Friday, December 26, 2014

The Day After

Pooped Santa

Ah yes, "The Day After."  And we begin the countdown to the number of shopping days until Christmas . . . next year.  

Well folks, for me personally?  I'm relieved that all this Christmas extravaganza is done.  While I like some parts of Christmas, the gross and obscene over commercialization of Christmas is such a turn off for me.  Each year the Christmas ads seem to begin even earlier.  And now I notice that the Christmas ads continue even AFTER Christmas day.  When I turned on the TV this morning the first thing is saw was one of those "HO! HO! HO!" Santa ads.  For Godsakes advertisers, will you give us a break?  I turned the TV off. Only to get a phone call on my cell phone with a recorded message saying "Congratulations! You won!"  Yeah, right.  I'll add that to my BIGGEST LIES EVER list?  By the way, want to read that list?  I used to go by the THREE BIGGEST LIES which were:

  1. The check is in the mail
  2. I gave at the office
  3. You've won!
By the way, I'm veering of the subject of my "The Day After."  Oh well, this is going to be fund.  More BIGGEST LIES

  1. All you have to do is relax, this won't hurt
  2. Of course I'll respect you in the morning
  3. I promise, I won't tell anyone
Like those?  Man oh man, I have MORE:

  1. It's not you, it's me
  2. But officer, I only had two beers
  3. I'm late because the alarm didn't go off
I'm on a roll folks. I'm actually smiling as I pull these Biggest Lies out of my . . . well, you know what:

  1. This is my first time
  2. One size fits all
  3. Size doesn't matter
And here are some of my personal favorites (from experience)

  1. There will be no changes after the merger
  2. I'm from the government, I'm here to help you
  3. You can trust me
I'm still rolling folks, still on a roll:

  1. It's delicious but I can't eat another bite
  2. It's only a cold sore
  3. I'm in my late thirties
Finally, I have to end this madness.  Talk about veering off course during a blog posting.  This was supposed to be all about my Day After.  By the way, I called my insurance company about my cracked window shield.  Seems I have a $500 deductible and they estimate the cost will be $343 so this is on me.  I called Safelite and they will be out here Monday.  Stay tuned for the excitement.  In the meantime I leave you with three more BIGGEST LIES IN THE WORLD (and the list keeps expanding):

  1. I used to be a model
  2. I never paid for it and never will (uh huh)
  3. You don't look a day over 40
Have a great Day After folks!


Jon said...

Ron, this is your funniest post yet. I still can't stop laughing at the biggest lies list. I won't reveal my favorites, but I have no doubt you could guess. Thanks for tickling the hell out of my funny bone (absolutely nothing dirty was implied).

Unknown said...

Love the lies! My Christmas was anything but commercial I gave one, 2-part gift, all mail ordered, and delivered in person, and one gift card, delivered by email. Bing, bang, done. I avoid TV (or at least commercial TV) during this period for exactly the same reason you do.

I've heard so many of those lies in person, it's not even funny! Or, actually, it is! HAHAHAHAHA

Merry Day After Christmas, Ron!

Peace <3

Ron said...

Thanks! Had to change one "lie" though, Pat thought it was "too weird." You can figure out which one it was. A true lie but maybe not for a family friendly post. I know you would like the "I'm from the government, I'm here to help you." Glad you had a good chuckle with my post. Positive comments like yours only encourage me Jon!

Ron said...

I'm glad you had a happy Christmas. To me Christmas is what you make it. I do like the Christmas season, what I don't like if the overt commercialization of it. The Christmas commercials that begin before Labor Day and continue into the New Year. I still see Santa on TV even today!


Postcard Cindy said...

Ron, Loved this post! I enjoyed Christmas with my family, but I am happy to put it behind me now. Except I have to go back to my Mom's (she will be 87 in Feb. but you would never know it) and undecorated four trees. We ate to much, got to little sleep (except for the two teens), spent too many hours opening presents one at a time, and had a great time. I will sleep very well at home tonight after two nights away!

Cindy from Sonoma

Jon said...

Yes, Ron, I immediately knew which "lie" you removed - - and it was the funniest one. Admittedly X-rated, but funny as hell.

I just reread your list and I'm still laughing. And the Baby Jane Hudson photo is hilarious, too.
(perhaps I'm laughing more now because I'm finally out of Texas)

Ur-spo said...

As I said earlier this evening; this is a very good list.

wcs said...

Great lies! I thought of two more, but I won't put them in print lest Dr. Spo's family read this. ;)

Ron said...

Send me an e-mail with those "two more" lies which you didn't dare put in print. I.AM.CURIOUS

Ron said...

Thank you Dr. Spo. I'm sure you have accumulated quite a list of lies of your own from your patients.

Ron said...

Good to hear from you! I'm glad you had a good Christmas. "Undecorating" Christmas trees, one of my least favorite activities. Actually, I hate opening presents. Maybe when I was a kid, not now. Glad you liked the post. I bet you could add a few of your favorite lies.

Ron said...

Oops! You know which "lie" I had to remove. It was my favorite too. I am so glad you're laughing again Jon, now that you're out of Texas. Looking forward to when you get your furniture in and establish roots in your new home in those beautiful Tennessee mountains. I am so envious of you. Next up is a RELATIONSHIP! And I know that's going to happen. Of course don't have to give you any advice but just on the safe side, avoid anyone looking for a sugar daddy or an "older man." That was my fear because I had the widows coming after me. All nice ladies for sure but I don't go that way and it was quite awkward, especially when five of them invite you to a dinner at one time. Now that I'm officially married I have to say all that "stuff" has dropped by the wayside. I guess they take my marriage seriously now.
Enjoy your beautiful day in those mountain Jon. I know you will.