The Best Mom in the World

(Pictured from left to right:  Sandy Hadfield Hart - my Mom's cousin - my Mom - and Elaine Reynolds Tyson my Mom's niece - lovely ladies all - all "Hadfield Girls"


My Mom died September 16th, 2010.  Even though her death was expected, when she died it was still like a punch in the stomach.

I have two brothers, John and Isaac.  When my father died in 2000, my younger brother (he's the middle one) took care of our Mom at her home in Pennsylvania.  Then came a time last year when her physical and mental health began to deteriorate more quickly and my brothers and I decided that it would be best for her if she moved in with my brother John in South Carolina.  His home had the facilities to take better care of someone in my Mother's condition.  John and his wife had a separate "mother-in-law" apartment in their modest ranch house in Greenville, SC.  And, John's profession is that he is the care pastor of his church.  John and his wife take care of older people in failing health for a living.  What better place for our Mom to live out her days.

My brothers and I had always promised Mom that we would never put her in a nursing home.  Thanks to my brothers, we were able to keep that promise.

The pictures I have in this video are a random compilation of pictures that I had collected over the years.  I surprised myself by being able to put together this DVD because I had never before (or since) used the iMovie maker function of my iMac.

I was very pleased with hour the remembering the rich, full life of our Mom came out.  I would like to think I was divinely lead in producing this loving tribute to our Mom.

I know a lot of people say they have the best Mom in the world.  And that is probably true.  Maybe sometimes that is exaggerated but that's all right too.  But one thing I know for sure, my brothers and I all agree that for us we had the Best Mom In The World.

My brothers and I are who we are today because of our Mom.  Even towards the end of her life when her personality began to change because of her dementia and she wasn't the Mom we knew all our lives, she was still Our Mom.  Nothing could ever change that.

It's been six months now since Mom passed away.  I thought I was over it, at least the teary part.  Guess what?  Every time I watch this DVD, the frog come back into my throat and the tears begin to well up in my eyes.  Waves of sadness sweep over me.  By the time the DVD ends, I am exhausted.

The purpose of this posting is not to elicit sympathy for me, my brothers or my Mom.  To me her passing is part of life.  Someday I too will pass as will my brothers.  No one needs to be sad.  We have all lived a good and fulfilling life as did my Mother.  When you watch this DVD, remember that my Mom lived a long and good life.

We all miss her every day.  As my brother John said after she died "Ronnie, we're orphans now.  Sixty year old orphans, but we're still orphans."  I know what he meant.  Our Mother was such a guiding force in our lives that now she is gone we feel diminished.  But as long as I'm alive I will have these wonderful memories of her which I am sharing with the readers of my blog today.

We all only get one Mom.  Isaac, John and I know God smiled on us when he gave us the best.

Remembering Mom

Me and Mom having lunch at Wegmans in Downingtown, PA Feb. 2009

I didn't know it at the time, but this was the last meal I would have with my Mother

I knew this would happen.  


Today was another one of those days that hit me hard how much I am going to miss my Mother.  


Mom died last month, September 16th.  We knew she was dying.  Her death was actually a blessing because the last three weeks she suffered much.  Even though we knew she was dying her death still was a shock to the system.


We had our funeral for Mom.  Everything went perfectly.  The weather was clear, sunny and crisp.  The James J. Terry Funeral Home in Downingtown saw to our every need.  


For the past twenty-five years or more I've always taken Mom to the family funerals.  Mom would have loved her service.  


Now that everything is all settled down I knew there would be those unexpected times that some place or thing would rudely trigger my memory of just how much I will miss her.


Last week was one such occasion.  I was shopping at J.C. Penney at the Dover Mall.  They had a great sale of women's nightgowns and bathrobes.  I always used to buy my Christmas presents for Mom early.  I also brought her birthday present at the same time.  Her birthday was on December 24th.  I always made sure she got separate birthday presents wrapped in birthday paper.  She often told me the story of how when she was a little girl she never got a birthday present but instead was told "this is your birthday AND Christmas present."  All my life I made sure she got a separate birthday present and one that wasn't wrapped in Christmas paper either.


When I was shopping at J.C. Penney's last week I almost bought her a soft, fluffy bathroom until I remembered....Mom is no longer here.  The stabbing pain of loss hit me right there in the middle of the crowded floor of Penneys.  I paused while a wave of sadness washed over me.  I took a few minutes to recover then I continued to shop.....for myself.


In a few weeks it will be my birthday.  My Mother, all her life, never missed sending me a birthday card.  NEVER.  Friends come and go.  Sometimes they send me cards, sometimes they forget and sometimes they just don't send me a card because they don't consider me worthy of a card.  But my Mom, SHE ALWAYS sent me a card.  SHE NEVER MISSED. NEVER.


This year I had already purchased a birthday and Christmas card for Mom.  Mom wasn't too much on receiving presents (she always told me I bought her too much) but she did like to receive a card.  I wanted to make sure she got her cards this year.  I sent them to her a week before her death. 


I'm glad I did.  John said that even in her pain and her confused mental state at the end, she did recognize the cards and that they were from Number # 1 Son (that would be me).  John said she smiled when he showed her the cards.  


I made sure to send them on two separate days too.  I always made sure not to include her cards together.  That's the way she wanted it.  

Me and Mom

Me and my Mom, Betty Hadfield Tipton - Christmas 1979 - Philadelphia, PA

Perhaps my shortest blog posting ever.  No words are necessary.  Me and Mom, 1979.

I miss you Mom.

Mom

Betty Louise Hadfield - 1939 High School Senior

The crack of an early morning thunderstorm woke me up at 4 am this morning.  I couldn't get back to sleep.  Perhaps because yesterday I received bad news about my Mother.

