Still Here

Me on a "road trip" with my brother circa 1957

Not to worry folks about my recent absence.  I'm still here.  I'm rethinking the direction my future blog postings are going.  I'm rethinking why I write a blog.  I really have to take into consideration who is reading my blog postings.

I have learned that all those persons who read by blog are not those anonymous persons I have never met, nor will I likely every meet them.  Sure, I still have those readers.   But more and more of my blog readers are my neighbors, friends and relatives.  I have to take into consideration what blog subjects I write about.  I guess I can't really go into a lot of interesting detail about the personal aspects of my life.  I really don't want my next door neighbors knowing those facts.  It's not so much of a privacy issue as it is one of not embarrassing my neighbors the next time they see me.  I have the same situation with my friends and relatives.

So what do I write about?  If I'm reduced to writing a bland blog, then that's no fun for me or the reader.  So where is the middle ground?  That's where I am now.  I'm thinking this through.  Bear with me.

Why I Blog

My friend, Don the blogger

My friend Don V's blog subject this morning was "Why I Blog."  What he said is exactly why I blog.  I've posted on this subject before but I think it bears repeating again.


I blog because I feel a deep visceral need to share my life experience with others.  Those 'others' may or may not be interested in this one individual.  That isn't as important to me as is the fact that I have to get down in writing my experience in this one life I have.  I blog as much for myself as I do for those who read my blog.  Blogging for me is therapy.  I've never been to a therapist in my life nor do I intend to ever cross that threshold.  All I know is that once I blog (write), I feel cleansed and refreshed and ready to start a new day.  


Many years ago when I was a teenager I had this same need to 'get my story' out.  That was when I discovered the Pen Pal world.  I put my name in one of the teenaged fan magazines of the day called Dig.  I was so thrilled when my picture appeared in that magazine with my profile requesting pen pals.  I was inundated with letters!  I loved it!  At one time I had over sixty pen pals for around the world.  Every day I would rush home from school to see what letters had arrived for me from my pen pals.  

The way we used to communicate - Snail Mail

I always got a thrill when I received those letters.  I would find a special place to sit down and open my letters and read about what my pen pal did that day.  Most of my pen pals were teenage girls.  That didn't matter to me.  They were my friends.  I had a few male pen pals.  None of them were gay.  At least I didn't know that they were gay if they were.  Remember, this was back in the Fifties when the word gay meant that you were having a good time.  Gays back then didn't have a good time.  They were breaking the law.  Back then they were called 'queers' or worse.  It would have been cool to have a gay pen pal but I was happy with my many teenage girl pen pals.  They were my friends and I was their friends.


When I joined the Army I dropped most of my pen pals.  I probably outgrew them.  In the Army I made a whole new set of friends.  I was still in the writing mode and I kept in touch with my new friends when they transferred to another post.  Over the years I kept in touch with them by mail. Eventually, one by one, the letter writing dropped off.  


Thus for a long period of time I did no letter writing.  I only shared my life within my small circle of friends and my partner, Bill.  Thus when blogging came to the fore, I picked up on it immediately.  Blogging is so much more fun.  I can be inventive, I can spill out in real time exactly how I feel, and I can meet new friends.  I also am a very nosy person and I enjoy reading about other's lives.  And that is the real secret behind blogging.  It has to be a two way street to be enjoyable.


Now I would be less than honest if I told you I enjoy all bloggers.  I don't.  Some of the blogs I read are so off the wall they don't make any sense to me at all.  Some other blogs, especially the gay ones, are all about some frustrated middle aged man just discovering he's gay and his writings are about that struggle.  I have to admit that I am interested in reading about them coming to terms with their sexual identity by trying to have it both ways-the family, kids, wife and their longing for male sexual contact.  To me this is better than any reality show on Bravo.  


Some other blogs are nothing more than advertisements.  I don't have anytime for them at all.  The blogs that I do enjoy are the ones written from the heart.  The honest blogs.  No matter what the subject.  One of my blogger friends writes about his family and adopted kids accompanied by his beautifully taken pictures.  Another one of my favorite bloggers doesn't blog that often but when he does, it is a pictorial history (taken by his cell phone camera) of his family's activities during the week in the Delmarva peninsula.  He calls his blog "The Sunday Post."  I always feel good after reading (and seeing his pictures) his always interesting blog.  


