"He Hated Gays"

"He hated gays".  That is what Omar Mateen's former wife said of her abusive husband.

Omar Mateen, the murderer of forty-nine innocent men and women at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida, was filled with hate of the love gay people show for each other. 

His father said that two months ago his son saw two men kissing one another in Miami and became very angry because he was with his three-year old son. 

Omar Mateen was only one of all too many people in this country who continue to have a simmering hatred of gays.

For those of you reading this blog who are not gay, it is probably difficult for you to understand what it's like to be gay and to live your life knowing that there are people out there who wish you dead just because you're gay.

A few years ago, Bill and I were visiting the mountains of western North Carolina where my father was born.  "Hillbilly" country.  We had visited that area several times before.  This time I was with my straight cousin and his wife to introduce them to our distant cousin.  The night before we were to visit, I called just to confirm our visit.  I was asked by the son "Ron, I have a question to ask you."  I said "What is that?"  My second cousin one removed said "There is a rumor that you practice the gay lifestyle.  Is that true?"  I paused and then said "If you're asking me if I'm gay, I am."  He then said "Now get this bud, if you come anywhere near my parent's place you're going to have me to deal with!  You got that?"  

Me in the beautiful mountains of western North Carolina three years ago before I was threatened when it became public knowledge I was gay - I will probably never return

Me in the home of my cousin.  Her husband is talking to me.  This was before he knew I was gay.  He did make a comment about President Obama and "quares".  

Portrait of my cousin's family before they knew I was gay. The man in green on the right is the one who threatened me on the phone about visiting his parents.  Welcome to North Carolina.  And to think at one time I thought I would retire to this beautiful country.

A chill went through me.  Hate.  Homophobia.  I was now "less than" in the eyes of my cousin.  That old sickening feeling returned to my stomach. Unbridled hatred right in my face soley for who I am.  

Many times in my life I have faced this hatred.  Many times in my life I have encountered the danger.  Even once I was physically attacked at a political town hall by a member of the audience just because I stood up and identified myself as a gay man.  

In my younger years I often frequented gay bars and clubs. I felt safe there.  Those places was where I felt safe.  Where I felt empowered.  Where I didn't feel "less than."  

Me on the dance floor at a Philadelphia gay club, Halloween 1980

I just cannot imagine how those young men and women who were at The Pulse nightclub felt when they realized a hate filled mad man was there in their safe place sole with the intent to kill them.  

Sunday's attack was a terrorist attack but it was much more.  It was an open attack on the gay community.  No longer can a young gay man or woman feel safe at their preferred place of gathering with friends. 

The Double L Bar in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware - a place where I used to visit with friends and feel safe

I don't go out to bars on a regular basis anymore.  I'm too old and just can't stay up that late.  However, I do like the music and when I'm on vacation in Los Angeles, I go to Oil Can Harry's that has a special disco night.  Next year I'll go there again.

Oil Can Harry's, Los Angeles, California

Not to make this about me but I am having an unusual reaction to this tragedy.  Of course I've always known the hatred and the fact that living openly as a gay man was dangerous for me.  That my life was at risk. Like the time I was almost hit by a car of drunk teenagers from Boston who were intent on gay bashing after a night of drinking.  I was walking a lonely road back to my motel room from the center of Provincetown, Massachusetts.  As I heard then yelling "Hey, hit the fag!" and swerved their car towards me, I jumped off the side of the road into the bushes, narrowly missing death.  That was just once instance of me avoiding a gay bashing.  I can recount at least a half a dozen more.  But I am not alone in these experiences. But one place I always felt safe was when I was in the bar or the club.  No more.  

This morning I was reading the identities of twenty of the victims.  All were young and of Hispanic heritage.  I have nothing in common with them except that I am gay as they were gay. 

They were on the threshold of their lives. Out for a good time with friends at a safe place.  Then Hell descends on them.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  

As I write this blog, I choke up.  A great sadness overcomes me as I think of their families that will no longer have their loved ones in their lives.  

