Eric Fanning, First Gay Secretary of the Army

Eric Fanning, Secretary of the Army

Folks, now this is a day I never thought I would witness.  Eric Fanning was confirmed by the U.S. Senate to be the first openly gay Secretary of the Army.  Did I hear this right? An openly gay man as Secretary of the Army?

Wow.  Have we ever come a long way from the first "openly gay" situation comedy, "Will and Grace."  And even that was a very tentative move, casting a straight actor, Erica McCormack as Will.  Like there aren't enough gay actors around that could have easily filled that role.  Will's friend "Jack" role was filled by the really gay actor Sean Hayes, who had to be dragged kicking and screaming even to finally admitting he was gay in real life. God forbid that Sean should lose an acting job if he came out.  Courage is all too often in short quantity with too many gay actors, and that includes you Sean.

The "Will and Grace" cast, all straight except for "Jack" on the left and even he stayed in the closet all too long

I have all the respect in the world for a man like Eric Fanning who has lived his life as an openly gay man.  I respect people who live truthful lives and demand to be accepted for the person who they are.

I have to admit I am enjoying a bit (a lot actually) of schadenfreude at the thought of all those homophobes in the Army now who are just beside themselves now.  Who are they going to call "FAG!" as the ultimate derogatory putdown.

As regular readers of this blog know I joined the army fresh out of high school (with a six month detour due to me failing my first physical). I was 18 years old and scared to death but I felt I owed this obligation to my country.  And besides, I couldn't get a job.  And I didn't want to get drafted.

18 year old Army Recruit - Ron

So where should I end up?  Working for the National Security Agency (NSA) outside Washington D.C.  The problem?  I was assigned a Top Secret clearance.  I didn't ask for this job nor the top secret clearance.  My problem was that I knew I was gay but that I could lose my clearance at any time and be thrown out of the Army, thus ruining my life forever.  And one didn't have to be caught in doing any gay acts (no problem there with me, I was a complete neophyte at that time of my life).  One only had to be accused and one lost one's clearance and was less than honorably discharged.  Folks, for the two and a half years I lived and worked at the NSA headquarters at Fr. Meade Maryland, I had that threat hanging over my head. 

National Security Agency, Ft. George G. Meade, MD - where I worked for 2 1/2 years 1960-1962
Second largest government building after the Pentagon

While I was stationed at Ft. Meade I saw too many of my fellow soldiers losing their clearance and go through the ignominy of being discharged.  

I loved my job at NSA and could have easily converted my Army job to a civilian status when my three year term of enlistment was up.  Couldn't do it though because the U.S. government also had a ban against gays. Why? They say gays could be blackmailed and thus divulge U.S. secrets.  This is a classic Catch-22 because why could gays be blackmailed?  Because they were not allowed to serve in the U.S. Army nor work for the government in a classified capacity.  Stupid right? Absolutely.  

I had even considered making a career out of the Army.  I actually liked being in the Army.  But I figured out that eventually I explore the ways of the flesh and become involved with another man and thus be caught.  I did the calculation and figured the odds were not in my favor.  Thus, I reluctantly left the Army and my good job in January of 1963.  But one of the first things I did when I got out of the Army was come out to everybody.  And I mean everybody. 

I lost about half of my friends.  I was disowned as unclean and not worthy of being a friend, relative or whatever because I was "one of them."  You know, "them."  

To this day I am estranged from my family because I choose to live my life openly as a gay man thus causing them discomfort in their own lives.  "Gay Uncle Ronnie" doesn't play well in their conservative, insular lives.  I wonder what they think of Eric Fanning being named the first openly gay Secretary of Army. 

Me today, honorably discharged from the Army, retired and working part-time as a hotel front desk clerk. No big-time government pension for me like so many of my fellow gay retirees here (all former government employees who playinged for the U.S. government. 

NSA

Most of you by now have heard about the latest "scandal", the government is monitoring who you call.  This comes as no big surprise to me.  For you see, the big secret is out now.  Our government spies.  

Now here is another secret that you may or may not know (depending on how long you have been reading my blog). During my tour of duty in the Army I worked at the National Security Agency at Ft. Meade, Maryland for two and a half years.  

