Make Me a Hundred!

Come on folks, who is going to make me hundred?  

For months now my "members" icon has been stuck at 99.  WTF?  Oh I know it doesn't make a hill of beans difference who or how many folks "officially" follow me but it would be nice to break the "100" barrier.  You know ole anal Ron.

So come one folks, whose going to be the first follower of this almost ten year old blog to help me break the "100" barrier?  

You know what would be so cool?  To have one of those Anonymous trolls man up (and they're all men, that I am positive of) get some balls and expose themselves and put out there for the world to see that they're following my blog.  But you and I know that's not going to happen.  There are some things in this world that are certain.  And one of them being that the "Anonymous" trolls (as opposed to those nice people who are Anonymous but just prefer their privacy which I understand) would never but NEVER reveal themselves.  

So on this fine fall morning, with the bright sun shining through my home office window, I challenge you (and you) to become Number 100.  


And now below, one of my favorite all time Entrance scenes from the ball breaking first major movie to revolve around gay characters, "The Boys in the Band."  What does this have to do with my post today?  Absolutely nothing but I felt in the mood to revisit Harold's Entrance. I think I know why I like this scene so much, it's Harold's last line in which he says ". . . . before I get up the nerve to show my face to the world it's nobody's Goddamn business but my own, an how are you this evening?"  That's sort of my mission folks.  You either like me or you don't.  

Back in the Saddle Again

Yep, I'm back in the saddle again folks.  This morning I did have a little slip up.  You know that I don't preplan my blog posts.  I type whatever comes into my head.  The spontaneity thing you know.  So this morning I was going through old photographs and saw one of my Pop actually showing a tender moment.....towards his dog of course. God forbid he would show one towards any of his sons, especially the oldest...that would be me.  So I went THAT direction with my blog post.  Negative.  Sorry about that folks. But it is what it is, I'm leaving it.  All part of my autobiographical blog posting history.  When I'm long gone and forgotten someone will stumble over that blog post and think "Oh, another one of those dysfunctional father son relationships" and go on to the next blog post.  Well, I left my mark anyway, which is one of my intentions when I post blogs.  Someone may be interested in this one speck of sand of the beach of the universe.  Wondering where I'm going with this post?  Heck if I know.

So, back to my "Back in the Saddle" theme.  Yes folks, I really feel like I'm back in the saddle after my recent medical drama.  Man oh man, I'm still going through it of course.  I still have the stent and peeing is an interesting experience.  Stop and start and burning but not intolerable like it was after my prostate surgery.  Sure would be nice to have a regular pee again.  Maybe after my procedure this Friday to "kidney stone bath" my two remaining stones.

These days I'm getting a good night's sleep.  I have my appetite back but I would like to keep off that eleven pounds (all around my waist by the way) that I lost while getting rid of those two kidney stones.  One interesting thing though, I've lost almost all my taste for sweets.  I have a longtime habit of having a sweet (a dessert, get your mind out of the gutter...puh-leaze) before I go to bed.  I just don't have that desire now.  Interesting that.  Good though, maybe I'll  keep that extra inch off of my waist.  I can deal with that.

I'm still way behind on my blog reading and my Find a Grave requests for changes.  Those folks must think I passed.  I really do have to clean out my e-mail.

This morning I was going through some old photos, looking for that original photo of me with a Sousaphone that a French filmmaker (yes, you read that right) has requested.  Old Ron's blog gets around folks, you just never know who is reading it.  Well anyway, I'm going through boxes of old photos and discovering extra prints that I had made but didn't distribute.  So I contact my friend Renee on Facebook and asked her if I had sent them to her.  The prints are only NINE YEARS old.  My, my how time flies.  I got to get out these prints and videos folks before I'm out of here.  

Me (the tall goof in the middle) with my co-worker Renee (on the left) and customer Dian (on the right) at First Financial Bank in Downingtown 2003 - discovered photo with multiple prints that I never delivered

But the good news is that I am back.  I'M BACK!  I have my strength back and interest if not my full appetite for sweets.  

Yeah, I know.  What do the pictures of me trimming grass have to do with this blog?  Nothing.  Just an excuse to post them.  The autobiography thing again you know.  

Getting Back in Sync

Me at one of my favorite activities - at my computer

As regular readers of this blog now know, I've been absent from the blogging scene for a few days.

There were several reasons why.