So, so sad.  

When I was their age, my worry was the police and gay bashers.  My fear was physical safety and surviving in an economy which did not favor a openly gay man.  Never once did I have to fear that someone would enter the one place where I felt safe, a gay bar or club and kill me.  

The past few years I thought perhaps, just maybe, the hatred of gays had lessened.  Maybe not folks, maybe not.

Change in Flight Plans

The Big Bird to LA I'm going to be on January 7th, 2015

As regular followers of this blog (and aren't you lucky?) know I have planned a get away trip to Los Angeles on January 7th with my Canadian buddy Pat.  We'll be in Los Angeles for ten days, making ourselves available for discovery.  Never too late I say. Pat's already working as an extra in movies that film in Toronto so we have an "in" but I digress.

I'm meeting Pat in Los Angeles the morning of January 7th.  Pat was taking a direct flight from Toronto to Los Angeles. I was taking a direct flight from Philadelphia, PA.

Well, we have been informed that our flight plans have changed.  Pat now has a stopover in Chicago.  On the way back he has a stop over in Philadelphia.  So he had this wonderful idea that I could change my flight going back (on U.S. Airways, he's flying Air Canada - of course, what else would he be flying? Korean Air?)  

I called U.S. Air.  I could change my flight so we would leave at the same time on the 17th but it would cost me an extra $200 plus I would have to pay the difference in price of the ticket.  My original going back ticket was $191.  The new ticket would be $797.  Well, that kills that.  I'm doing alright but not that good that I have to put out another $700 just to fly back on the SAME plane as Pat, and there was no guarantee that we would even be sitting together.  So, Pat will be leaving 7:30 A.M. for Philly and I'll be leaving at about 10:30 A.M.  Oh well.

Now here is the really interesting part.  I checked my reservation, which I made a couple of months ago (in the summertime, that's how I got the low price of $191 - NON-REFUNDABLE).  The airplane I catch in Philly is coming from . . . are you ready for this?   

Tel Aviv, Israel

ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME?  

I hope I'm not on an El Al flight - I don't think so but they've already changed my flight plans once

Even better, my flight going back to Philly, the ending destination if also 

Tel Aviv, Israel

Philly is just a stopover both ways.  How did this happen?  When I made my reservation it was for a plane leaving Philly to LA and then back to Philly as the ending destination.  

So you see the obvious here don't you?  I'm going to be on a flight that originates in the Number One Terrorist Destination In The World.  And yes, my ticket is NON-REFUNDABLE.  

And I thought I had a long flight - there's going to be a lot of grumpy folks on that plane

But you know what folks?  The more I think about it, and this was confirmed by my neighbor this morning when I was crying to him about it: If you going to get on a flight what is the safest possible flight you could get on? 

One that is going to or from Israel.  I think he has a point.  

At least this is what I'm telling myself.  Just in case I reminded Bill that I do have a $200,000 travel insurance policy.  

Delaware DMV

Awaiting my turn at the DMV. My excitement is almost palpable. 

Well, that wasn't too painful.  I was dreading our visit to the Delaware DMV this morning to get our driver's license renewed.  Bill was so worried, that we woke up at 2 am this morning and couldn't get to sleep.

I had gathered all the necessary items to prove we are who we are.  This is just another example of "the terrorists have won."  We, the law abiding public now has to jump throw multiple hoops to conduct what in the past was routine business.  I half expect in the future we will have to be remove our shoes and be groped patted down before we enter a grocery store to do our weekly food shopping.  This isn't as absurd as it sounds.  Think of it, all it will take is one idiot Shoe Bomber like Richard Reed to figure out that planting a bomb at a super market will so totally freak out our local, state and federal governments that they will institute these new Security Theater rules.  Nothing but NOTHING surprises me any more, especially the idiocy of our Homeland Security which is an oxymoron if there ever was one.  But I digress.