Me in the barracks with my ever present cigarette hanging out of my mouth - 1962

Back "then", everything was hush-hush.  Especially for me being a gay man.  If they found out that I was a gay man and thus a "security risk", (a typical Catch-22 situation that the government and armed services are so well at doing), I would have lost my clearance and been kicked out of the Army as an undesirable.  

Me dressed for the weekly Wednesday night dance at the Service Club - 1962

Thus I had that burden to carry for two and a half years and the other burden was that I could tell no one what I did for a living other than I was "stationed at Ft. Meade, Maryland."  When I got out I was debriefed that I was to wipe my memory clean of everything I knew (think "Manchurian Candidate") or else there would be "consequences."  Probably "Bradley Manning" consequences now that I see how the government if pillorying him and making him a scapegoat for the failings of our government but I digress.

Me on the south lawn of the White House 1962 - Ft. Meade if located equal distance between Baltimore and Washington D.C.

So after I departed service on January 27th, 1963 I breathed a sigh of relief.  My time at Ft. Meade was enjoyable and revelatory. I met my first gay friends at Ft. Meade - non-sexual by the way for those of you whose minds drift towards the carnal inclinations every time you hear the word "gay". 

Once a year we had to play soldier and qualify on the firing range.  Here I am with my good friend Jim Harris from Binghamton, New York - 1962 (we qualified)

I arrived at Ft. Meade when I was 18 years old and left when I was 21 years old, perhaps the most formative years of my life.  I could not have spent then at a better place on this earth.  

Here I am "Soundmaster" of a Broadway type production that my gay friends Sal and Ron (another "Ron") used to put on at the Service Club - 1962 - yes, even back in the early Sixties I was "producing" music to a show much like I do now with my iMovies - I think I missed my calling - I could have been one of those technical guys whose you never heard of who accept Academy Awards for sound mixing or some such thing 

The pictures I have included in this post were all taken during my time at Ft. Meade.  I think I've posted them all before but not in this "Ft. Meade" context.  Of course I could post no pictures of me actually at work (God forbid).  

By the way, I always worked in the basement.  In the whole 2 1/2 years I was at NSA I was NEVER on any of the upper floors.  Never.  I went in, got the elevator to the basement, spent all day there, and got on the elevator at the end of the day and left.  Even the coffee shop was in the basement.  I never saw the light of day until I left the building.

I always wanted a picture of the NSA building where I worked but of course in those days no such photos were available (God forbid).  This morning I came across this ariel photo of the National Security Building, the second largest in the world (second to the Pentagon).  See that little white canopied portico in the middle bottom portion of the photo?  That's where I entered the building everyday, showing my ID photo (attached by a necklace chain around my neck) to the Marine guards.  Looks like nothing much has changed.  By the way, I didn't have to worry about parking, I walked from my barracks to the NSA building, a ten minute very pleasant walk.  Yes, I had it very easy.

I do have some photos of the barracks where I lived but I can't find them now.  I'll post them if and when I find them.  

So what did I do for my two and half years?  Very simple (and boring).  I made tape copies of transmissions of intercepted communications from Communist China and Russia and forwarded it to an analysis unit in another part of the NSA building.  One side wasn't supposed to know what the other side knew.  "Need to know" was the operative word and rule.

I find it ironic that not much as changed since the early Sixties when I worked at the NSA, they're still intercepting communications, only now of American citizens.  Well, I guess some things have changed. 

Do Ask, Do Tell

Don't Ask, Don't Tell - 1962 version (three gays, I'm on the right)

The repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is before Congress again.  I try not to post negative of whining, complaining posts to my blog but on this subject I'm having a hard time avoiding it.

I am gay and have been all my life.  I've known I was "different" from my earliest memory which was when I was about four years old.  Of course at that time I didn't know the word "gay."  I only knew I was "different" and that I should keep that fact to myself.

Me, 5 years old 1946

When I went to grade school was the first time I heard the hateful words "fairy", "fag", and worse.  Then I heard the word homosexual.  That was me, a homosexual.

After graduating from high school I joined the Army.  On my application to join the Army I lied when I answered the question "Do you ever have homosexual tendencies?"  I knew if I answered truthfully that the Army would reject me.  So I lied about who I was so I could survive and serve my country.

Me, basic training Ft. Dix, NewJersey 1960 all growed up

As fate would have it the Army assigned me to work at the National Security Agency at Ft. George G. Meade, Maryland.  In order to work at NSA, I had to have a top secret clearance.  Again, I had to lie when I filled out the application to work at NSA.