I've encouraged three of my friends to begin blogging and they have done so with gusto.  I knew they were blogger candidates because they lead such interesting lives and they're good writers.  I feel proud that I am responsible for their quality addition to the blogosphere.  I never miss reading their blogs.  I feel like they're my children. 


So there you go, another retelling of the story of why I blog.  Blogging makes me feel complete and I get to make new friends to boot.  It's all good.   

Digging a Hole.....again

Here I am, up late at night again on my computer. I should know better because when I stay up late like this, reading my blog rolls and making comments, I know I will have a hard time getting to sleep tonight.

After some of the comments I made tonight, I think I dug myself into a hole. Hey, I have a tendency to do that. My longtime friend (over fifty years) told me many years ago "Ron, you are the most naive person I know." I didn't know to take that as a compliment or an insult. I took it as neither but as a fact of my personality.


I think of myself as being totally honest. In fact, I not only "think" of myself as totally honest, I am totally honest. Of course sometimes I just can't come out and say what I think for fear of offending or losing friends. However, sometimes I just get tired of the BS and I let it all out.


All this discussion about whether or not marriage between same sex couples will ever be recognized and legitimized almost always avoids the real way to end this discrimination. The only way this discrimination will end is for every gay man and woman to come out. And that means EVERYONE. Not just people in safe jobs like entertainment or self-employed or employed by gay friendly companies. It means especially those people who lack the courage to come out to their families and friends for fear of losing their respect and relationship. My question is: how can you have respect for yourself if your life is a lie?


I know, I know. Everyone has their own Journey. But all too often it is about fear of disrupting a cozy life by losing a job and/or having friends, neighbors and family looking at you as "One of THEM."


I don't consider myself any more or any less courageous than the next schlub on the street but I came out in March of 1963 and have never looked back. Oh sure, I had the dramatic confrontation with my Mother ("What did I do wrong? I tried to raise you the right way") and he ensuing confrontation with my father and brothers who literally tried to drag me to the hospital for the "cure."  I've lost two jobs because my boss knew I was gay because I didn't practice the business world's version of "Don't Ask Don't Tell."  I've been physically attacked because I was gay by a self-described "good Christian man" who tried to strangle me at a town hall meeting (Representative Robert Walker, R-PA.)  I'm still here and in one piece and I can sleep at night knowing that I'm not living a lie.  So if I can do it why can't all you other gays who are "struggling" with your identity.  I don't get it.  I just don't.  So I guess I've dug myself into another hole but so be it.  It's something I had to get off of my chest tonight after reading several blogs about a wish for same sex marriages to become legal. 


Friends, understand this.  Same sex marriage will become legal overnight when everyone who is gay COMES OUT.  EVERYONE.  Until then we're just dancing around the mulberry bush.

Rambling Beard Award

What a way to start the new year!

Ron, Mickey and Aunt Mabel at Disney World 2000

I won the "Rambling Beard Award" for 2010!


You say you never heard of the "Rambling Beard Award."  Then I say where have you been?  My God, just WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?


The Rambling Beard Award is awarded by Kim Ayres of Scotland.  Kim is the author of one of the best blogs on this planet.  His blog is called "The Bearded One."  


I discovered Kim's blog a few years back when I happened to stumble across "Blogs of Note" while I was exploring the settings on my blog.  The title of his blog caught my eye, "The Bearded One."  As regular readers of my blog know, I am partial to beards.  When I saw the word beard a trip sensor immediately went off in my head that I may want to check out THAT blog.  Might be someone of interest. 


Well folks, I wasn't wrong.  As I read Kim's blog I realized that this was a man of exceptional writing skills.  Whatever he writes about he makes interesting.  While I tend to gravitate towards blogs with gay authors,  here was a straight blogger that I found interesting.  


Kim and I have little in common except perhaps our love of writing and photography.  Photography is yet another natural talent that Kim possesses.  Kim and I also have similar views on religion, we're both unapologetic skeptics.  Other than that, we have little in common.  Yet I have enormous respect for this good hearted family man who is kind to so many with his generosity.  