Bill arriving at the DMV

The items we had to have with us this morning to get our driver's license renewed was:

• Our old driver's license
• Original Social Security Card (how many people have that item?)
• Copy of original birth certificate (not a hospital certification of birth)
• Two pieces of mail addressed to your current home address to prove that is your address

The notice from the DMV was told this was to make the "process more efficient."  Yeah, white is black and two and two equal five.  What is it with the government these days, do they subscribe to all the Republican talking points and lies?  Do they think everyone is THAT STUPID?  Well, that is debatable.  Look at how many people watch Fox News.  But again, I digress.

With trepidation we head on down to Georgetown and the DMV.  Of course we took the long way there as we do every time.  Don't ask.  We're two old men who get all screwed up an any change in our routine.  

Bill drives into the parking lot...the wrong way...again.  He backs up and goes the way the arrows are pointing.  Not a good start.  For some reason he always goes in the wrong way.  That's Bill, his whole life going upstream when every on else is going with the flow downstream.

We head on in to the modernistic DMV building at about 9:30 am.  We take our number.  We are told we can have one number for both of us.  Cool!  Is this a benefit of the new domestic partner bill that was recently passed in Delaware?  Maybe not.  Maybe this is just for efficiency.  And efficiency is what we experienced during our very short stay.  I was impressed!  

The DMV stations - you go up when your number is called

We were only in our seat about ten minutes before our number was called (this isn't the first time my number has been called but that's another whole story).  We both go up to the next counter.  The young man warmly greets us.  A good sign.  He actually smiles.  I have my Proof of Existence in my traveling notebook case.  I open it up and take out all of Bill's vital papers and give it to the young man.

He spreads Bill's vitals out before him.  He looks like he knows what he's doing (another good sign).  After making a copy of Bill's birth certificate and recording the other information I supplied to him, he asks Bill to look in the viewfinder to the left of the desk.  Hey, what's this?  Slides?  Nah, it's to test Bill's eyes.  How cool is this?  We didn't have to go to another location to have an eye test.  

Bill looking in the viewfinder to get his eyes tested - see the blue background to Bill's right? That's where he stood to have his picture taken.  You literally did not have to take an extra step to have your picture taken.

Bill passes the eye test.  Then the young man asks Bill to back up (he didn't even have to take one step) and have his picture taken.  Wow!  Is this efficient or what.  No going to multiple stations to have these things done.  Delaware knows how to streamline.  I am SO IMPRESSED.

Then the young man prints out a paper and tells Bill to go around the corner to a room where his new driver's license will be given to him.  Bill disappears around the corner.  My turn now.  

I go through the same routine.  I pull out my birth certificate, Social Security card (looking at my signature at 13 years old I am amazed at how much my signature has changed), and two pieces of mail addressed to me at home that proves that I live there.  The young man goes through the same routine.  I pass the eye test with flying colors.  Then I back up and have my picture taken.  No smiles these days for driver's license, another piece of Security Theatre.  They want to be able to FaceScan.  When I don't smile for an identification picture I look like a deadbeat dad whose been caught with his pants down and owing $117,000 in back child support payments.  I do not take good pictures with my Serious Face.  I look every day of my 69 years and then some.  I take my best pictures with my big Smiley Face.  But that was not to be this morning.  Oh well, so I have a scary driver's license for the next five years.

Me Waiting for Godot my finished driver's license

I'm ushered off to the next room to await the final production of my driver's license.  I didn't have to wait too long.  Within ten minutes I hear "RONALD W. TIPTON!"  I respond with the butchest "That's me!" that I summon from my normally high, nasal, Philly accented voice this morning.  

I go to the window and the man on the other side of the pexiglass enclosure slides my driver's license under the winder.  What's with the pexiglass?  It's not like I'm making a withdrawal from the bank?  But then looking at the other characters waiting for their driver's license I can see why.  Methinks that sometimes the transactions in this room haven't always gone as smoothly as they are with me this morning.  The other three guys in the room waiting for their driver's license look like some prisoners I saw on "Lockup" this past weekend.  I swear they did.  I'm not trying to be funny here.  