• My family reunion (which was held last Sunday
• My work situation (had a meeting with my boss and manger yesterday)
• My health situation (I have an appointment with my urologist tomorrow morning

The family reunion went off as planned on Sunday.  I was disappointed and saddened that one whole branch of the family didn't show up, not a one.  This branch always shows up but for some reason, they all found something else to do this past Sunday.  None even had the courtesy (except one) to even tell me.   In spite of their absence the reunion was a success.  Sunday was a 79 degree sunny day. We could not have asked for a better day for a reunion.  My blogger friend Mark H. was there to take photos while I mingled with family members, introducing new family members to each other, which is one of the main reasons I asked Mark to take photos so I would have time to talk to everyone.  I will share some of the photos Mark took in future blog postings.  You have been warned.

Yesterday afternoon I met with my manager and the owner of the hotel.  We aired our concerns and now I am much more comfortable with my work situation.  I will continue working there.  I didn't really want to leave but if I didn't get a raise I was ready to walk.  The owner had some concerns too which he put to me. I understand his concerns and will do my best to implement them.  

My appointment with my urologist finally arrived. In today's medical establishment one has to make an appointment at least two months in advance.  Yep, we got the best health care in the world.  Really?  Anyway, I have my appointment tomorrow for my digital exam.  Not looking forward to it but it is necessary.  I'll probably get another blood test to see if my PSA count is still high.  In the past two months I've been receiving a lot of advice as to what course I should take since I found out that I may have prostate cancer.  I'm on overload.  I hope this all come to naught but if it doesn't, then I'm ready for this next chapter of the Life of Ronald Tipton.  

And that reminds me, my former friend and neighbor who was sent home to die a couple of weeks ago.  He died last Thursday.  He was the same age as me.  Not a comforting thought.  

Now to put all this activity of the past few weeks behind me and get back in synch and begin anew.  One good thing, while I was visiting in Downingtown this past weekend I found a new cemetery that is almost virgin territory.  It is the Catholic cemetery for Downingtown.  I saw many familiar names from my Previous Life in Downingtown.  I was among friends.  I took some pictures but I will be back in a week or two for a more complete visit to finish my photo taking.

There are three activities that I find very relaxing and calming at this time of my life:

• Blogging
• Visiting cemeteries and taking photos
• Working in my backyard

I plan to do a lot more of these activities in the next months.  I need some soothing.

Digging a Hole.....again

Here I am, up late at night again on my computer. I should know better because when I stay up late like this, reading my blog rolls and making comments, I know I will have a hard time getting to sleep tonight.

After some of the comments I made tonight, I think I dug myself into a hole. Hey, I have a tendency to do that. My longtime friend (over fifty years) told me many years ago "Ron, you are the most naive person I know." I didn't know to take that as a compliment or an insult. I took it as neither but as a fact of my personality.


I think of myself as being totally honest. In fact, I not only "think" of myself as totally honest, I am totally honest. Of course sometimes I just can't come out and say what I think for fear of offending or losing friends. However, sometimes I just get tired of the BS and I let it all out.


All this discussion about whether or not marriage between same sex couples will ever be recognized and legitimized almost always avoids the real way to end this discrimination. The only way this discrimination will end is for every gay man and woman to come out. And that means EVERYONE. Not just people in safe jobs like entertainment or self-employed or employed by gay friendly companies. It means especially those people who lack the courage to come out to their families and friends for fear of losing their respect and relationship. My question is: how can you have respect for yourself if your life is a lie?


I know, I know. Everyone has their own Journey. But all too often it is about fear of disrupting a cozy life by losing a job and/or having friends, neighbors and family looking at you as "One of THEM."


I don't consider myself any more or any less courageous than the next schlub on the street but I came out in March of 1963 and have never looked back. Oh sure, I had the dramatic confrontation with my Mother ("What did I do wrong? I tried to raise you the right way") and he ensuing confrontation with my father and brothers who literally tried to drag me to the hospital for the "cure."  I've lost two jobs because my boss knew I was gay because I didn't practice the business world's version of "Don't Ask Don't Tell."  I've been physically attacked because I was gay by a self-described "good Christian man" who tried to strangle me at a town hall meeting (Representative Robert Walker, R-PA.)  I'm still here and in one piece and I can sleep at night knowing that I'm not living a lie.  So if I can do it why can't all you other gays who are "struggling" with your identity.  I don't get it.  I just don't.  So I guess I've dug myself into another hole but so be it.  It's something I had to get off of my chest tonight after reading several blogs about a wish for same sex marriages to become legal. 


Friends, understand this.  Same sex marriage will become legal overnight when everyone who is gay COMES OUT.  EVERYONE.  Until then we're just dancing around the mulberry bush.