This was a person I could learn from.  All my life and to the end of my days, I constantly strive to improve myself.  Whenever or whatever opportunity I see that I can learn and become better as a person and my skills, I will seize those opportunities.  The more I read Kim's blog posts I knew that I wanted to improve my writing skills to be on the par with Kim.  Kim makes it look easy.  


All my life I have been impressed with people who have natural artistic and writing talent.  I do not have those natural talents. Certain talents are something you are either born with or not.  I was not born with the natural talents for art , writing or music. Thus my lot in life was to learn those talents.  


From Kim I have learned how to improve my writing skills.  


I love to write.  I feel like something is released within me when I write.  I would be less than honest if I didn't say that I would like to have a large following of my writing.  To have many people enjoy my writing is called reenforcement.  


Every one needs reinforcement in our life.  We all need affirmation that we are needed, loved and appreciated.  We need to know that we matter.


Anyone who does anything from laying bricks to driving a race car to running for political office.  They all want reinforcement which can come in many forms from praise, money or winning.  I am no exception.  I'll take the praise, thank you.


Kim , by awarding me one of his coveted (first time in three years!) "Rambling Beard" awards has just given me a HUGE reinforcement!  The last time I got a huge reinforcement like this was when I won "Best Guest Services Representative" (a fancy title for a hotel front desk clerk) in 1999 from the Hilton Hotel Corporation.  At that won free four day trip to Disneyworld for two.  Yes, that's right.  I actually said "I'm going to Disneyworld!"  just like those hunky football player Super Bowl winners.


I can reassure Kim that I will not rest on my laurels this coming year.  I plan to have an even more exciting, interesting and thought provoking years of blog postings in 2011!  


What a wonderful send off for the New Year.  Thank you Kim.

Keep Writing a Blog?

A friend asked me this morning if I thought it was a good idea if he should keep writing his blog in 2011?  My answer to him was that it was his decision.  It is up to him how he feels about writing a blog.  


There are millions of blog writers in cyber space.  I am but just one of them.  My blog has about as much significance as a grain of sand in the Sahara desert.  I know that.  I'm alright with that.  


Bloggers have many different reasons for writing blogs.  Some fancy themselves writers and think if they write a blog that their talent will be discovered and they will enjoy riches and fame the rest of their lives.  


Some others think that if they write a blog with ads that they will become rich from the ad money that will come pouring in.  


For any of the above reasons to come to pass is about as likely as being hit with lightening twice, and winning both the Powerball and Megamillions lotteries in the same month.  

IT AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN!

Hey, I fancy myself a writer.  I would like to become rich and famous.  I would like to get a lot of money for just writing about my little, insignificant life here on the eastern shore of southern Delmarva peninsula. But I knew from the moment I typed my first letter in my blog, that was not going to happen.  

At best I hoped that someone like me would read my blog and find some of my blog postings throughout provoking and of some interest and/or  amusement.   While I haven't heard from another "Ron" out there in cyberspace (I may be the only one), I have heard from some really nice and interesting people.  I consider these folks my friends and I appreciate their comments.  

I will continue to write a blog as long as I'm able just as I will continue to write in my daily journal (by longhand).  

I write because it fulfills a need within me to express myself.  I feel as if I keep all these thoughts imprisoned in my head I will go crazy.  It is sort of like being put in solitary confinement.  I don't want to be like this guy I know named Bart.  He has the talking disease.  He can't shut up.  Talk, talk, talk, constantly repeating stories.  I think there is a name for his disease but I can't remember it now.  I fear that I probably have that same disease but I don't want to subject my friends, relatives and co-workers and even strangers to my yammering.  I have enough discipline to refrain from that bad habit.  Thus, I write my blog.

Oh yes, I will keep writing my blog. Even though I am but a grain of sand on the beach (if that), this little grain of sand wants to be noticed.

By the way, what does the picture on this blog have to do with the subject of the blog?  Absolutely nothing.  I thought it was a cute picture with a message.  Sometimes that's the way I feel, like "Ted" the cat.