I see Bill waiting for me around the corner.  I look at my new driver's license and as I suspected I look like a convict.  I ask Bill to show me his new driver's license.  He refuses.  HE WOULDN'T SHOW IT TO ME.  Oh well, I know how to get around that.  I know where he keeps his wallet when he goes to bed.

So we're outta there.  The whole process took about 25 minutes!  Can you believe it?  

Delaware is so cool in so many ways.  I remember back in the day when I used to go through the torture of getting my driver's license renewed in Pennsylvania.  It wasn't easy folks.  Pennsylvania's way was very inefficient.  The quickest I ever got my driver's license renewed in Pennsylvania was three and a half hours.  Yes folks, Pennsylvania is that inefficient and backwards.  And I wouldn't be surprised if it still is.

Pennsylvania has lovely rolling hills and beautiful scenery and nice people and a state government that is incompetent, corrupt and they just don't care about Joe Average Citizen. All they care about is increasing their salaries and pension payments and seeing how much money they can steal from the taxpayer. 

I am so glad I moved to Delaware.  My experience this morning was just another reason that proves I made

 the right decision when we moved here five years ago.  Oh sure I'll go back to Pennsylvania for occasional visits (brother, class reunions and family reunions) but I will have nothing more to do with their corrupt, inept, incompetent and tax happy government that never passed up a chance to increase taxes. 

I only have one more official transaction with Pennsylvania and that is when I am buried.  My grave site is at the Northwood Cemetery on a hill just above Downingtown (I'll have a beautiful view).  But then I won't care because I'l be dead.  

An Element of Risk

Let's face it, we're always going to be at risk when we fly.  No amount of airport security will guarantee 100% safety from a potential terrorists once we're on the airplane.

Tonight I was watching Chris Matthews on "Hardball" debate the subject of enhanced airport security with the full body scans and the pat downs.  While I usually agree with Chris, on this subject I do not agree.  Chris, with the typical arrogance of most of the talking heads on TV and cable, says he travels a lot and "doesn't have a problem with airport security."  Well goody two shoes for Chris.  So he's not bothered.  That still doesn't address the problems of others who are humiliated by the new airport security with the body scans that show the nude body and the invasive pat downs.

Chris asks the question of the person he is bullying "What do you expect the TSA employees to do?"  I have an answer for that.  Have the public empty their pocket in a container to go through the conveyor belt and have them walk through a metal detector.  This is the procedure that was used before the Shoe Bomber and the Underwear Bomber.  This security check will catch anyone carrying a concealed weapon.

If someone acts suspicious or airport security has reason to suspect the customer, pull them aside and interview them to get more information.  Do the work.  Don't go through the kubaki dance of airport security.  What we have now is Security Theater.  This version of airport security is ineffective.  All it does is annoy, humiliate and delay the customer. 

Using the logic that TSA is using now by gradually uping the ante of airport security with ever more invasive procedures, the day is not that far off that customers passing through airport security will be the same as prisoners being stripped and subjected to deep cavity searches before they enter prison.  Think I'm kidding?  Think about it.  Under the guise of protecting us from terrorism, the TSA thinks they have unlimited power to do whatever they deem necessary to "protect us" from the terrorists. 

The best security has been proven since 9/11.  All attempted terrorists have been thwarted since 9/11 by passengers on the airplane.  The Shoe Bomber was caught by fellow passengers.  The Underwear Bomber was caught by fellow passengers.  The only reason the 9/11 terrorists got away with what they did was because our airports and passengers were operating under the old way of thinking for handling airline hijackers.  On 9/11 they caught us by surprise.  That won't happen again. 

As far as stopping weapons from coming on a plane confiscating finger nail clippers isn't going to do it.  What about a terrorist with long finger nails?  Grab an airline attendent by and threaten to gouge her eye out with a long fingernail, isn't that a weapon?  How about fingers?  They can be used to strangle. 

