Saturday, June 01, 2013

Wedding Plans Update

The magic day is almost upon us.  July 3rd, the 49th anniversary of the day I met Bill and spent the weekend and the past 49 years with him is only a month away.  My plan is to get married on July 3rd in our backyard.  

Of course you all know that Bill doesn't want any fuss at all.  In fact, if he could avoid coming to his own wedding he would but he hasn't figured out a way to do that.  That's My Bill, private to the inth degree.  But he has finally resigned himself that he will have to appear at his own wedding.  Now for the reception afterwards, that's another whole story we haven't resolved yet.  In fact I feel I've made a major accomplishment just by getting Bill to agree to attend his own wedding.  I won't push my luck.

So here is what we have planned so far.  Next Tuesday I will go to the Sussex County Justice of the Peace office and obtain our marriage license.  BOTH of us have to go, which of course Bill again was reluctant to go.  "Do I have to go too?"  "Yes Bill, WE'RE getting married and they want to make sure I'm not marrying a child bride/groom." See what I have to put up with folks?  It hasn't been easy, I'll tell you.  

So we will get our marriage license and then have thirty days to get married.  Since next Tuesday is the 4th, we will just make it.  We would go on Monday but Bill has a doctor's appointment at the Wilmington VAMC.  Yes folks, we're trying to get married while we're both still alive and cozignant of what we're doing.  

Our wedding will be a very small wedding.  Our dear friends, Jack and Judy (and my former classmate) have graciously agreed to be our witnesses.  
Jack and Judy (and me)

Mark and Fred, (Mark, of "Our Simple Lives" and a fabulous photographer) have also graciously agreed to attend our wedding.  Mark will take photos for which I am very, very happy.  Mark is not only a delightful person, good friend but he is a photographer par excellence as witness his photos of our recent Bloggerama.  Mark also had taken photos of my family reunions and class reunion.  
Fred and Mark
Our dear neighbors Bob and Barbara have also agreed to attend.  We live right next door to each other (practically together) and there was just no way we would exclude them from such a major milestone in our lives.

Bob and Barbara (and me)

Thank goodness Bill loves all these folks.  And how could he not?  I do have some fabulous friends, if I do say so myself.  Now after having said that there are many who I haven't invited.  If it was up to me I would invite all my friends (no gifs please) but I have to balance this ceremony with Bill's wishes for privacy and yet at the same time have a meaningful ceremony with friends who are important in our lives.

Afterwards we will have a tete a tete.  No guarantees that Bill will attend but I'm having it anyway.  Film at eleven. 

Oh, by the way. I did invite my two local legislators, the same two legislators who voted against marriage equality for Delaware residents even though they both represent at district that has the fourth largest same sex couple population in the United States.  No word back....yet from those two profiles in courage.  

"Senator Ernie Lopez - A Senator for Our Families" - code word for NOT GAY FAMIES
Representative Steve Smyk and his family

Yes, representative Smyk is referring to me when he stated in his letter to the Cape Gazette "The Cape Gazette recently printed a letter from a Milton man who took issue with my stance on the same-sex marriage bill (House Bill 75) and my responsiveness to his concerns."  What Representative Smyk is referring to my letter to the Cape Gazette stating that I wrote him two handwritten letters and he didn't even have the courtesy to respond to my letters, let alone support same sex marriage.  I can understand and respect his decision to to support same sex marriage (well, actually I can't but we can agree to disagree) but what I had a problem with is that he just ignored me.  Again, treated me as a gay man as "less than."  That to me is unacceptable in this day and age.  