Mom is now living with my brother John and his wife Barbara and daughter Nancy in Greenville, SC.  She is now 86 years old.  Her health has taken a noticeable downtown in the last year.  In fact, we moved her from her home in Pennsylvania last October, where she lived with my other brother Isaac.  We felt that her health couldn't take another winter in Pennsylvania, and in retrospect that was an good decision given last winter's two back to back blizzards.

Betty Hadfield Tipton with me, "Number 1 Son" - 1941

Like her two older sisters, Mom is also suffering from dementia.  Her oldest sister, Grace, died shortly after being placed in a nursing home.  Mom's other older sister, Jeanette, is still living in a nursing home.  My brothers and I are doing everything we can to keep her out of a nursing home.  We made that promise to her.  We intend to keep it.

My Mom with her older sister Grace - 2005

Yesterday I received bad news from my sister-in-law.  Mom had fallen again.  She has fallen a number of times in the past year but so far, no broken bones.  Barbara also said that her potassium level was discovered to be so low, that the doctor was amazed that she was still alive.

The doctor has since stabilized her potassium levels but I am afraid this is the beginning of the end.  Her body seems to be shutting down.  Mom cannot walk on her own now.  She needs a wheel chair.

She almost always gets names confused.  John doesn't even correct her now when she calls him "Isaac."

Brother John with Mom working a puzzle 2010

My father died ten years ago on August 22, 2000.  He and Mom were married for sixty years.  "Pop" was the only man Mom ever knew.  He was the only man she ever wanted.  When he died, she was never the same.  The past ten years has been a slow decline, accelerated in the past two years.

Mom and Pop 1940 - she's pregnant with Number 1 Son

Mom and Pop - 1982

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was calling her almost every night sharing my life with her.  I have two younger brothers.  I am the Oldest Son.  I was Mom's Number 1 son.  In fact, that's how I always signed all my cards to her......."Number One Son."  Of course this was tongue in cheek but everyone knew we had a special relationship.

Mom and Number One Son - July 2002

Recently I found out some information in my genealogy research about how she got her name "Betty."  I wanted to share this information with her but I can't talk to her now.  She gets too confused.  She doesn't understand what I'm talking about.  I miss talking to my Mother and best friend.

Mom with her Three Boys - 1951

Mom and her Three Boys -  2005

This morning when the thunder woke me up, I felt like this was more than thunder.  I feel like this is a portent of bad news to come.

I don't know how I'm going to handle this.

Mom 2010 - my best friend

Mother's Day 2010

Happy Mother's Day to the most beautiful woman in my world, my Mom.

My Mom, 86 years old

Mom, 16 years old 

Me and Mom 2002

Mom at Gindy's (office cleaner) 1954

Mom and Ike, Jr. 1956

Mom and "her boys" 1952

All our lives we played jokes on Mom - she has the patience of a saint

Me and my favorite lady at my favorite place, the garden

Me and Mom, her #1 Son 1941 (first born)

Mom's graduation picture from Downingtown High School 1940

Mom and a friend 1998

Mom with her fake fur coat on Washington Avenue, Downingtown, PA

Mom with her sister-in-law Mabel and co-worker at Pepperridge Farm 1997

Mom with her older brothers George and Randall and her favorite doll (her brothers later tore the head off her doll) - 1927

Mom resting at brother John's in South Carolina 2009

Mom with youngest son John at his home in South Carolina (where she now lives)

Mom with #1 Son again

Mom visits #1 son at his palatial estate in Downingtown, PA

Mom and Pop at their 50th anniversary dinner at the Eagle Tavern in Eagle, PA.

She never got over the amount of the bill.  We tease her about it to this day.  "You spent that kind of money for that slop?"

Mom in her cheesecake pose on Pop's Packard (he put her up to it.)

Mom and two of her three favorite sons - Ron and John 1959

Mom with youngest son John's family 1970

Mom enjoying a little reading at John's 2009

Mom getting some air in John's back yard 2009

Mom and her older sister Grace 2002

Mom loved to sit in the late afternoon at Pop's garden in the chair that he made - 1998

Brother John taking good care of Mom 2009

A lot of people say they have the best Mom in the world.  Well, I can say unequivocally that my brothers and I do have the best Mom in the world.  We have been so blessed.  Our Mom, who lost her mom when she wasn't quite two years old, has devoted her whole life to "her boys", as she always calls us.  

Ever since our Father died in August of 2000, life hasn't been easy for Mom.  She and Pop were married for sixty years.  They were each one half of a whole.  After Pop died she seemed lost without an anchor. My brothers and I tried to fill the void  but we could never quite match Pop.  

In her later years as her health deteriorated, she came to depend on us more.  Up until October of 2009 my younger brother Isaac lived with and cared for her.  In October, my brothers and I decided that the Pennsylvania winters were just too harsh for her so we moved her down to my other younger brother's home in South Carolina.  She wasn't 100% for this move but she understood this was what was best for her.  

She had some difficulty in adjusting to her new home in South Carolina.  We expected this because she had lived in her home in Downingtown, Pennsylvania since 1958.  It is hard for a Mom to be uprooted from surroundings that have given her so much comfort and security over the years.  

However, I am glad to say she has now adjusted to her new life at my brother's home in South Carolina. My brother, his wife Barbara and his daughter Nancy are taking good care of "Mom-Mom."  I cannot thank them enough for all that they have done for my Mother.  

This June Bill and I plan to take a road trip to visit Mom in South Carolina.  I'm looking forward to being with my Mother once again.  

Happy Mother's Day Mom.