There is an element of risk in airline travel.  We can only do so much for airport security before the line is crossed and the general public loses all of its right to privacy.  Let the Chris Matthews of the world go through all the body scanners they want to.  Let them go get the enhanced pat down.  However, we citizens of this country still have a consitutional right to decline such demeaning and ineffective methods of airport security. 

The terrorist threat exists.  That's what terrorism is all about, they terrorize.  They have been successful so far.  Remember when suicide bombers tried to stop the Israelis from going about their business?  The Israelies refused to change their way of life and hide.  No matter how many were killed in a suicide bomber event in an Israeli market place, the Israeli's would clean up the bloody mess and return the market to activity immediately.  That is the way you deal with terrorism, refuse to be intimidated.

Up in the Air

I haven’t flown since 9/11. The reason I haven’t flown isn’t the one that might come to you mind at first. No, it isn’t that I am afraid to fly. The reason I haven’t flown is that I refuse to be subjected to the ridiculous security measures that are now the norm for the average airline passenger.


Flying before 9/11 was an ordeal. At 6’3” I was usually stuffed in a middle seat. Even though my weight is only about 160 pounds, I was always physically uncomfortable flying. It was just an ordeal I had to get through to get from point A to point B.

Most of my flights were between Philadelphia and Boston’s Logan Airport where I would switch over to catch the local commuter flights to Provincetown, Massachusetts. Again, the whole procedure was an ordeal. From making sure my luggage was transferred (make sure you tip the airport skycaps in Philly or else that luggage doesn’t even get on the plane) to getting a seat that wasn’t right behind someone smoking.

I’ve only made three other flights to different destinations in my life. One flight I made to San Francisco, California for a lost weekend. Another flight I made to Cleveland, Ohio for another lost weekend. The “lost weekends” were both gay related. Don’t ask.

The third flight I made to visit my brother and his family in Greenville, South Carolina. That wasn’t a lost weekend like the other two. That was a legitimate flight that I would like to make again.

My Mother now lives with my brother in South Carolina. I would love to visit her and my brother and his family. However, I will not do it as long as I have to go through this ridiculous routine of taking my shoes off before I board a plane.

As I have mentioned in previous blog postings, I’m not the smartest person in the world but there are certain things in which I am an absolute genius about. My biggest claim to fame was that I saw through was this whole “weapons of mass destruction we must go to war with Iraq” fiasco. I also knew from the get go that George W. Bush was a fraud (but I was far from alone in figuring that out. I had a lot of company.) Of course I also knew that most of Congress, both parties are corrupt and care nothing about the average American but only their chances of getting reelected and perpetuating themselves in power. Again, I wasn’t alone in this statement of the obvious.

Oh every now and then I slip. For instance I did believe in Barrack Obama and “Change that you can believe in.” Since he has been in office he has shown himself to be nothing more than George W. Bush Light. The only positive thing he has accomplished is lowering the level of hatred of the United States by the rest of the world. While important he has done nothing that directly affects my life. But this is a subject to another blog posting that I won’t go into here

On Christmas Day a Nigerian man attempted to blow himself up on a plane bound from Amsterdam to Detroit. He did not succeed. All he succeeded in doing was setting him self on fire and being subdued for a few brave fellow passengers. Now there is your real airline security. It is the vigilant eye of the fellow passengers and their willingness to subdue any potential terrorists.

All the millions of passengers who removed shoes didn’t prevent this terrorist trying to blow up a plan. What did this terrorist do? He put the package of explosives next to his package. So now what are the “experts” on airline security going to do? Pat everyone’s “package” before they board a plane? Are you looking forward to going through that security check? That sounds very much like what used to go on at the New Year’s Eve celebrations at the “packed to the gills” gay bar in Philly I used to frequent in the 70’s.

Folks, I think it is time to announce the obvious. The terrorist have won.