 |
| Me and my little brother John 1947 |
As some of my regular blog followers may have noticed, I haven't posted in a while.
I just recently posted the notice of the passing of my youngest brother (77) who has been battling a series of medical issues for the past three years. Sadly that battle ended yesterday with his passing.
I had plans to go to his funeral in his hometown of Greenville, South Carolina.
I actually had two plans. One was to place Bill in the local hospice respite center for three or four days while I traveled to Greenville for a few days to attend my brother's services. The other was for Pat (my friend in Canada) to come down and stay with Bill and perform minimal care for him while I am gone.
Bill had initially agreed to either one of these plans but last week, when my brother's death was imminent, Bill backed out. He didn't want me to leave. No way, no how. He wouldn't go to the hospice respite center (hotel like accommodations available to me every six months for my respite which I have yet to take advantage of). Or Pat's generous offer to make the trip from Canada to take care of Bill. No way, no how. That's Bill.
I don't know that I can blame Bill entirely for being selfish. He is used to getting things his way. He throws a big enough tantrum he usually gets his way. Sometimes. Not today when he was looking for a rope to hold up his pants. I instead that he wear a belt. Bill's cognitive issues are getting worse but I won't get into that now. Other than to say he's driving me crazy at night. He's either too hot or too cold. Even now that's he's off of blood thinners, he still complains about the temperature. Lately it's not even making sense so I guess it's a further decline of his cognitive health.
Bill's getting weaker, albeit slower. Nothing dramatic like you see in the movies. Just a gradual weakness. He's exhausted after his every third day morning shower. Even when we have to change his Depends daily he's exhausted. He's frustrated by his blindness. I'm having a hard time understanding him, most of his speech is slurred. He doesn't realize it. He tries, bless his heart, he tries. Thank goodness he can still walk and go to the bathroom by himself (thank you Jesus) but I can see the day when that goes by the wayside.
I have to tell you folks I'm getting dragged under. What with Putin and Russia invading Ukraine and causing all that senseless death and destruction (for what?) and the constant Fifth Column here of brainwashed Republicans who are convinced Biden lost the election. Somedays I just want to not wake up.
But after seeing courage of so many every day Ukrainians fight for their country makes me realize my situation is small potatoes. I actually have it pretty good. So what that I haven't been to a restaurant in over two years? So what that I haven't been anywhere in over two years? I have my Zoom friends and FaceTime friends although I think one has gone by the wayside because I'm not paying enough attention to him. That's too bad but I have enough on my hands right here and now.
And perhaps the worst insult of all I can't even get Facebook's online Scrabble game to load. That was one source of relaxation I had during the day and evening. What IS their problem?
The good news is that my springtime daffodils are up! All that bended knee of the fall is paying off now. And I don't have Russian bombs dropping on me when I take a few minutes each day to walk around Casa Tipton-Kelly to enjoy their cheerful reminder of rebirth.
 |
| Some of this year's daffodil crop |
7 comments:
that was a lovely post thank you for sharing it
I too want to die when the daffodils are in bloom.
My condolences to John Lee. Hopefully, the life he had was full. That's one thing I don't want is ill health. Just take me out behind the barn and shoot me. Bill is a stubborn old goat. I am sure he was just like that when he was up and adam. Set in his ways. But now it is even more so. Not having your eyesight is frustrating. I was wondering how you were going to pull off the travel back home. As I said prior, for now, your first priority is Bill. He is so blessed to have you. Thank you for taking care of our Bill. Now get the Scrabble game to download. That is your saving grace from going mad. Be well!
My condolences to you and your family. The daffodils are lovely.
Spo,
Coincidentally I thought the very same thing when my brother died two days ago. He died when the daffodils were in bloom. A good time to die. I do not want to die in the bleak dark cold gray days of winter.
Ron
Vic,
Bill has always been stubborn, always. But he loves me and I him. I agree with you, I do not want a prolonged illness like my brother had for the past three years. So many operations, experimental treatments, etc. He eventually died of the effects of chemotherapy. His cancer (lymphoma) was in remission but his organs destroyed. Ironically we had talked about this years ago, dying and the way to go. Not for me, no way. He didn't have the quality of life and the burden he was on his family although I'm sure they didn't mind. I don't want to be a burden to anybody and I certainly don't want to be subject to painful, humiliating, and long experimental treatments. I'm eighty years old now. I've had a good life. I could go tomorrow and I would have no regrets at having missed anything in life. Oh well, maybe a few things.
Thanks for your support,
Ron
Thanks Angie!
Ron - I know the flowers all around your house are beautiful and uplifting. And any bit of uplifting is good for you with John just passing, and as you mentioned, all the trouble with Russia. I feel grateful that I was able to speak with your brother John with you on FaceTime on two occasions. I was soooo impressed with him. All the health issues that dogged him over the last couple of years - an understatement. All the treatments, many difficult that he endured - and yet he was so upbeat. Not an exaggeration. I remember the mirror he had close by and each day he wrote on it something he was appreciative of. The world was a better place with John in it. It will be devastating for Barbara his wife of 58 years. My heart goes out to her. And I know, Ron, you expected this event but it is still so difficult to go thru. I am saddened by your loss.
Pat
Post a Comment