Smyk defends stance on same-sex marriage

The Cape Gazette recently printed a letter from a Milton man who took issue with my stance on the same-sex marriage bill (House Bill 75) and my responsiveness to his concerns.
I voted “no” on the legislation, which has since been signed into law, allowing same-sex marriages in Delaware beginning July 1.
The residents of the 20th Representative District who contacted me on this issue overwhelming urged me to oppose the legislation. Others wanted me to support the bill. The author of the letter - who noted in his missive that he has been in a long-term, committed same-sex relationship for nearly five decades - was among the most vocal of this latter group. While I fully understand and appreciate his perspective, I believe my obligation is to represent the interests of the majority of my district.
It needs to be noted that Delaware has been on the cutting edge of ensuring that the rights of same-sex couples are protected. At the start of last year, Delaware implemented its civil union law, giving same-sex couples entering into such contracts all the legal benefits afforded to opposite-sex married spouses. The First State was one of only six to enact such a law.
With civil unions in place, House Bill 75 represented a line I was not willing to cross, partially because of the significant potential it holds for unintended consequences. During the House debate on this bill, one nationally-recognized expert testified that Delaware’s redefinition of marriage will create societal repercussions that will be felt for years to come, including possible lawsuits against small businesses and school districts.
In addition to finding fault with my vote on the same-sex marriage bill, the Milton man also faulted me for being unresponsive to the hand-written notes he sent me regarding the legislation. In this instance, he has a point.
It is true that I did not send a prompt reply, as is my usual practice. I had intended to visit him to discuss the issue face-to-face. Given his passion for this bill, it seemed a more effective way of having a productive dialogue then trading letters or emails, especially in light of the considerable amount of communications I was receiving on the measure.
Unfortunately, I was caught off-guard by the high-speed passage of HB 75. Introduced April 11, in less than a month the bill had been approved by two committees, passed by both chambers of the General Assembly and signed into law. While I am just a few months into my first term in office, even seasoned lawmakers told me they were surprised by the rapidity with which such an impactful bill moved through the legislative process. Still, that is no excuse for not carrying out my intended response.
Same-sex marriage is a hot-button issue on which there is no middle ground. Regardless of how I voted, my decision was certain to disappoint some of my constituents. That is the reality of state legislators. The single vote we cast on any controversial bill cannot possibly reflect the views of each of our constituents.
With regard to same-sex marriage, I am confident I did the right thing for my district and remain comfortable with my vote and the stance I took on this issue.
State Rep. Steve Smyk
20th Representative District, R, Lewes-Georgetown


Nadege said...

I am so happy Bill will attend his own wedding. I am shy, but not like Bill. I am glad Fred and Mark will attend too. It is going to be a wonderful day and we will all participate in a way via social media and the blog.

anne marie in philly said...

heh, your reps suck; the one rep thinks "civil unions" should shut you up, and the other rep doesn't give a shit about you at all. whenever they next run for office, vote them both OUT!

mark and fred are sooooo cute! as are barbara and bob and jack and judy. mark and fred can represent all of your friends not present in body, but in spirit.

I will celebrate when you show us the pix from your wedding day!

give bill a hug from me!

Ur-spo said...

I have a bet with myself Bill doesn't show and you have to use a stand-in photograph. hohoho

Raybeard said...

Your BIG event will be during my annual, computer-less few days away visiting my sister. But now I'll have something to look forward to when I return to catch up with your news of what happened (amusing mishaps if any - and not serious, if so) as well as viewing and appraising Mark's no doubt excellent recording of the occasion.

And I detect that Smyk's 'kick in the crotch' hasn't got Milton man down!

Bob said...

Sounds like a lovely day, with good friends, as it should be.

Will J said...

Just be happy that Bill hasn't investigated marriage by proxy.


Anonymous said...

I am thrilled for you, and consider you a true gentleman and true lifemate to compromise with Bill on the whole matter. Wow, that's so neat that on your 49th Anniversary, you are finally getting married! Congratulations to you both!

Your reps are typical idiots. Money probably got them elected, and until someone with more $$$ comes along to challenge them, they will continue to get re-elected. I love the one's family - wonder how he'd vote if his son or daughter came out as gay?!

Peace <3

slugmama said...

Can't you use a proxy stand-in like all those royalty in the old days use to do?
You know, like Marie d'Medici and Henry IV of France, Napoleon and Marie Louis, Catherine of Aragon and Prince Arthur, and Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI all did.
You just need to find a stunt double for Bill.

I don't know why you keep harping on that legislator and how he "slighted" you. His letter seemed very authentic and I can understand why he didn't contact you personally. After all, having a "tete a tete" will you would NOT have been "productive" as he used the term, whether he had done this before OR after the passage of the bill. You two just don't agree on the issue and BOTH of your choices on the issue need to be recognized. He has his opinion.....not that it makes him RIGHT...because he isn't. lol But a nice little "thanks for writing me" form letter should have been sent if he wanted to use proper etiquette. Would that have made you feel better or more acknowledged as a human being? Probably not. The guy is a Neanderthal....he'll catch up to the human race some day....or die off first.