Me in my "summer tans" 1962 - check the sharp creases

Ironically, I met my first gay friends during the 2 1/2 years I worked at NSA.  We all lied about our sexual identity just to survive during our tour of duty.  Periodically, the NSA and the Army would have purges of gays.  You didn't have to be involved in sexual activity to lose your clearance, only to be accused.

Me with friends at Ft. Devens, Mass 1962 - good times

I had a good job when I worked at NSA.  I loved being in the Army.  At the end of my tour of duty I could have converted to a civilian status and kept my same job at NSA.  But  because I was gay I did not.  I wanted to make the Army a career but I did not.  The reasons I made these decisions is because I knew sooner or later I would be found out.  I didn't want to start out on a lifetime career only to have it ended once I was outed or came out.

Me (standing on the left) with my friends at Ft. Devens 1962 (no unit cohesion problems here)

Thus it is with much interest that I have viewed all the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" controversy.  Of course gay and lesbian members of the armed forces should be allowed to serve openly.  A person's service should be based on behavior not who they are.

Me (on the right) on the firing range at Ft. Meade, Md. 1962 with another gay service member - we both qualified

There is an assumption that all gay people are sex obsessed.  Of course some gays are sex obsessed just as some heterosexuals are sex obsessed.  But to assume that once gays and lesbians are allowed to serve openly that "unit cohesion" will suffer is wrong.  Trust me, I know.   I am the expert.

The Department of Defense is conducting a study of what the effects would be on the armed forces if gays are allowed to serve openly.  A study?  What's to study?  Most service members now know who is gay and who is not.  Congress and the DOD doesn't give the average member of the services much credit.  Most service members don't care who is gay.  Of course some do.  We will always have those among us who feel threatened by those who are different than they are.  And there are some who are closeted gays themselves who don't want to be outed for their own selfish reasons.  Usually, these are the sex obsessed gays.

Friends -  Ft. Devens, Mass 1960 (I'm kneeling on bottom left)

Bob, Duane, Unknown, me, Bill and Dick         

One the most ridiculous suggestions I've head being made in this "study" is separate housing for gays and lesbians.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Isn't this the same thing that happened with blacks before former president Truman lifted the separate living quarters of blacks serving in the armed forces?  Haven't we as a country moved past this?  Apparently not.

 

Me in the barracks - harmless even with my pants off (back when I smoked)

I never thought in my lifetime I thought I would see as much progress that has been made in the public arena of acceptance of gays and lesbians.  I even resent using the word "acceptance."  I don't need to be "accepted." I don't need someone to "tolerate" my "lifestyle."  Just what is my "lifestyle" anyway?  Swinging from chandeliers while having wild sex?  That never was me nor will it ever be.  I just am.  The only difference between me and my straight male friends is that I was born with a sexual attraction to members of my own sex.   I didn't chose.  It just was.

Me with one of my boyfriends, Brad - not permitted while I was in the Army

So here we are again, debating the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Why there is even a discussion about this absurd policy still baffles me.  To me it is so clear.  Let people be who there are.  If they misbehave themselves, straight or gay, then hold them accountable for their behavior not who they are.

Even though I was prevented from choosing a career in the Army or a civilian career at the National Security Agency, my life has turned out pretty well.  If I had stayed in Army or worked at NSA I would never have met my Life Partner Bill.  I left the Army in 1963.  I met Bill in 1964.  We have been together ever since, 46 years.  And they say gay relationships don't last.

My Life Partner Bill - Air Force 1953

Just to show you how strange life is, Bill, my Life Partner was also a career service person.  He was in the Army and then Air Force for seven years before he had to leave to support his widowed mother.

Thus the irony, of two former service members who, if permitted to stay in the service, would never have found lifelong happiness outside the military.

Me and Bill 1972 - Philadelphia, PA - plaid was in 

Don't Ask, Don' Tell

The news is out, Barack Obama is going to overturn the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the military. Thank God. Robert Gibbs, Obama’s press secretary stated that Obama will request that the policy be discontinued.

