Hey folks, remember the "Liar, liar pants on fire" meme that I posted a few days ago? Here are the four statements, one of which is a BIG FAT LIE.
I asked one and all to identify the statement that wasn't true.
- I have sex once a week.
- I was a stutterer until my first grade teacher slapped me upside my head.
- I was 27 years old the first time I "pleasured" myself.
- I am addicted to Doritos Blazing Buffalo and Ranch Chips.
- I lost over $200,000 in the great stock market meltdown of 2000
And the answer is (drum roll please!)
That's right folks, number 1 is an absolute lie because I am celibate. Yes folks, hard as it is to believe I am celibate and have been since February 2005.
Do I miss "it"? Not as much as I probably would have if I was 21 years old. Truth be told I've never really been a sexual person, although I do get turned on by men. I'm more of a romantic. Oh sure, I've been known to "indulge" but more of a passive nature when I was younger.
WARNING! Do not go any further is you get all icky by TMI from a 71 year old gay male.
Okay? Here goes:
First sexual experience 21 years old. Spastic but enjoyable.
Passive sexual experiences up until I was 27 years old, somewhat enjoyable but I always had the feeling "is that all there is?"
For the next ten years I had what would probably be considered the "standard" sexual experiences of any 27 to 37 year old gay male. Now I know that you're thinking "That could include a LOT of stuff!" Well, yes it could and I would be lying to you if I told you that I didn't dabble my big toe in that "stuff." Again, I always had the feeling "Is that all there is?"
My most enjoyable and happy experiences had less to do with the gymnastics of physical sex (which quite frankly I never got the hang of) and more of just "being" with somebody. The closeness of somebody that I loved and respected and who, in turn respected me. THAT is what really turns me on, not the "gymnastics" of "running up the numbers" (no pun intended). Of course I've encountered difficulties with this attitude, even so far as to be accused of "not being gay." Hey folks, I'm 100% homo, of that there is no question.
Now I'm not bragging or complaining, just stating facts. I'm not passing judgement on my friends, gay and straight, who are "horn dogs." Hey, if you like having sex and your sexual partner is up for it one, two three times a day or week; go for it. That's just not the way I roll.
Of course I've encountered problems with my pedantic attitude towards sex with other men that I have befriended with over the years. Either they thought I was coming on to them (which I wasn't) or they were coming on to me and expecting more (which I wasn't going to give them); either way the friendships became strained and eventually ended. As one former friend (and now acquaintance) said in exasperation to me when he planted an uninvited kiss on me a few years ago after we returned from a dinner, "I can't figure you out." Precisely, "can't we JUST be friends?"
Yes folks, I'm celibate and that is just fine with me.
|That's me in the back to the right with the tilted mophead just as my hormones were beginning to kick in 5th grade 1953|