Mom

Pop, Mom and Ron 1979

My brother John called this morning.  He confirmed my worst fears, Mom is dying.  It could be next week or six months from now.

His next step is to secure hospice care for her.  We want to make her as comfortable as possible.

Like my father she made it clear to us many times that she did not want her life artificially prolonged.  We will honor her wishes.

Ironically, Pop died almost ten years ago to this date.  He died from lung cancer on August 22, 2000.  He was 80 years old.  He didn't suffer too long.  He was in the hospital hooked up to oxygen and pain killers for a little over two weeks.  It was a blessing that he died when he did because he was in a great deal of discomfort.

While I was never that close to my father, and we knew he was dying, his death was still a major blow for me and my brothers.  Mom especially took his death very hard.  She was never the same after he died.

I really don't know how I'm going to handle it when my Mother dies.  Even this morning, I could hardly talk to John without choking up.  The big sissy that I am.  Man oh man.  This is going to be hard.

Mom and Pop 1962

Me and Mom

Me and my Mom, Betty Hadfield Tipton - Christmas 1979 - Philadelphia, PA

Perhaps my shortest blog posting ever.  No words are necessary.  Me and Mom, 1979.

I miss you Mom.

Mom

Betty Louise Hadfield - 1939 High School Senior

The crack of an early morning thunderstorm woke me up at 4 am this morning.  I couldn't get back to sleep.  Perhaps because yesterday I received bad news about my Mother.

Mom is now living with my brother John and his wife Barbara and daughter Nancy in Greenville, SC.  She is now 86 years old.  Her health has taken a noticeable downtown in the last year.  In fact, we moved her from her home in Pennsylvania last October, where she lived with my other brother Isaac.  We felt that her health couldn't take another winter in Pennsylvania, and in retrospect that was an good decision given last winter's two back to back blizzards.

Betty Hadfield Tipton with me, "Number 1 Son" - 1941

Like her two older sisters, Mom is also suffering from dementia.  Her oldest sister, Grace, died shortly after being placed in a nursing home.  Mom's other older sister, Jeanette, is still living in a nursing home.  My brothers and I are doing everything we can to keep her out of a nursing home.  We made that promise to her.  We intend to keep it.

My Mom with her older sister Grace - 2005

Yesterday I received bad news from my sister-in-law.  Mom had fallen again.  She has fallen a number of times in the past year but so far, no broken bones.  Barbara also said that her potassium level was discovered to be so low, that the doctor was amazed that she was still alive.

The doctor has since stabilized her potassium levels but I am afraid this is the beginning of the end.  Her body seems to be shutting down.  Mom cannot walk on her own now.  She needs a wheel chair.

She almost always gets names confused.  John doesn't even correct her now when she calls him "Isaac."

Brother John with Mom working a puzzle 2010

My father died ten years ago on August 22, 2000.  He and Mom were married for sixty years.  "Pop" was the only man Mom ever knew.  He was the only man she ever wanted.  When he died, she was never the same.  The past ten years has been a slow decline, accelerated in the past two years.

Mom and Pop 1940 - she's pregnant with Number 1 Son

Mom and Pop - 1982

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was calling her almost every night sharing my life with her.  I have two younger brothers.  I am the Oldest Son.  I was Mom's Number 1 son.  In fact, that's how I always signed all my cards to her......."Number One Son."  Of course this was tongue in cheek but everyone knew we had a special relationship.

Mom and Number One Son - July 2002

Recently I found out some information in my genealogy research about how she got her name "Betty."  I wanted to share this information with her but I can't talk to her now.  She gets too confused.  She doesn't understand what I'm talking about.  I miss talking to my Mother and best friend.

Mom with her Three Boys - 1951

Mom and her Three Boys -  2005

This morning when the thunder woke me up, I felt like this was more than thunder.  I feel like this is a portent of bad news to come.

I don't know how I'm going to handle this.

Mom 2010 - my best friend

Mother's Day 2010

Happy Mother's Day to the most beautiful woman in my world, my Mom.