The Power of the Blog

Bill (on the right in the bib overalls) and mother and sisters and step brother 1932

Want to know why I blog?  I've asked and answered this question before and have given several different answers the main one being that I just like to write.  But another reason is that I'm reaching out.  Perhaps I didn't consciously realize that I was reaching out but that has been the result of several of my blog postings this year.


One of my blog postings this year was recounting my first sexual experience.  In that blog posting I posted the Social Security Death Index name of the man with whom I first shared an intimate relationship with in 1963.  From that name being posted on my blog his son, who has the same name, found my blog posting through an Internet search engine.  He contacted me.  He told me that he and his family had known of rumors that his father was gay but never had any real proof until he read my blog. 


He told me that his mother had written a book about that period of his father's life.  I was able to purchase the book from Amazon.com and had the surreal experience of reading about my paramour's life from the "other side."  While I was never mentioned directly in his mother's book (they didn't know my name), she does mention her husband disappearing at times for places unknown.  Those places "unknown" sometimes were my apartment.  


Thus I was able to fill in a chapter of my life that, if not for blogging and the Internet, I would never have known about before.


Now this week comes about another situation.  This past summer I wrote about the trip my partner Bill and I took down to his hometown of Toccoa, Georgia this past summer.  One of the items of information in that blog I wrote the name of Bill's step-father, whose grave site we visited.  From the mention of that name, Bill's nephew contacted me through my blog.  This was a very unique situation because Bill has been estranged from his family for 48 years.  The falling out came after Bill's Mother's funeral.  


In all the years since her funeral, Bill cut off contact with his family. Because we have moved several times over the years since Bill cut off contact, they didn't know where Bill lived.  Bill's nephew was only four years old at the time of the funeral.  He didn't know why contact was cut off.  All he knew was that "Uncle Buddy" (as Bill is known to his family), disappeared.  He and his family assumed that Bill had died.  Thus it came with some surprise that Bill's nephew was able to find Bill through an Internet search of his grandfather's (Bill's step-father) name.


Even though his nephew contacted me this past summer, I was reluctant to let Bill know.  I have always wanted Bill to reunite with his family but he was always adamantly against it.  I didn't want to upset him by telling him that someone from his family had contacted me through a blog posting I had made.  His nephew and I have been in contact all this time.  I told the nephew that I would tell Bill when I felt it was right.  


This past week I took the big step.  His nephew had sent me some pictures of their family, including one of Bill when Bill was only five years old.  Bill has never seen this picture.  


The opportunity came this Sunday when Bill and I were joking about how ugly we have become since we got old (something we do all the time to avoid facing the reality that we really are ugly old men now.)  I told Bill "I found a picture of you as a 5 year old brat on the Internet."  Of course Bill thought I was joking.  I told him to come to my computer and I would show him the picture.  I showed it to him and he still didn't believe me.  The picture (which is the one pictured at the top of this blog posting) is of Bill, his two sisters, his Mother and Bill's step-brother, the uncle of the nephew who contacted Bill.  


Bill still didn't believe me even though was looking at the picture.  Then I showed him some other pictures that his nephew had sent of his family and his mother.  Bill looked at the pictures and, with jaw agape, asked "how did you get these pictures?"  I told him but he was still unbelieving.  


Actually, I am in awe of the power of the Internet and what a simple blog posting has done to change the course of someone's life.  This is just incredible what has happened with Bill and his family.  For years I have wanted him to be reunited with his family.  


Bill is now in e-mail contact with his nephew.  He says he wants to meet him and yet doesn't because meeting him will stir up all the old memories he has tried to bury these past 48 years.  


Bill and I were planning on returning to his hometown of Toccoa this spring.  I am confident that Bill will meet his nephew and, hopefully, his one remaining surviving sister.  This is something I've been hoping for ever since I've known Bill.  We all have differences with our families but we only have one family.  Life is just too short to carry grudges to our graves. 


The next time when someone asks me why I blog I'll tell them my stories and how blogging has changed my life and others for the better.  


That is why I blog.

Why I Write a Blog

My friend Michael - nice shirt

I write a blog so I don't go crazy.

Blogging is my therapy.

I know people (friends and family) that think blogging is invasive and self indulgent.  So be it.

I have friends and family members who value their privacy so much that they would never so much as write about what they did yesterday, let alone share their innermost thoughts.  That's the way they think about blogging.  That's fine for them.  I don't pass judgement on them because they don't blog.  I respect their views.

