Getting "It"

Again, one of my favorite blogger friends has given me an idea for a blog posting.  He was writing about "getting it."  Of course, the vision that came to my mind at it's usual residence in the gutter, was that he was talking about SEX.  Oh yes, SEX.  Yes, I said it . . . SEX.

After I was about halfway through his blog post about not "getting it" I started to realize he wasn't talking about sex but probably food, which he was.  Junk food.  Sodium laced, carbohydrate ladened, useless junk food.  Funny stuff that.  

But back to the subject at hand of "not getting it."  When I was very young I wasn't getting "it" at all.  I wasn't one of those sexually abused youths.  After all the revelations of celebrities and such of being sexually abused by priests, relatives and strangers I wonder what was wrong with me. But then I came to the conclusion that most people aren't sexually abused or even introduced to sex at a young age.  I'm probably all wrong in that assumption but that's what I believe.

I my case I wasn't introduced (lost my virginity) to sex until I was 21 years of age.  I didn't plan it that way, it was just that I didn't know how to go about it.  Back in the Fifties, when I was an adolescent, there wasn't any kind of sex education.  Nada.  Nothing.  Zip.

I've written about my First Time in an earlier blog post so I won't go into detail here but I was seduced by a "much older" (he was 29) married man (three very small children, one of whom read my original blog post and contacted me much to my surprise).  

How was my experience?  I didn't know such pleasure was possible.  So this is WHAT all the fuss was about?  YES!  Looking back on that first experience now it was a bit jerky (no pun intended) but still, doors opened to me to a whole new world.  Unimaginable pleasures that I had no inkling about.  So this is what they write all the songs about?

Over the years since that fateful encounter on that spring day in 1963, I have experienced the high and lows of unrequited love, sex, lust, bacchanal, and then a long period of contented (and safe) celibacy. 

There was that one time on my 39th birthday that I was standing in the 247 bar in Philly at ten minutes to two when the bartender flashed the lights on and yelled "Last Call! Last Call!"  I looked around at those now illuminated tired desperate faces that remained in the bar, clutching their half empty beer bottles and wet napkin wrap glasses of gin and thought "What am I doing here?  I would rather be home sleeping."

And I left the bar scene folks.  Left it.  Didn't miss it.  Never went back.  Oh, maybe a few times thirty years later after I moved to Rehoboth Beach Delaware but then only to play pool.  Never again the gay Cruise-a-thon that I did for almost twenty years during my Philadelphia Era.

Then something very interesting happened.  About a year an a half ago someone saw my photo on the Internet (from my testimony before the Delaware State Legislature for marriage equality).  He liked what he saw.  He did an Internet search and found my blog.  He read my blog and liked what he read.  He made a comment on my blog and I just happened to be on the other end and I answered.  He was surprised.

After a few comments I suggested FaceTime. Nothing more was in my mind other than talking to a nice guy, like I talk to a few other "nice guys" (no sexual interest) that I know on FaceTime.  

During one of our conversations I made an offhand remark "If you're ever down this way (Rehoboth Beach) we'll have to get an old time photo."  Much to my surprise he came down.  

Then I met him.  In the parking lot of the Hotel Blue. In fact I thought he was the parking lot attendant (that's another whole story) and didn't present my best face to him.  

Well, one thing led to another and I have since made a new friend.  In fact, we're simpatico in so many areas we're often mistaken for brothers.  

Now I'm still married and I plan to remain married.  I still love Bill and will always love Bill.  But you know folks, it's always nice to make new friends, even at my advance stage of life.  When my body and looks are starting to leave me.  I'm telling you, it sure is nice to know that life still goes on.  

Sex is so superficial folks. Any body can have sex, even with yourself.  But you know what is really good?  To have a deep and abiding friendship.  To respect and enjoy each other's company.  I'm getting it now folks.  Best ever.  All those years of looking in bars.  Traveling to P-town.  Nothing.  Then out of the blue.  So you just never know folks.  I'll take this any day over ramadan noodles.

  

Ming the Merciless

Ming the Merciless, Emperor of the planet Mongo

You say you don't know who "Ming the Merciless" is?  Then you are showing your age.  You're showing how young you are.  

"Ming the Merciless" was the ruler of the planet Mongo.  You say you never heard of Mongo?  Where have you been?

