Rehoboth Awaits Earl

Just got back from my daily morning walk on the boardwalk in Rehoboth.

The winds are up and the waves ares swelling.

Here is my pictorial essay of Rehoboth waiting for hurricane Earl to blow through out little seaside resort here on the coast of southern Delaware.

Rehoboth Beach boardwalk at 6:30 this morning - all to myself

No hurricane propelled trash cans today

No breakfast with an ocean view this morning - hatches are battened down

Philly TV station awaits the wrath of Earl

"Lights, camera, action!"

"If I stand up here I can see over the beach grass"

My friend, Jonathan Seagull 

"Let's get the Power Walk in before Earl hits" (is that the governor of Arizona?)

Washing the windows before Earl hits?  What's wrong with this picture?

When you're vertically challenged, you stand on a bench 

Earl may just blow him off this bench

The Camera Hog.  You didn't think I would post this blog without a picture of me did you?

We're hunkered down here at home.  The forecast is that the winds will pick up later this morning but we will miss the brunt of Hurricane Earl.  Thank goodness.  

Tomorrow and Sunday are forecast for the lows of 50's and highs of 70's.  I'll take it!

Waiting For Hurricane Earl

Mom (in pink) with her sisters Grace (to the left with a cane) and Jeanette (to the right in a blue sweater.) This picture was taken in 2005 at Simpson Meadows in Downingtown, PA where Aunt Jeanette lives (she is now 92 years old.)  Her sister Grace died a few years ago.  I'm standing with my cousins Jackie (son of Grace) and Elaine (daughter of Elaine.)  Jackie, Elaine and I have all been going through this experience with our mothers.  Jackie's wife Arlene is to the far left in red. Even though this picture was taken in 2005, it doesn't seem that long ago.  So much has changed since then.

The ocean was calm during my walk early this morning.  Tomorrow may be another whole different story when Hurricane Earl roars up the east coast.

I always enjoy hearing the waves crash onto the beach during my walk on the boardwalk.  I'm thinking tomorrow those waves are really going to be crashing on the beach.  I hope I don't have any problem getting to Rehoboth to witness Mother Nature in all her fury.  Pictures will be taken.  Maybe even a video or two.

At the half way point on my walk, I took a break and called John.  I wanted to know how Mom did last night.  John answered his cell phone and said "Mom is right here.  We're feeding her."  He asked me to talk to her.  He put his phone up to her ear and she said "Ronnie?" in a very tired and hoarse voice.  Well, she still knows who I am.  I told her I was on the boardwalk and asked her if she remembered those days when I used to bring her down to Lewes in 2006 when I was staying at the Dawsons while my house was under construction.  John took the phone and said "Ronnie, she can't understand you.  Don't say much, just agree with whatever she says."  She said she was sending me a check for my birthday.  My birthday is November 9th.  I said "Thanks Mom!"  She didn't say anything else and John took the phone back.  I told him I would let him go so he and Barb could finish feeding Mom her breakfast.

Mom with Number #1 Son - already I'm a hog for the camera 

I think back to all those times Mom was the only one with me when I was sick or in the hospital.  She was there when I had my tonsils out at eight years old.  She was there when I came out of anesthesia from a hernia operation.  Man oh man.  I remember that one, I felt like someone had cut my abdomen open with a knife.  Well, actually they did.

She was there again when I was taken to the hospital by ambulance when I almost died from a staph infection from the hernia operation.  She was the only family member who visited me in the contagion ward where I was quarantined for months.  I never thought I would get out alive.  I was in the sub-basement of the hospital.  She had to get down on her knees  talk to me through a screened window from the outside.

Me and Mom at my PA house 2001 - I'm so serious because Bill doesn't know how to operate the camera - I just got on his case - Mom was amused

She was there again when I was taken by the ambulance to the emergency room when I was passing a kidney stone.  That time I thought I was really checking out for sure.  I did not know what was the matter with me.  I only know I wanted someone.....anyone to put me out of my misery.

I know I'm posting a lot about my Mom.  Every day I think of another subject for my blog posting but I keep coming back to Mom.  She has been so much a part of my life.  To be honest, I always thought that I would go before she would so I wouldn't have to deal with her loss.  And I always felt guilty for feeling that way.

I post on my blog the way I feel that day.  I try to keep the negativity to a minimum.  I'm a natural complainer but I know that's boring so I try to keep things upbeat.  I consider myself a happy person by disposition.  These days it is hard to keep this overwhelming sadness at bay.

I'm going to keep posting about Mom and pictures of her.  Seeing these happier times helps.

Maybe my last picture of me with Mom - taken this past June at brother John's home in Greenville, SC

Good Morning..........Milton

Doesn't quite have the same impact as Robin Williams' "Good Morning Vietnam!" does it?