My Mom, 86 years old

Mom, 16 years old 

Me and Mom 2002

Mom at Gindy's (office cleaner) 1954

Mom and Ike, Jr. 1956

Mom and "her boys" 1952

All our lives we played jokes on Mom - she has the patience of a saint

Me and my favorite lady at my favorite place, the garden

Me and Mom, her #1 Son 1941 (first born)

Mom's graduation picture from Downingtown High School 1940

Mom and a friend 1998

Mom with her fake fur coat on Washington Avenue, Downingtown, PA

Mom with her sister-in-law Mabel and co-worker at Pepperridge Farm 1997

Mom with her older brothers George and Randall and her favorite doll (her brothers later tore the head off her doll) - 1927

Mom resting at brother John's in South Carolina 2009

Mom with youngest son John at his home in South Carolina (where she now lives)

Mom with #1 Son again

Mom visits #1 son at his palatial estate in Downingtown, PA

Mom and Pop at their 50th anniversary dinner at the Eagle Tavern in Eagle, PA.

She never got over the amount of the bill.  We tease her about it to this day.  "You spent that kind of money for that slop?"

Mom in her cheesecake pose on Pop's Packard (he put her up to it.)

Mom and two of her three favorite sons - Ron and John 1959

Mom with youngest son John's family 1970

Mom enjoying a little reading at John's 2009

Mom getting some air in John's back yard 2009

Mom and her older sister Grace 2002

Mom loved to sit in the late afternoon at Pop's garden in the chair that he made - 1998

Brother John taking good care of Mom 2009

A lot of people say they have the best Mom in the world.  Well, I can say unequivocally that my brothers and I do have the best Mom in the world.  We have been so blessed.  Our Mom, who lost her mom when she wasn't quite two years old, has devoted her whole life to "her boys", as she always calls us.  

Ever since our Father died in August of 2000, life hasn't been easy for Mom.  She and Pop were married for sixty years.  They were each one half of a whole.  After Pop died she seemed lost without an anchor. My brothers and I tried to fill the void  but we could never quite match Pop.  

In her later years as her health deteriorated, she came to depend on us more.  Up until October of 2009 my younger brother Isaac lived with and cared for her.  In October, my brothers and I decided that the Pennsylvania winters were just too harsh for her so we moved her down to my other younger brother's home in South Carolina.  She wasn't 100% for this move but she understood this was what was best for her.  

She had some difficulty in adjusting to her new home in South Carolina.  We expected this because she had lived in her home in Downingtown, Pennsylvania since 1958.  It is hard for a Mom to be uprooted from surroundings that have given her so much comfort and security over the years.  

However, I am glad to say she has now adjusted to her new life at my brother's home in South Carolina. My brother, his wife Barbara and his daughter Nancy are taking good care of "Mom-Mom."  I cannot thank them enough for all that they have done for my Mother.  

This June Bill and I plan to take a road trip to visit Mom in South Carolina.  I'm looking forward to being with my Mother once again.  

Happy Mother's Day Mom.

That Was The Week That Was

Remember that old TV show with David Frost, "That Was The Week That Was?"  That was my week last week.

I'm back home in Delaware from a both emotionally and physically draining week at my Mom's former home in Pennsylvania.

I left Delaware for my Mom's home in Pennsylvania on Wednesday, April 21st.

My brother Isaac, who now lives alone at our former family home, was leaving to visit our Mom who now lives with my other brother John and his wife Barbara in Greenville, South Carolina.  Isaac would be making the road trip with his son, Isaac, III.

While Isaac was gone, I would cat sit Molly, Mom's 16 year old, calico cat.  Molly used to be Mom's BF but since Mom has been gone Molly is now Isaac's BF.  Cats are that way; undying loyalty is a dog thing.

Also while Isaac was gone the plan was for me to clean out the "back bedroom" where my Mom stored her "things." To be more accurate, this was her main Hoarding Room.  Brother John was up earlier in the month.  He and Isaac cleaned out her bedroom and Pop's old bedroom.  They were on a roll but that roll stopped when they open the door to the Back Bedroom.  John took one look and closed the door and said "We'll let Ronnie take care of this."  Thanks John.  You always were so thoughtful.