Seriously folks, Ming the Merciless is a fictional character who first appeared in the Flash Gordon comic strip (ah ha!) in 1934.  Played by the actor Charles B. Middleton, he then appeared in the Flash Gordon serials of the late 1930's era.  No folks, I'm not THAT old but I do remember seeing those 30's era serials on my 12 inch (don't go there) black and white Philco TV in the Fifties when I was just a young whipper snapper with my adolescent hormones beginning to kick in. Lock and load as they say.

Flash restrained - check out those nifty shorts and Ming's look - works for me.

Oh my, was I ever transfixed by Flash Gordon, played by Buster Crabbe.  Funny thing, I look at the serial now on You Tube and see how fake it is.  In fact, it is so bad it is good.  Real good!  This morning talking to my friend Lar on FaceTime we were both watching the first serial and getting a real hoot out of it.  But oh how different it was when I was just an 11 year old back in the Fifties, wondering why my body was having this strange reaction to seeing Flash Gordon in THOSE shorts.  And what really puzzled me was (for lack of a better word) bondage cum S & M undercurrent between Ming the Merciless and the (sometimes) tied up Flash Gordon.  Every time one of those scenes came about I noticed a strange reaction in my nether regions that I had never experienced before.  A good strange reaction.

Me and my cat "Bobby" and the old black and white Philco TV where I used to get turned on to Flash Gordon - I think "Bobby" knew but no one else knew my "secret."

My straight friend Lar said he used to have the same reaction when he saw pictures of  pirate ladies. I too had that reaction to pirates but I got that reaction when one of the deck hands was tied up and given a few lashes for disobedience.  Oh my, what WAS that feeling Ron?

My friend Lar can have his pirate ladies anytime.  For me, I'll take Flash and his big....um gun.  Lock and load.  

"Liar, Liar Pants On Fire!" Answer

Hey folks, remember the "Liar, liar pants on fire" meme that I posted a few days ago?  Here are the four statements, one of which is a BIG FAT LIE.  

I asked one and all to identify the statement that wasn't true.

1. I have sex once a week.
2. I was a stutterer until my first grade teacher slapped me upside my head.
3. I was 27 years old the first time I "pleasured" myself. 
4. I am addicted to Doritos Blazing Buffalo and Ranch Chips.
5. I lost over $200,000 in the great stock market meltdown of 2000

And the answer is (drum roll please!)

NUMBER 1

That's right folks, number 1 is an absolute lie because I am celibate.  Yes folks, hard as it is to believe I am celibate and have been since February 2005.  

Do I miss "it"?  Not as much as I probably would have if I was 21 years old.  Truth be told I've never really been a sexual person, although I do get turned on by men.  I'm more of a romantic.  Oh sure, I've been known to "indulge" but more of a passive nature when I was younger. 

WARNING!  Do not go any further is you get all icky by TMI from a 71 year old gay male.  

Okay?  Here goes:

First sexual experience 21 years old.  Spastic but enjoyable.

Passive sexual experiences up until I was 27 years old, somewhat enjoyable but I always had the feeling "is that all there is?"  

For the next ten years I had what would probably be considered the "standard" sexual experiences of any 27 to 37 year old gay male.  Now I know that you're thinking "That could include a LOT of stuff!"  Well, yes it could and I would be lying to you if I told you that I didn't dabble my big toe in that "stuff."  Again, I always had the feeling "Is that all there is?"  

My most enjoyable and happy experiences had less to do with the gymnastics of physical sex (which quite frankly I never got the hang of) and more of just "being" with somebody.  The closeness of somebody that I loved and respected and who, in turn respected me.  THAT is what really turns me on, not the "gymnastics" of "running up the numbers" (no pun intended).  Of course I've encountered difficulties with this attitude, even so far as to be accused of "not being gay."  Hey folks, I'm 100% homo, of that there is no question.

Now I'm not bragging or complaining, just stating facts.  I'm not passing judgement on my friends, gay and straight, who are "horn dogs."  Hey, if you like having sex and your sexual partner is up for it one, two three times a day or week; go for it.  That's just not the way I roll.

Of course I've encountered problems with my pedantic attitude towards sex with other men that I have befriended with over the years.  Either they thought I was coming on to them (which I wasn't) or they were coming on to me and expecting more (which I wasn't going to give them); either way the friendships became strained and eventually ended.  As one former friend (and now acquaintance) said in exasperation to me when he planted an uninvited kiss on me a few years ago after we returned from a dinner, "I can't figure you out."  Precisely, "can't we JUST be friends?"  

Yes folks, I'm celibate and that is just fine with me. 

That's me in the back to the right with the tilted mophead just as my hormones were beginning to kick in 5th grade 1953