"The Hadfield Girls" - Mom and her older sister Grace 2005

Actually, I live closer to Lewes than I do Milton even though I have a Milton mailing address.  Milton casts a wide swath, what can I say?

I didn't sleep to well last night.  Thinking about Mom.  I got up at 4 and was ready to leave the house at 5 for my morning walk on the boardwalk. I've been wanting to get down earlier anyway to avoid the traffic on the way back.  Plus, this morning I had several errands.  Haircut and a stop at the supermarket to buy more Cool Whip and Oreos.  Over the weekend I made a Dirt Pie that was out of this world.  It's gone now but my appetite isn't gone.  I'll make another one after this blog posting so it will be nice and cold for me when I come in from my evening shift at the hotel.  I do like me something sweet before I go to bed.

John called after I got home.  Mom had another bad night.  She's now in a bed with a railing. Actually, it's an adult crib.  He said she's like a caged animal.  The fear in her eyes.  John said she is also hallucinating.  I have to keep reminding myself this isn't her.  The Mom I knew is gone.

Me and Mom 2008

Last night I talked to my cousin Jack in New Hampshire.  He went through almost the same situation with his mother (who was my Mother's older sister) a few years ago.  Everything was the same.  The rapid decline, the hallucinating, the fear.

Jack said when his time comes, he doesn't want to go "that way."  He said he doesn't want his children's last memories to be of him in a diaper, hallucinating and cursing.  He said he wants his children to remember him as he is now, the "Big Daddy."

My cousin Jack (son of Grace) and me during her last visit to Mom 2005

I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say the same thought crossed my mind.  If I see that the quality of my life is going downhill and I'm headed for a bedridden, diaper wearing, hallucinating state....then I will take matters in my own hands.  I don't have any children and I can't see my nieces, nephew, or grand nieces or grand nephews taking care of me.  I wouldn't put that burden on them.  Bill is thirteen years older than me so it's not likely he will be taking care of me.  He is the only one I would let take care of me.  No sir, if I saw I was headed in that direction then I know what I would have to do.

Getting Through Another Day

The view from where I work in Lewes of the Rehoboth-Lewes Canal - I love it!

The dog days of summer continue on this last day of August.

I would love to go out in the Back Forty (my backyard) and putz around but I don't feel like getting drenched in sweat again.  So here I sit updating my blog twice in one day.  Hey, I would rather do this than drain myself fighting the heat and humidity that has been unrelenting this whole summer.

I think we had two, maybe three normal days of summer.  Most of the rest of this summer we have been beaten down to a weak pulp with the heat and humidity.  Come on the cool winds of fall.

This morning I took my usual walk on the boardwalk in Rehoboth.  Someone planted themselves in my usual seat on the boardwalk so I didn't take my half hour break between my up and down the boardwalk. Since I got there early this morning I was able to cover the boardwalk a total of four times (for a total of over four miles) in one brisk walk.

I was just starting to sweat when I got to the north end of the boardwalk near the Henlopen Hotel where I park my buggy.  I left before 8 am.  I think I accidentally discovered the secret to getting out of Rehoboth and avoiding the traffic.

I usually make my run in the morning sometime between 6:30 am and 7 am.  This morning I was out the door at 6:15 am.  I didn't sleep too well last night thinking about Mom and her difficult nights.

It was a straight shot down Rt. 1 as it usually is this early in the morning.  My only competition are the Sysco food trucks delivering their precooked food to the tourist trap restaurants in Rehoboth.

Coming back is another story.  I have been coming back home around 9 o'clock.  I'm hitting the heavy traffic going north on Rt. 1 at that time.  I can't figure out where all that traffic is going.  Milford?  Milton?  Touristas leaving Rehoboth for their hobbits up North?  What's with that?  Just another mystery that I have to solve.

Well, this morning I hit Rt. 1 at a little after 8 am.  It was almost clear sailing.  Oh sure, I hit the occasional doofus on a cell phone clogging up the passing lane.  The occasional Old Guy or Old Gal gripping the top of the steering wheel. "You'll never pry my cold, dead hands from this steering wheel".

I still had to dodge the ladder topped service trucks that weave in and out of the traffic, speeding toward their destination of the day to to overcharge some defenseless customer de jour.  Oh yes, we are sitting ducks down here in Lower Slower for the Service People.  Hey, at least they're showing up somewhere.  You're lucky if you can even get one of these slickters to show up.

Well, anyway, I made it home in no time at all and I've been here ever since.  Holed up in my air conditioned, fabulous, four year old, Ryan ranch home. One floor living baby....I love it!

Below are some of yesterday's photo journal that I take from that camera that is always hanging around my neck:

A sign that caught my eye from the fruit and vegetable stand on Rt. 5 outside of Milton.  It reminded me of a bad habit I used to have in my bar hopping days.  