So that's what I did the next day after Isaac and his son left in the early morning darkness for South Carolina.  I ventured into the Back Room.

It took me three days just to clear out enough of Mom's "things" to even see the green rug on the floor of the Back Room.

My sorting fell into three basic categories:

Trash
Goodwill
Keep

Sounds simple doesn't it?  Uh huh.  I had to go through EVERYTHING.  I literally had to sort through everything because I never knew what "treasures" I would find among the trash.  For instance, I found Mom's whole collection of those little funeral notices that you collect at the viewing of the deceased.  These were in among the paid receipts of medical bills, old Christmas cards and old newspaper clippings that my Mom collected of how the world was going to Hell in a hand basket if the Democrats remained in power, and old buttons (Mom liked to sew.)

I don't want to make this a mind numbing blog about cleaning out a lifetime of my Mom's 86 years on  this earth but this was a very emotionally and physically draining experience for me.

This blog will have to be continued.  I had a full blog posting earlier but I'm still learning how to use my new iMac and I lost half of my blog.  I am still drained by my experience last week in Pennsylvania so I will end this blog posting now with the caveat that I will pick up this thread tomorrow (hopefully.)

Right now it looks like a good time for a walk.  I'm still in a recovery mode from my experience last week and I have to get myself back on track.  See that neat room with the green rug above?  That took a lot out of me.

I remember something my Mother once told me when she realized she was old.  She was weeding six rows of corn after a full day of work at Pepperridge Farm and she realized that she was tired.  That's the way I feel now, tired.  I may have reached that milestone.  I am now officially old.

Going Home

The Road Home

I am bone tired. 

This morning I finished cleaning out my Mother's back bedroom.  This was the bedroom she used for storage.  I cleaned it out once before about five years ago.  I didn't think I would be cleaning it out again but since my Mother is not returning to her long time home from where she lives now with my brother John in South Carolina, my brothers and I thought it best to start cleaning out her house.

John and Isaac cleaned out her bedroom and our Pop's bedroom last week.  They started to cleanout the Back Bedroom (as my Mother always called it), but once John pryed the door open, he just didn't want to tackle that hoarder's dream room.

Mom's Home - don't be deceived by the neatness of the outside, inside is another story

Since Friday I've been cleaning out that room.  This morning I pushed myself to the limit to get the room done before my Isaac returns from visiting Mom in South Carolina.  He and his son (who is driving) should be here about 4 this afternoon.  It is an 11 hour drive from Greenville, South Carolina to Downingtown, PA.  Isaac and Ikey (my brother is a Jr. and his son is a III) left Greenville in the early morning hours.  I called him on my cell phone about 10 o'clock.  He and Ikey were in North Carolina.  I know he's anxious to get home.  I'm anxious to get to my home in Delaware.  Bill tells me his misses me (sure, I bet.)  No, he said he really does.

After taking another large black trash bag out the garage, I got in my Subaru and drove down to the post office.  I found a box throw blanket that my Mother never used so I thought I would mail it to her.  I put in some of her initialed stationery too because she has said she can't get out to buy any note paper to send people notes. 

My next stop after the post office was to Wegmans.  I had to stock up on their delicious whole wheat pita bread.  This is the kind of exclusive grocery sore products I don't see in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. I stuff that pita bread with my homemade chicken salad and I have the best lunch money can buy.   I also picked up some items for my upcoming family reunion on May 16th.  I'll leave those items here since I'm coming back in a few weeks.

Now it is time for my first nap since I've got here last Wednesday.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning and I do not look pretty due to my lack of sleep.  I have one of those faces that when I'm tired, it shows.  In fact I look terrible when I am tired.