Just carry on and don't give another thought to him or his politics because you don't get caught up in that anymore, remember? 8-))

Wishing you both much joy on the eve of your nuptials.
So what is the theme of your reception? have to have one of those!

And if you need someone to cut and paste Bill's head onto the stand-ins body in all those photos Mark is going to take, I'm your gal! As long as I have a few drinks in me to "fortify" my unsteady hands with the scissors. hehehe

Ron said...


I did send a letter to Representative Smyk. I copied it and added it to my posting here. You can see it. In my letter I mentioned that I respect his right to disagree, my problem was that he didn't even acknowledge my two letters to him. Straight people don't understand this, but this is just another instance of a gay person (me) being treated "less than." I "harp" on it because I don't accept this disrespect, especially from a man who knocked on my door last summer and asked for my vote. He still has time to get in contact with me, he hasn't (of course) and probably won't. Let's put it this way, I will be VERY SURPRISED if he does. Representative Smyk made a calculation that he has more constituents who think "separate but equal" is acceptable. It is not and he is wrong. He disrespected me and I called him on it.


Ron said...


Our representatives are so on the wrong side of history. They're taking the safe route and voting with the majority of their constituents who think "separate but equal" is acceptable. It is not. And I'll call them on it every time as long as I am of sound mind and body. This is what is called freedom. Some call it "harping", I call it as it is. I've been discounted all my life since I came out as a gay man. I don't accept it anymore and I'll call out whoever tries to discount me just because I'm gay.


Ron said...

Tell me about it Will. Bill thought of it. He's so in the closet. Can't get away from that mindset of "don't want to upset folks by letting them see me as a gay man."

Ron said...


It is just starting to sink in what a wonderful, special day it will be.


Ron said...


No, Representative Smyk's "kick in the crotch" hasn't gotten this gay man down. So many times straight people just take it for granted to disrespect and discount gay people. I'll call them on it every time. Pisses a lot of people off, including my fellow gays and straight sympathizers who want to give a pass to the disrespect straight people routinely dump on gay people.


Ron said...

Dr. Spo,

Bill says he will be there but I'm ready for a last minute crises. It's hard to get him out of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" mindset.


Ron said...

Anne Marie,

Representative Smyk thinks "separate but equal" (civil unions" is acceptable it isn't. Another thing that isn't acceptable is to ignore my letters. You're right, they (both of them) don't care about their gay constituents. I know that. It's a shame but it's the truth. They have the majority vote of the constituents but they are on the wrong side of history.

The reality of our wedding day is just starting to sink in.


Ron said...


I think Bill is actually going to go through with this! But I'll believe it when I see it. I think at the last minute he'll have some excuse. I hope not.


Jon said...

I have no doubt that Bill will show up for his wedding. If not, you can lasso and hog-tie him, Texas style.

Those perfect, squeaky-clean, self-righteous politicians with their perfect Disenyesque families are usually the ones who wind up having all the secrets & scandals & skeletons in their closets. I don't trust any of them.

Paul Forster said...

I wish you and Bill well for your wedding ceremony. It is wonderful that your close friends will be there to celebrate your big day!

Ron said...

Thank you Paul for your good wishes. I'm still not quite believing this is really happening.

Ron said...


Oh Bill going to come to his own wedding, of that you can be sure. Sometimes I do put my foot down.

You're right about those "perfect, squeaky-clean, self-righteous politicians with their perfect Disneyesque families are usually the ones who wind up having all the secrets and scandals in their closets." I know some personally. I don't trust them either. These two who are our local politicians should be ashamed of themselves. We have the fourth largest gay couple population in the United States and both of them voted against marriage equality. They both slipped in this election. I have a hunch their reelection won't be so easy next time around.


Ur-spo said...

Perhaps you should have a surrogate , a sort of stand-in. And Bill can be photoshopped into the photos?

Ron said...

Dr. Spo,

Bill would like that idea. However, I will insist that he show up in person. No photoshopped wedding for this bride.


Jeff said...

Maybe someday Rick and I will celebrate 49 years! Wow! Nevada is getting closer to recognizing us. The legislature only meets every two years. They have to vote on it twice and then put it to the people. The voted once were are getting so close.

Ron said...


Wow, I didn't know Nevada was that close to voting and approving marriage equality. I hope it happened for you.


samantha stan said...

Do you like outdoor venues for the party? I want to know a little about graduation party ideas so that I can take decision regarding my graduation party.