Bill and I went to Big Bob's and Jim's yesterday to see Jim's new car.  They live in the woods outside of Georgetown. They weren't home.  We still haven't heard from them.

Big Bob and Jim are world class hoarders.  Here is Bill inspecting some of Bob's goodies.  I have my eye on that lawn chair.

"The Ranch"

Big Bob and Jim live in a double wide on 22 wooded acres outside of Georgetown.  Yes, they do live in  Sussex County Redneck County.  They still keep a low profile.  It's still not safe to come out. Big Bob was one of the original gay settlers of Lower Slower.  I've been visiting him at "The Ranch" (our pet name for his place) since the Seventies.  I "discovered" Delaware because of Big Bob.  I have no idea where I would be living if I hadn't.  Probably still in Pennsylvania, working full-time to try and keep up with the always increasing taxes. 

I owe Big Bob a world of thanks for providing this turning point in my life.  Now they're just two old men living in the woods.  Just like me and Bill, two old men living in a development off of Rt. 1. 

Just getting through another day.

Five Reasons Why I Would Run Away From Home

Guy Madison - movie star of the Fifties

Back when I was a young man, a very, very long time ago I used to have my share of crushes on movie stars.  In my case it was male movie stars.  Of course I had to keep this shameful secret to myself.

Perhaps my biggest crush of all time was for Guy Madison.  Yep.  Wild Bill Hickok himself.  When his show came on TV I was GLUED to the TV set, believe you me.  GLUED.  Of course I had to act all nonchalant so no one else in my household had even a hint that this gorgeous man in the buckskin outfit with the fringes (oh, just how sexy were those fringes anyway) came on screen with his goofy sidekick, Andy Devine.  Then one day I saw him in a movie up on the big screen.  It was something about "Feather Creek."  Anyway, it was the most erotic movie this 10 year old (at that time ever saw.)

Since those magic days of the Fifties I have often lamented that I don't have any movie stars that I lust after.  Of, in other words, as I often tell Bill (my partner)......"someone who would cause me to run away from home and live happily every after with."  But, I've done a review and there are actually a few movie stars of the current crop that fit that bill nicely, thank you.

First and foremost is Ryan Gosling.  Be still my heart.

Ryan Goslin in "Half-Nelson"  Wow.  Everything I like.  Pack my bags.

Ryan Gosling with his natural hair color and more weight - he's still dangerously hot

Bradley Cooper - has this guy got it all or what?  I like his "hawk" look - why or why is he wasting his time with the likes of Jennifer Anniston and Renee Zellwegger? 

Johnny Depp - oh yes.  Even if he is soft and pasty he is still one of the hottest guys around

Steve Carell - absolutely!  I make no apologies.  Steve is sexy.  My secret passion.

Viggo Mortensen - my latest "discovery".  This man exudes sex appeal from every pore

I thought I would do a little light hearted posting after several down postings.  

Anyone one of these guys can stop by my house in a white charger and whisk me off to Fantasy Land where we would liver happily every after.  

After all, what is life about if he can't have a little fantasy every now and then?  These are some of mine.  

John Called,

Mom and me - Compass, PA 1950 - John and Isaac playing with the typewriter - guess who was Mom's favorite?

When I got home from my morning walk on the boardwalk this morning, Bill told me that my brother John had called.  These days whenever I see that John has called, I fear for the worst.

John is taking care of Mom at his home in Greenville, South Carolina.  We moved her there from her home in Pennsylvania where she was living with other brother Isaac last October 17th, 2009.

Brother John and his wife and daughters at their home in Windsor PA 1974 - I took Mom to visit them

Two weeks ago Mom's body began shutting down.  Her potassium level was so low, the doctor was surprised that she was still alive.

We were given the option of sending Mom to the hospital to be hooked up to IV's and other life extending measures or to make her as comfortable as possible at her home with John and his wife and daughter.  Mom always made it clear to us that she did not want to be kept artificially alive in a hospital bed.

We decided for hospice care at home.  That hospice care began last Monday, for three days a week (Mondays, Wednesdays and Friday.)

The first day of hospice care Mom told the hospice care worker not to come back.  Not a good sign.

Caring for Mom at home is becoming very difficult.  My brother John doesn't get more than two hours of sleep at night.  He has to get up to take her to the bathroom or whatever other needs she has.

John didn't leave a message this morning. I called him back.  He told me that Mom had a "real bad night last night."  Without going into the details, I will only say that she isn't herself these days.  This is not her personality.  John thinks she has bi-polar.  Somedays she can be her old sweet self and other days (more frequently now) she has a totally different personality.  She is abusive, paranoid and unreasonable.  This is not our Mom.  No way, no how.

