Wednesday, September 28, 2016

What Do I Do With All My Old Porn Tapes?



Now that's a simple question: what DO I do with all my old VHS porn tapes?

This is a question that has been haunting me for the past twenty years.  At one time, before the prevalence of access to the Internet, the only way one could "indulge" was by either renting or purchasing porn tapes.  

Back in the nineties I used to rent porn tapes when I work in Philadelphia.  I would rent the nasty relief tape at a video rental store a few blocks from the bank during my lunch hour.  I would furtively bring them back to my desk then to my home at the end of the day and return them the next day.  This was back in the day when you could only rent a VHS tape for one day.  Yes, this was BNF (Before Netflix).  I always worried I would leave the plain brown paper bag



that contained the tape at my desk and it would be discovered and I would be revealed for the perv that I am.  Never did happen, thank goodness.

I tried this for awhile then I changed because one day wasn't long enough to have access.  Plus I hated the stress of concealing the tape and worry about losing or misplacing the tape.  

Then one day I received an ad in the mail.  I don't know how they got my address but got it they did.  This ad was for purchasing VHS porn tapes.  Ah ha!  The only hitch was the price . . . . . . . . . . . . . $59.95 each.  I thought about it for awhile and decided to take the plunge.  

The first tape I received was about a pizza boy delivery (HOT! HOT! HOT!).  That was the first tape of many over the following years.  Interestingly the first tape I receive was the best of all I have received.  All told I think I purchased about (and I'm embarrassed to admit this) about thirty tapes.  There was one other tape which was pretty good ("Rawhide") but the rest?  I wouldn't miss them.  So what do I do with them?

A few years ago I gave some to a friend.  I thought I would hold on to the rest.  But guess what?  I don't look at them any more.  Don't need to anymore at this time of my life. I don't need any damn stinking porn tapes. Now what do I do with them?

The friend that I gave the tapes to has left.  Another friend suggested that I can give the tapes to a gay bookstore in Philadelphia, which is what I might do.


Giovanni's Room bookstore, Philadelphia, PA
  
I was concerned what would happen when I died.  And die one day I surely will.  I warned my sister-in-law that there are "personal items" that she would probably not want to look at when going through my belongings. Now that I am approaching my End Days, I think I would like to remove this one concern.  

I'm going to Philadelphia the day after my birthday in November.  I think I'll take those tapes with me.  

Problem solved.  

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

twenty years...where they black and white or silent films (JK). I tossed the few VHS tapes I had in the trash...It was a no-brainer since I didn't even own a vhs player...

Linda said...

In the meantime, why don't you box them up, tape them and address them to someone who will do your bidding...just in case you don't make it.

Raybeard said...

I just put mine, one by one over several weeks, into the general rubbish collection, making sure they were covered with yukky stuff like left-over cat food. There must have been a couple of dozen in all, now all gone. Phew!

Jon said...

It's a good idea to "unload" them in Philadelphia. I destroyed mine and threw them in the trash a few years ago in Texas when I thought I was dying (I go through the dying phases quite often). I never regretted it.

Travel said...

VHS is rapidly becoming a dead media, few people own a working player. Kind of like all those floppy disks. Donate them or toss them.

WARPed said...

Every now I then I see a pliƩ of old VHSs dumped at the side of the road.

And I keep trying to figure out a way to have my laptop 'self-destruct' when I pass away.

:-)

-Andy

Larry Meredith said...

Ron,

VHS tapes, set them in a damp place and the tape will probably disintegrate. I'm half surprise they haven't all ready begun to do so after 20 years.

Lar

Ron said...

Anonymous,
Actually, I think they're more than twenty years old. Time flies by so fast. The tapes are all in color and in the same good condition as when I bought them. We have several VHS players.
Ron

Ron said...

Linda,
I don't dare send them in the mail. I've already thought of that.
Ron

Ron said...

Ray,
I thought of that but decided not too. I am concerned that they would be traced back to me. I now often ask myself why oh why did I collect so many? I'll get rid of them (except for my two favorites) when I go to Philly in November. That will be my "Phew!" moment. (smile)
Ron

Ron said...

Jon,
I will dispose of those tapes (except for my two favorites, one of which was the very first one I ordered) when I visit Philadelphia in November. You know it's funny but I was concerned about the large cache of porn tapes that would be discovered when I died. Why would I be concerned because if I'm dead it wouldn't know the shame? But I am concerned. I'll get rid of them and rid myself of that worry. One less worry.
Ron

Ron said...

David,
You're right VHS is going the way of eight track tapes. I have so many VHS tapes non porn too. Should get rid of them too. I hate to think of the $20 each I paid for new blank tapes. I have a lot I should convert to DVD's too. Ah, the march of time.
Ron

Ron said...

Andy,
I thought of that solution too! But I was afraid they could be traced back to me (DNA - just kidding!) My laptop, now there is another concern (not smiling).
Ron

Ron said...

Lar,
My VHS tapes apparently are indestructible.
Ron

Anonymous said...

go to a strip mall or behind a grocery store and throw them all in a dumpster then speed away...

Oliver said...

there was porn before the internet?

Linda said...

Ron, I did not mean for you to mail them, just leave a wrapped box with someone's name on them in case you don't make it...lol. However, if you did mail them, you don't have to put a return address on them. Just take them to the PO, not to anyplace that will need your name. Use cash to mail them.

Linda said...

LOL...I left chicken in the car and it started to stink. I put it in a plastic bag and dumped it into the trash receptacle in front of Walmart. It stunk to high heaven.

Wipe your fingerprints off the tapes. Take something and break/cut the tapes and no one will even bother trying to fix them.

Ron said...

Oh yes Oliver. Stilted and awkward but full porn for sure.
Ron

Ron said...

Linda,
I'm going to donate them to Giovanni's Room in Philly. Thanks for your advice!
Ron

Ur-spo said...

darned if I know what to do with any VHS tapes, of which we have plenty.