However, I am different.  I have always put my thoughts, aspirations, and record of what I do down on paper.  When I was a teenager I had pen pals.  At one time I had 67 pen pals.  I remember my great aunt Grace asking my Mother "Why does Ronnie write to these strangers?  Doesn't he have any friends?"  


When my Mother relayed her aunt's comment to me (my Mother didn't approve of me having pen pals either), I was hurt and humiliated.  My great aunt had actually hit upon a sore spot, I didn't have many friends at 15 years old.  I was a too tall, skinny kid with low self-esteem (constantly verbally beaten down by my father) and queer to boot.  I was alone in the world and needed an outlet.  My pen pals provided that outlet.  They were my friends.  They were nonjudgmental.

I dropped most of my pen pals when I went into the Army.  I made new friends.

Later in life, even with many friends, I still felt a need to put my thoughts down in writing.  I began keeping a daily journal during the 70's.  I kept that journal for ten years until someone I was helping gained access to those journals and attempted to use them against me.  I quit keeping a journal until three years ago.

At that time in my life I was going through great turmoil.  I couldn't sell my house in Pennsylvania and I was building a new house in Delaware.  Fortunately I got through that crises in my life but to keep from going crazy, I began keeping a journal again.  I also discovered blogging.

Blogging was perfect for me.  I could write and also share my many pictures.  I have found that I could also learn a lot from other bloggers.  Plus, I could make new friends.

Ironically, as I was writing this blog I heard a knock on my door.  It was from the UPS man.  He left a box at my door from "Wine Country Gift Baskets."  I was puzzled at first because I was expecting a package of fiber blend from the AIM Companies.  This didn't look like that box.  I opened the box to find a "Toscano Tower" of goodies.  I opened the card in the box.  The card said:

"We're thinking about you.  Hang in there.  Out cat Tammy says hello.   Michael and Glenn."  

Me with Mike and Glenn's gift this morning

I am touched.  This was a gift from my friends Mike Wilson and Glenn Miller from West Hollywood, California.  They discovered my goofy, self-absorbed blog some months ago and we have become good friends.  They are expressing concern over the fact that I had just posted that my Mother was dying.  I probably should not have made that posting because I wasn't trying to elicit sympathy but only to take the stress off of my mind.  But I posted it anyway because this is my life and I made a vow to myself that my blog would always be honest and as open as possible while still respecting the privacy of my friends and family.

Mike and Glenn, thank you for being such good friends.  If we weren't on opposite ends of the coast I would give you both a big hug right now.  Love you guys!

Now do you see why I blog?

Why I Blog

Blogging: (blŏg-ging)




. An enjoyable pastime:


. A way of expressing emotions, ideas and opinions in a public realm:




. A way of meeting like-minded people bypassing geographical or cultural barriers:



. A form of self-medication:



I took the definition of blogging from a fellow blogger's blog, Ramblings of the Bearded One. Thank you Kim Ayers for your inspiration. You are a true undiscovered talent (albeit slowly being discovered.)


For those of you who know me personally and those of you who have stumbled across my blogs, the answer to the question of "Why I Blog" is "All of the above."

. An enjoyable pastime:


Yes, that is me. I have always loved to write. From the time I was a teenager writing to pen pals until my adulthood writing Letters to the Editor of local and national newspapers. I get a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment from writing. Probably the same sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that a musician or an athlete receives when they engage in their favorite activity.

. A way of expressing emotions, ideas and opinions in a public realm:


Oh yes. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I rarely hesitate of express my emotions, ideas and opinions. However, I have tried to tamp down my rants and raves about the current political scene because so many others already do it much better than me. However, there are times when I simply cannot hold myself back and I have to express my opinion over some current political situation.

. A way of meeting like-minded people bypassing geographical or cultural barriers:

Yes, this is a goal of mine but so far it has not happened much to my surprise. I have met some very nice people who have left comments on some of my blogs and I have even gained one follower other than a friend. But I had expected to meet many more people worldwide who would find my blog of interest. But then, maybe what I have suspected all along in my 67 years on this earth, I may not be the most interesting person. Ironically if this is true, it does not affect my self image one iota. Maybe I have a healthy ego or I'm just not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I've always been pretty happy with myself. There have been a few times I've slipped and I wish I could have done things a different way but who I am? I'm quite satisfied with who I am, thank you.

. A form of self-medication:


Oh yes, definitely. Whenever I'm down (depressed), all I have to do is write a blog or an entry into my personal journal and euphoria returns. I can't exactly explain how this works but it seems once I write down either what I'm doing, what I did, what I'm going to do or what I wish to do; I immediately feel like I'm okay again. I am not alone.