This is ironic because I am just finishing the book, “Major Conflict” by Jeffrey McGowan, a retired U. S. Army major. Major McGowan hid is sexuality during his ten years in the Army. Reading his book brought back so many painful memories for me. I also served in the U.S. Army. My tour of duty was January 27, 1960 through January 26th, 1963. I was stationed at Ft. George G. Meade, Maryland. I worked at the National Security Agency. I had a top secret security clearance. If there was even a hint of my homosexuality, I would have been cashiered out of the Army immediately. Back when I was in the Army, all it took was an accusation and you would lose your clearance. If you lost your clearance, the Army Security Agency gave you a Section 8 discharge. While it wasn’t a dishonorable discharge, it wasn’t the type of discharge you would want on your record for the rest of your life.

Another irony, before I joined the Army, I didn’t know another gay person. Like many closeted gays of my generation, I thought I was the “only one” in the world. Remember, I grew up in the Fifties, when the only thing on TV was Kukla, Fran and Ollie. Of course I was aware of perverts who hung around men’s room. I knew I wasn’t one of those. I also knew I wasn’t Milton Berle in drag. I just thought I was “different.” So it came as a surprise that some of the first gay guys I met were in the Army. No, there were no sexual encounters. That didn’t happen. As friendships developed, our common sexual identity just sort of came out. There was never one dramatic moment when my friend Ron or Sal said “Oh! You’re gay too?” That never happened. I had many friends when I was in the Army. Gay and straight. We were all soldiers and we behaved as soldiers. We were all in the same boat. When you're on the front line with bullets whizzing above your head, no one is going to ask you if you're straight or gay. While I know there are homophobes in the Army, I believe most of the fear of gays comes from those outside the Army.

Ron and Sal were my best friends during my 2 ½ years at Ft. Meade. We had a wonderful camaraderie. I cannot imagine how my time at Ft. Meade without their friendship. Ron and Sal are gone now. They would have been surprised and very happy with this news. Unfortunately, Sal was right when he said "I'll never see it in my lifetime. " I wish I could pick up the phone and call Sal now to discuss this good news with him. I can't because Sal died October 17th, 2006. I will have to be content knowing that Sal is looking down from Heaven with that warm smile of his at this turn of events.

Like Jeffrey McGowan, I wanted to serve my country. Except for the pressure of hiding my sexual identity, I enjoyed my three years of duty. I had a great job at NSA. In fact, I could’ve transferred to civilian status after my tour of duty with the Army ended. However, when my enlistment was up, I decided not to reenlist or to transfer over to civilian status. I knew that the Army and the National Security Agency had a policy of firing homosexuals. I couldn’t imagine starting my life living a lie. Sooner or later, I would be found out. I couldn’t and wouldn’t live with that pressure.

Reading “Major Conflict”, all these memories came rushing back to me. The unfairness of losing my security clearance and getting kicked out of the Army just because of my sexual identity. I only had to be accused to lose my security clearance thrown out of the Army with a Section 8. I did not engage in any misbehavior. Ron, Sal and I were just friends. Unlike what many straight people think, gays men aren’t attracted to every man they see just as straight men aren’t attracted to every woman they see.

It’s ironic but the reason stated why a gay person would lose their clearance was because they would be subject to blackmail. This is a Catch-22 because the only reason they would be subject to blackmail is because the Army and NSA had a policy of not hiring gays. Never mind that there has never been on case of a gay person being blackmailed into revealing national secrets, the Army and the National Security Agency clung to their policy against gays.

When January 26th, 1963 rolled around, I left the Army and the National Security Agency. In April of that year I went to my first gay bar in the old steel town of Clairton, Pennsylvania. A little over a year later I met Bill, my life partner of 44 years now. Another irony, Bill was also in the service. He served for a time in the Army, and the balance of his ten years in the service was with the Air Force. Thus it came to pass that two Army vets are now partners for life.

When Clinton came into office, he attempted to lift the ban on gays in the military. Unfortunately, he blinked and backed down to the generals and the outcry from Congress. Clinton should have done what that long time conservative Barry Goldwater advised, remind the generals that he was the commander in chief and if they didn’t like his order, then they should resign.

There will be another outcry this time again. There are those in this country who consider gays as a lesser life form. We are the last minority that it is permissible to discriminate against. However, times have changed. The question is, have they changed enough that the majority of this country now see that allowing gays and lesbians to openly serve benefits not only gays but also benefits the country?