We always promised Mom that we would never put her in a nursing home.  I remember well what my cousin Jack told me about his Mom, my Mom's older sister.  Jack had made the same promise to his Mom but at the end he had no choice.  I'm afraid that is where we are with Mom now.

John has found a very nice hospice care center near his home.  In fact, John said it was so nice he would like to live there.  I can understand his feelings at this time of his life.  His wife has medical issues, he has a full-time job as a care pastor and, in addition to all of these responsibilities he is taking care of Mom.  John isn't getting any sleep at night.  Something has to change.  This cannot continue.

I will call him now and tell him that it is alright to put Mom in a place where she can get the care she needs and deserves.  I'm sure Isaac will concur with my decision.

My cousin Jack told me it would come to this.  That Jack, he has always been one step ahead of me.

Someday I'll write a blog posting about my few years old cousin Jack, who like me, brought himself up from the bootstraps and had a successful banking career.  We did pretty good for two dirt poor kids of of the Fifties from Downingtown, Pennsylvania.  Jack's advice has always been right on.  I hate to admit it, but he was right again.

My last visit with Mom (and brother John) June 2010 - we're in the beautiful park in downtown Greenville, SC - John forgot Mom's hat.  I loaned her mine.  That's a bathrobe I bought for her. She wears it all the time, even when she goes to the park.

Last Visit to the Old House in PA

Our former home at 161 Crawford Road, Downingtown, PA today

Bill and I just returned from a day long trip to our former home in the woods outside of Downingtown, PA.

We are exhausted.  The drive up and back is a total of five hours.  That's a lot of hours on the road on a hot, humid and brutal day like today for two old buzzards like me and Bill.  With the exception of perhaps one or two days, this whole summer has been a succession of brutally hot and humid days of 90 degrees plus temperatures.  Today was no exception.

Today's visit to our formerly beautifully landscaped home on 6.875 of wooded acres in East Brandywine Township was bittersweet.  This was our last visit before the house and property will be auctioned off for non payment of back real estate taxes in excess of $17.000.  The owner also owes over $600,000 in mortgage payments plus penalties, interest and legal costs. There is also a per diem cost.  The meter is ticking.

Apparently the former owner just walked away from the property that he bought from us on November 17, 2006 for $500,000.  He lived in Florida and saw our home advertised on the Internet.  We later found out that his wife had threatened to leave him unless he moved her and their two young daughters out of the brutal heat and humidity of Florida.

There is another whole story about how I almost went off the financial cliff with selling my house that I won't go into great detail here except to say that I originally put my house up for sale January 9th, 2006 at a price of $695,000.  Yes, I got greedy.  My real estate agent advised me to put it on the market for $650,00 and be happy if I got a settlement of $625,000.  But, I fell into the "I know better than the real estate agent" trap and insisted that I could get a better price.

On January 14th I had an offer of $640,000 which I turned down.  I actually laughed at the offer.  What I didn't know was at that time I was right on the edge of the housing bubble.  Eleven months later, after seven failed settlements, I was finally able to sell my house for $500,000.  Except for maybe a terminal illness, this was the worst experience I've ever had in my life.  I was at the cliff's edge and I saw the abyss.  It was the scariest thing I ever saw in my life.

Where I almost went down the financial tubes was I had built another house in Delaware (the one I'm in now) and was carrying a mortgage on that house at the same time I was trying to sell my other house.  The market found out (probably because of my big mouth) and they smelled blood in the water.  After a lot of scrambling and sleepless nights, I was finally able to sell my house to this man who was trying to keep his marriage together and me trying to keep Bill from committing suicide.  Me?  I was going crazy.

On September 19th our house will be auctioned off at the Chester County Courthouse in West Chester, Pennsylvania.  We will not be there.  This chapter of our life is closed.

Bill took a few more videos today.  I took a few pictures.

Me surveying the neglect of our former home from one of the terraces that Bill built - he laid every brick by hand over a 20 year period

The video and the pictures don't show the true neglect that has befallen our once showpiece property.

Whoever gets this property will be getting a real bargain.

One thing is for sure, the birds and other wildlife don't seem to mind that there isn't anyone living there anymore.

My only regret are the loss of all my goldfish that thrived in my three ponds.  Most of those goldfish were born in this ponds and that was the only life they knew.  They are long gone.  The ponds are still there, dark and dank.  The only living organisms in those ponds now are mosquito larvae and toads.

The Dual Ponds with water fountain - May 1980

Happy goldfish waiting for me to feed them

Dual Ponds  - many generations of goldfish were born in these ponds

I hope whoever buys the property will restore it to it's former glory and enjoy it as much as we did the twenty five years that we lived there.  That property used to sing.  I hope it does again.