.  But he brings his message with the "cute little old man" demeanor that few can resist.  He's much more attractive than his nasty, mean spirited son Rand Paul, recently elected Tea Bag Senator from Kentucky.

Rudy Giuliana

Former Mayor, New York City

As Vice President Joe Biden so accurately said of Rudy Giuliana's 2008 presidential run Rudy's presidential qualifications consists of "a noun, a verb and 9/11."  So what if he lived with a gay couple temporarily while Gracie Mansion was being renovated?  

Stick with your guardian protection services company Rudy, you're wasting our time and your time running for president.

Chris Christie

Governor, New Jersey

Here is my number one choice for a Republican candidate who stands the best chance of beating Barack Obama in the 2012 election.  I may not agree with everything Chris says but at least you know where he is coming from.  I do agree with a lot of what he says, like reining in the public employees unions.  I have many neighbors down here in Delaware where I live now who escaped from New Jersey's obscenely high taxes.  Don't let Chris's bulk throw you off, his weight may actually be to his advantage because he's a 'real' person as opposed to the plastic and vacuous Mitt Romney type of candidate who looks presidential but posses no 'beef'.  No one is going to ask "Where's the beef?" when Chris Christie is around.