By the time I awaken around 4 this afternoon, Ike should be back.  Maybe we will go to Hosses' for dinner (I haven't had a good chargrilled hamburger and fries for weeks!) and discuss his trip.  He told me on the phone this morning that Mom tried to come back with him and Ikey.  We can't let her do that, she's too weak.  She would never survive the trip.  It's a shame she can't go back to her longtime home but she is being taken care of very well where she is not.  My brother John is the care pastor of his church so taking care of an elderly person, in this case his mother, is something for which he has almost thirty years of experience.

Time for my nap now.  When I get home I will have loads of pictures to share.  For now I'm showing my Mom's house and the road home for me tomorrow.  I can go either way out of my Mother's driveway.  Right of left, they both take me home. Then I tackle the real job, my hoard.

This road gets me home too

Cleaning Out Mom's Bedroom

One of the reasons I left for my Mom's home in Pennsylvania last Thursday was to house sit for my brother Isaac while he and his son (Isaac, III) visited our Mom in Greenville, SC.  She's staying with my youngest brother John and his wife Barbara.  The other reason was to help clean her house of the accumulated clutter of 52 years.  My Mom is a hoarder.

We three brothers convinced her to spend the winter at John's home in the South because we didn't think she would make it through another winter.  In retrospect, we made a very wise decision. 

We promised her that she could return to her home of 52 years come this spring, if only for a visit.  Unfortunately, she is too weak to make the trip to Pennsylvania.  So we decided to clean her house out now since it is very unlikely she will return to her home. 

Brother John was up earlier in the month.  He and Isaac cleaned out her bedroom and Pop's bedroom.  They boxed up a lot of her things and marked the boxes as to the disposition when the inevitable happens.

John took one look at the "back bedroom" (as my Mother called it) and closed the door.  He just wasn't gong to tackle that room.  This is the same room that John and Isaac shared when they were going to school.  Now you can hardly get the door open because there is so much clutter.

I would provide a picture but I'm at my Mom's computer and it doesn't have the software for me to download the pictures.  However, I did take some video with my Flip video camera which I am able to take snapshots of individual frames.  Those are the pictures in this blog.

John told me he left that room for me.  Thank you brother John!

I started to clean that room out Thursday.  I hardly made a dent.  I still couldn't see the floor.

Yesterday I was determined to see the color of the carpet in that room.  After a big push, I cleared out enough to see that it is green.  I was exhausted last night.  I slept like I was dead.

I rose from the dead early this morning thinking about cleaning out that room.  I generally sleep well so you know it's a problem if I'm lying in bed thinking about cleaning out "the back room."

I attacked that room with all my strength today.  I finally made signification headway.  So much so that I could see most of the rug.

 I loaded up the back of my Subaru with several boxes of donations for the Goodwill store in Morgantown, PA.  It was late this Saturday afternoon and I was afraid they would be closed by the time I got there. 

When I rolled into their parking lot I saw that they were not closed and in fact an employee was rolling out two empty donation bins.  What a welcome sight.

I quickly unloaded the back of my car and loaded Mom's "stuff", including the last afghan she was working on (unfinished) into the donation bin.  The Goodwill employee asked me if I wanted a receipt.  I did not. 

A heaving burden has been lifted from my shoulders.  There is still much work to do. 

We've boxed up all of Mom's clothes.  I sent her a large box down by mail this morning.  The woman at the Post Office asked me how I wanted the box delivered.  Overnight would cost $130.00.  $130.00?  Not likely.  She told me that three day delivery would cost $49.00.  Nup.  Not likely either.  I settled for Parcel Post which cost me $19.00.  Mom's fake fur coat is in there along with several of her favorite warm and snuggy nightgowns which I know she misses.  I threw in a couple of her small teddy bears to go along for the ride. 

Cleaning out Mom's bedroom today caused me to think this very obvious question:  who is going to clean out my bedroom when that time comes for me? 

An interesting thought because I have no children, Bill is thirteen years older than me and I assumed he will check out before I will.  I have one nephew and four nieces and several grand nephews and grand nieces.  I don't see any of them cleaning out my "stuff." 

But hey, I'm not going to worry about it now.  I have a family reunion to put on May 16th.