Perhaps that is the Number One reason I write a blog, I am not alone.

I remember years ago when my Great Aunt Grace (my Mother's aunt) asked my Mother: "Why does Ronnie write to pen pals? Doesn't he have any friends?" (Note: "Ronnie" is my childhood name, "Ron" is my adult name.)


I was maybe 12 years old when my Mother related Aunt Grace's question to me. At the time I thought that is why I did have pen pals, because of the paucity of my friendships. Oh I did have a few friends. In fact I have a few very good friends. But still I felt I was missing something. Perhaps I wanted to contact the world outside of my little five mile radius of Downingtown, Pennsylvania where I grew up.

It wasn't until I joined the Army when I was 18 years old that I gave up all my pen pals (save one, I wrote to her about a year into my Army enlistment until I finally gave her up too - Sorry Nancy Jo Stoker of Waterloo, Iowa.)


Looking back now I probably gave up the pen pals because I had a lot of friends or at least comradeship when I was in the Army. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, and someone to go with.


After the Army, when I young and pretty and full of life and zest, I hit the nightlife scene of a young gay man. Again, there was very little if no time for reaching out into the Great Unknown to make friends and acquaintances. With my youthful good looks and refreshing innocence, I made many friends (and more) in the gay bar scene (no false modesty here, I'm telling it like it is....or was.)



Then I entered into a life long relationship with my life partner (still going on.) My career (in trust bank operations) monopolized my time and I also gained many more friends and acquaintances through my work place.


However, now that I am retired (I do work part time at a hotel where I meet people), I feel as if I've completed the full cycle.


I haven't made as many friends as I thought I would down here in what is considered the gay capital of the East Coast. That's probably because of a combination of factors, the main one being that I'm not from the D.C. gay crowd. Also, I have several serious drawbacks which make me an unlikely candidate for multiple friendships. I'm way too naive. I have a passive/aggressive personality which doesn't fit well with most friendships. However, I have made a few friends and I treasure and value greatly their friendship (you know who are are.)



Some of the other reasons why I'm not a candidate for Miss Geniality are that I'm way too honest. I do like to gossip (but not harmful gossip or is that an oxymoron?) I am very private and I make everyone take their shoes off when they enter my house.


Whatever the reasons at this point in my life I've settled down to a nice, comfortable routine. I am retired but work part time just enough to engage my brain from atrophying and to meet more interesting people than I would meet in a Wal-Mart checkout line.


Oh, one other reason that maybe I'm not the Toast of Town is my voice. I'm not effeminate nor do I talk with a "gay" accent (all you straight people know what I'm talking about, gay people don't.) But my voice is not a deep, melodious voice. It is more of the Henry Aldrich variety with a Philadelphia accent. What is a Philadelphia accent? One example is that I pronounce water as "wudder." I have a nasal twang. What can I say? Coincidentally my one brother also has the same nasal twang and sometimes even his own wife will mistake me for her own husband when I call on the phone. However, my other brother has the expected deep, baritone tone of a mature, heterosexual male. I, on the other hand, am not to be taken seriously once I open my mouth.


I still remember the advice I was given by a couple of my Army buddies when I was 18 years old stationed at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts. It was a Friday night and they guys were going to take "the kid" (that would be me) out to the Little Club (or some name like that) in Ayer, Massachusetts. They said they would take me with them under one condition that I would keep my mouth shut. I did that night but I haven't ever since.


So, to sum up why I write a blog:


I like to write and I like to meet like minded people. It makes me feel good. It is a harmless past time and it doesn't cost me anything but time. I don't need anyone's approval (although sometimes some friends and readers of my blog attempt to control what I write but I pay them no mind.) I've been told that I shouldn't have music on my blog (I like the music, it stays.) I've also been told that I should not criticize Republicans on my blog (I will continue to do so when appropriate and I'm in the mood to vent.) I've also been told that I write too much about myself and should focus more on general topics (what is that criticism all about anyway? That's the whole point of my blog, ME.)


So I soldier on writing my blog, mostly every day. I do not worry about subject matter or what to write about. There is always something to write about. The backlog of topics in my head is endless. I have as many topics to write about as there are grains of sand on the beach or stars in the skies.


I am always seeking to improve my writing style and make my topics of interest. And of course, I always try to have humor and good will in all my blog postings.


I will continue to write until I am no longer able to write or the Powers That Be start to charge for maintaining a blog. If that happens, then I go back to counted cross stitch.